The college parent

Fungo

It is funny how it happens--my guy did not find his place until May of his senior HS year.Not because he did not have offers and situations but because there was nothing on the table that made him comfortable in saying yes. He fell in love with the school, NMSU, and even though he knew there might be a reshsirt year awaiting him as a frosh he wanted to be there

He did the reshirt year and then played regularly the final four years putting up some excellent numbers and getting his degree.He even hit the home run in his Junior year that broke the university record at that time for the team.

I didnt make the choice --he did-- he waited til he was happy with the choice--- sad to say for Dad it was in New Mexico and Dad was in the Northeast which made it hard for Dad to see him in action--thank God for the internet.

I do think, Fungo, that there are many kids just happy to be at the school of their choice and in the uniform of their choice and accept being a bench warmer--it may well be that it is tougher on the parents than it is on the player. I don't know because I have never had to experience that feeling

It has been 25 years since I played college ball. I am blown away by your statement that there are 40 man rosters at college. That is a remarkably high number from my ancient experience. Is this the norm?

The problem I think most of the time is expectations, and what the player knows to be the expectations and what the parent does not know. I think most of the time the player knows what the situation will be but for one reason or another does not tell the parent and the parent cannot "read" between the lines.

My son is finally starting this year as a junior and my wife still cannot understand why he does not catch the second game of back to back doubleheaders

VIDAD

Great points

CONG--

I do not see 40 man rosters as the norm--most are in the 30 to 32 player range and they usually travel with around 25--at least that has been my experience

Here is another "shocker" - teams with 15-20 pitchers on their roster AND signing more with their incoming class. One that comes to mind has 3 sophomore (weekend) and 1 freshman starter (midweek starter and weekend reliever). They also have signed 6-8 HS pitchers for next year....

Parents need to wake up and smell the coffee. Do your homework, give your son good advice and don't be sold a bill of goods. The best advice I think a parent can receive is to call "former players/parents" (not current) from the programs recruiting you son and check the stadium/school for players who return to the school for games/support AFTER their playing days are over. It tells you alot about the program and quality of their college experience. Also, check the transfer rate of the school and 4-5 years of roster changes. It will save you some heart aches...

A significant part of the "fit" we often refer to here is the player's goals. Everyone can't be a starter. Few will play beyond college. Parents on this board generally have very talented sons who have been the stars and starters through rec ball, travel teams, and high school. We thoroughly enjoy watching our sons play, and haven't had much experience in going to a game and never seeing him take the field.

We all want the best for our sons, but we may not know what they have in mind for themselves. The player probably knows that college will be his last chance to play on a team. Mom and Dad may want that 'play' to be in the spotlight, but the player may be just as happy to be part of the team experience....like a fraternity with sweat. Given that baseball will end after four years' eligibility in college, would your son rather it be starting at Joe Bloggs U or in the Tiger uni? Would he rather his degree say Joe Bloggs or Auburn? These are equally important 'fit' questions that should be discussed between parent and child.....so that BOTH know what to expect .

My son plays at a FL JuCo. At a recent game, I sat in front of the father of a player listed as a utility infielder. In his two years at the school, his son has had a handful of at-bats and maybe three innings in the field (keep in mind that FL JuCo's play a Fall season as well....that's a whole lot of games to be sitting through). His Dad had taken the day off from an unimaginably important and stressful job to watch his son's team play on a beautiful Spring day...and his son didn't set foot on the field. Yet he talked about the end of baseball for his son proudly, saying he had always wanted to play in college, he "lived his dream", and went on to talk about his academic plans for college next year. Father and son were on the same page.

I felt dreadful initially that his son wasn't playing, but hearing the Dad talk, I realized I was projecting what my feelings would have been on to him. He and his son knew exactly where the player fit.

