verbal on phone question

I would have son send email to coach and include head coach. Be honest, say I don't know where we stand based upon our last conversation and our inability to meet in person. Can you please clarify where we are and suggest a firm date to sit down together.

In the mean time, go ahead and meet with the other schools of interest. The delay by the first school may actually allow you to flesh out any other prospects and be in a position to agree or not when you meet with the first school. Use this time to your advantage.

How about a teleconference? We did that with wife, son and me on the phone with head coach discussing an offer in a similar situation. It cleared up all of the details and didn't require an answer that night.

quote:

...Is my son considered a verbal commit? We are lost.

Did he say, "Coach X, I accept your offer and would like to play at College U"...? If you haven't "verbally" accepted the offer, then you are not verbally committed to anyone...however, in my opinion, a verbal committment is not something to be taken lightly...although there is nothing legally biding either party to the "commitment", our position to our son was that his word was his bond. Don't verbally commit to a school unless your 100% sure that's where you want to go and you can live with that decision.

Excellent advice for you...

Find out exactly what was said and find out exactly what the coach heard...Super important!

If no acceptance by your son, keep visiting the other schools. Although they are busy, the delay is a sign. Let your son continue to coordinate/manage it on his own with your subtle guidance.

Before you decide to commit, try to imagine what will happen in the days after committing, then the next months, then the next years. There are a lot of dynamics and it is a big decision.

Congrats on the action!

SCdigger, good point. No my son didn't specifically accept offer. He basically said,"That sounds great coach!" Such a teenage response. Honestly,he wasn't expecting a % offer over phone. Never heard of that being done before,but Coach said he would meet together with parents and other coaches the following week.This is a number one choice for my son,but his number two choice wants him to visit asap. They actually said they want to make an offer.
So, its not a verbal until he states he "accepts %" Good to know.

Before you say anything more to anyone, you and your son need to have a discussion where you determine whether he knows what he wants for sure right now. Consider all angles -- academics, campus environment, baseball, finances.

If the first program is going to be his favorite no matter what # 2 might say, then you should set up that visit with # 1, get the deal done, and then have son politely thank # 2 for their interest but advise them of his decision so they can move on.

If you're not at that point, then you should visit both places, preferably over the next 2 weekends, and then sort things out and give people your answers as appropriate.

Where things get tough is if money gets to be a big factor. If # 1 offers 25% and # 2 offers 60%, does that affect your/your son's decision? If it does, then you may need to visit both before you can decide. In this scenario, since you already know # 1's offer, I would go see # 2 first to see if they compare favorably. If they do, then when you go visit # 1, you let them know that you prefer them but the finances are leading you to # 2 (hint hint). If they (#2) don't make a stronger offer, then your visit to # 1 is just to make the acceptance handshake in person.

#2 is out of state. #1 is local. Both schools are
equal in price. The offer from #1 is very good.
Both colleges fit academically, coaching and baseball program. Can't help but get the feeling #1 choice is buying some time? Maybe I'm wrong.
He knows #1 choice is where he wants to go,but he wants to make sure it where he is really wanted.
If #2 offered more or less it wouldn't matter in his eyes. My son likes straight shooters,just tell me like it is.

If your son is truly wanted, the coach will not avoid you. He is probably very busy right now. The more he wants your son the more likely he will answer the phone. Keep trying though, because there are rules/limitations to him calling you. You need to initiate the discussion. Email him and tell him you will be calling him with a couple questions. Give him your cell # so he can put it in his phone and identify who is calling. If I want John Jones and I can't call him, I want John Jones to appear on my phone when he is calling me rather than some unfamiliar number. Sometimes a third party is used to communicate messages, but not always.

That is why he wants to meet and talk, I'm sure he wants to meet on campus and get your son to commit while you're there.

Your son will know for sure when he has verbally commited. There shouldn't be any confusion over that.

This part of the process can be especially nerve-racking--hang in there!

Given that the season just started, I think PGStaff's advice that you shouldn't necessarily associate communication problems with avoidance is spot on. It could be a sign that he's avoiding you, but there might be a relatively simple reason why you haven't heard back from him and it might have nothing to do with how much he wants your son to play for them.

