Raising an All-Star

When I saw the title I thought the content was going to start with, “My son is a stud 12u baseball player.” 😀

No excuses. Be accountable.

Do you prefer to succeed? Or do you have the passion to do what is necessary? How badly do you want it?

Treat failure as a lesson. It’s a speed bump on the road to success.

You don’t have to be vocal to be a leader. You can lead by example.

The only person you need to be better than is you. Tomorrow, next week, next month, next year.

Believing in something, anything, that is greater than yourself.

Be kind, yet a savage.

Its not any of your business what others might think or say about you.

Be where your feet are.

Never miss an opportunity to keep my opinion to myself.  I can be right and silent at the same time.

take Pride in everything that you do.. whether its making the bed, a class assignment, preparing for athletics, or competiting.  treat everyone with respect, whether an authority figure, a teammate, or or somone less fortunate... everyone.

The Japan "Samurai" created the 9 rings.

I heard one the other day that really stood out. Spend more time working on what will be said at your funeral, obituary, than you do on your résumé.  

Comparing yourself to others is useless and a waste of time. Concern yourself with what you can control, yourself.

Always take time to celebrate the small victories and savor the beautiful and miraculous in life.

Don't be afraid to try new things and get out of your comfort zone. That's where the magic happens.

@BB328 posted:

Comparing yourself to others is useless and a waste of time.

I tell my kids all the time that, "Comparison is the thief of joy."

@Master P posted:

Be kind, yet a savage.

This! Ever since my son was little, I always drilled home with him to be kind to people. I used to tell him if he learned anything in life, it would be to treat people with kindness and respect. One of the things I am most proud of as a parent is when other parents will tell me how kind and respectful my son is. Always taking the time to say hello and address people where other teenagers or his teammates would burry their heads in their phone to avoid having to make eye contact or conversation. I used to love watching him interact with younger kids at camps he was helping with. He knew the "stud" kids didn't need his attention. He would go out of his way to find the player who wasn't as skilled, and maybe getting picked on by the other kids, and go play catch with that kid or give that kid a little extra attention.

Ask people for advice and help when you don't know or understand something.  Many people will gladly help you along your journey.

Don't try to raise an all-star. Try to raise a decent kid with a work ethic, a moral compass and opportunities to challenge his/herself. Once you HAVE an all-star, that's when you have to make sure they remember that they are never as good as other people say they are on their good days or as bad as people say they are on their bad days. Carefully  vet (or help them vet) the people in their inner circle--not everyone has their best interests at heart. And make sure they know you don't have to do everything you see everyone else doing on social media (5 am lifts with a trainer, a million showcases and tournaments, expensive throwing programs, 50 offers at age 14, etc.). Both my kids who played past HS had fewer offers and committed later than most of their peers. In fact, stay off social media, ignore rankings and focus on being the best version of yourself.

@PTWood posted:

Don't try to raise an all-star. Try to raise a decent kid with a work ethic, a moral compass and opportunities to challenge his/herself. Once you HAVE an all-star, that's when you have to make sure they remember that they are never as good as other people say they are on their good days or as bad as people say they are on their bad days. Carefully  vet (or help them vet) the people in their inner circle--not everyone has their best interests at heart. And make sure they know you don't have to do everything you see everyone else doing on social media (5 am lifts with a trainer, a million showcases and tournaments, expensive throwing programs, 50 offers at age 14, etc.). Both my kids who played past HS had fewer offers and committed later than most of their peers. In fact, stay off social media, ignore rankings and focus on being the best version of yourself.

This is perfect. ❤️

A+ for @PTWood!

@PTWood posted:

Don't try to raise an all-star. Try to raise a decent kid with a work ethic, a moral compass and opportunities to challenge his/herself. Once you HAVE an all-star, that's when you have to make sure they remember that they are never as good as other people say they are on their good days or as bad as people say they are on their bad days. Carefully  vet (or help them vet) the people in their inner circle--not everyone has their best interests at heart. And make sure they know you don't have to do everything you see everyone else doing on social media (5 am lifts with a trainer, a million showcases and tournaments, expensive throwing programs, 50 offers at age 14, etc.). Both my kids who played past HS had fewer offers and committed later than most of their peers. In fact, stay off social media, ignore rankings and focus on being the best version of yourself.

