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Thoughts on Parenting

FrankFFrankF1,000+ posts
Not being very articulate, I hope this comes out right.

With all the talk about parents lately (good, bad, perfect, vain, annoying, etc…) some thoughts have been weighing on me that I’d like to share.

I agree that our job as a parent is to never give up on them. I support them to the fullest. I also believe in “tough love” where the kids have to be accountable. We need to teach them that things might not always go their way and how to handle it when it doesn’t and be responsible enough to accept the consequences.

I also believe there are parents out there (no insinuations) who love their children so much that they have a hard time wishing well for anyone else. Trust me; I’ve heard it many times about other kids. That’s one reason I usually sat in the left field bleachers so I didn’t have to hear it. Thankfully college isn’t nearly as bad. Oft times when I’ve been asked how my son was doing I’ve actually refrained from telling them other than he’s doing fine because they would consider it as bragging and I feel they would just as soon see him fail. As the saying goes, “misery loves company”. The more they can bring others down the better they (or their sons) look. That’s human nature and we have no control over how others feel or act. Do I want my son to be the best? Of course, but I don’t have to wish ill will on others to make him the best. Obviously I’d be the first one cut on “The Apprentice”.

Will my son have a good year and possibly get drafted? Who knows? I know many are rooting for him. If it doesn’t happen will he be a failure? Not in my eyes. And I don’t think he will consider himself a failure because he knows he’s making the effort.

There are lots of accolades and projections being thrown about (and my own personal opinion, rightly so) about a lot of son’s doing so well. Personally, I salute them. I know it didn’t happen by sitting on the couch. I would rather someone be apathetic about other kids than waste time hoping against them. My sin would be that I am sometimes envious, but hopefully not jealous. I understand perfectly where Bighit is coming from and it’s a sad state of affairs when someone has to hesitate to tell (or post) something good, especially in this instance where probably no one else would have known it. Yes there is a difference between bragging and being proud. I hope I’m not cynical enough to try and figure it out.

As I stated above, I hope this made sense.

May God bless you ALL.

Frank
______________ [b][i]"If you can read this, thank a teacher, and since it's in English, thank a soldier !!"[/b][/i]
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CM Coach May1,000+ posts
Oh yes it made sense alot of sense. Great Post. I know people that dislike me today because of the sucess of my sons. There are people out there that are so worried about what other people are doing that they can not do anything themselves. When my son was 12 he wanted to play in the local league during the week and his AAU team on the weekends. He wanted to do this because the kids he went to school with heard he was pretty good and they wanted him to play with them. Also some of the kids were ragging him about the fact he didnt play with them in the league telling him he was scared and all that stuff. Well after about three games he was intentionally walked every ab. It did not matter what the score was the other coach would just walk him. When he pitched the parents from the other team would complain that he was going to hurt someone if he hit them and they should take him out of the game. I mean they would yell it from the stands. You would not believe the stuff these parents would yell out. Also they would laugh when he got up and say "No need for you to take a bat up there we aint letting you hit superstar". My son is a very confident but humble kid. It wasnt like he was some cocky kid. And the umpires would make him throw it right down the heart before they would call a strike. The other kids had the anywhere around the plate is a strike zone. One of my friends asked the umpires why they squeezed Jeff and they said "Man we have to give the kids a chance the only way they can get on is to walk". Well after about five or six games of this Jeff decided that he didnt want anymore of this. I supported him in his decision. At the end of the year we got a call from the league commissioner. He asked me if Jeff could play on their All Star team. I guess you know what my answer was. To this day their are parents of kids that played in that league that despise me. I have never understood this type of behavior. I have seen it at the HS level with kids that I have coached that were outstanding. I had a kid a couple of years ago drafted in the second round. His dad sat by himself because the other parents were so jealous of his son that they constantly called his son the coaches pet etc. Its really sad. Most parents are great and I mean that. But these types are the worst.
FutureBack.MomFutureBack.Mom1,000+ posts
Frank ...
quote:
it’s a sad state of affairs when someone has to hesitate to tell (or post) something good, especially in this instance where probably no one else would have known it.


Amen to that, Friend.

One of the things I always enjoyed about this site was the opportunity to enjoy the successes of our cyber-buddies' sons and daughters. Unfortunately, because of some of the more recent verbal shennanigans of some of our posters, it seems as tho people have been hesitant to share their joys with kindred spirits. It is a sad day when this happens. I have always felt that baseball was special because baseball parents "got it" whereas others did not. We could understand the emotional roller coaster that our sons rode, and look to others for support from both perspectives ... during the ups as well as the downs.

I have probably been guilty, or perceived as guilty, for not always reacting in a positive way. Perhaps my skeptism has gotten in the way of enjoying the successes of some, and for that I apologize. Hopefully we can all return to our "former selves" where we enjoy this wonderful opportunity and the excitement other parents feel for their own sons' successes, and even occasionally share about our own sons without being perceived as braggerts.

Thanks for addressing the issue, Frank. I think you did a pretty good job for somebody who perceives themselves as "not being very articulate".

