We've got Splinters

Hi! Welcome. You are going to get many different responses to your question...everyone has an opinion...usually based on personal observations. You, as his mom, have to look at the bigger picture. For our son, quitting was never an option once he gave his word (by proxy when you join a team). It was important to us (not everyone feels this way) that he learn valuable life tools. We knew life was not always fair and that he'd have to stick with certain things through difficult times. He is very glad, now, that he learned that lesson early. We always knew that he had the tools and talent to rise up...sometimes it just takes longer (late bloomer) or harder work and determination. If you do some seaching, you will find athletes who were cut from teams, never played, sat the bench, etc that ended up stars or everyday players. But you cannot do it for him...you can only do the parent things, like make him live his life to the highest standard. Quitting will not help. Be sure and convey this one truth to him, his attitude must be the best one in the dugout...always. Others on this site will probably have better words for you, but what I have said worked wonderfully for our son. He is respected greatly by teammates and coaches...and he does not always play.

lazyj ...

First off, may I be the first to welcome you to the Lounge but it is a shame your first post is not one that makes you

Your son's dilemma and broken heart seem to be, unfortunately, a part of the game. It seems that the goals and intentions of the coach ... whether to win everything or to develop players ... determine and dictate how many guys actually get to go on the field during the season. And from my long years of watching youth and high school ball, it seems most coaches cannot find the happy medium (i.e., if you develop your players, the wins will come !!! Here's your sign.) Of course I would imagine that there will be times the coach needs to substitute players and hopefully your son will benefit from it. But unfortunately it is out of your hands at this point.

Question for you ... what year is your son? Is he a freshman on a JV team of sophomores and juniors? If that is the case, I think it is a shame for a player to be brought up a level only to sit on his derriere (how is that spelled?) and most coaches I have seen thru high school and even college (freshman redshirting or wasting a year of eligibility) really prefer to NOT have a player move up a level just so he can sit.

Has your son spoken with the coach and asked what he (your son) needs to do to get some opportunities on the field? It is hard for these young men to do that sometimes, but generally speaking (except for a few real jerks out there) it serves a better purpose than for a player to sit and complain and/or pout ... not that your son is doing this ... but coaches are like moms with rabbit ears (we have extra eyes, they have good hearing) and seem to sense when a player is unhappy. Unfortunately that can work against the player, so I think it is wise for the player to try and approach the coach, always being respectful, perhaps a bit humble, and get as much input as possible about what the player needs to improve skill-wise so he can improve play time wise.

Our hearts break for our sons when these things happen. Most of us ... except for the moms with real for sons ... have had to watch this happen at least once in our sons' lives. I wish your son well.

catsuremom ...

Great advice !!! Our son didn't have the quitting option either for the same reasons you state. I guess great minds (and great moms) think alike

LazyJ:

Last year my son, as a freshman, made the varsity team; he got some playing time but not much. He was the one pumping everyone up in the dugout, chasing foul balls, getting the catchers gear ready, first to the field, last to leave. This kid has soooooo much drive and love of the game. He was not on the bench often before high school so I really did not know how he would react. He took it like a champ. He really learned a lot from riding that bench, probably more than if he would have started. This year as a sophomore, he is the starting 2nd baseman and the #2 pitcher. And yes, he still rides the bench sometimes. Tell your son to never ever give up, especially being a freshman and also, quitting must never, ever be an option, he must finish out the season.

Thanks to all who have shared. My son knows quitting is not an option "this year" he is a sophomore on the JV team. I have given him the option to opt-out next year and get a job or...improve his skills through camps or trying out for a select baseball team this summer. The only training he has ever had is Little League since age 4 and the Freshman 4/5 A team last year. I have also encouraged him to talk to the coach about areas that need improvement and how to go about it. I fully understand that me or my husband talking with the coach would do more harm than good but it is sooo hard to suppress my mother hen instincts.
Any advice on camps or select baseball teams?

Never ever ever quit. Freshman year - played a lot / Sophomore year (JV) played a lot / Junior year (Varsity) played 5 innings the entire season - it was a miserable year for my son. Senior year - playing again. We had two Seniors quit because they didn't think they would get enough playing time. That was their choice. In the past week I have seen the second baseman get injured - so someone who was on the bench is now playing second. Also, another player was out for a few days and a player from the bench stepped up to take the position. Our hottest hitter - now hitting as the DH came off the bench - never would have guessed that one. Never ever ever quit.

Welcome to HSBBW lazyj!