Can't like this enough. Not trying to raise an all-star helped PTWood and lots of other parents...raise all-stars.

Offer a hand when a teammate, or opponent, (or a friend in the backyard) is down.

@BB328 posted:

Comparing yourself to others is useless and a waste of time.

@Master P posted:

I tell my kids all the time that, "Comparison is the thief of joy."

I believe you guys may be talking about envy of results, opposed to comparison.

For those of us who grew up without typical role models in the home, comparison was the only path of improvement. Recognizing behavior, traits, habits and philosophies in others that you aspired to emulate or to avoid, and then comparing them to where you are at the time is an important tool for growth.    

I think it's hard to achieve a better everyday mindset if we're not introspective enough recognize where we fall short, and I think that applies in all things - baseball included.

@JucoDad posted:

I believe you guys may be talking about envy of results, opposed to comparison.

For those of us who grew up without typical role models in the home, comparison was the only path of improvement. Recognizing behavior, traits, habits and philosophies in others that you aspired to emulate or to avoid and comparing them to where you are at the time, I believe is an important tool for growth.    

I think it's hard to achieve a better everyday mindset if we're not introspective enough recognize where we fall short, and I think that applies in all things - baseball included.

Yes absolutely I tell my son when he is in awe of someone else's talent or the results of their hard work to learn from them. Be inspired by them. BUT not to tear himself down because he's not there yet.

For example if someone takes your starting spot because they've worked hard, grew faster, has the gift of an arm that can throw harder it doesn't invalidate your hard work and personal journey. Use the frustration as fuel to get better.

Everybody is different. We all grow and learn at own pace. There's no shame in that. But in order to be an adult with a healthy mindset,  you can't be eaten up with jealousy of others.

When my son was entering high school we knew he would play baseball at "the next level" — we just didn't know if that was just high school, if he would get to college or beyond to his dream. I told him then that my biggest worry was that he had never had to work. Baseball came easily to him, so did school. i told him that from that point on, we would provide money and support, but he had to sign up for the work. He had to schedule lessons, work outs, decide if he wanted to get up for the early morning lifts, etc. He had to figure out what work was needed and then he needed to do that work.

Lots of what everyone has said is right and necessary for success, but I still believe that at the root of it all for my son was his decision to work.

Nice thread, great responses.  PTWood loved your response.  I agree you have to vet friends nowadays.  I have an addict in the family so I talk everyday about alcohol, marijuana, and any type of drug.  I am even concerned about these amped up sports energy drinks.

I am going on 6 years without a drop of alcohol or any other substance.  One of the best things that has ever happened to me.  I realize now I was misled as a kid.  If I had never been exposed to alcohol or marijuana, it would have never occurred to me to try those things.  I tell my grandson now almost everyday, that alcohol is overrated.  I am honest about it.  Those things can make you feel better but at the unbelievable cost of dependence.  I vet kids without them ever becoming the wiser that I am checking them see if they are on the straight and narrow.  I start with how is a kid doing in school.  The better the student, I believe there is a lower correlation to drugs and alcohol.  My grandson's peer group of no drugs and alcohol, do good in school types, is getting very small now that he is in 11th grade.  Peer pressure is enormous.

To respond specifically to this thread, humility is probably the best thing - personality wise, a kid can have.  I like kids that don't talk on the field and let their actions do the talking for them.  Not only does baseball humble you but life itself indeed will if you let pride get in the way.  I like old fashioned things like leadership -  prioritizing more about your teammates success and well-being than your own.     

Good on ya, Cleveland. I would second the point you made about honesty. Kids crave it, even if it's a bit scary or upsetting.

When my first son was born, I was naive and optimistic, I wondered/dreamed what amazing things he might accomplish, do, and achieve – I guess in a way, what kind of all-star he’d be? Most of the naiveite has been ground away by the years, but the optimism will always remain.

