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It's true bench press done properly will not harm your shoulder, but the problem is almost nobody does them correctly, even when they are trying.

If you want to do bench press I would suggest using dumbbells and using a neutral grip (palms facing towards each other) and keep arms close to side when pressing.

What exercises are good for upper body depends on your goals but you can never go wrong with compound movements such as rows, pullups, chinups, etc
It's not the lifts that can hurt your shoulders, rather it's execution.

There are very few bad lifts, just a great deal of poor execution.

Everyone who has lifted weights is guilty at some point. Too much weight is on the bar or an extra rep or two are squeezed out and proper technique is gone. That is when the body is at greater risk for injury.

Just really focus on technique and there really is never a need to train until failure. As long as you use good technique and train hard (but leave 1 or two reps "in the tank" on each set) you should be fine.
Well mostly the reason I asked was because I have always heard that heavy bench presses are bad for pitchers. Not and NFL lineman lift, but I bench what I think is alot for a 15 year old (245+) but I would rather have a healthy arm than have a good bench press. The bench to me doesnt seem all that beneficial anyways, as I am never on my back in baseball. I think I am just going to give the bench up all together, rather than take any risks at all.
I used to worry over what lifts I should perform while I was still pitching, having heard so many of them are bad for you. One day in the weight room I had a teammate tell me "what possible disadvantage are you going to be at if you add strength?" Im now 30 and a total gym rat...I should have been a gym rat while I was still a player.

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