QUESTION

The coach is always in charge. But part of being a good leader is showing respect to your team especially in a HS setting.

I believe that is still true with the good coaches. From my experience coaching and officiating there are really great coaches and really bad coaches and everything in between. I guess for some its hard not to say something when you know whats being taught is wrong. An example would be (what if a coach is teaching a batter to swing incorrectly) Do you as a parent say nothing? (Just my opinion) but the better the coach the less likely he will be questioned.

TR, Great Topic! You are right. As I read this site, I am more and more concerned. It seems that a high percentage of this site is geared at being critical of coaches. I have only coached for 18 years but I do know one thing, if I lose, I will be fired. All of my decisions motivated, in part, by this one simple fact. As our AD said at a recent meeting, "...there are high expectations. There are consequences for a lack of success." I don't want it any other way.

In our program, I am in control. My name is on it. My father's name and my Grandfather's name are on it. One poster has already accused me of being an egomaniac. I am. I know how to win. I have proven it. my players will do what I tell them, when I tell them and how I tell them. However, I think that coaching has some give and take to a limited extent. Some thoughts"

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A legendary coach, Tom Pile, once said, "Never kill the kid in the kid." That is the foundation of my coaching philosophy!

I have a parent's meeting. In that I tell them that we are not ever going to have a conversation before, during or after a game. However, I do outline channels of communiation and how we can meet with the AD present to discuss matters. Things that will not be discussed are also outlined. Ie. playing time and any other player.

I tell them the actions I will take should they violate any of the rules that I present to them at this meeting. I have them sign an attendance sheet at this meeting.

I state that I take all responsibility for any coaching decision made by me or any of my assistants at any level. Any problem that they have with any assistant will go through me.

I do consider myself a positive coach and I believe that most of the kids do as well. We are having tryouts. We will have over 110 kids trying out when we combine all levels. I don't think these numbers come from the kids being afraid of me. Oh, our school is 1,200 and so the numbers are pretty good.

Lloyd Percival has a handout that Don Meyer has on his website. It would be a good thing for all parents on this site to read it. Some really need to read it.

TR, the thing that get me is that many people assume that a high school coach is just some dummy that is coaching for the money and doesn't know a thing about the sport. Others feel that the coach is a football, basketball or other coach and is doing this because they are forced to. Thus, the parent's intervention because the "idiot" doesn't know anything about the game. The "expert parent" is always one of the best. They know more because their son... and they want the team to revolve around their son. He is the star and the heck with everyone else. That coach should stop worrying about ... and worry about how best to promote their son. Heck with teamwork. Well, I know I will get blasted for this post. So be it. LET THE COACHES COACH AND WE WILL ALL BE BETTER OFF.

"There comes a time when you have to stop dreaming of the man you want to be and start being the man you have become." Bruce Springsteen

Coach B25

I coached high school for close to 30 years. If I were coaching today could I do what I did in the 70's. No Because people have changed kids have changed.To thin skinned. Everybody wants to feel good about themselves. I was once told I was too tough on players.I was negative. Kid misses a sign, misses the cut off man, makes a mental error etc. What are you supposed to do. Tell him not to worry about it. It is ok. Not from me. That is just an example. It is hard to say when that started creeping in but it has. Kids have more opportunity to get better. Camps clinics indoor facilities etc. Many times I was the first coach who said no to a kid. I did not stroke his ego. did it work all the time no but that is the way I learned. I respected my coaches. I did what they told me and when they told me. Did I like all the coaches I played for NO. I still teach at the school where I coached. I asked a kid how baseball was going. He said he was not returning this season. I aked why. He said he did not like the coach. Says a lot.

Tr

The coach was in charge when I played sports and the coach is in charge of my sons now. I never, under any circumstances say ANYTHING to my sons, their coaches or anyone on the field during a game or practice.

If I have an issue with the coach, I will address it with a phone call... later, with a clearer head.

Parents should NEVER disrupt, question or otherwise interfere with a practice or a game. Period.

I didn't comment on the other thread when the coach (CoachB25?) said that he pulled the kid to get further "instructions" from his dad. That would have been classic! I probably would have applauded! I can't stand parents bickering, complaining or "instructing" during a game. I've told more than one parent to get their own team if they didn't like the job the coach was doing.

Sorry, but your post just struck a nerve! I was at my son's COLLEGE game yesterday, and a group of parents were complaining and bickering about the coach the ENTIRE game. WHEN WILL IT STOP!?!?!!!!!

Ross.

Callaway

You were at your son's college game and you heard parents complaining. If you told me that 10 or 15 years ago I would find it hard to believe but not now. When will it stop. Probably never because it has been ingrained in the social fabric of the game. After they graduate from college I guess they will complain about the boss of their son.

