Some people love bonding with the other parents on a team. Other people excel at distancing themselves from the other parents on a team. Both camps have their reasons for their approach on the matter - whether it's youth travel, high school or college.
What's your thoughts and experience on it?
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Did both, prefer the later. Most of the parents I prefer to socialize with come to the outfield anyway. The better half likes to be in the "gossip section"... probably not a good look seeing us seated separately...but she still manages to text or whisper call me about the game rules and why the foul ball caught is an out against her DS.
I will always remember, when my son was a freshman on the varsity team, one of the dads of a junior, who was one of the best players on the team, coming over to me by the outfield fence and telling me "You're better here. Stay away from the bleachers by the backstop. It's a cancer and nothing good can come from being around them."
I know exactly what he meant. But I do know some teams at every level where the parents do everything together...well, mostly drinking...at least it seems.
HS we sat behind the plate because I was fortunate enough to be responsible for GameChanger. I have now handed that off and we are considering a move way down the foul line. For travel we sat pretty far away.
There are a few HS parents we are very close with and a few that are arguably the worst human beings in the vicinity. For these reasons I may go with a hybrid model and bounce back and forth.
I have always been a distance guy but i have always a found a handful of other similar souls...we can discuss the game and make an observation on a play with everyone knowing it is not an attack on the character of kid involved. Typically I have 3 or 4 parents I can safely enjoy watching a game with...historically with red solo cups or more recently yedi style cups!! I have found this consistent since about 15u.
As far away and unobtrusive as possible. I'm the "ghost" - you won't even know I'm there.
I have a goal..............at the end of the game / tournament you should never know which kid is mine except if you saw him getting into the car w/ me after the game.
Talk to all the kids, speak w/ several parents, but sit w/ "my group" usually away from most. For HS, I do pitch count, so I get to sit by the dugout entrance and our coaches "policy" of parents by the dugout keeps most away from me.
For my oldest, I always kept a book when he was pitching, If someone was talking too much I'd get lost in "researching the book" and the silence would usually cause them to move.
Depends on the team. My sons team in hs had several players also on our travel team. Our last summer playing together was one of my favorite summers ever. Great group of kids and parents. The same group would meet for food and drinks before hs games. Two years out of hs,, still some of my best friends. All supportive of each other’s kids. I think it was a rare group. At games, if my son is pitching, I sit alone…still.
I am the stay away from the group parent. I use to be a social butterfly till I got burn 🔥 by the vipers on the teams. Around 10U I realize that the best thing I can do is watch the game in peace, not mingle except for a pretty little fake smile, definitely not to go to eat or drink with the group so the brutal chit chat don’t bring me down. The kiss ass parents are the worse. They become the coaches best friends and know everything about everyone. Brutal I tell you.
I enjoy dropping the kiddo off, sitting in the car, sitting quietly watching the game, waving, small hellos, and pure beautiful peace.
You learn real fast that it’s a small world of baseball and a lot of snakes waiting to hissssss!
We never had that, or, at least, most parents were nice and friendly. Mostly I sat in the stands and chatted, except when my son was pitching, then I was down the line or in the outfield. In travel I always talked to the other parents, I learned a lot from them about baseball and recruiting, from the parents of the P5 commit who wasn't hitting well, to the dads who explained how recruiting worked, to the moms who talked about raising boys. I miss those conversations; haven't yet been to a college game.
The grandfather of my son's best friend just passed away, so I've been thinking about those days. I spent many games sitting in the outfield with him. He was always very calm and positive, compared to me, but he didn't seem to mind my being there.
@Francis7 posted:Some people love bonding with the other parents on a team. Other people excel at distancing themselves from the other parents on a team. Both camps have their reasons for their approach on the matter - whether it's youth travel, high school or college.
What's your thoughts and experience on it?
There is no right answer...it is your comfort level. My wife and I were different parents through youth travel, high- level travel, high school, recruiting and eventually college. We had different comfort levels with each baseball level and adjusted accordingly. If there is one bit of advice for younger parents it is to always be positive...no matter the level. Stay away from negativity in any form, and stay away from "the crazies". There are plenty of them out there who have nothing positive to offer.
Additionally, our oldest son was very reserved, and shunned the spotlight. As he got older, I think we took our cues from him.
Just my experiences......
"...why the foul ball caught is an out against her DS."
