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Perfect Game Toddlers announced

December 5th 2015

The industry leader in showcasing and scouting of the nations top 7-11 year olds announced today a new organization for tracking and following the most critical talent pool for baseball available; kids aged 2-6 years. “After extensive studies on MLB players we have found a direct correlation between high performance baseball skills and the performance of kids games such as; duck duck goose, four square, and ring around the posey” “We have found that kids that excel in hand eye coordination games that we used to think were for fun and entertainment for our kids actually translate into high performance baseball skills at the major league level” said program director Ferris Wheeler.

‘Our research has shown that if we can track toddler’s performance and help them improve their performance in kids games then they will be able to translate these skills directly to the baseball field, abet a few years later” We have found that for instance that the Hockey Pokey is a perfect warm up and cool activity, “you can warm up and cool down by shaking it all around” said Dr. I. Ball director of physical programs for PGT.

Although tailored and directed toward identifying the top 200 Toddlers in the United States this program is by no means meant to be exclusionary. “We think all kids need to participate in dodgeball and Jacks” said Dan Saul Knight Western Director for PGT.

Said Eastern Region Director Ginger Vitus “we will be sure to make sure that there will be opportunities for kids of all skill levels to participate” “though performance testing we can easily identify the top 200 toddlers without upsetting the play yard” she added.

I.P. Daily program devloper said “we will begin introductory showcases starting next week in Florida” we will initially focus the program on the South East and then we plan on actively introducing this program to the rest of the county”

Filling out the PGT staff will be Hy Ball, Director of Hockey Pokey, Iona Firsby, Director of duck duck goose, Lois Price, Director of Jacks, Noah Lott, Director of doggy where’s your bone, Sam Manilla, Director of red light green light, and finally Sum Yung Guy, Director of Marbles.

Once successful in the South East PGT plans on opening toddler development and testing centers across the United States. “We think that that this program will dovetail perfectly with Gymboree where kids were having fun, but not developing the necessary skills to make them rich and famous like we all want our kids to be” said National PGT spokesperson Constance Noring.

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quote:
Originally posted by 20dad:
now that's some funny stuff.

i'm waiting for pgof(perfect game old ****'s). the cost would be minimal, no need for a field we'd be to old to run. right now you can time my 60 with a calendar.

maybe we'd just talk about how good we were? i know the older i get the better i was.


I'm a bit quicker than you 20dad.

I can finish a sixty before the last drop pours out of this...











Hey, hey it's my move old timer! Cecil Fielder to center field!


Wink
Last edited by gotwood4sale
quote:
Originally posted by 20dad:
now that's some funny stuff.

i'm waiting for pgof(perfect game old ****'s). the cost would be minimal, no need for a field we'd be to old to run. right now you can time my 60 with a calendar.

maybe we'd just talk about how good we were? i know the older i get the better i was.


Now the above is something I can relate too..very funny stuff.
Krak, there are some serious sponsorship opportunities here. For example, "This pitching change is brought to you by Huggies." Each manager would have formula for success, and a "slide or avoid" rule would be necessarily be enforced on "Bam Bam" plays at the plate. When teething these young players the fundamentals of the game, we would have to stress good sportsmanship, such as no hairpulling, no tantrums when you lose (as opposed to the older players), and "timeouts" would definitely be allowed.
The ranking system:

Billy Ray (10)-- Top Draft Choice. Plus tools and XL bottom. Barely fits into his car seat! Great speed as evidenced by him running around naked in his backyard. Took out the dog with his bat.

Quentin Adams (7.5)-- Great kid but needs to mature. Caused long lines of drooling scouts waiting for the toilet.

Babe Ruth (9)-- Yes, name is really Babe Ruth. Great bloodlines, super athletic, can really pitch, can mash with the best. Unfortunately, Ruth is a girl.
Last edited by Bum
I agree that most would see the humor in this thread. Must admit, some pretty funny stuff.

We are thinking about starting another new venture called PGInfant. PGI will be ranking these infants. All who have yet to start walking are welcome to sign up. We just look at them in their strollers and rank em accordingly. Lots of projection involved with this program. We will also be offering a college recruiting service for those babies.

Here is some more ammo.

We (Perfect Game) not PGY or PGT already hold an annual Home Run Derby for kids 6&U.