Mary ann
Coach KnightCoach Knight500+ posts
Frank- A great post. Parents should support their kids to the death...but you can't fight every battle for them.
I am always shocked how many parents think that they can protect their kids from everything and everyone. They blame coaches, teachers, and everyone else they can think of for why their kid can't play at a high level, and their kid is stuck listening to it. Parents should always be proud of their kids, but they should also realize that there might come a day when the rest of the world won't see them as quite as talented as a parent does.
I encourage my players' parents to attend everything we do...but I hope they can make the distinction between being a supporter and being a hinderance. No parent can MAKE their kid successful - all they can do is love them, support them, give them the opportunities...and pray.
Kudos to all you on this sight who understand your role as parents and back your kids honestly and correctly in all they do!!!!
FungoFungoHighly Regarded and Beloved Old Timer
Very good post Frank! Makes perfect sense. Even the HSBBW is not exempt from these “Bearers of Bad News”. They will not congratulate another parent’s son. It appears their only purpose is to degrade other players (and parents). Their posts are designed to prove to other parents that their sons are not as talented as they think. Could this be a demented way of promoting their own son or their own ideas? Life is full of those that will not sacrifice to improve their own, but will work their butts off to destroy another.
Thanks for the well thought out post.
Fungo
MN-MomMN-MomHSBaseballWeb Owner
Frank and other moms and dads, thanks for sharing these important thoughts. I haven't had time to visit this forum as much as I used to, so I guess I missed a few shifts in the wind. I haven't read the negative posts referred to. But I have seen a few GOOD NEWS posts recently about some of "OUR SONS", and I have to say, please, keep 'em coming! I LOVE to read about the successes and happiness of the sons (and sometimes daughters) of the HSBBWEB. My own son is just beginning his college career this year, and he may do well, he may "stink up the joint", or he may sit on the bench, who knows? But whatever he is doing, I know I will get many smiles from reading about good news in the lives and baseball careers of other boys who seem a little bit like family because of this forum.
P PiC500+ posts
As far as I'm concerned, if Bob would allow it having post everyday from parents and others who want to keep others informed about how their son's are doing would be of great benefit to the college coaches and pro scouts. Why, at least they could come to a single source to view and review the ongoing status of players they want to follow.

But it should be done in an organized way so that the information it posted with an image and profile.

Accounts for a profile with 5 X 7 picture initiator $65.00, updates to the profile $5.00 per month. Your account would allow you to update the Profile Update Template and narratives section/stats by email every week during the season to your account, included for the monthly fee.

The profiles section would be self-supporting financially.

I enjoy reading about other players but it is hard to get a handle on who you are talking about sometimes because there is no reference point one can go to in order to determine who you are speaking about, nor who they play for or who their parents are.

It seems to me that most of the parents here try very hard to eliminate any reference to who their son's are. So much of the time when a parent offers a "good" outcome from the play of their son, or that their son has been selected for honors and awards, it seems to me that they are offering the information to just a select group here that know each other. As such I never offer comment.

And so much of the time parents are reluctant to offer any information about the son's because some posters here seem to delight in putting people down for "selling" the talents of their son's abilities.

It just seems like there are many who can't get over the idea that because their son made it without all that new fangled "help", no one else should try anything new. Thank God we don't listen to those voices otherwise we all would still be driving Model T's.

The fact that anyone who would dare "promote" their son is viewed by some here as being a malfactor and hurts their son's chances goes right to the heart of why, people are so reluctant to say anything about their son's progress.

The truth is just because you do things a certain way doesn't ordain it as correct. It is nothing more that one way of getting there...not the only way.
infielddadinfielddad10,000+ posts
Frank, your post is wonderful. We can look at the glass as 1/2 full or 1/2 empty and in baseball, for our sons, the statistics tell us they have performed extremely well if the glass is 1/3 full(can't analogize for pitchers cause my son proved he isn't one of them.) Little doubt that baseball is a just a game and a game predicated on those who do not mentally succumb to the failure parts. My son has taught me so much about that. I fully appreciate that a teammate's or opponent's failure does not make him a better player(unless the opposing pitcher just happened to hang a change up Wink.
FrankFFrankF1,000+ posts
OPP wrote:
quote:
"Not being very articulate..."...what are we supposed to imagine? You are some Colorado mountain man/trapper? Your son goes to Dartmouth!!!!! Your wife "ghost-wrote" your post?


As I always tell my family (which they are tired of hearing) "I wasn't a gold cord senior!" biglaugh

Trust me; my boys (oldest actually had higher GPA and ACT than Josh) didn't get their smarts from my side of the family. Wink
TPMTPMHSBaseballweb Member since 2003
PIC,
Sorry this is not a place for what you suggest.

This is a place for recognizing our son's accomplishments, from being invited on an official visit to possibly making your MLB debut, making the varsity team to making the Dean's list your first semester in college, being drafted and signing, being on a watch list, whatever. No coach or scout has to come here for info about a player. Why do some people have to take the simple joys in life (sharing our son's accomplishents, big or small) and turn it into a business?
Regardless of whether you (or anyone else) knows who the player is or not, the point is, instead of coming here to argue over nonsense and degrading posters on a regular basis, come here and do nice things as well. I personally enjoy following players, HS, college, pro, non baseball players of parents who post on this site. This place is also about developing friendships because we all have one common goal, the love of the game and our children.