I believe the fact that a lot our present day baseball players are playing travel ball at age 8 and are playing 50-80 games a year for a team that is concerned about wins and not development adds greatly to their "discontent" later in their careers.
I have a theory that the younger teams are the most difficult to coach, because at that age, ALL the parents think their kids are great. It takes a few years for reality to set in!!

And for some it never sets in, even at the college level !!!!

TRhit

Show me a player whos parents let him make his own way. I'll show you a player that can make his own way. Show me a player that is given excuses. I'll show you a player that has excuses. Show me a player that whines and complains. I'll show you a parent that whines and complains. Show me a player that is coddled and spoiled. I'll show you a player that I dont want. It all starts at home. Parents are either the best thing a player has going for him or the worse. I also agree with an earlier post on here. It seems that most of the posts on this site have turned into coach bashing. Everytime things are not going right for a kid it seems to be the coach this or the coach that. Whatever happened to personal responsibility? Men win championships not little boys. Men go on to College ball and excell not little spoiled boys that have always been coddled and protected. Some people find this out way too late. My coachs were tough a__ bast____. And I love them like my father. They taught me to persevere and to fight through whatever got in my way. Its called mental toughness people. If you dont have it you are not a player I dont care how skilled you are. Maybe most of the people on this site are guys that never played so they are living through their sons. They have tried to buy their kids ability with private lessons and personal coachs. They appoint themselves the travel team head coach so Johnny starts every game at ss and pitches. They put up the cash so no one complains. They forgot about the most important lessons that cant be bought by a guru. The lessons of life (hard knock life) you want it bad enough go out and earn it. If you dont want to work for it you dont deserve it. Life is not fair so over come the obstacles. Then all of a sudden Johnny is in High School and they have no more controll. Johnny gets a reality check by the new coach and they cant handle it. Is that whats going on here or am I just way off base. Bash me I can take it. I dont have anyone to cry to. I'll take it like a man.

Here's a refreshing update!!

My son called me this evening to give me directions to his double header in GA tomorrow. He mentioned that a couple of the starter's were not being allowed to go to this game!

I asked why and he told me that the coach had a team meeting and told the two players that he was sick and tired of listening to their parents during the games!!

Awesome baby!!

(Oops, too much basketball over the weekend!)

I guess some of us are showing our age when we believe in letting the coach do his job without parental "advice". My father raised my sister and I(we both played basketball) to keep our mouths shut and work hard. He followed the same advice as a parent. My husband and I have followed that same example. We were and are fortunate to have two gifted athletic boys. Our youngest son is probably more gifted athletically and his coaches project good things for his future in all 3 sports.
This past football season I questioned(in my mind, not verbally) a decision of not playing my youngest son on defense. We practiced what we preached and a week later some of my son's fellow players approached the coach about my son's playing time. The last two games he started on defense. The older I get the smarter my dad seems to be.
My boys (oldest graduated from high school two years ago and youngest is an 8th grader) have been blessed with a great baseball coach. This year the new jr. high coach is also a blessing. These two guys "know" baseball and want to teach the kids. My husband and I have a great relationship with all of my son's coaches, but neither of us would question their judgement during a game or practice. We assume there is a good reason if he isn't playing. Our only question would be what does he need to do to improve his game?

"Every member of our baseball team at West Point became a general; this proves the value of team sports." --General Omar Bradley

I think I need to apologize for my post. I just noticed that this forum is for comments and questions among coaches. I have coaches in my family and I am certified to coach, but decided to stay in the classroom fulltime. My husband and I are great friends with one coach that has coached the oldest son and is coaching the youngest. We have great relationships with the other coaches that work with our youngest. We have witnessed some really bad parent behavior usually due to playing time or unrealistic expectations of ability. Just wanted to say how much I respect those coaches that stay with it for the kids and the love of the game.

"Every member of our baseball team at West Point became a general; this proves the value of team sports." --General Omar Bradley

IF Mom,

No need to apologize. Many people who post in this forum are not coaches. Your comments are welcomed.

I have always told my kids that if they are not playing or get cut, they need to knuckle down and work harder. No coach puts players on the field that he doesn't think give him the best chance of winning. If you are not chosen, there is a reason. Is the coach always right? No, but it is his decision to make and it usually made by an honest mistake - not a personal vendetta against your young players. I have coached my son since T-Ball and he has been a starter most of that time, but because he is a good player. This year in basketball all-stars, he was not in the top 5 and he did not start. It was my call to make and I made the right call. He was fine with it and agreed with me 100%. He accepted his role as a reserve and did whatever he was asked when he got the chance to play. He has always been told to make himself the best player out there and he will never have playing time issues. I feel sorry for kids whose parents blame their shortcomings on unfair politics - their kids will always feel that they are being cheated instead of accepting their shortcomings and working hard to overcome them.

http://www.highviewheat.com/index.asp

http://www.kristensfastpitchworld.com/index.asp

Coach B25,

Where can I get the handout from Lloyd Percival? What is Don Meyer's website?

