There is a reason why I don't have a daughter!!!

Lisa,
Welcome to the world of girls...not an easy feat trying to coach them while they work through their "issues"...they cry when you correct them and say you are yelling at them...they live in the bathroom etc etc...I coached this age group for 10 years in cheerleading and can identify with your frustration...also have 2 girls of my own and deal with what my son likes to refer to as the "drama"...if you want to vent(as I do not profess to have all the answers) feel free to PT me...believe me it is way easier to coach a team of boys vs girls

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

a friend of mine is our cheerleading coach at the high school..she has told me some stories...boys are a blessing in disguise....

they could have been girls....

It's probably significant that all of us were girls at that same age....yet even we can't remember what was going through our minds and emotions.....

Team sports are particularly valuable for girls...to get them over just exactly the kinds of problems you've run across: accepting public "criticism" (read: coaching) without taking it personally, co-operating with team members even if you don't like them, and the like.

My experience with my daughter and her friends taught me to NOT pander to their dramas and clique-ishness. (I'm fortunate that my daughter is pretty pragmatic.) Keep it businesslike and informative. Deal with them as young adults, not children.

Period whining? Sympathize that it is a bother...but remind them they'll be going through this once a month for pretty much the next 40-50 years, so deal with it.

Not getting along? Full team 'lecture' -- your here to play b-ball, not have a tea party. Team comes first, and the players are here for their skills, not for a social club.

Does this sound harsh? Not if it's put in a caring, but firm way. The young ladies love a good drama, and Mommy-ing them will only exacerbate things.

You've got a chance here to help raise women....not delicate little flowers. I bet your just the one for the job!

Good luck....and carry Midol....for ALL of you!

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From 'Nice Guys Finish Last' by Leo Durocher:

Baseball lives at the center of a never-flagging whirl of irreconcilable opinions.

Maybe there is a "Pre-teen girls for Dummies" book?

I agree with Orlando....no mommying. You give em an inch and they'll want a mile! Save the 'tudes for off the court. No whining allowed.

"There's no crying in baseball!"

Hot - I agree w/everything said so far. My suggestion to handle is this. The coach (perhaps with you) needs to call the girls in for a team meeting. Ask them to go around the room and describe what their goals are for the team, and then what their personal goals are. Ask them what they need to do as individuals and as a team to make these goals a reality and also what types of things will keep them from their goals (I usually set this up as a T chart with +'s on one side and -'s on the other. Then have the girls come up with their own 'team rules' and expectations that they can commit to following, including how they will handle issues that come up, and include things that coaches and parents do to help/hurt, too. Coaches should participate in this discussion, too. Ask them to sign and also bring home to share w/their parents, too. I suggest posting the rules and signatures somewhere public and referring to them often - particularly in a positive way. After a win, as part of the debrief, the coach should ask which attributes from the list they followed that helped contribute, and after a loss, ask the same question. Not a perfect solutions, but hopefully it will help. Good luck - PM me if you have any questions. Best, URKMB

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Pay attention to the feedback that takes you where you want to go!

You know it seems that girls are developing at alot earlier these days, it must the horomones in the chicken.

When I was that age I was such a tomboy and I looked like a long drink of water. These girls are fully developed and filled out. I am scared now because some of my little girls are starting to blossom and my center's Mom told me that her doctor said she has officially started puberty...AT AGE 9...she is so sweet right now...I am not ready to fight the PMS monster.

GO NAVY!!!BEAT army!!!!!

H-M ...

I can offer no advice because I have no experience with "girls" and I wasn't "allowed" to behave like that when I was growing up with my mom. But I can tell you that your perception that "girls are developing at alot earlier these days," is a reality, not a perception. There have been numerous articles on this issue over the past few years ... girls are reaching puberty at an earlier age, and with it comes all the "problems and issues" of puberty in the bodies of little girls who are emotionally not ready for it.

All I can offer, at this point, are my prayers ... and a big thank you on behalf of all moms who appreciate what a good coach has to deal with these days.

God bless you, Friend.

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Go Highlanders ! ! ! !
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I have two daughters myself and can certainly empathize with what you are dealing with. It always seems that with 1 or 2 girls everything goes well.....you add that 3rd one in there and all he## breaks loose! Much less a whole team of pre-pubescents! Absolutely NO pandering to them, as what was said before... you give them an inch and they'll take a mile from you. The true concept of a team is everyone rising above their individual differences for the benefit of the whole. I would try to drum that into them as much and as often as you can. I think the advice already given is pretty much on track. I definetly believe raising a son is MUCH easier than a daughter.....good luck!