These days my wishes/dreams/prayers for my sons are more like:

• To live a meaningful and fulfilling life (in their terms, nobody else’s).
• To be kind and empathetic to others.
• To give and find as much unconditional love as possible.
• To always forgive, but not always forget and understand why that’s a superpower.
• A life devoid of major drama and illness.
• To make enough to have what they need and some of what they’d like.
• To leave this world a little better than they found it (whatever that means to them)

If they achieve all or some of that, does that make them an all-star?  My kids were all-stars the moment I set eyes on them, and that’s not something that’s going to change. However, my pride concerning their choices can vary… LOL.

I think it’s way more about what you do than anything you can say. I grew up with welfare, food stamps and with single mentally ill parents that were physically and verbally abusive. From age 9 on I was alone from 3PM – 1AM if you don’t count time my dad was asleep after swing shift. He was schizophrenic, and I believe he did the best he could. I always knew he unconditionally loved me, and in the end, I think that was enough – I think that’s the one most important thing to get right raising our all-stars.

Quite a life JucoDad.  Wow...  I am grateful for my parents.  I like what you said it's more important what you do than what you say.  I have seen every combination of parent/child situations...  Good parents who have good kids....  Good parents who had one or more bad kids...  Bad parents who have bad kids...  Bad parents who have good kids.   

I raised my kids on the George Costanza theory of parenting. If every instinct my parents had was wrong, do the opposite.

Good luck with your book. I look forward to listening to the product(s).  The better half and I always debated  finding the balance of needs vs. wants for our kids then trusting we raised them well enough so we could let go and let them figure "stuff" out and be the supporting cast. I love the term roller coaster ride.   

@JucoDad posted:

When my first son was born, I was naive and optimistic, I wondered/dreamed what amazing things he might accomplish, do, and achieve – I guess in a way, what kind of all-star he’d be? Most of the naiveite has been ground away by the years, but the optimism will always remain.

These days my wishes/dreams/prayers for my sons are more like:

• To live a meaningful and fulfilling life (in their terms, nobody else’s).
• To be kind and empathetic to others.
• To give and find as much unconditional love as possible.
• To always forgive, but not always forget and understand why that’s a superpower.
• A life devoid of major drama and illness.
• To make enough to have what they need and some of what they’d like.
• To leave this world a little better than they found it (whatever that means to them)

If they achieve all or some of that, does that make them an all-star?  My kids were all-stars the moment I set eyes on them, and that’s not something that’s going to change. However, my pride concerning their choices can vary… LOL.

I think it’s way more about what you do that anything you can say. I grew up with welfare, food stamps and with single mentally ill parents that were physically and verbally abusive. From age 9 on I was alone from 3PM – 1AM if you don’t count time my dad was asleep after swing shift. He was schizophrenic, and I believe he did the best he could. I always knew he unconditionally loved me, and in the end, I think that was enough – I think that’s the one most important thing to get right raising our all-stars.

I think this is the best thing I've read on this site, which is really saying something. Thanks, Juco - I hope everyone reads this.

Great thread!

Continuously and relentlessly search for what is important.

Feed your passions.

Don't wish.  Do.

Family, friends, those in need. 

First teach them, How you do anything is how you do everything!
And also let them know, not all storms (and there will be plenty of storms) come to disrupt your life, but to clear your path.

@PitchingFan posted:

I heard one the other day that really stood out. Spend more time working on what will be said at your funeral, obituary, than you do on your résumé.  

Listen to “Standing Room Only”, by Tim McGraw if you don’t already know the song!

1. Your character IS YOUR DESTINATION!
2. From the song Help Somebody by Van Zant - "Now Granny said: Sonny, stick to your guns, If you believe in something, no matter what, Cause it's better to be hated for who you are than be loved for who you're not."
3. Recognize the difference between friends and acquaintances.
4. Believe in the good in people but lock your car.
5. Love deeply knowing that you're going to get hurt.  That is the only way to find true love. 

I actually had a handout I gave my students at the end of every year I taught.  (38)  I called it Rules for Life.