As far as some parents not mentioning things about their son's accomplishments, I don't think it is because they are afraid, that is just their style.

You can't tell me for one minute, as a regular poster, one does not know who PG's son is, OPP's son, Frank's son, Bighit's, Futureback, Fungo, Bob's son, the list goes on and on. The reason being, those posters come for their own personal agendas, could not care about anyone else. I really have no interest for anything said about their son, because they have no interest in anyone else.
I certainly know who your son is and many more and if I don't know, then I will ask. I am very proud of my son and I thank those that have recognized him again. I think if someone is interested in following him, that's great, but I would never supply a link in public to a website that I created just for him, his school's website, his team's website. That's crossing the line for ME and I take that as promoting one's son in the wrong environment.

This all was not directed to you, it is meant to share my feelings about some of the things you said. Yes I know quite a few more than most, sons have played together or against, common bonds because we have mutual friends, live in the same state, etc. But I have also made it my business to get to know other parents 3000 miles away, in the ACC, SEC, or in other conferences that are in my son's college schedule. For me this is what the HSBBW is all about.
Nice topic Frank and good post Fungo.
P PiC500+ posts
Tiger Paw Mom

Aren't you being just a bit disengenuous with your avatar linked to

http://graphics.fansonly.com/schools/clem/graphics/clem-title-1.gif

Mind you I think it looks very nice, but don't tell me you don't come here to "sell" your ideas and "promote" your son.

That is exactly what all of the posters are doing here in one form or another...and to my way of thinking I think it is great for your son's. I wish more posters would use the internet to get visivility for their son's, it doesn't hurt to have their names on the web. Makes it easy to find them if you have a question about what they're doing, and what they're up to. Since I have nothing to hide it doesn't bother me.

I just wish Bob would be more entrepreneuial about it.
Last edited by PiC
catchermom03catchermom03500+ posts
Pic,
I do not believe parents view this site as an advenue to "sell" their ideas nor to "promote" their sons....TPM has provided, to most, an invaluable source of recruiting knowledge...her son has been a high profile player who is listed as #9 in the country by BA of current college freshman
I came to this site 3 years ago in search of info on the college recruiting process...I obtained invaluable info from some very knowledgeable sources leading my son in the right direction towards to his goal of playing beyond HS....what I also have gained is a few valuable friends along the way....people who I can cry and laugh with while enjoying my sons journey in life...people who understand what it is like to go down this road...I have never sold nor promoted any aspect of my sons life....I am not willing to have a "profile" of my child(anyone interested can view that on his college roster)...I have offered some information that we encountered on the way but, by and large, I prefer to remain quiet about his acheivements or successes...I firmly believe there is a fine line between bragging and and being proud so hence my hesitancy to offer any info...I do enjoy reading of the successes of other children...this is not a moneymaking site for Mr Howsdell...he has generously created it for the advancement of the youngmen who love to play ball and their parents
TPMTPMHSBaseballweb Member since 2003
Nope PIC, I am a Tiger fan, same thing as anyone using their fav team or logo as an avatar. When you click on it, nothing happens!
As far as my son or anyone else's getting to where they want to go on good old fashioned coaching without the bells and whistles, that worked for us and when some of us are asked our opinion we give it. No one has to choose to listen. The point is, baseball has been around longer than many of us, some things have remained the same, some are changing. I just know if my son was on the right track in his development, that track is where he would remain. I believe in if it ain't broke, don't fix. A little fine tuning is ok, but let your son enjoy and have fun.
I do not wish to get into a heated argument about this, not the intention of the original post.

I am not also afraid to let people know who I am.

Thanks Catchermom03, you have said it better than I!
Last edited by TPM
Dad04Dad045,000+ posts
quote:
I also believe there are parents out there (no insinuations) who love their children so much that they have a hard time wishing well for anyone else. Trust me; I’ve heard it many times about other kids. That’s one reason I usually sat in the left field bleachers so I didn’t have to hear it. Thankfully college isn’t nearly as bad.


Frank

Great post! I hope it’s refreshing in college. I've always rooted for my son’s teammates, no matter whether they were drafted or the 3rd catcher on his LL team. They were on the team, playing an opponent, so I cheered for them. I cheer for everyone’s kid here, whether they are 9th graders trying out Monday for the Freshman team or getting ready to slip on their World Series rings in April, like BB15mom's son.

Just my opinion, but there is a big difference between sporting a logo from, pick one, your kids school, MLB team or summer team and tooting your kids horn for him. I can tell the difference between a proud parent and bragging.

It's a matter of taste or personal preference. I know folks fashionably dressed and folks mixing checks and plaids. I can tell the difference, but whatever floats your boat. One's just easier on the Eyes. It's about the kids for me, though.
Last edited by Dad04
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