College is a whole differnt story. Every year is differnt. A kid comes in as a freshman does not play or comes in as a freshman and takes over for a kid who has been ther a year or two. In this case you would have different stories from those involved. throw in there the transfer mix etc etc. From what I have read some parents want some sort of guarantee that there son is going to play and the reality of the situation is there is none. High school to college is comparing apples to oranges. for that kid that was the star at his high school and got all the praise now sits on the bench more than he would like. He has to deal with it and yes the parent has to also. Just like in the game itself adjustments have to be made.

I've got a slightly different take, maybe more similar to Orlando's.

I have been incredibly impressed with the support I have seen from parents of players who have never set foot on the field. I see many of them at every game. Others I see who travel from great distances for a few weekends during the season...just to be with their son and maybe, just maybe be there when he gets his chance.

To me, they're kind of a model of how to support your son and to honor the sacrifice he is making to just be part of the team. The ones I know I have come to greatly admire.

Excellent point Orlando. Another example of the "other" parents.

One player on my sons team, a 2nd year walkon, is basically the bullpen catcher. His parents are at all the games, and are "into" every game. They are always providing support, know all the players, and mingle with everyone. At first I felt a little uneasy in conversation because their son was not playing. I then asked my son about the player and when he was done I found that the fruit did not fall far from the tree. The kid is just darn proud to be a part of the team, and at the same time pushed the guys ahead of him to get better.

I think that overall most players that do not get a lot of playing time have accepted that fact, work hard at changing that, but still enjoy being part of the team while playing the role they are in. At the same time I'll bet that almost all the parents of these players have the same feelings.

Unfortunatly we only hear about those who complain that their sons have gotten the short end of the stick and have been mislead. There again, the fruit is right below the tree. The college decision is not an easy one and a big part of the parents job is to read through the lip service of potential schools and provide their kid an opinion from a reality angle. Most college players were the king of the hill during HS and the parents shared that throne. I find that the parents that do accept that reality issue will most likely have issues at the next level.

Every player on the active roster at my sons school plays, they may not start, but they get playing time. And every player has accepted their role and where they fit into the team, because they have been told by the coaches. I think the problem is when there is no communication coming from the caoches, the parents ask the kids, they don't know what to say, there is frustration. Everyone on my sons team knows their role for this season, things change on a daily basis, and they have learned to go with the flow. This is very important when deciding on a school, will the coaches talk to you about your role, or will it be a constant guessing game all season? You may be the best hitter in the lineup, but you may not be right to face that starting pitcher that day, you might be a great left handed pitcher, but the lineup has got all left handed batters vice versa. This is not HS baseball and not played like HS baseball, there is strategy that is not played the level below. Parents and players need to understand this.
There is a strong bond between the players on the team as well as parents. We met parents this weekend that felt badly we were not there at every game when our son pitches, their sons were not regular starters,but they were more concerned that we were not there. I was very much impressed with that.
I believe that in a big conference school there is never enough pitching. But I would certainly think twice if my son was a ss and they had 2 already, unless they had plans and discussed in advance playing another position.
Some kids say they don't care, they just want to be part of the team. That's nice, but being just a part of the team doesn't work forever.
And parents as well as players have to understand, if you are joining a team that is loaded with upperclassman for the next year or two, freshman maybe even sophomores get very little playing time. There is a lot to learn that first year.

Some of the nicest folks I know are college baseball parents, whether they're kids are redshirt freshmen or All-Americans.

The redshirts and reserves mostly feel like they are helping the team as they know how.

Would they rather play? Sure they would. The team comes first and everyone usually understands that. If you want to play you have to be better than the guy who plays. If you are you probably will play.

Good coaches rarely fail to notice a player who can help at something, based on my little bit of experience.

