Three Questions

1-My son's HS coach is the same as his summer coach. Both prefer to have the boy talk to the coach about baseball things, then have the boy talk to the parents. It's part of the growing up and handling yourself process. My son hurt his arm last year and I was on the phone with his HS varsity coach (even though he was only on JV) several times a week since it involved his health and welfare rather than the baseball field. I like that approach.

2-Both of my son's coaches do tell them where they stand, what their role on the team is, and what he needs to do to increase his playing time. I don't think you can ask for more than that...but I do think it's fair to expect this.

3-I think the answer to that will vary player to player and will depend on how he feels about each team, how good they are, and how much the coach puts into it. I don't think my son would rate one over the other...they are different, but equal in his mind.

...And, baseball is full of drama but it sure seems like there was more of it when he was 9-10-11 than now that he's in HS. Maybe it's because I'm less involved and more of a spectator now.

I'll answer the first one for you. Simply, if it's important enough to your son, then he should do the asking. If he's not willing to get over the fear (maybe it's not fear but just doesn't want to be seen as complaining or something of that sort) then it's really not a big deal. It's also a great way to learn that even though parents are there to help, they aren't going to hold your hand (once again, I'm not accusing you of this, because you probably just want what's best for your kid, but nothing is keeping an almost grown man from doing the same thing).

I'll let you in on a somewhat weaker time of mine, that I turned in to a positive. Almost my entire high school career I didn't see eye-to-eye with the coaching. Summer coaches were better coaches (with less time) than I truly felt my HS coaches were. Now, that's not to say I didn't think they were smart(I want to stress this, the atmosphere at my HS allowed for mediocrity. We were going to make the playoffs, that's amazing enough right? Wrong.), I knew they were smart. When I individually talked to them about baseball theory, pitching, hitting, etc, knowledge was there... but it wasn't stressed to the kids. I saw it from day one and everyone dismissed me as an arrogant (I can be) freshman, but it kept brewing and boiling until senior year (and it happened in lesser amounts throughout) I lost it. To me it was unacceptable that fundamentals about baseball were not getting through (I felt like I had to do the coaching sometimes) and it was killing us as a team. I had been through it for three years on varsity and had been on teams that could've done things with the right buttons being pushed in practice, in the weight room, etc. I lost in, and exploded. No doubt, coach was ****ed (rightfully so), so I had to explain myself.

I wrote a note/letter almost 6 pages long detailing among other things: my commitment, my previous understanding of how to play the game, flaws and failures directly from the players, flaws and failures from the coaches. I also apologized, offered specific solutions, and decided to offer my uniform if he saw it fit, but I had almost gotten to the point where baseball was mundane (baseball should never be mundane). I read it to almost every senior, and one junior making sure they approved. I reworded things, and added things they felt were important.

When I went in to talk to him, it was hours before a game suspension I had received for the previous incident. Needless to say, I broke down no-more than 5-6 lines into it and struggled through the whole thing. I was fair, I was honest, I was tough on all the coaches and all the players including myself. When it was all done, besides being completely embarrassed (I thought by reading it 10+ times I wouldn't have to worry about that aspect), I tried to immediately leave. He stopped me, told me thank you and that he wished I would've done it a long time ago. From that day on, practice was different--it was more productive. Work outs were different--they were tougher. We worked on the physical and the mental. It worked, and the team noticed and we responded. I believe he's using multiple suggestions of mine now, not because he hadn't thought of them before--I knew he had, but he didn't realize the team wanted that.

My parents were frustrated with the atmosphere at my HS and my gut tells me on multiple occasions considered offering to go do my dirty work, but I had to. I would've had it no other way. I have the utmost respect and confidence in those coaches now. They never lacked the knowledge, but they needed a player's voice.

Obviously, this is not the same as asking about playing time, but a kid's voice means so much more and is often taken with much more sincerity and concern--like I began with, a kid wouldn't be in there unless it was important enough to stick his neck out there for.

I do not mean to insult the coaches from my HS in this post, but sense some inevitably will or could, I will take this down in a few days. I loved my experience in HS, it got exponentially better the day I read that letter.

Great post Dtiger.