It has been a huge success even though there is no fee to participate.
Perfect Game Old Farts announced: Based on the success of Perfect Game Toddlers; company becomes first cradle to grave showcase and ranking company

Dateline: November 25, 2020 - Chicago (now that we are so successful we got the hell out of Iowa like everyone else)

Adam Baum, Perfect Game President announced today the culmination of the empires ranking service. “We have taken every available dollar available from gullible parents from toddlers to college age and now we have identified a new found treasure trove – Granpa’s and Grandma’s. discretionary funds” added PGOF Vice President Al K. Seltzer “many old people realize they really blew it when they were younger, with the 60’s movement of unlimited drugs, rock & roll and *** they lost sight that some of them were actually pretty good athletes” TRhit one of the 60’s era athletes agreed “How could one stay focused on baseball with all those girls running around with flowers in their hair, how could I resist” “as far as the rock & roll everyone knows I was a legend in my own mind” he added.

Skip Dover program director laid out the Perfect Game Old Farts program. “Our objective is to identify the top 200 Old Farts in the country without alienating all of the other posers who will spend their money thinking they have a shot at being in the top 200” Harry Pits Eastern Regional Director said that the program will start in the blue hair capital of the US, Boca Raton Florida. “the advantage of the Florida location is evident, there are so many Old Farts with lots of money we figure that we can meet our first year revenue target without leaving the state” We hired Hugh Jass to begin development of the Old Farts Training Center in Boca, which will break ground next week.

Mike Raffone has laid out a world class training center that will focus on the five tools Old Farts will need to excel in to make it into the top 200” The five tools are: 1. Eyesight, able to identify another person from 25 feet. 2. Hearing: Able to hear your name whispered from 20’. 3. Bowl control: Able to hold it for one hour. 4. Mental Clarity: Able to play scrabble without using 3 letter words and remember your opponents name 5 minutes after the start of the game. 5. Team work: Able to not get in argument while staying in the same room with a stranger for 2 hours.

P. Brain, PGOF spokesperson could not remember the date the facility will open, but as he pointed out most of the participants will mail in their checks and forget they signed up and no show anyway.

PGOF, PGT, PGY, PG are all registered trade marks of Perfect Game a fortune 500 company located in the top floor of the Sears Tower.

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Breaking News.....

In response to the ranting public who are up in arms because the University of WI refuses to support a baseball program, the board of Regents in conjuction with UW Med School researchers have agreed to develop a Stem cell League. When the National Champ is cloned the NSCBA National Stem Cell Baseball Association will showcase, rate, and publish an All Stem Cell team.
Last edited by rz1
Just thinking of the possibilities:

*Finding the perfect prospect in the Stem Cell loop, then replicating him over and over.

*Replacing SPARQ scores with APGAR scores and bilirubin levels.


My sons' pediatrician predicted at age 4 that both sons would grow to the 6'4-6'5" range. Well, one is 6'3". The other is 5'7".

She will not be part of the PGI scouting/projection team.
quote:
Dateline: November 25, 2020 - Chicago (now that we are so successful we got the hell out of Iowa like everyone else)


HOF,

Have to admit, I wish it were someone else who was the "but" of these jokes. But this stuff is good material and cracking me up.

No way am I leaving Iowa. If everyone else gets the hell out of here, I'll just have that much more privacy.

BTW, Why stop at the grave. Maybe opportunities will present themselves in the after world? I can see it now... Perfect Game Dead Division!

"It aint Iowa, it's Heaven" will take on a new meaning.
quote:
Originally posted by PGStaff:
BTW, Why stop at the grave. Maybe opportunities will present themselves in the after world? I can see it now... Perfect Game Dead Division!

"It aint Iowa, it's Heaven" will take on a new meaning.


Save that one for next Halloween, got to get back to work. As they say Iowa is a great place to be "from"...which I am one. Great people including all of the PG staff. Happy Thanksgiving!
Love PG, and definitely love the little guy. Wish I could do it again though I've had my share, plus a daughter. I've been blessed with two boys able to play college BB. However, the best exposure event may be PG's, I'm convenienced it is, but can't afford any more fees plus travel to keep him exposed. My last son is in the mix for several mid DI's. He turned down one early sign DI financial offer because he felt it was not the right fit for him.

Pending!
Last edited by FieldBuilder
Brock Lee - Scouting Report & RANKING
Manager/Player

Strengths - Brock appears to be very tough and competitive. He doesn’t mess around and means business. Has room to grow stronger and projects off the charts. Has big forearms and sloped shoulders. Brock has a great future as both a player or future ML Manager. Comparable to many Major League stars at the same age.

Weaknesses – Brock is sometimes a bit too emotional and needs too much attention. Especially when he is hungry or has poopy diapers. He will have to grow out of that in order to reach his potential.

Rank – Class of 2026 - #1

Note: Hopefully Brock's high ranking will not ruin him. We also hope that all the other 2026 grads hang in there and don't give up the game on account of Brock being ranked. Smile
Last edited by PGStaff

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