Through the eyes of a child

Fungo, Great post! Great advice! I didn't realize that I yelled things (trying to be a cheerleader) that disturbed my son until in HS. I've spent this last year keeping my advice (yelling) to myself. Amazingly, he had a great year without my help - who would have thought?!?!?!?!?

Fungo ...

Based on your description of Josh's childhood perception of your demeanor and behavior, I suspect many of our sons felt the same way. Fortunately, we "grew up" with the boys and many of us have changed our ways. And altho we would hope that others would learn from our mistakes, I think this is just one of those areas where the same thing keeps going on.

Fungo,

Happy belated Father's Day! Great post! Pretty much same experience here. You think you are just trying to help when the boys just want to play and have fun. Now I want to make sure he is playing for the right reasons and having fun and he is the one who is hard on himself.
I do love it when he asks me for help and guidance as he knows I'm his biggest fan.

I've done some stupid things in my life, but yelling at my son during baseball games tops the list. It serves absolutely no purpose except to start a chasm between us. I'm trying hard to fill it in by keeping my mouth shut, but I'm sure he won't soon forget. This is THE thing I would go back and change if God would grant me a personal wish.

I think we all have done it and in many cases thinking we were rooting and supporting our sons looked at it differently

Fungo, you have made many, many insightful, thoughtful and informative posts on this board. IMO, this one may be your best.
Perhaps my best day in baseball as the father of a son who loved baseball was the day I realized I could no longer teach him how to be a better player, that other's could do it better and more effectively. When that happened I became a fan who soon recognized that on days he went 0-4, he had tried his very best even though it seemed he had nothing immediate to "show for it". I, for one, truly believe that there is a very close correlation between my becoming a parent who better understood the game of baseball as played through the eyes of my son, not through my own eyes, and his improvement as a player.

Somewhere around 11-12 years old my son took a pitch that I thought he should have hit."SWING THE DADGUM BAT" I say.He calmly steps one foot out of the box turns to me and says "Don't worry I get 3 swings" A couple of pitches later he hits a bomb.I learned a lesson that I will always remember.

Here's a bit of a twist to the same situation.
I coached my son for three years between the ages of 11 and 14. The main reason I stopped was because he said he felt like I was much harder on him than the other players on the team. Of course, I felt like I was being equal to all the players. I tried very hard to give constructive criticism, and made sure to give compliments as well. In fact, when he first started playing travel ball at age 9, I asked him if he minded me giving him instructions while he was on the field or at bat and he swore it didn't bother him. He said he wanted my input. I asked him the same thing every year and got the same response, but, when I became "the Coach" it became more difficult for him. Now I'm back on the other side of the fence giving the same encouragement and criticism and everything is fine. I also feel fortunate to have been able to watch him progress into a very good ball player and a fine young man who is off to play Div. III college baseball in the fall.

Both of my sons wanted my input all through the little leagues. Sometimes I wish I had more time to spend with them during those years.

But once they hit high school - it became very clear to me that I should talk about baseball only if they initiated the conversation.

Between that recognition - and sunflower seeds - I learned quickly to keep my mouth shut. LOL

Don't underestimate the power of the "hard feelings".

Even if they only existed in the mind of the son.

Worst (and most stupid if you think about it) thing I ever yelled is, "Throw strikes". When he finally yelled back during a JV game, "Do you think I'm out here trying to walk every batter?", it finally sunk in. I mostly yell encouragement now.

One thing we (parents) figured out. If you have something you really want to say, get another parent to say it. I guess it doesn't seem like nagging if it comes from someone else.

The only time I really feel the need to talk to him is when I notice the little signs of frustration or even anger. Then I try to point out some mechanic that may be a little off (like opening his hips too early or dropping his hands). Even if I'm not right, it takes his mind away from the frustrations and helps him focus again.

He still wants me at all the games and even wants me to keep throwing BP so I guess I'm doing OK.

When I want to make a point, I use another player to explain a hitting or fielding issue, so the son gets to hear it, but it's not directed at him from dad. Seems to work.

Crusader,

You are doing just great, I will never ever forget the Krispy Creme headgear in Jupiter .
Hope all is going well with Jr.

CV

Excellent advice for folks, Fungo. I am as guilty as any, I guess. I did figure out early that innane comments like "Don't Lose'em" and "No place to put'em" seemed less than productive and soon left those to his coaches, who we all truly appreciate.

We'd all chuckle about them driving home, slurping our Slurpies.

It's a game played by little boys. I try to remember that.

I was very happy when the K's began to outnumber the walks and still am.

This is a great thread. Unfortunately, I actually did yell things until my younger son finally set me straight many years ago. He made me swear that I would never yell anything negative in public again which I think I have pretty much honored since then I may have goofed my older son up (baseball wise) with this approach and for that I will always regret.

Fungo - do you happen to have an electronic link to the article?

Cleveland Dad,
The article has already been archived but i paid the $2.50 for an archived copy they e-mailed to me

Father's Day plan includes baseball memories for Bell
Dan Morris

When Luke Bell got home Friday afternoon, there was a FedEx package on the porch.

Inside was a professional baseball contract for his son, Josh Bell, who was drafted in the sixth round by Toronto on June 7. Turns out Josh won't be 21 until July 3; so his parents must sign the agreement to make it official.

