Questions for the Coach.....

This is just me....but I wouldn't consider calling the coach.  My son is a HS senior...and it's tough to get answers from him...but it seems like if I just keep bugging him long enough he'll finally give in and give me some more information.  I think I'd go that route first...just explain to your son that you'd like to know more what's going on and see if he'll help you out.

I know we love our children and they will always be our children but here is my question.  Isn't he an adult now?  What has happened to our society to the point that we can not let our children become adults.  If your son was working at Google right now would you call his boss and "check up" on him.  This whole concept to me is crazy.  I am sorry if I come off as a D**ck and that is truly not my intention.  I just don't get it.

Juke,

 

Just some advice from someone who recently went through what you are going through. It is not really your business anymore. It is now his. Go to his games, if you can get to a scrimmage or two, great, ask him about how school is going, life, roommate, and baseball. Take what he gives you as he is going through some big changes also, maybe he wants to make it his life without telling you so.

 

You will know how he is doing when the season comes around, if he is playing he is doing well, if he is not, he is not necessarily not playing well, just not better than some of the underclassmen.

 

Your son is becoming what we all want our sons to be. Confident, able to handle their business, mature, etc. Become the Cheerleader Dad, let go of the Coaching Dad. It is not easy but do it.....and don't call the coach!

 

I would not confuse the coaches business interest in fund raising (your time or money) with an open invitation discuss your son's performance.  This is your son's boss.  Would you want your son reaching out to your boss to check on your performance?     As a parent, I would support the team but I wouldn't reach out the coach unless there are specific medical or health issues with your son.  JMO.

...with all of the above responses. My son's coach talked to me about many things over his 4 years at college and even occasionally shared his thoughts on his performance, but it was never something I brought up or would ever think of bringing up. I would play it passive at with any conversation you might have with the coach. Let him lead any conversation. 

 

Your son should lead any conversation about playing time or performance if need be, just like he did during the time he was being recruited.

Don't do it. If he were to tell u that son is struggling would u then discuss issue w son by saying I talked to your coach?  Son would be embarrassed.
My son doesn't like when we talk to his HS coach about Anything. Wants to keep things professional and he wants to be only one communicating w him and Summer coach too.  Fine by me
Hope that continues in college too. He needs to communicate w coach and to parents back home who want an update. Just give him encouragement.

At Baseball Meet & Greet Reception which was in afternoon of College Move-In Day, Coach lined it out~ "Your boys are mine now, expect your communication with them to change- they will not be calling or texting you hardly @ all, this is normal, if they were playing baseball or not, tremendous growth for them academically & with social independence.  DO NOT Call the baseball office, unless you are concerned over sons' well being, as in he has an injury & is not telling us or his grades are slipping & you think he is running with the wrong crowd. ALL other questions need to be dialog between you & son, this is a chance to mature your relationship with him~ If he is not on the travel roster  or getting playing time~ he knows the reason! AND do not call to see who is on travel roster or which hotel we are at, We are not the travel agent and Son can answer these questions" Hope this helps~ This coach is awesome, he has the entire team meet before all home football games and attend event together as a team, probably for more reasons than just cheering together~ Have to let go at some point and trust Sons' judgement for the college he picked & his daily decisions. I agree, give him encouragement and listen without judging to the events and stories he shares, keep conversations open & under 5 minutes if you want him to pick up your calls. That has worked for me these first 3 weeks

Hey thanks for the responses HSB Community. I was thinking along the lines of what was returned. But, I had an exchange with someone at the game yesterday, we arrived late - didn't know game time changed, and missed his 2 innings of work. This person is someone close to the program. When he saw we were disappointed having missed an outing, and I was inquiring about how he threw, he said Coach was in the concession stand, go ask him. Of course I didn't, nor did I call him but it did raise the question in my mind. Thanks again..... and IEBSBL.....I truly don't think this points to a "Societal Ill" if you will and I don't think you're a d***. A little dramatic? Absolutely...But, it's all good. It is what it is. I appreciate the input.

Don't mean to hijack this thread, but the most effective way I stumbled upon to get info from my adult kids (whether in college or beyond) was simply to send them info about what's going on at home--without asking for any information in return.  

 

Routine family news that arrives without any questions or hints of parental anxiety seems to communicate support and belonging in a way that prompts them to reciprocate.

 

(Note:  It only works if I don't try to make it work.  Kids have an unerring sense that allows them to detect when we're trying to manipulate them.)

 

 

Son is a freshman in college. I talked briefly with coach when dropped son off and then we exchanged emails. None ever pertained to performance,  development or such. Emails were pertaining to summer team for next year.
If I ask too many questions to my son, he shuts down. So I do random home town happenings and college football talk. He will return baseball info from time to time.
It has been great watching him grow.

Talking to a college coach about this is exactly the same as going to talk to your adults son's boss about his job. They should be learning to become men in HS so that when they go away, they can handle their own affairs. Sons don't want to be hounded by these questions and if you want your son to be totally embarrassed by you or hate you, then go talk to the coach.