Should he "get serious" about baseball?

I think the parent should just ask their son if baseball is something they still want to do. There is no sense in him doing something he no longer has a passion for, nor does it make sense for the parents too continue to spend thousands of $$ if the players heart is not in the game.
Like with most issues of parenting an open dialogue is always the best way to go IMO.
If his interest seems to be waning maybe he needs a break. I think at this time of year, after three seasons and 9 months straight of baseball, a kid could be burnt out a little.
I think we should "encourage" him to do whatever his heart and mind are telling him, and that we will support him in whatever decision he makes.

I admit it Fungo. I don't leave everything up to my kids when they're still kids.

When my oldest son wanted to quit baseball after his 11-year old season, I made him play at 12. Then he quit...only to later become an umpire and say he wished he had kept playing. He's a successful college graduate, running a business and a HUGE sports fan with many friends.

My other sons love the game and work hard on their own much of the time, but when they get a little lazy, I get out the bucket and take them down to the field...or nag them about running or lifting or throwing. They bite back, I nag more. Then they do it...and later thank me for nagging them.

I also nag them about their school work and their messy room and about how they pick silly arguments with their younger sisters.

If I see one of my kids has a specific talent (math?, science?, writing?, baseball?, etc...) I will 'push' them to get more serious about it. I don't push them on things they hate (unless its their sister), but on things they're good at and things they like/love.

I'm a pushy parent and sometimes I go too far. And if I do, I apologize. But if I'm right and they're ticked at me for a few days, I live with it.

I'm the kind of parent who will take a short term loss for a long term gain (dislike me today, but thank me tomorrow). My wife is the softer one...the "catcher" who will soften my approach but put them back in the ring.

Just the way it is.

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Originally posted by Fungo:
Let's say it hasn't gotten to the point that your son wants to quit baseball but in your opinion he doesn't take it as seriously as you think he should. Should you "encourage" him to "get serious" about his baseball? If so how would you do it?
Fungo

If he wasn't taking it seriously, maybe he was just having fun. Maybe it's no longer fun when he needs to be told to take it serious.

You can't make somebody play baseball and excel at it if it's no longer fun. The right thing to do is leave him be. If he wants to play that bad or take it serious, he'll do it on his own.

I agree, there is a big difference between just not motivated to go the extra mile or even just what is needed vs loosing the love of the game.

I also nudge them every so often but if I sense they truly have lost the love of the game, I would let them hang up their cleats if there is truly no going back.

I would take him back to the orphanage and ask for a Lefty who loves the game and throws hard to trade for.

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Originally posted by Bighit15:
I would take him back to the orphanage and ask for a Lefty who loves the game and throws hard to trade for.

I think it depends on the age. Once they get to the HS level and they just want to have fun and not work then thats their choice. Because once they are trying to play for a college team its nothing but hard work, long hours, weights, running, Homework when they are dog tired. If they dont have passion then no amt. of naggging can push them anymore.
Now when my son was younger and he wanted pitching lessons(for fun) (for me, he probably thought he would pitch in the majors at 9) but he was pitching in LL and we wanted him to have good mechanics. We took him to a ex pro pitcher. He would give my son about 10-15 minutes worth of drills each day to do. My son did them until the newness wore off. One day we went to the lesson, and the Pitching coach asked him did you practice? my son looked over at me, the coach said Im not asking your momma the question, I am asking you. My son said I dont know , the coach said thats a boys answer , I want a yes or a no. My son said NO I have not been practicing. The coach said thanks for the mans answer, he said son learn to be a yes man or a no man, those are man answers, never say I dont know when asked whether you practiced or not. Then he proceeded to tell my son that it was a waste of his parents money for him to come if he didnt want to practice. I never had to say another word. He took lessons about 2 times a month for about a six months learned good mechanics and was ready to move on.
the point of this, was yeah he was nine, and not a man yet, but the things said were good and I used that many times over the last few years when I would get an answer that was not mature and thought out. I would say is that a mans answer?
The point is at nine your paying for lessons they are not working at it yeah they need to buck up or not spend the money. But 15-16 and they just dont have natural drive, I wouldnt push.
There were times when my son needed work on grounders and he didnt want to do it. We would say fine.then he would have a error or two in a game and he would be begging for grounders. it always came from him wanting to be better.
I really had to push more with the school work. Hes smart and a good student but doesnt always give 100%.
Good question, lots of answers.but heart and drive cant be taught.

Justbaseball- it sounds like we a have very similar parenting style. We must be doing something right as we both have great kids! But really, like anything in life, if you love something and are passionate about it, the kid will be self-motivated. We as parents can support them in achieving their goals and perhaps gently "nudge" them along the way.