Sorry Hot Mama,
I can't help either. I'm the queen of an all male household and I do believe the good Lord did that for a reason!!

_______________________
"People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring." Rogers Hornsby, Hall of Famer

I think the most important message the coach can bring to the girl's of this age group is the role that each one of them have. For some reason, the female chromosome is more prone to jealousy and pettiness...Don't know why, but that has been evident from what I have witnessed since age 10.

The best coaches nip it in the bud....with firm expectations that each and every player has a role to play and will either execute said responsiblities or grab some pine. Too much praise is heaped on the scoring side of the game and a lot of the little things that make a team successful go unrewarded.

A great coach, who gets lots of extra effort out of his/her girls, will validate those intangibles and make sure the attitudes are left in the locker room.

The coach has the ability to form a mentality
(Thanks Sark) that is positive right now. I hope he can do it.

______________________________
By the time you learn how to play the game...
You can't play it anymore ~ Frank Howard

I don't know if this will help but here goes:

Our middle child is a 12-year-old girl (7th grade) in between two brothers. She's been around her brothers' teams all her life and played s****r and softball in elementary school. Now she is playing volleyball and her club season has just started. They had their first tourney last weekend and I drove the carpool home, so was "priveleged" to overhear the conversation/deconstruction of the event according to a group of tweeners: The coach is stupid, "Gaby" (one of the weaker players on the team) is the source of all their troubles, they can't believe Coach put "Gaby" in/left her in/let her serve/didn't drown her at birth...etc. etc. etc. One of the girls, the best player on the team, decided she would write a letter to the coach, speaking for all the team, about how horrible "Gaby" is and how it isn't fair to the rest of the team to have to put up with such abysmal play. At that point I suggested that perhaps the girls could find a more positive approach than just jumping all over the one girl, and my '06 who had tagged along to watch the girls--er, games--gave it as his opinion that he had no idea which kid they were talking about, as most of them were all equally inept--or words to that effect. (Nothing beats an older brother for a little perspective). Of course, both '06 and I were absolutely clueless, didn't know what we were talking about, if we'd only seen "Gaby" at practices, and the coach! my gosh the coach is so dumb...and off they went again. They vented all the way home.

Once I got my little monster inside I sat her down and told her that if I heard anymore of that kind of destructive talk from her, I would pull her off the team, that her job was to find a way to build up the team, not tear it down and that what she and her friends were doing was cruel, and I expected better of her. I also suggested that perhaps she'd see more playing time if she learned to support all her teammates instead of dividing them. (That earned me a roll of the eyes.) But then she dissolved into tears and said "My foot hurts and my throat is sore (in fact, she played with a nasty cold all day without telling anyone)and we lost the tourney (team came in 8th out of 8 teams) and we just needed someone to blame, so we blamed "Gaby". I then suggested that it was okay to be upset about losing without having to "blame" someone.

Point is, these girls are so much more verbal than my boys are that it's hard to resist the urge to get caught up in their dialogue. We all know from our own childhoods how nasty the talk can get. It's my opinion that the coach needs to be a despot in not tolerating this kind of thing, even to the point of benching the best players. Reasoning, encouraging, appealing to their consciences doesn't work--the line has to be absolute--support your teammates or you're off the team.

"I am thankful for my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister, my dog, my house, and most of the furniture."

"The coach has the ability to form a mantality that is positive right now. I hope he can do it."

Chill, Was that fruedian? I had to laugh. Sorry.

Ladies, As a Dad of a 28 year old beautiful daughter, I sympathize with you. You think you gals are confused? What about us guys?

Lisa, I know you will find a way.

"Everybody kind of perceives me as being angry. It's not anger, it's motivation." Roger Clemens

Excellent post, Beepers - you captured the dilemma beautifully!

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Pay attention to the feedback that takes you where you want to go!

Sark, we assume the guys are confused (And in other news.....water is wet). That's why HM asked the question here.....

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From 'Nice Guys Finish Last' by Leo Durocher:

Baseball lives at the center of a never-flagging whirl of irreconcilable opinions.

I agree, great job Beepers...
Sark...glad I could give you a laugh.

______________________________
By the time you learn how to play the game...
You can't play it anymore ~ Frank Howard