As some of you know, I am a parent of a freshman player who waited many, many innings to get into his first game. Now that he has made a brief appearance, who knows how long he will wait until his next opportunity. Saying that, with only a very few exceptions, the parents on my son's team have gone out of their way to make me and the other freshman parents feel welcome. One Mom made laminated cards for all of us with the schedule on one side and the team names, numbers, and their parent's names on the other side (bless her). I work VERY hard to make every game possible, and really have enjoyed getting to know the boys on the team and their parents - even the ones who don't play often (or at all). My son tells me (and I have learned alot from him, believe me) that his job is to support the ball club in any role he is asked to do. If he is not pitching in a game, he pitches during the week to help keep the batters fresh. During the game, he keeps stats and is the best post-game baseline sweeper you'll ever see . If he is making the most out of his situation, who am I to complain? Do I have high hopes for him? You bet, and I sure would prefer to be pacing like an elephant at a zoo (think justbaseball... ) versus sitting at my seat and perfecting my umpire taunts. I feel sorry for the parents who have not made the effort to attend games because their son isn't playing -- I wouldn't miss an inning!

Just came back from my sons game. He is a senior. He walked on. when I looked at the program his freshman year most of the players were all this or all that. there was my sons picture under his name where he went to High school period. He loves baseball. Over the four years it seems there was always somebody ahead of him on the depth chart. but he stuck it out. He has improved consistently over the four years. hard worker. probably what I am proud of the most. He has gotton some considerable playing time in spots.Starting if the situation warrants or coming off the bench. he plays multiple positions so that helps. He got a start today as somebody was knicked. He had a good day both offensively and defensively. of course I was there. I was there the last 3 previous games when he did not play as well there before those games when he got a start. They have a big series coming up. Who knows what will happen. He knows what his role is. I do also.

Fungo as usual great post. I too think that it is much harder on the parents than the player for several reasons. First of all parents hurt when there kids dont play because they know how bad the kid wants to play. We all want our kids to have what they desperately want to have. Secondly it is out of their hands and there is that need or desire to step in and make it alright. That is only natural for a parent to want to (fix it) for their kid. I have always felt that the players handle playing time issues much better than parents. It is only natural. The most important thing is for the player to understand his role and what he needs to do to expand it. Communication between the coach to player and player to parent can help alot in these situations. Parents that are supportive and understanding of their kids help alot. I dont coach college I coach HS. But trust me I know who hasn't played each and every game. I know that each kid wants to play and every parent wants their son to be on the field. I make sure that every kid knows what there role is and I tell them what they need to do in order to expand that role. No one can promise any kid entering college any type of playing time. It has to be earned. Some situations might offer a better chance to play earlier and or often. But there is no garantee in any situation. Be prepared to handle the situation regardless of how it goes. But that does not mean that you have to resign yourself to it. You can battle and fight and earned as much as you possibly can.

This is a wonderful thread. We're in the category of "son getting very little time", and it is tough for many of the reasons Coach May and others have expressed. College baseball parents are indeed a wonderful group of folks and you can't tell the parents of the stars from the parents of the bench guys-all are supportive, encouraging and friendly. I have felt the pain quite a few times of driving 7 hours each way to watch my son watch, and any parent that says that doesn't hurt is either in denial or qualifies for sainthood, because it is tough. (although to be fair, it's always good to see my boy!) The good companionship and support from fellow parents is priceless. They to a person treat my son with the same support and respect as if he pitched every fourth day. My son may well transfer, as he wants to be closer to home and does indeed wants a better opportunity to play, and has had open honest communication with his head coach about it which is admirable for both of them. If he in fact transfers, we will greatly miss the school and the wonderful group of parents.

I hear in politics frequent references to "s***** moms", but never a reference to "baseball parents". Give me the latter group, and their sport of choice, every time.

Hokie

Good luck to your son.

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College baseball parents are indeed a wonderful group of folks and you can't tell the parents of the stars from the parents of the bench guys-all are supportive, encouraging and friendly.

We have been to two weekend series so far. The support and sincere open friendliness of all the other parents and others around the team shown to us and more importantly, our son has been a big pleasant surprise.

Everyone is literally "pulling on the rope".

Fungo - Great Post as usual.

Thanks.

Some players play and some don't. It gets tougher at each level. My oldest son is now finished playing at Virginia Tech. He had some great moments and other times that could have been better. Overall, he would not trade it for the world. But it comes down to this, from my point of view:

1. Enjoy every positive moment your son has and every accomplishment and opportunity. If you dwell on how he somehow got an unfair deal or an opportunity not what it should have been, you will miss the best parts.