Thanks

Coach B25,

Have you always done things this way, or have you had to adjust as the years go on. It looks like you lay things out up front with the parents and they know what to expect.

The problem arises when you get someone on a lower level team (9th or JV) that is not as qualified. At your school that is probably not the case, but in some it happens. When my 2 boys were freshman, on the first day of practice the 9th grade basketball coach showed up and said he knew nothing about baseball, but he was there for the mental part of the game. He proved the first comment all year long in his coaching. Very frustrating.

As in every other profession, there are good coaches and bad coaches. The defination of good or bad, changes by who you ask. In many cases the bad coaches do not stay around very long.

Coach Labeots, Don Meyer's website is:

http://www.coachmeyer.com/

The articles that I have found to be so useful are in the Player, Parent's and Coach's Corners.

coons2004, I have always been this way. Naturally, you learn as you go and you find that you grow as a person. There are times when you regress. I can't and won't change. It seems that the ability of a coach to last in the profession is communication. However, at times, that means establishing strict guidelines for communication. I don't know how you can tell a parent that they can never talk to you as a coach. I do tell them that they can't talk to me under certain circumstances. However, in our parent's meeting all of the guidelines are spelled out and there is an avenue for communication.
I learned most of this from Tom Pile who is in the Illinois High School Coach's Association Hall of Fame. He is legendary and won approximately 600 games as a head coach.

If I can, I want to add another thought on parents talking to the coach. Say John is working so hard to start. He puts in the time but the player ahead of him is just a little better. That player rest on his laurels and John keeps working. There comes a time when the coach has to make a decision. If John's parents approach the coach about John's playing time and then John starts, John will never receive the credit he is due from his teammates. It will appear as if the parents got that start for John. Please be careful when/how you approach the coach. John deserves the credit for his hard work and most coaches I know will come around to starting John.

Another thought, you asked me if I have always done this. I just had a laugh reminiscing on this. I won my first coaching award when I was 16. I coached a little league team to championship while playing high school ball. I had my first parent run it that same year. I have had a parent's meeting every year since that I have coached. Funny the path that one's life takes!

"There comes a time when you have to stop dreaming of the man you want to be and start being the man you have become." Bruce Springsteen

This is a more complex topic than some of the posts admit. I have known more than a few high school coaches who were not competent to do the job, and I'm sure the coaches on this board have coached against some of them. So while it is correct to say that the coach is in charge, there must be some solution for the parent whose kid is being harmed by the actions of an coach who is ignorant or evil (yes, guys, some coaches have made decisions for reasons other than their view of the best thing for the team). The views held by coaches on this board who are great coaches just don't suffice for those players and parents dealing with a corrupt or evil coach.

My view is that every coach must have a procedure for addressing problems (perceived or actual) so that problems can be nipped in the bud. There is no reason for any of the many fine coaches out there to fear criticism; when a parent is being unreasonable, everyone knows it and will support the coach. But when a coach has gone wrong, it must be addressed. If the coach has no procedure, the parents can be expected to sit together in the stands (or in the AD's office) and complain. While it is rude (not to mention counterproductive) to approach the coach at practice or games, I understand the frustration of those who have no other means to address an issue and opt for that approach. And it's not a question, always, of a coddling parent trying to intervene in a matter the kid can handle himself. With the bad coaches, that approach may already have failed, or may not work. I do not buy the thought that the player and parent should just "grin and bear it" as some sort of lesson in life. A better lesson is to show the kid that he can do something about it when he is being treated unfairly.

CoachB25

If more coaches would adopt your policy life for a lot of athletes would be better,not to mention the whinning section in the stands about little Johnnies playing time.
Rule at our house.
If your not starting or playing enough WORK HARDER.
Your post should be a handout that is given to all PARENTS.

Mobnuts, thanks! coons2004, interesting thing just happened, my freshman coach just came in and was talking about teaching the slider. He is not comfortable doing so and I don't blame him. He was a great catcher in high school and he is smart enough to know that the slider can be a very dangerous pitch if thown improperly. I am glad that he is so conscience. If a lower level coach doesn't know or is uncomfortable teaching something, I don't blame that coach. I blame the head coach. I have outlined every lower level's responsibility. One of the major ones is ASK! Although we are coming up on our first game this year, a big part of practice tonight will be all of the freshmen pitchers coming to the varsity practice for a little one on one coaching from the old fat guy. LOL! Not knowing is not a problem. Not knowing and not feeling comfortable to ask is.

"There comes a time when you have to stop dreaming of the man you want to be and start being the man you have become." Bruce Springsteen

RipEm

Who or what determines that the coach is competant? You say you know of incompetant coaches. Who decides.