I started out as a backstop-bleacher-socializing-eager-to-please-Gamechanger-dad who couldn't keep his mouth shut, whether it was a good play or bad play, no matter which kid. My filters were random. Then a couple things happened that led me to abandon the group. Parents started complaining about the whole hit or error thing. If it was their kid, it was always a hit and never an error, on both defense and offense. Unless their kid was a pitcher and then it was never a hit. So there were those judgement calls that I understood could go either way sometimes, but some parents were pretty, let's say, assertive. THEN, I made THE cardinal mistake of saying something to my wife, who's used to hearing EVERYTHING, about a play, not realizing the kids parent was right next to me. Wasn't my fault, they came and sat by me, I was there first! And what I said was: "Bad base running." Because the kid didn't run out a fly ball he'd hit and the outfielder muffed it. So, it was a fact, not an opinion. Area around us got REAL frosty.
So I took my game changer away down whatever outfield line was most accessible, and never looked back.
I will say that the HS parent group for my oldest remains very tight. Get togethers twice a year...great parties, with the Christmas one including the kids, who are now all college grads. We also had one in the fall when they were all still in college where we put together care packages. Not sure why that group clicked so well but it might be because there weren't any prima donnas AND the star of the game kind of stuff was spread around pretty evenly. Decent team, 12 guys played college, but only one of the guys was a d1 level player. Other teams I've been around with my younger two boys have had cliques develop, largely dependent on talent level. The D1s hung out together, the other starters hung out in a different group, and the kids who didn't play much were in a third group. Best thing about a few of those teams was there were legit chefs with nice homes (big yards, pools, etc) whose kids didn't play much. They hosted the parties, and were very generous with catering fun stuff from their restaurants. Covid has f'd that up and the 2022 parents are getting crabby.
My wife and I sit in the upper corner of our bleachers. Not totally isolated from the other parents, but enough to stay away from the conversations that are had. Lots of negative comments in some of those crowds. Why certain people are playing instead of other kids, some snickers when someone makes a mistake, etc. Just better to be away and silent. If something good happens, usually one of the parents will turn and clap or give us a cheer. But just can't hang with the crowd during a game.
@russinfortworth posted:I have a goal..............at the end of the game / tournament you should never know which kid is mine except if you saw him getting into the car w/ me after the game.
This has always been my approach. A fun side benefit is that you sometimes get to hear other parents discussing your kid without any filters.
From rec through 16u travel I was in the dugout. At 17u I was part of the group. Our kids were all there for the same purpose. We were supportive of each other. In college I sat with the other parents in our section.
In high school I hung with a couple of travel dads. But I chatted with “the stands group” before and after the game. If I took a trip to the concession stand I always said hello passing by the stands group. I avoided The Jury. This was four dads who coached rec ball and Jr Legion (horrible in our area) who for some reason thought they knew more baseball than the head coach, a former D2 All American.
When I was coaching travel I noticed the parents got along. But some chose to sit in their own little groups during games.
I did sit in the stands the first couple of high school varsity games. Until then I didn’t understand how stupid coaches are and how many mistakes they make.
Add: A few of the opposing high school teams had former or current travel teammates. I would chat with the travel dads. There were parents of our high school team who saw it as fraternizing with the enemy. I was never on that side of the field after the fourth inning.
My wife never talked much to other parents in travel or HS but for both she wants to connect with the other parents. I'm just the opposite. I talked to everyone after the game for HS and travel but stayed away from all during the game unless they came to me. In college, I don't know most of their names and who are the parents of whom except the ones that are very loud for their kid. Don't do the social stuff with them mainly because I think most of the college player's dads have all the answers and drink excessively which we don't drink at all. I am more of a socialite with the active fans and the people I've met through UT message board.
I've made a few very good friends over the years when my kids played youth travel. They are 2 years apart so lots of carry over with teams and families. In general I've always stayed in the OF or down the lines. I never got overly involved and steered clear of the parents that seemed to scout *every* travel ball player.
For HS ball sat far away. Actually knew more families at other schools than my own kids. I think my 2022 may play against another forum member's son this spring in HS. I'll say hi ;-)
My 2020 in college has a good group of parents. Just joined the team's "GroupMe" chat. Will se how that goes. Should be interesting starting next year when kids have 2 years to play against each other in conference play....I think I'll be staying clear of everyone.
As an introvert I prefer to be antisocial. I don't really fit in with the other mom's on my son's team.
Everyone I've ever talked with directly has been kind and friendly to me. I just choose to avoid the negativity/drama that I've observed happening behind people's back.
@nycdad posted:For HS ball sat far away. Actually knew more families at other schools than my own kids. I think my 2022 may play against another forum member's son this spring in HS. I'll say hi ;-).