2. Pick a school that he loves with or without the baseball. Afterall, he is there first for and education and switching schools is not ideal, even though it sometimes works out (sometimes it doesn't).

3. Every parent of a college baseball player ought to stand proud regardless of his playing time. His presence on the team is a great accomplishment.

4. Even when things are going well and for a while, remain humble. This, too, shall pass.

Great posts everyone. I always have looked at it like this and express it like this to our guys. In our area everyone plays in the local league. Thats about 150 kids per age group x's four age groups. That comes out to roughly 600 kids. When they get to middle school that is divided into two age groups 7th and 8th grade. So out of that 300 kids about 15 are playing on the Middle School team. When they get to HS that four age groups Fresh Soph Jr Sr. Thats 600 kids. We have about 700 boys at our HS. Out of all the kids that played only 30 15 JV 15 Varisty will be playing. It is an honor just to be on the team. Now every year we have about 2 to 3 go on to play College baseball. Just to have the opportunity to play at the college level and be a part of a team is a tremendous accomplishment that all parents should be so proud of. I know that they want to play. Heck who doesnt. But that should not be the measureing stick. The mere fact that you are on a team at that level speaks for itself in my opinion.

Ditto, and to add a little more:

How many of us truly value our sons for only their success, or lack thereof, on a collegiate baseball field? In two years of college I have seen tremendous maturation in my son, talking about topics he wouldn't have even considered two years ago, reading and enjoying books he never would've touched at age 17, and being openly sincere about his deeply held religious beliefs. Sure it'd be great to have him drafted #1 in the MLB draft; heck, we'd settle for pitching a few more innings in D-2 college ball, but irregardless of all that, I'm thrilled with his development and couldn't be a prouder pop.

I've seen the same thing in sons of my baseball buddies-they mature and grow right before our very eyes, and it's so wonderful to see that without even realizing it, the person they're becoming outshines the player that they are, or may become, or never will be.

It's a great game, but playing it always ends at some point for every player. (okay, maybe not for Mr. Franco.)

If they enjoy the ride, and get educated, and wiser, everything else is just icing on the cake.

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If they enjoy the ride, and get educated, and wiser, everything else is just icing on the cake.

Amen. Pure Gravy!

What we are seeing is our son becoming a man !!!!!

Right before our eyes

We tried to make as many games as we could last year, even tho we KNEW our son would probably be sitting the bench. This year, we tried to make every game, knowing that our son was starting. Now that our son just got a medical redshirt....we will STILL try to make as many games as we can, knowing he will definetly NOT even be in uniform. Realizing how quickly those years from t-ball thru high school flew by in the blink of an eye......those college years will fly by even quicker, whether he's sitting the bench, playing or not even in uniform. I wouldn't miss a thing, and luckily the trip is "do-able"!

Perhaps the word we seek is TEAM !!!

Hokieone...you have it right...and you said it so well.....thank you

But why is Dad04 putting gravy on his cake?

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But why is Dad04 putting gravy on his cake?

It must be a Ragin Cajun thing

Yes, a Cajun tailgating tradition.

In my son's college freshman year (this year) I've learned a whole lot about him, me and that saying you're part of a team is more than just some words; and, the help, advice and support of the other parents has been unbelievable as they are truly part of the team and that experience.

My son's team is about 75% through their season. He's had 2 AB and played one inning in the field the entire year. Quite honestly, it's not what we expected or hoped for. At first, since I don't think he'd ever sat an inning since T-ball, it was tough to take, a new experience and all and we had a few discussions about hangin' in there, working hard, your chance will come etc...

It's pretty clear his chance isn't coming this year and who knows when But my son has shown me alot, an awful lot. He's in the gym every morning working out, taking extra fielding and bp. Any school break he's gone to work out with some high school buddies. He told me there was nothing to be concerned about, that he loved his school, the team, the coaches and that it will all work out. As he put it, "next year I will be a force to be reckoned with".

