The Stress of Choosing

KC

Relax--when he is ready he will make the choice

Lots of stuff going thru his mind--it will all come together

I feel your pain. I can tell you that from someof the emails I get, parents see a difference in their sons after the choice is made.
Out of the many schools that recruited our son, he quickly narrowed it down to 5, then 4, then 3 and only took two visits. Choosing between those two was enough stress.
What we found was that son was torn between where he wanted to go and where he thought we wanted him to go. once we straightenend that out it was easy. Talk to him about that.

Your son knows this decision could affect him for the rest of his life. It is very difficult.

Just know that once it's over, you'll see a happier guy!

Best of luck, send a pm if you want.

KC - The journey that your son and family is taking right now is felt by many players out there. IMO, everything about that time is stressful. It's stressful worrying about making a choice that will have lifelong ramifications. It's stressful hoping that the schools you want to make an offer will do so. It's stressful having to tell a coach that no, you're not interested in his program. It's stressful for a player to know he's got all of this, his grades to worry about, and his upcoming senior season which everyone wants to be a great one. I posted in another thread though when you look back, you will be able to reflect and see the blessings that were involved much more clearly than the stressors. My advice would be to take a deep breath, say your prayers, and relax. Like TR said, when he's ready, he'll know.

He has great choices, but can choose but one. If he has three toss ups, all he can do is re-evaluate the major differences and go with his gut as to which alternative is best. I wouldn't delay too much as sometimes the choice is made for you, if you do.

I would encourage him to make the choice moving forward, for his benefit. He will feel better when he does. Good luck.

I agree, a nice problem to have. As I read your description of your son and his deliberations, I got the feeling that having to tell a handful of coaches "No" might be weighing heavier on his mind than it does for some other players. Perfectionists usually don't want to disappoint anyone. If you do sense that this is a significant factor, maybe you could assure him that while it's tough to disappoint the other coaches, by making his decision and letting them know, he is paying them the respect of letting them move on to another recruit. Perhaps I'm mistaken and this isn't a big factor on your son's mind, but I just had a hunch and thought I would mention it. (But I agree that this is normal - probably the biggest decision he has made in his life so far.)

If the stress is in saying no, please know that all of the coaches my son said no to were very helpful in making him feel most comfortable with the phone call. I think almost all of them said, if you are not going to play here I am glad you are going to Clemson.

The best part was having some of the coaches who recruited my son come over to him last year after a game to shake his hand and wish him the best.

Don't know what your schedule is like, but perhaps a mini-vacation is in order - even ONE NIGHT AFTER SCHOOL will help.

Do something REALLY fun that takes his mind completely off baseball, even if it's just for a few hours.

A brief break is like a really good nights sleep. Sometimes the mind is just too focused and needs a break. It can be very refreshing.

Pray, Relax, Take a day off from talking or thinking about it. He needs to know that there are unknown pros and cons with every decision and whatever he picks, it will all work out fine. As parents, let him know you have confidence in im to make the decision and try not to show your stress. You can vent to us on the web.(lol) This is one of the steps into manhood.

KC

You just described the same exact situation that we have been going through with our son the last several weeks. It got to the point that it was affecting his school work and interaction with just about everyone. This weekend we sat down and talked for hours about the situation. We as parents had to reinforce to him that it was important that he make his evaluations based upon what was important to him. Our role was to help in that process. He was worried about pleasing us. We had to step back and truly listen without passing judgment. Ultimately we told him that he was in a very unique position to have so many choices. There were no bad choices with his remaining schools .

When a school dropped from the top schools on his list he has had no problem in communicating his decisions to the coaches. Each coach has been very gracious.

He seems calmer. But we now wait for him to make his decision.

It was reassuring that we were not unique in what we have been experiencing.

It also might help to give your son some "space". Mine was so irritable the week before he decided, I almost felt like sending a warning to his homecoming date. Like TPM said, once it was over, he was indeed a happier guy!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by KCBaseball:
I'm sure I'll be scolded for complaining about a problem that many ballplayers would love to have. At the risk of criticism...here goes!"

KC.....not going to scold you. But you're right, many ballplayers (my son included) would love to have this problem. I can't honestly say I have a lot of sympathy, but I do wish you and your son good luck. Try to keep it in perspective.

all good sugestions -
here's one more regarding offer $$ amounts -

we (parents) took money evaluation out of his decision process

actually we kept offer info out of his file after they were received, and if they were not do-able they would'a been removed from his list -

that way he could focus on factors that were important to him -
it seemed to work OK

good luck


if he needs a little push - tell him his little sister will make the choice for him if things don't start moving
that works too



.

quote:

tell him his little sister will make the choice for him if things don't start moving

....based on uniform colors, no doubt.

Dad04

Are you insinuating there is something wrong with picking based on uniform color?

Dad04,
hey colors are important and their art departmant, and club sports

but chicks and party reputation would be off the table

Bee>

I took a similar approach with my son. He had a few offers in hand when we took the official visit to Fresno, with a few more expected soon thereafter on subsequent scheduled visits, and a couple more schools wanted to see him at one of the regional fall events.

As he thought about this on our way home from Fresno, it was clearly agitating him. He was cranky and didn't really want me to walk him down the pros/cons from my perspective. I respected that since it's HIS decision, though still difficult for me only because I'm the analytical personality type. I see information and I want to rack and stack it, so I just had to squelch myself. My veto power was limited to what extent his decision affected my wallet, and whether we as a family could manage it. Clearly, some of the private schools were only viable with substatiative scholarship $$$.

I can understand the stress ... do you wait for some of those other 'serious' schools to "belly up" and see what they have to offer? What about schools that expressed interest throughout the summer but were still in 'shopping' mode? I finally just told him to remove the scholarship $$$ from the picture and forget about what schools might still make offers ... just look at all the schools, those that had already presented offers and those that said they were going to, from the perspective of do you want to play baseball there, are the academics a good fit, is it an environment where you feel you will develop to your fullest potential, and is the overall environment of the campus and location what you're looking for as a "life experience"? If the answer to any of those questions is NO, then scratch them from the list whether they've tabled an offer or are in the "coming soon" column. Why waste their time and ours if you know the answer is NO already? Even at schools that maybe there wasn't a lot of $$$ ... if he wanted to go there bad enough, he could call the coach and see if you could be a preferred walk on ... if we could afford it.

In the end, he discovered that Fresno had what HE was looking for in most all of those areas and the other schools were missing some element that was very important to him ... even schools that may have been higher ranked. So rather than wait for those additional offers that he'd likely just turn down anyway, he made his decision and was done with it. It definitely made him much easier to be around.

quote:

it was clearly agitating him. He was cranky and didn't really want me to walk him down the pros/cons from my perspective. I respected that since it's HIS decision,

...............ain't that the truth?

They just don't have the patience and most seem to make an impulsive/ heart decision that usually works out......................

Thanks for posting that pbonesteele, reminded me of how it was.

and yes, red bear, it's a good problem to have but still stressful for the young boys they still are.............

Here's wishing your son's some stress.

Aparent

Not insinuating at all. Just wouldn't want the colors left up to an 8-12 yo girl. Too many pastels out there.

B

quote:

but chicks and party reputation would be off the table

Ohhh, MAN! Yer no fun.

We've just started the choosing process. My son would like to find a school that has a film department plus D1. This has narrowed his choices considerably and now he's wondering whether to compromise on his major in favor of baseball.

USC and UCLA - two best film schools in the country...