Thanks Coach

One of the best posts I've ever read on here. 

Coach May;

Outstanding!

You were very patient.

One of my parents attacked me with a bat in the parking lot when I didn't play his son [a catcher] the day a College Coach was at the game. We had three very good catchers, who I rotated daily as DH and catcher.

 

"The joy of coaching"

 

Bob

Coach May needs to access to moderator passwords so he can post directly to the section that all of his posts seem to end up. Another gem.

Great post.  It seems like high school is no longer a place where kids grow up and mature but rather a place where parents oftentimes try for one last push at getting/keeping their kids at the "top".  I love the comment about the unfair situation being an opportunity followed closely by teaching your kid to stand up for himself.  I do think sports presents wonderful opportunities for personal growth and regularly ask myself - if my kid were to get injured tomorrow and never get to participate again, would he still have benefitted from his particiaption up until that point - or would he be bitter or think in some weird way he let folks down or think he got a raw deal.  Hope I don't ever have to face that but think it is a good qeustion to ponder regularly.

Coach,

 

my Son went through a very similar experience a couple of years ago and I reacted in the exact same manner.  

Coach,

 

Just outstanding, as usual. There should be choirs of angels singing whenever you bring your tablets down from the mountain top to set all of us mere mortals straight...

Great post!  Change your perspective, change your life.

    

I will support what everyone else has said this is a fantastic post. It is a must read. 

I have my own story.

I have one son that always was talented at Baseball. a lefty who once he was in Middle school rarely sat. He may not have pitched as much as he wanted but he was in the lineup everyday. Occasionally When packing up I would here parents talking to the coach about my son and why he plays so much. I never said anything and was not bitter. I actually thought he should sit more in middle school. 

I have another son. In middle school he was not in every game, He was a catcher, but not really built like a typical one. He usually started the season 2 on the depth chart but by the end of the season he was number 1, but still rotating with the other catcher who would dh when he did not catch. My son was not a DH, so he sat when he did not catch. 

Well going into Freshman year during spring all the the players at least got an opportunity early, was it an equal opportunity? No. Should it have been? No. Well my son received his opportunity and by mid season he rarely played. Many other players parents who's kids were in the same situation as my son always wanted to talk to me about it. Was I going to say anything to the coach? What about the Varsity coach? I was friendly with both coaches. In fact my son had taken private lessons form the freshman coach before he joined the HS program.

What was my answer to those parents? No I was not. If my son wanted more playing time he was going to have to work harder and reorder his priorities, as long as academics continued to come first.My youngest is a wrestler as well, His dream was to make state. So after the season ended he decided that he would no longer play baseball at the HS, and focus on wrestling. He still played one more season of travel baseball, but never for the HS again. I know it pains him that he never had the success in baseball that he would of liked, but when we talk about it he says if he had to do it over again, he would do the same thing. That is all that I can ask.

If I had ever talked to the coaches about this, I would have been a hypocrite. With my older son I wanted the best to play. I wanted his teams to win. What would it look like if for my younger son, I wanted playing time, if he was not the best player.

I still run into some of those parents today, and they are bitter as Roger was in coach Mays wonderful post. I voice my support for the coach and quietly excuse myself. 

 

Coach your ears must be burning a couple times a week right now because I'm thanking you at everyone of my sons middle school games. Based primarily on your advice to allow our players to be in a position to fail. I put my son on the travel team that he had the least chance of playing time vs the teams he was a no doubt starter. He was basically told he would be a pool game pitcher and that was about it, but would get opportunity. By the end of the year he was elimination game starter and started at short or center and was one of the only kids asked back without a tryout. Also partially due to his great attitude which was molded also based on a lot of your advice.

It's really the first time he's ever had to work at baseball and his ability seemed to double during that year. Watching him on the field this year with his better work ethic is just short of amazing. So every time I see him do something he wasn't previously able to do. I send a little thank you your way.

You may never meet or know my son. He may never meet or know you. However you may have as big of an impact on his baseball as anyone. So agin thank you.

Absolutely great post by Coach May.

My son learned when he was about 11 that he had to work alot harder if he wanted to be a starter. I knew his coach and could have said something, but there was no way I would have done that. I simply told my son that "at this point in time" you're not good enough to start. I believe that you can be, if you work harder at your game. It was a similar situation where the 3 coaches kids played every inning of every game, but truthfully my son needed to get better.

He did work at it, still does, and that work has served him well so far.