Having said that, however, I highly recommend being direct with the "verbal commit Coach" and with the other coaches who are pursuing your son. Calisportsfan has it right and his advice is wise, sensible, and practical: your son should send an email that does not beat around the bush. Let the coach know that there are others suitors breathing down your sons neck and, for your son's peace of mind, he needs some feedback now and, hopefully sooner rather than later, some resolution.

Do not, at this point, burn any bridges with the other coaches--if you have to, string them along and do it as gingerly and as honorably as you can. You don't have tototally reveal your hand to them, just don't lie.

A verbal commitment, communicated while all parties are in the same room, accompanied by a firm handshake is a big first step.

Whew,
You have all helped so much. I can't tell you how much we appreciate it...Thanks guys!
This is why I LOVE this website so much!!!

visit both as uickly as you and your son are able to----right now your son has nothing concrete--- right now he is in the drivers seat----go for it

"Can't help but get the feeling #1 choice is buying some time? Maybe I'm wrong."

________

I think you're letting your nerves get the better of you here.

What you actually said is that the coach offered your son and gave a specific percentage. He isn't working any angle, it doesn't seem to me. It sounds to me like he wants to do this in person so that everyone is solidly on board, which is (a) a great way to handle relationships, and (b) perhaps also geared to get you invested in the decision so that the risk of your son changing his mind later is eliminated.

If you want to test it, try this. Have son send an e-mail that says:

Dear Coach:

Thank you so much for your call the other day. After talking this over with my parents, I am writing to let you know that I am happy to accept your offer to commit to your team on the terms you mentioned. I am very excited about this decision and wanted to let you know as soon as possible.

I also liked your idea about coming to campus for an in-person visit and discussion. Please let me know what dates would be best for you and your staff, and I will work with my high school coach to assure that everything is squared away at my end.

Thank you again for accepting me into your program. I can't wait to be a part of it.

Sincerely, Player

quote:

Calisportsfan has it right and his advice is wise, sensible, and practical: your son should send an email that does not beat around the bush. Let the coach know that there are others suitors breathing down your sons neck and, for your son's peace of mind, he needs some feedback now and, hopefully sooner rather than later, some resolution.

I am not big on presuring the coach, unless another coach has given your son a drop dead date and you need to communicate it. The coach might take it the wrong way and tell your son to check them all out and "I'll get back to you later".

I think TR has given good advice, visit the various options before he is forced to choose. You never know what will happen, he might even change his mind on which school is #1. Having the opportunity to visit a school is a great opportunity to get a good feeling for the coaches and players and the visit doesn't always play out the way you think it might. i.e. my son ended really liking the coaches at the last school he visited, which was barely on his radar screen until he made a visit.

I don't know why anyone would want to act like you need to pressure the coach of program # 1. He's already told that he's making an offer, and how much it is. What more could you expect from him?

Getting pushy right now just makes you look like a jerk and might actually give the man second thoughts. If you really want to screw this up, have the parents start sending e-mails that act like the coach is a suspect.

quote:

Originally posted by slotty:
Calisportsfan has it right and his advice is wise, sensible, and practical: your son should send an email that does not beat around the bush. Let the coach know that there are others suitors breathing down your sons neck and, for your son's peace of mind, he needs some feedback now and, hopefully sooner rather than later, some resolution.

Let me clarify a little here, as I think CollegeParentNoMore and Midlo make good points.

I don't think you should pressure the coach (which has a good chance of turning him off) but I do believe that being direct, proactive, and honest works best 99% of the time.

Agree with a lot of these posts including TR and the fact that you are at a point where you can drive the process. As many have said, you don't want to push too hard and make it contentious, but you can expedite and be honest. Enjoy the ride!

Pressure the coach? This is what my advice was and there is no pressuring involved!

"I would have son send email to coach and include head coach. Be honest, say I don't know where we stand based upon our last conversation and our inability to meet in person. Can you please clarify where we are and suggest a firm date to sit down together.