Fortunately I never had that problem. I used to ask my son every year if he still wanted to play. He looked at me like I was crazy. They played all year working out in a large s****r dome in the winter. He was always the 1st one there.
Never once except after a 4 day tourney, asked him if he had his school work done. I will let his future wife nag him.

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The right thing to do is leave him be.

Zomby, I understand your point (but I disagree) ---- at least in my son's case. He wanted to quit when he was nine. Said he didn't want to play any more. I basically forced him to play for the first two weeks of the season and promised that after those two weeks if he still wanted to quit I wouldn't stand in his way. He played those two weeks and for another 15 years ---- and loved it. He still loves the game and has a goal of becoming a coach. I knew it was "things" other than baseball that made him choose quitting over playing when he was nine. One hurdle he was facing was the fact it was the time to "move up" and I knew he felt insecure about playing with the bigger boys. Once he started playing he fit right it. He may have disagreed with me when he was nine but he will tell you today that I did the right thing by "making" him play baseball.

Another point with encouraging when they are young is many kids play multiple sports. My son wanted to play in the MLB, NBA etc. so during basketball he was really caught up in it and sometimes wsnt really excited for baseball. Even thouhg he played fall ball starting at a bout 9 he still did the so--- basketball, baseball , swimming etc. He loved basketball very much and played all the way through 8th grade year and even a fall league when he was in 9th.So I do think as Fungo said a little slight push and then they realize how much they love it.
My son now in college is a very committed young man, with school and baseball he is gone at least 12 hours a day. No one can force that kind of schedule.
Another point is there are a lot of highs and lows in baseball. Sometimes young kids need to work through playing at each next level, facing faster pitching when they go to majors etc. My son wanted to go to majors(mostly 11-12 some tens). when he was 10. he was drafet up and we faced a team with a tough 12 year old pitcher. The day of that game my son had a stomach ache, (scared of facing 12 yearold good pitcher)we told him "you wanted to go up as a ten year old so you have to go. he went and faced the kid and struck out 3 times and cried after the first at bat just cause of all the anticipation. Now he could of wanted to quit but he had to face his fear. last game of the season my son got a double off the kid. he got tougher. Should I have let him stay home? maybe quit out of fear? I believe not. some parts of life are tough and they need to face their fears.
I know I am rambling, but sometimes they need a little nudge. But there comes a time to let them make a decison.

This topic always facinates me because I am convinced the answer depends on the individual in question. I know this is true since I have seen it in the differences with my own kids. With my oldest, a bulldozer would not have been big enough for him - to not only nudge him in the way of beneficial things to do but to nudge him out of things that were detrimental

With my middlle one, the ballplayer, there were times I had to anti-nudge him. There were times in high school I had to insist that he go to bed because it was getting late at night, and that he had studied enough imho. With baseball, he puts every ounce of his being into it. He loves the game with all his heart and soul. Never once in my life did I have to encourage him to work or play.

With my youngest, my daughter, she is pretty much like my middle one except her passion seems to be academics. I have visions of full-ride academic scholarships dancing in my head

Seriously, things depend on the people involved. Some kids might walk away from a good thing without the nudge. For other kids, those kind of thoughts are not a consideration. I have told this story before, but we always kid about our "3" kids. It goes back to that Meatloaf song "Two outta three ain't bad"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_Tf2lQvDz0

quote:

Originally posted by Fungo:
Let's say it hasn't gotten to the point that your son wants to quit baseball but in your opinion he doesn't take it as seriously as you think he should. Should you "encourage" him to "get serious" about his baseball? If so how would you do it?

Different sport, but same situation: My son got bored with a sport he excelled at through age twelve. He couldn't stand the practices. It wasn't the coaching. It was the nature of the sport. After playing a different sport for two years, he returned. He missed it more than he thought he would. You have to let the kid and the sport find the right level of connection. You can't force the game on the kid.

If there's significant money involved I believe it's reasonable to tell the kid, "I'm not spending the money of you're not committed." In baseball last summer, I shook my son out of his attitude by telling him I was only going to pay $100 for the Connie Mack (mediocre ball here) registration next summer unless I started seeing a return on my investment on the travel team. By ROI I didn't mean stats and production. I meant effort, work ethic and attitude. We had a bout with the Terrible 15's last summer.

The above stories about 9 and 10 yos overcoming some fears and insecurities are probably very common and a nudge and some guidance are obviously appropriate. But they are very different than a 15,16 or 17 year old losing his passion for the game.
If a kid loses the passion and stops having fun play any game I don't think any nudging or coaxing will benefit him or his parents.
I feel it would be my job as his father to find out why he feels this way. If his feelings are genuine and he decides to stop playing baseball I would support him.
I'm not saying it would be easy for me to accept but, like I said, who would benefit from me forcing him to continue.