Yes I am looking forward to meeting other members too! Hopefully the game time is a typo, unless they made the eve of the tax return due date a national holiday.
Older son was an outfielder. I sat where there was shade.
Younger son is a catcher. I sit directly behind the plate to yell ball location if something gets loose.
I am very much the introvert, so, no matter where I sit, there is not a lot of talking. Moving behind the plate did turn me into the "rules guy." When everybody is confused about a call, they ask me.
A few years back there was a post with a diagram of where all the HS parents sit around the ball park. Wish my search-fu was up to the task.
We generally stay to ourselves mainly so I can focus on the game. Baseball is a difficult game to play and parents can be brutal if a boy commits an error or has a poor AB. I watch every player but try and stay focused on my boys and how they do their job. I really don't want to hear the negativity from the bleachers. It's just annoying and distracting. On occasion, we will sit beside parents that understand the game and are more supportive of the players. Overall though, I generally implement an avoidance strategy when it comes to other parents.
Our area is a weird little (big) baseball community. Lots of historical baseball tradition where a lot of old school guys (people who grew up in the area) mix with the newcomers (me, lol). it can be kind of cliquish, sorted by how long your family has been in the area (not in a bad way, but guys who went to hs together 30 years ago vs families from newer communities in the district, etc).
I tend to float around. our hs field has bleachers on both sides with a equipment shed behind the plate. mysson wants me to video his AB's so i tend to hang out near the shed, coming out to take video and then slinking back into the shadows.
also, Smoke...your school is the ultimate clique breeding ground. your recounting of the parents doesnt surprise me a bit
I’ll roll with the most recent experience we had while at Clemson. We had seats every home game and away game together. We sat in those seats son’s freshman year but moved to the Cheap Seats bleachers in RF the next two seasons and occasionally milled around with the folks in the Cajun Cafe. My wife and I enjoyed meeting the Clemson fans, alum and making new friends. We pretty much never went back to the parent section again at home games but sat with parents at away games. We didn’t make most of the away games as son was reliever and there were plenty of times he never got the ball or the distance / timing didn’t alllow the trip.
Regardless, we met lifelong friends (including some of the parents) and are always welcomed back to the cheap seats and Cajun cafe which are pretty cool places to hang out at a Clemson baseball game.
Pretty hard from youth through HS to disguise who our kid was...most of the time he was the only kid that matched us on the team. LOL From 7-14 the team was like family and everyone was very positive and easy to sit with. HS teams we found our people (just 2 or 3 families at his first HS...much broader group at his second HS). Travel in HS was interesting. Mostly kept to ourselves except for the team going into his senior year. That one was fun (I think it's because everyone was committed so individual pressure to perform was off of most kids). We also started running into a lot of the same families at some of the larger showcase events and made connections/friends across teams.
At HS- My spot is two rows up in the bleachers directly behind home plate situated so that my nose is centered between the edge of the plate and the line of the left handed batter's box. Heaven help the fool who tries to sit there. Catcher's mom usually sits in the same vicinity, our spouses usually sit with us when they can get away from work (and don't want to get away from us). Any any and all welcome but you better follow the rules:
Everyone who doesn't follow the rules find they like it a little better down the wing towards the dugout
For travel we sit wherever there's shade!
Why do parents who have their spots in HS get so relaxed in travel? Travel is a lot more important to the process than HS in most cases. I was a lot more relaxed in HS than I ever was in travel because I knew HS was just for fun and travel was for real.
@PitchingFan posted:Why do parents who have their spots in HS get so relaxed in travel? Travel is a lot more important to the process than HS in most cases. I was a lot more relaxed in HS than I ever was in travel because I knew HS was just for fun and travel was for real.
In travel I was around more informed parents. In high school I didn’t want to listen to the uninformed BS.
So I'd have said it just exactly the other way. HS was not for fun, it was for winning. There were fans who cared because it was our school, they had played, or their kids had played. If a pitcher gave up runs, or someone didn't hit, we all cared because the games mattered.
Early on, travel was just for fun. Even after it became about recruiting, it didn't matter so much if our team won or lost, as how each kid played. People only cared about their kid, not about the whole team.
@anotherparent posted:So I'd have said it just exactly the other way. HS was not for fun, it was for winning. There were fans who cared because it was our school, they had played, or their kids had played. If a pitcher gave up runs, or someone didn't hit, we all cared because the games mattered.
Early on, travel was just for fun. Even after it became about recruiting, it didn't matter so much if our team won or lost, as how each kid played. People only cared about their kid, not about the whole team.