Interesting topic.  I have a 2017.  Always been a very solid player but usually not the best on his team.  But he was always was on the field.  The way he got on the field was realizing that he was a baseball player way before he was a shortstop, pitcher, center fielder, etc.  He knew from a young age to play where the coach wanted him to play - no second thoughts.  One of his coaches told me that my son is a pleasure to have on the team because he will play any position without hesitation.

 

 He is a sophomore playing on a competitive JV team (only one sophomore on Varsity).  He starting at 1st base. He has not played 1st with any regularity ever.  Team needs him there.

 

One of my son's friends played QB in grade school.  Got to freshman football.  Only wanted to play QB.  2 or 3 QB's ahead of him.  Would not switch positions (think this came from his parents) even though he would have been a good receiver or defensive back.  Now his not playing football.  

 

As far I am concerned ther are two positions in sports.  In the game or on the bench.  Flexibility gives you more of a chance to play.

 

 

Thank you, K.!

 

 

Another thread sent to a coach we know.

My older son had a player a year behind him. Kid was originally a 1st baseman in grade school. His parents were so proud that he was an infielder. The kid got to middle school and they promptly moved him to center field. Center field was probably the right position for him. Very quick and had a really good arm. His parents were really upset. They always thought the less athletic kids played in the OF, because the ball was not hit to them very often, hence less chances to have mistakes. 

No matter how many people explained to them that center field was a premium position, they did not want to listen. 

V coach even moved him up from Freshman team to JV to try assuage the parents. V coach told JV coach to play him in CF. My son was moved to first, or right or left field or bench depending on the situation. This lasted for 4 Games. JV coach called the V coach said he did not want the kid, and he would not play him. He was sent back down to Freshman team. Next year started the season but never finished. Left baseball behind. Too bad, because he had some talent. 

Thanks coach!

Learned a lot from you and others on this site.

2016 in the midst of this learning opportunity.

Played literally every inning of every game for the last 10 years

Disappointed? Sure. You want to see your kid play.

However all I could think of, that this is THAT moment, that everyone here has talked about. The fork in the road. His first bout with adversity.

Become bitter or be better for it. Chose the latter without question

We don't and will not shine any attention to his lack of playing.

Told him his time will come. Keep working hard.

Came home from practice yesterday and proudly showed his hip bruises by laying out for a ball.

Kid handling it well. VERY proud of him. Very excited for what's next.

As you say, it make him better and tougher. In sports and most of all in life.

Excellent post Coach May!

The old saying:  Life is 5% what happens to you and 95% how you react to it. 

Let this be advice to all the newbies, from those that have 2025's to those who have 2016's....if I have learned anything from Coach May's posts it is that if your kid is not struggling for playing time, i.e. if he already knows he will be starting on the field every game and batting 3rd or 4th every game, then your kid is likely on the wrong summer team and you aren't doing him any favors by letting him bask in his mediocrity. 

 

You just don't know how far a kid can go and how much he wants it until it isn't a sure thing for him....will he work for it...or will he make excuses as to why it's someone else's fault he didn't start/bat/play?

CoachMay,

 

You should seriously consider writing a book. 

 

The Mind of a High School Coach

"Must reading for all young athletes and parents"

I would respectfully disagree with that.  At those ages it is about getting on the field.  Play on the best team which will maximize your playing time.  While you can train and practice to your hearts content, nothing beats live reps (which are hard to simulate). 

 

But I will agree, don't let him accept mediocrity.  While he may be one of the best on his team, he may not be in the whole league.  So keep working.   

I took a different approach and started www.enddaddyballforgood.com where i take donations to fund the injustices of hard line coaches who obviously have flawed judgement and severe cases of nepotism. A forum where all are welcomed to blame someone else for their kid's lack of playing time.  J/K

 

Seriously, a very solid post and great story. 

I admire your restraint.  I did not always have that restraint.  It took awhile for me to mature in these areas, and although I regret some of the mistakes I made early on, I learned a great deal from them.  I don't believe that I would have handled your situation as well as you did. I would have been very upset.  I strongly believe the All Star Coach mentioned was in the wrong.  There must have been a few situations where the game was getting out of hand either way, and in those situations, the bench guys should have been given an opportunity to play.  I honestly wouldn't have sat by and watched that.  Although I admire how you handled the situation, I have always believed that people should stand up to injustice/bullies.  This coach was guilty of both.  The bench players shouldn't have sat all summer.  With all of that being said, my son was hurt a few times by injustices, and I definitely said things from time to time, but I always told him that he had to work harder if he wanted to play.  I was hard on him at times, and I never allowed him to make excuses.  It was always work harder and get better. 