"His destiny is still in my hands," Luke said, laughing. "If I don't get a Father's Day card, I'm not sending it back."

Luke might need more than a card to make it through this Sunday. It's his first Father's Day to be apart from his only child-nothing earth shattering, but bittersweet all the same.

For two decades, Luke Bell was never far from his son's side, especially during baseball season. Unlike most parents who take a casual interest in their child's sports activities, Luke made certain he was at practically every baseball practice and every game Josh played in. That began as a 5-year-old in T-ball.

"I remember the very first time he hit the ball off the T in a game," Luke said. "He fell down going to first base."

"The very first word Josh ever spoke was 'ball,'" Luke said. "The second word was 'outside.' I'm serious about that. The boy loved to see a ball roll, and he always wanted to go outside."

By the time Josh was old enough to play organized baseball, Luke had established his office-equipment business, Inserve, and could leave the office most anytime he wished.

"It got to the point I had a lot of time to spend with Josh," Luke said.

That wasn't always a good thing in Josh's eyes.

"At first, I didn't know if I wanted him there at games and practice," Josh said on Friday by phone from Tampa, Fla. He was about to catch a flight to Syracuse, N.Y., and join Toronto's short-season, Single-A team in Auburn, N.Y.

"When I was about 8, he would yell at me from the dugout and make me cry," Josh said. "I finally told him he had to stop and just let me play. It wasn't any fun when he was on me so much. Well, he changed. He took the positive approach, and that helped so much. He sacrificed a lot for me, and I'm so thankful to have a dad like him."

Josh was an all-star every season in Madison North's Dixie Youth program, and Luke was assistant coach on Josh's teams. At age 11, Josh began playing for the Memphis Tigers travel team. He continued to play summer baseball in Memphis throughout high school. And guess who drove him to practice or games every day for six years? Luke was always there. He figures he averaged driving close to 30,000 miles a year hauling Josh to baseball events.

And when Josh signed to play for Auburn University out of North Side High, Luke and Gloria, Josh's mom, drove to nearly every weekend series during the college season.

That won't happen anymore. Luke said they plan to take a week to see Josh play in New York this summer, but that's about it. The traveling days are behind him.

So, how will Luke handle his first Father's Day away from Josh?

"Well, since Tennessee is in the College World Series, I'll probably watch a tape of when Auburn played Tennessee when Josh was a sophomore," Luke said. "Josh hit two home runs and was the winning pitcher. I'll probably sit there and reminisce with a smile on my face and a tear in my eye, just like any dad would." Dan Morris is The Jackson Sun's senior writer for special projects. He can be reached at 425-9756 or (800) 372-3922, ext. 756 or by e-mail at dmorris@jacksonsun.com.

Fungo,

You will probably read that article about 1000 times. LOL

As well you should.

What a great experience it must be - for both Josh - and your family.

Plus - he gets to kick some more but* in pro ball.

A classic article as well. Thank you for sharing that Fungo! There are many similarities to my son who is headed off to college for baseball this year. He is also exactly three years younger than Josh and born on the same day - July 3rd. He has simply always loved baseball with all his heart, which has more than fueled my love of the game, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. I intend on basically semi-retiring at age 44 to chase the dream with him while he is at college.

While my son has 1 more year left in high school, the similarities are striking. It was 3 years ago at the beginning of his freshman year in high school when I came to the realization that my son needed a more skilled teacher than his dear old dad.
He since has gotten involved with some of the best instructors and trainers in our area. It was hard at first to stand down and let go of the reins. Now I wouldn’t have it any other way.

His high school team just finished competing for the Indiana 4a Baseball Championship, a tough loss of 6-4 to a very good opponent. It hurt for a while until we had an opportunity to reflect on the journey. During that whole process we hugged, cried, and laughed together. He made me an extremely proud father.

I only hope that he has the opportunity to continue to follow the path of success similar to Luke’s of college and pro ball. I look forward to the journey!

Fungo---

You ALWAYS make me think too much!! What a GREAT article! Thanks for sharing! Unfortunately, I see my parental self in there from long ago!

Happy birthday, "Little" Fungo!! It will be fun to watch you continue your climb!

You should write a book Fungo.

I know Josh never went to any of our stuff, but it feels like I know you and him very well, thanks to this site.

I think there's a chance he will be playing across the street from us before long. Unless he just skips low A.

If he comes here, maybe you'll come and watch. If so please stop and say hello.

Actually we knew this day might come a few years ago watching him play in Wilmington.

quote:

If he comes here, maybe you'll come and watch. If so please stop and say hello.

While Josh might still be a year away, those Lansing Lugnuts will be in Cedar Rapids on Thursday. I read a letter that David Rawnsley of your group graduated from Menlo School. My son who, plays for Lansing, also graduated from Menlo and I am sure would love to say hello to him...if possible.

infielddad,

David does work for us, but he lives in Omaha. If you email me I will give you David's email address and phone number. My email is pgjerry@qwest.net

Our building is right across the street (Rockford Rd) from the ball park. Often we're out of town, but everyone is always welcome. All we do (when we're here) is set around and talk about baseball (swap lies) all day.