I have been fortunate to be able to attend the games, have only missed one or two and I always see a smile on his face, I always see him supporting his teammates and their being supportive of him. He always relates only positives about his team and his coaches and tells me how honored he his to be on his team and at his school.

Just last weekend he got his 2nd AB. He walked and scored from first on a single by the next batter. then played his first inning of the year in the field and caught a fly ball. After the game you would have thought he'd hit a walkoff HR to win the world series. I can't remember the last time I'd seen him so excited to have played. If nothing else, he (and I) have clearly learned not to take anything for granted.

For his most minor contribution in this 1st game appearance, his teammates were full of congratulations for him and the various team parents in the stands came over to congratulate me, full of praise for my son and 'high fives' all around. A simply amazingly supportive group, just the nicest people you could want to meet. They all understood, they all had been there and they all hoped for the best for everyone of the kids, the stars, the subs, everyone, even the kids on the opposing teams.

some of my friends on the other hand have wondered how I could go to each game without my son playing, rearranging work schedules etc. etc. But they don't understand that there is nothing I'd rather be doing. Supporting my son while he's not playing is, it seems, alot more important then supporting him when all is going his way. to see him come out of the locker room after sitting on the bench the whole game with a smile on his face and proud as can be to have been down there in that dugout, to be part of his team and his school and to know he's ready and has to be ready to step in anytime his chance comes again.

This will all be over soon enough, too soon actually and I will be forever grateful to have been a part of it and to have met the people we have been blessed to meet.

HeyBatter, thank you. My son will be a freshman in September. This experience is currently an unknown. Will he play? Will he be happy? Who knows. I can't even predict my reaction to whatever lies ahead, but I won't forget your words.As a parent, I hope I can do a tenth as well. Thanks again.

004, keep in mind there are a lot of very talented players in college -- particularly D1 -- who do not get on the field for any number of reasons, but if they did, their success would be remarkable, which is part of the reason transfers are so frequent. Tough price to pay, though, particularly if the boy loves the school. These situations almost always are complicated and only some of the time involve the level of talent.

Hey Batter

You are to be commended. No matter what happens your son knows you were there. It is easy for the parents whose son is playing to come. I am sure they are proud of their son. You are proud of your son but maybe in a more differnt way he is more proud of you.

My son is redshirting at a local JC this year and although I haven't been traveling to away games (I'm saving my time so I can leave work next year when he's actually playing) I've been attending the home games. Although I knew he wouldn't be playing, I was just as proud and excited that first home game when I saw him in his uniform and knew he would be catching bullpen as if he were going out on the field. I could tell he was just as proud too in the way he walked and carried himself. There is a lot to "just being a part of the team" even though it is better when you know your turn is coming next year. Hopefully whether our sons get a lot of playing time or spend more time in the bullpen or on the bench, years from now when they are telling their sons about their college years they will remember how good it felt to be part of the team. Whether it is a local JC or a big Div 1 school, our sons are very fortunate to have been able to continue their dreams and we as parents are even more fortunate to be able to be a part of it.

I have really enjoyed reading everyone's posts. My son is a junior this year and spent his time sitting the bench for the most part his first two years. He finally had an opportunity to get into the lineup when one of the starters was injured....... We have been to every home game regardless of whether he played or not since his freshman year. WE even traveled on occasion when we could, knowing that he wouldn't play. The groups of parents we have met over the years have been great. We look forward to seeing them each and every weekend and I hope we stay in contact with many of them even after the playing days are over for our son and the "watching" days are over for us. What a ride it has been and how fast it has passed. I wouldn't change a thing. Our son has matured and learned to be a team player. Almost every kid who plays at the college level was an "all" this or that, so they were used to playing every game. It takes a pretty special kid to accept his role and wait for his opportunity to come. We couldn't be prouder of how our son handled his waiting time. Got a double header tomorrow and one on Sunday!