Thinking out loud,

You can handle it anyway you see fit. Folks here can tell you how they would (or did) handle it, but ultimately the decision is yours.

There are many good folks on here who offer outstanding advice about baseball. There are also some really fine coaches here who can tell you how they would like it handled. But too many times I've see someone make the comment "let them handle it, it's part of the growing up process". That may be true for their child, but no one knows what's best for my child but me. Only I know what is the growing up process with my child. I understand it's only advice with the best intentions that are being offered, but so many times on this site folks offer advice on how you should let your child grow up. You be the judge of that.

TOL, you are the parent, the child is your responsibility. Do what you feel is right and in your eyes is the in the best interest of your child.
Just maybe that will be part of his/her growing up process.

Good Luck

quote:

Originally posted by thinking out loud:
1. Why is it so voodo to talk to the high school coach? I would not be confortational or anything like that...just want to ask what his intentions are regarding my son? However, it has been proven over and over again, you say anything to this coach and that's it for your son, and he'll show you.

2. Why don't more coaches talk to their players like funneldrill, just to let them know where each and everyone of them stands. I am not a parent who thinks their son is better than they are, he has proven that over and over without us saying a word. We are not the kind of parents that blab and blab about their son.

3. Which is more important, high school ball or your summer select team? The select team organization that my son plays for has helped get scholorhsips for just about everyone that has played and stayed in their organization. Typically, the select teams are more talented and better, and that is where you see the best players playing against the best teams.

On number 1, I agree with Tx-Husker's view in that it is your son's position on the team so your son should be dealing with it. I have met a few coaches that were not approachable, but just a few. I can also tell you those coaches would react much worse to a parent talking to them than their own players.

2) There are many coaches that deal with their players openly. I think the problem is communication at home. In other words, perhaps the kiddo is not telling the parent that the coach is talking to them.

3) As a select coach and a HS coach this is a tough one. I think that it is a combination of the two. For sure the talent level will be better 1-9 on a select team, but there are so many kids that just show up and pitch in one game and then never seen again. However, at the HS level kids are forced to participate on a true "team" and this can give scouts a better ideal of what kind of kid they are dealing with.

Just my 2 cents.

Thank you all your advise and posts! We have a lot to think about. We do want our son to handle things on his own and have encouraged it often. We just want the best for our son, just like everyone else.

So, we will just take one day at a time, and hope that the team has a great season and think before we react. Thanks again!

I wouldn't worry too much about it, TOL. If your son's on the freshman team, I'm sure the coach is used to parents and kids learning a new way of handling things. Most coaches have the kids at heart (or they wouldn't be doing what they are doing). They know this isn't a turn the switch on process and that it takes time to get used to. If your son makes an effort, and you follow-up with the coach to see if discussions happened (without having the conversation for him), I'll bet you find the coach to be very receptive to helping your young man grow. It's really a fun time to see your young man grow up.

quote:

If your son makes an effort, and you follow-up with the coach to see if discussions happened (without having the conversation for him), I'll bet you find the coach to be very receptive to helping your young man grow. It's really a fun time to see your young man grow up.

Not to continue the topic, but this reminds me of a situation we have out here on Parker county. We were able to start junior high baseball last year (in a league with Peaster, Brock, Perrin, etc.) and it allowed us to not only get the kids ready for HS baseball, but also allowed the opportunity for us to "coach the parents" as well. We would talk to the parents about talking to their son when he is in the dugout or on-deck, not bringing them gatorade during the game, and things like that. So, I can see how this is a tough time in a parent's life. They are entrusting their son, almost full-time, on the coaches and if they do not know them that well it could be a trying experience.

Just another thought I had.

I have had a lot of computer time sitting here sick this evening...surely I should get out Ron Polk's Baseball Playbook (aka The Baseball Bible) and do some work...lol

quote:

We would talk to the parents about talking to their son when he is in the dugout or on-deck

Our HS coach had a funny comment along these lines. He said he has just two rules. One of them is parents cannot talk to their kids during the game. "If you do, I will pull him from the game and let him sit in the stands and chat with you the rest of the game." As you might guess, no parent would want to inflict that pain on their son.