The getting serious about baseball part was left up to them,...but darn if I didn't wish about a bazillion times that they would get serious about:

- finding their own socks
( & no, a blue one and a red one DO NOT match,..and yes,..it DOES matter )

- not shoving their filthy uniforms under the bed ( & yes,..I do insist it gets washed before the next game. Who exactly is it, that is telling you stinky is cool?
If all the kids in the neighborhood painted their nose's green mistah',...would you do it too? )

- and for the love of Mary.......no muddy cleats in the house!

Geeesh!


( ~Those were the days~ )

fillsfan,

Totally agre with you. When they get old enough to really make that decision we have to respect them.

Fungo said: Let's say it hasn't gotten to the point that your son wants to quit baseball but in your opinion he doesn't take it as seriously as you think he should. Should you "encourage" him to "get serious" about his baseball? If so how would you do it?
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Only if you plan on him playing in the MLB one day...then if you have to "nudge him" at an extra-curricular sport, it isn't his activity as much as it's yours. Nudge them in things that are important...like academics, or ethics.JMO

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Nudge them in things that are important...like academics, or ethics.

BBKaze, for sake of discussion let me ask a question, are academics and ethics important to him --- or to you? What about art appreciation, religion, yard maintenance, video games and personal hygiene? Do we encourage or discourage here or are they off limits too? Do we as parents only choose "select" matters to express our opinions on? Personally I think EVERYTHING our children do is important.

On Baseball: My son NEVER asked anyone if he could play "T" ball. I think it was my wife's idea. Technically I guess you could say she's the one that "forced" him into baseball!! At 11 he didn't ask if he could play travel ball ---- if I remember correctly that was MY idea. I do remember him telling me when he was about seven that he wanted to play professional BASKETBALL. I'm sure I expressed my opinion and squelched that half-baked passionate idea.

One thing we as parents need to be able to do is "sense" the mood of our children. The best decision I ever made was allowing my son to be "just a kid" the summer after his 8th grade year (he played JV ball as 8th grader, which is allowed around here). About half-way thru the summer, he was bored and realized that "being just a kid" was not all it was cracked out to be. It renewed his passion in baseball and every year since it has seemed like that passion has grown.

Fungo said: What about art appreciation, religion, yard maintenance, video games and personal hygiene? Do we encourage or discourage here or are they off limits too?
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If those activities are important to your child I would assume you would give them the freedom to pursue them if your family can afford the activity...and IMO that would be a limiter that a lot of families deal with, affordability. But if not the case it would seem to me that any child would excel at an activity with support of private lessons and the like.

My point is that "nudging" can become "imposing" if the activity is tied to a "dream" of what the parent wanted to achieve when they were young and "transference" becomes a subtle and overpowering catalyst to "push".IMHO

Fungo, very good subject as usual. When I questioned my son about his commitment to baseball, he looked at me funny and said, "Dad, are retarded?".

BigHit15, I just about rolled over on that funny response, something I would say too.

In our household, sports are optional and a privelege. Let me explain.

I am willing to pay for and committ the time for travel sports....but conditionally. Lets face it, travel baseball can run into the thousands every summer. And if I had a dollar for every hour I've spent watching from behind a backstop, maybe I could get that Viper I've always wanted.

There are other options to playing baseball than travel ball and the high expense that goes along with it. I see travel ball as a opportunity for a kid who has a real dream or goal and wants/needs to play at the highest level available to him/her to help realize that goal.

So if they are not doing there part (conditioning, practice, effort), then they can play in the community rec league. There is nothing wrong with playing at the rec league level. But if you want to play at the travel level and ask your Mom & Dad to kick out thousands for it...you have to do your part.

The oldest one who is a Junior, since last year, must buy his own bat(s), spikes, batting gloves, and mits. Its amazing how well he takes care them now !!!! He has never left HIS $300 bat in some remote dugout on the other side of the state.

The only thing that is mandatory in our house is...you will work your tail off with your school work and do your absolute best.

quote:

I do remember him telling me when he was about seven that he wanted to play professional BASKETBALL. I'm sure I expressed my opinion and squelched that half-baked passionate idea.

I have got to give credit where it is due. That was funny

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Originally posted by ClevelandDad:

quote:

I do remember him telling me when he was about seven that he wanted to play professional BASKETBALL. I'm sure I expressed my opinion and squelched that half-baked passionate idea.

I have got to give credit where it is due. That was funny

When my son was little and dominating rec ball he said he wanted to play for Duke someday. I broke it too him gently he would grow up to be a 6'2" white kid.