My son played Legion after senior year. He said the quality of competition was levels below travel. But he enjoyed to post season “ win or go home.” High school was also “win or go home” starting with districts.
The talent level was fairly even across the roster on the 17u team. They played to win. It really didn’t matter who started. Everyone was supportive of each other’s kids. They were all there for the same thing.
Well, I meant the opposite to what PitchingFan said.
@PitchingFan posted:Why do parents who have their spots in HS get so relaxed in travel? Travel is a lot more important to the process than HS in most cases. I was a lot more relaxed in HS than I ever was in travel because I knew HS was just for fun and travel was for real.
For me it was because I didn't want to get chased off by the know-nothing moms who cheered zealously when Timmy caught a routine pop fly and gossiped the rest of the time, or by the know-even-less Little League dads who thought it was their duty to yell at Blue for every missed call like it was the World Series. You want to complain about the coach not recognizing little Timmy's talent? You're gonna do it 6 feet away from the dugout, not next to me.
Maybe it's the team but the parents for our TB team were much more chill. Maybe because they understood the process a little more? Or at least understood there was no way to control any of it, so sit back and stay away from the scouts? And never ever do something that would make a scout cross your kid of their list?
We're somewhere in the middle. My wife and I enjoy connecting with other parents, but we generally like to sit together and talk to each other while the game is going on. Sometimes parents do annoying things, but it doesn't bother us too much. Over the years, we've formed a few lasting relationships with other like-minded parents, but most of our social lives are not linked to our son's baseball team.
I’m with @anotherparent on this one, with the caveat that I found both HS and travel a blast. However, HS meant something to the school, students and community and from my perspective travel ball had no real significance beyond the participating families.
The cool thing about travel, HS, juco and college ball is there’s a team to connect with, there’s something beyond your kid to be a fan of, and it’s about winning. That part completely goes away if they are lucky enough get to the minors. It becomes very clear it’s only about the progression or lack of progression of the player and it’s significantly more stressful - especially for the parent. The minors are like a multi year job interview with additional qualified competing applicants rolling in a couple times a year, where the test results are public, the pay is low and it’s very much about being significantly better than their peer group or they fall into obscurity - and become someone to help someone else improve.
It’s an honor to have a kid that reaches his dream and he’s blessed for the opportunity, but as a parent, travel, HS and college ball are way more fun. If pro ball is your kid’s job (a really cool job) you stress about them until they’re capable of earning a sustainable living (like any other job). That’s not near as fun as watching them be successful in a game that has no financial or adult life implications. Enjoy every moment at whatever level your kid is at, it goes by so much faster then you can currently imagine. Oh yeah, be kind and say something nice to those “other crazy baseball parents” even if you think they don’t know the game, gossip too much, or think their kid is better than yours, when clearly they’re not - we’re all on this ride together.
from the Cleveland paper after his debut, I wonder who he’s talking about?
“It was an awesome moment,” Stephan said of his scoreless inning. “I kind of got out there and just soaked it in and got to work... I know for a fact that he was more nervous than I was. It was cool.”
@JucoDad, what a great post! IMO you perfectly described the difference between amateur and pro ball. I have always believed that the joy was in the journey for 99.9% of us that get to play the game. The focus is best spent, at least equally, on finding situations and experiences that are enjoyable instead of solely on advancing up the ladder. I always tried to use that perspective when making decisions about who I aligned my sons and myself with.
HS = pressbox at home games. Away games, behind home if comfy and not annoying, otherwise wherever is comfy. Some fields have the best seats up on a hill in the shade well away from the rest of the guests, and that's peachy keen with me. No matter our seating, I am extremely good at ignoring BS, and the HS staff knows that we don't feed into it.
Travel = Truly field dependent. I don't feel the need to be behind home, thanks to my own maturity and GoPro. So at this point we're down to comfort and a good view.
The most important thing to me is that I ensure that I root like mad for everyone on our team, and applaud good plays from any team. These are 15-18YO people, and I want them to feel love.
Edit: "Maturity" = relative to myself when son was a 13u or so, not compared to other people.
@Francis7 posted:Some people love bonding with the other parents on a team. Other people excel at distancing themselves from the other parents on a team. Both camps have their reasons for their approach on the matter - whether it's youth travel, high school or college.
What's your thoughts and experience on it?
Typically I'm a ghost but it comes and goes with my mood. Also depends very much on which parents are in attendance :-)
I don't mind grinder parents as they're useful examples of what not to do. I only avoid parents who talk politics, regardless of their bearings. A youth baseball tournament just isn't the place (and I've worked both in and around politics for 25+ years). Increasingly hard to avoid.