In the mean time, go ahead and meet with the other schools of interest. The delay by the first school may actually allow you to flesh out any other prospects and be in a position to agree or not when you meet with the first school. Use this time to your advantage."

quote:

Originally posted by calisportsfan:
Pressure the coach? This is what my advice was and there is no pressuring involved!

I know (and I think other posters know as well) you weren't suggesting "pressuring" the coach--I just wanted to make clear that I wasn't suggesting pressuring the coach either!

In my misguided effort for greater clarity regarding my own post, I made things more confusing. My apologies.

Trhit...we are taking your advice and going to visit college #2 ASAP. The coach answers every call and is very enthusiastic about my son visiting and introducing him to everyone. We will probably visit another college we have been putting off as well. Who knows what will happen, my son might just fall in love with another school all over again.

I am confused.

You say your son is sure about # 1. You say # 1 and # 2 cost the same. You say he has an offer and was told the specific percentage.

Why are you still shopping around? It can't be because of the coach, because from all you've said, he's behaved wonderfully.

I can only conclude that you are not as sure about # 1 as you say.

If you really were sure, you would never put that offer at risk by postponing your confirming visit in favor of playing the field.

I'm confused now. My impression is to keep looking until offer is concrete. Yes, this IS my son's first choice. Yes he gave my son a % offer. My understanding is that its not official until my son accepts offer,which would be done during visit. We are patient people and this is why we have
asked about advice. He is sure about #1... but, we as parents, are starting to think otherwise since the coach has again (yesterday) asked to re-schedule a visit with all of us.After 4 cancelled visits, we are starting to feel like yo-yos, one day we are up and another down. I will suggest to my son to email coach for some clarity first,before anything else.
We don't want to mess anything up,we are loyal to this college, but how much more? My stomach is in knots!

Visiting other schools will give more perspective to the choice being made. i.e. it may reinforce choice #1 or do the opposite. The trip may point out what is really important to the player.

ALthough I don't know the details I find it difficult to believe a HS player can make an informed decision without seriously visiting a number of schools, given the opportunity.

We were there last year, but different situation. We took several (9) unofficial visits the schools we were considering. We got some offers, we told the ones we got offers from that we were very interested but still had to visit the other ones on our list before we committed. We didn't want to make a decision under pressure or cheat ourself out of the process. I felt that all the coaches respected our decision. We made are decision some time after the visits. New Questions will arise, but you'll feel like you have had plenty of time to think about it. Everybody's situation is different though. Good luck and enjoy it. And when I say we I mean my Son, he made the decision with my guidance (or 2 cents).

Baseballfam4, if coach is serious he should be willing to come out to your trailer and meet you and son in person.

quote:

He is sure about #1... but, we as parents, are starting to think otherwise since the coach has again (yesterday) asked to re-schedule a visit with all of us.After 4 cancelled visits, we are starting to feel like yo-yos, one day we are up and another down. I will suggest to my son to email coach for some clarity first,before anything else.
We don't want to mess anything up,we are loyal to this college, but how much more?

After reading this again, it appears there is a history of cancelling meetings. It is not clear if you are dealing with the head coach or the recruiting coach....that is a very important part of this as the recruiting coach may not have the authority or the "go ahead" from the head coach yet. I think I would have the same thoughts after 4 cancelled visits. I'm willing to give the coaching staff a little slack as this is a real busy time of the year for every baseball program in the country. But 4 times? I think you are doing the right thing by looking at other potential schools thereby protecting your son's interests.

IMHO please don't think of "loyalty" (your word above) in the recruiting process. Think of honesty and integrity. I don't think loyalty has much of a place. The coach has a job to do......get the best possible baseball players that he needs on the team through Admissions. He wants everybody (including freshmen) to compete for a job every year. Your son shouldn't feel an obligation of loyalty to the coach during the recruiting process.

Truthfully, I'm not sure how much more slack I would give #1 school if your son also really likes #2 school. If you get the feeling that #1 school starts to use "weasel words", and backs out of the previous oral offer I would call him on it in a nice way. IMHO this is too big of a decision to be playing these games, and cancelling 4 visits. I agree with MidloDad that #1 choice is buying time for one reason or another. Regardless of the reason(s), your son needs to keep his recruiting efforts moving forward.

Best of luck.