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Originally posted by RJM:

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Originally posted by ClevelandDad:

quote:

I do remember him telling me when he was about seven that he wanted to play professional BASKETBALL. I'm sure I expressed my opinion and squelched that half-baked passionate idea.

I have got to give credit where it is due. That was funny

When my son was little and dominating rec ball he said he wanted to play for Duke someday. I broke it too him gently he would grow up to be a 6'2" white kid.

My wife and kids cousin

Thanks OS. I was finding the above remark rather a bit "off color".

OS8, While my son could shoot a mean 3 pointer he was no Greg Paulus --- you have to trust me when I say I did the right thing.

SSmom confession time,.....I have to admit I liked baseball before I had my own children. Played it in the street as a kid and played girls softball growing up for a few years,....heck, I liked alot of sports but I dont know that I would have developed the passion for the game as much as I have if I hadn't grown right alongside my children who's love for the game grew and grew as they got older and more serious about the game.
Does that make any sense?
I didn't nudge,..cause I didnt know.
Guess you could say they actually nudged me.

( Poor kids, they had no idea what they were creating! tee- hee )

quote:

Originally posted by Fungo:
OS8, While my son could shoot a mean 3 pointer he was no Greg Paulus --- you have to trust me when I say I did the right thing.

The point of disclosing the relationship has nothing to do with choices all of our baseballers made. I am sure most of them, mine included, were also high-level multi-sport kids, especially in Hoops!

Greg followed his hoop dream even though he was also a highly recruited QB. His brother chose that rout at UNC.

Regarding "getting serious" about baseball, just ask any average 20 year old college student what they do with their time outside class. Isn't the average 12 hour day of classes and baseball/athletic commitments a "serious" attempt at the sport? Isn't this time spent versus partaking in NORMAL activities and social endeavors a display of being serious about baseball?

What about spanning the USA every summer as a teenager at baseball events and tournaments versus just hanging out as a NORMAL teenager with friends?

In another post about Rays pitcher David Price, it says that after an unsuccessful freshman college year he wanted to quit Vandy, go to a Juco, work at MacDonalds and "be a normal kid". I'm sure everyone involved in this young man's life is ecstatic that his coach "nudged" him away from that decision!!

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Originally posted by OLDSLUGGER8:

quote:

Originally posted by RJM:

quote:

Originally posted by ClevelandDad:

quote:

I do remember him telling me when he was about seven that he wanted to play professional BASKETBALL. I'm sure I expressed my opinion and squelched that half-baked passionate idea.

I have got to give credit where it is due. That was funny

When my son was little and dominating rec ball he said he wanted to play for Duke someday. I broke it too him gently he would grow up to be a 6'2" white kid.

My wife and kids cousin

I knew someone would post the exception. In reality, what are the odds? Answer: real long. Especially if baseball is your focus sport. Even though my son was one of the dominant players, he always preferred baseball in the summer to AAU. He's settled for high school basketball.

quote:

Originally posted by Fungo:
Let's say it hasn't gotten to the point that your son wants to quit baseball but in your opinion he doesn't take it as seriously as you think he should. Should you "encourage" him to "get serious" about his baseball? If so how would you do it?
Fungo

I have been reading over this situation and wondering if there is a right answer.

Our opinion as parents of our players getting serious or not is a lot different than those of our players.

Because a young player doesn't live and breathe baseball 24/7 or wants to particiapte in other activities doesn't mean he isn't serious. I am thinking of my player in particular. There were times we wondered about his commitment to baseball, I am sure that every parent goes through those moments. There were a lot of other things he wanted to do with his spare time, many times, other than breathe baseball. Looking back, I think that was because he was just being normal.

Getting serious happens when you step onto the field and put on our game face. You can have a lot of other interests, there should be no other thing on your mind for the next 2-4 hours that it takes to play a game. Getting serious is when you are in a game and taking advantage of every at bat, every pitch, etc. Getting serious is listening to your coaches, your pitching or hitting instructor, your teachers in the classroom, doing your homework and trying to follow a good conditioning program. IMO, that's all you have to do to get serious, you also have to live your life the way you want to, not how others want you to live it.

I don't know about anyone else, but I would be worried if my player didn't have other interests besides baseball. I would be concerned if my player skipped practice or found ways to get out of a game, or missed a lesson or did poorly in his classwork. That shows lack of commitment and if I am spending money, you have to show commitment.

My son took off tonight with friends to watch THE game. THE game for him was not the World Series, it was Monday Night football. Does this mean he is not serious about baseball? Of course not, he just happens to have a passion for football!