 

On occasion I did step up and say things, and sometimes it wasn't the right things, but I also did the best that I could at the time.

As usual stellar stuff from the Coach!!

 

My son had a player in his age group who's father moved him from league to league because of the "injustices" to him. He was a decent player, however he went on and played for 4 different HS's, and eventually for 3 different colleges, not really having much impact on any of them, other than making the teams. I wonder what his son's will be like?  

I second the book idea))))

Great advice. Mommy and daddy won't always be there to hold hands. Sports is a great avenue for learning life's lessons. You don't lose when you fall down. You lose when you choose not to get up. And everybody gets knocked down in life.

 

i don't believe some posters of younger players understand a lot of players who got where they would like their kids to be didn't have everything go their way along he journey. They ultimately succeeded because they didn't lay down. They adjusted and won in the long run.

I have to admit I'm with Ryno, and more recently than I'd like to admit.  I DID talk to a coach but managed to avoid asking him why my 2019 wasn't playing on the extremely competitve Jr. High team.  Instead, because of advice I've read here in the past couple months, I simply asked the coach (who I have had a relationship with for ten years as his teacher and counselor) if he noticed what I had: that when my son made mistakes in practice he hung his head and moped around.  He said Obviously I've noticed, and it's to the point now where I don't want to play him because I'm worried what may happen after he makes a mistake.  Is he going to make more mistakes because he can't let the first one wash off his back?"  This was a completely new behavior for my kid and I was shocked by it.  He until this point had a rep for being very calm under pressure.

 

So I talked with the boy about what was going on and he said he was second string at shortstop and thought he should be starting (which he had been doing all last spring and summer).  I asked him what the most important thing to him was about being on the team, and he said "I just want to be on the field."  So I asked him where he thought the team needed the most help because it was obviously not at short.  Figure it out and tell the coach what you'd like to try and then fight like mad in practice to show you're the guy for the job.  Now he's the starting firstbaseman and happily surprised by how much he enjoys it.  I feel incredibly lucky to be going to a couple of games a week and watching him  simply play.

 

So thanks, Ryno, and Coach May, and everyone else who has suggested the best move is to let your kid handle it.

Perhaps while Coach May is writing his future bestseller, he could work with HSBBW Admins to post a featured article each week during the season and maybe 1x a month off season. Although I think he does it more frequently already. Each week could be a different subject of his choosing or based on suggestions from forum. I think "copy and paste" could be used for "playing time/approaching coach/politics"....

She also pointed out to me that the 3 coaches kids never came off the field regardless of the score.

 

This is not news. Unfortunately you will have to deal with that but there comes a time when that will not be the case. If your son has the talent and works hard as he progresses the daddyball thing will not be in play. Just have to be patient.

[note:  cut some of OP post for brevity]

I realize that a lot of parental complaints are about high school level ball but I think at 12 y.o. its silly not to be playing kids, especially when the game is out of hand.  Do you believe your son wasn't working hard?  I'm sure he put in just as much work as the rest of the team.  

 

I don't think it would have been wrong to talk to the coach privately and ask that your son get more playing time, especially if the game is out of hand.  Do you believe your son would have contributed to a loss if he played?  

 

I'm glad it worked out in the end but in league play it's just crazy to not be playing all the kids to some extent.  

 

Now once in high school I understand the "working hard" to earn more playing time mentality especially since the coach's job may depend upon winning.  

 

I coached a 14U league team and I made the line up before the game started for all 7 innings of play. I had 15 players and everyone played.  They knew what inning and what position and it was posted in the dugout.  My son, who was clearly the best pitcher in the entire district, rarely saw the mound during the season.  Once All-Stars happened I did limit some of the innings for some kids but all kids played.  

 

My 2nd oldest son started football as a junior in high school.  He was on the JV team understandably, but only saw ONE play every game while the positions coach played his son every down either on offense or defense.  The kid was terrible as almost anyone could attest. My son worked hard for that same position as did a couple of other kids who rarely saw playing time.  I told my son that if he really wanted to play he needed to speak the the head coach. He didn't because he decided to pursue other interests his senior year.  The only time I said anything was when I yelled once from the stands "PUT SOME OTHER RECEIVERS IN THE GAME!" LOL

My son went to earn a full academic ride at a D1 University.  

Roger did a poor job of coaching that team IMHO.  The rec league would have been better off playing within Little League, where even daddyball coaches like Roger are required to give each player on their All Star team roster one at bat and one inning in field during every game.