Sooner or later our boys are going to do some pine time. For some, that's in HS, some it may be in college or for a very select few it may not be until a minor league. Whenever that is, there are some things that are certain. First, it will upset them and secondly, that will hurt our hearts. However, I have always believed that we so often learn more through challenges than the easier roads. Doesn't feel like that when things aren't going well.... but, I can almost always look back and see the blessings that have come out of a difficult situation. Your son will be no different and can use this situation to strengthen himself in many different ways.

As far as camps/select teams.... check for sites in your area, talk with scouts that live in your area as well as his HS coach or any other coach you know. If he's interested in a particular college, then it might be wise to check out what they offer in the form of camps. Also, if it's in your budget, you might want to ask around in your area about instructors. Sometimes, I believe it might be wiser for people to spend their dollars this route. Playing is the greatest way to learn... but, if he's not going to make the field, then instruction might strengthen his skills allowing him more of a chance. Also, coaches can appreciate his desire to improve.

Best wishes and keep us posted on his progress.

I've got the tweezers!!! ha!

Welcome lazyj to the ladies lounge and to the HSBBW.
First off, I hope you find some relief in knowing that this does happen. Your son is not alone, even though at the time, it sure can feel that way.

quote:

I have also encouraged him to talk to the coach about areas that need improvement and how to go about it.

Has your son taken you up on your advice?
Sometimes its hard to get the boys to go through with this advice.
( kinda like getting the husband to stop and ask for directions. ha!)

But if he approaches his coach correctly,..with a " what do I need to work on " attitude and not a " why arent you playing me more " attitude, he should get the coaches attention.
Coach isn't going to put a kid on the roster just for the sake of filling up the roster form.

He had to have seen something in your son that he wanted for his team.

Remember, were talking men and communication skills, not always an easy scenario. Nudge your son to take the first step and talk to his coach. This in my opinion shows maturity.
Coach should recognize this as a postive move on your son's behalf. Shows him that he's a go-getter who WANTS to play and is willing to work for it.

Shows that sitting and simply wearing the jersey isnt enough.
Your son wants more.
Have him go out there and get it!!!

Have your son ask the coach for drills he can work on in his spare time. Make sure your son is arriving first on the field and leaving last. Make sure he's helping with the field and dugout. Heck,...have him polish the baseballs with Pledge and hand waterproof the bench,...if thats what it takes. ( ha!)

Seriously,... let him show the coach he means business.
We have a young kid ( sophomore ) on our JV team who is the smallest kid out there. He's also the loudest, the most postitive and encouraging player towards his team mates.
Gives every throw and at bat his ALL!! Flies on and off the field. If he makes an error, he jumps up and says " give me another coach ". You cant help take notice of this kid.
Coach has him in the line up for todays first Varsity game. His skill level may not be quite there, but his attitude is leaps ahead of most. It has made an obvious impression on everyone. Myself included. Hustle and willingness count. Take your scenario and make something happen.
Even if he doesnt get more playing time, he will have made a good name for himself,..and thats a positive that not many can disagree with!
I wish him the very very best!!!

Gooo get em lazyj's son,...go get em and show em what he's made of!!!!
Keep us posted!!!!

Shortstopmon,

I just had a good laugh while reading your post. I got a visual of my own son sitting on the bench polishing baseballs and it was pretty amusing to me, but I'm easily amused anyway

You offered some good advice to lazyj. Going to use it myself and offer it to my son.

Thanks

I'll add my two cents as the mom of a former benchwarmer...

When your son does talk to his coach (and he definitely should) remind him that often WHEN you talk to the coach is almost as important as what you say. Players sometimes choose the wrong time - right after a game, just before practice, etc. Make an appointment, if necessary, to go and see him when you can both sit down and talk in a relaxed manner with no distractions. He will appreciate the courtesy and will be in a better frame of mind to hear what you have to say.

Remember that while only nine players can play at once, it takes more than nine to make a team. The guys on the bench are just as much a part of the team as the ones on the field. Here's two quotes that I repeated to my son during his junior year of high school, when he sat the bench most of the season - for the first time in HIS life:

"The ones who stay are the ones who play" (In other words, you may not be playing right now, but if you quit you can be SURE you'll not be playing later)

"You're a twisted ankle away from your opportunity". As much as we don't like to see it happen, players do get injured (or violate their athletic contract, or become academically ineligible - we've seen them all!) and the guys still sitting on the bench are the ones who will have the opportunity to fill that spot... not the ones who gave up and went home.

Hang in there - my own bench warming son went on to play college ball, where he started and played every single game!

shortstopmom ...

quote:

men and communication skills

Can we spell O-X-Y-M-O-R-O-N ???

Good advice all around!

Like many who answered here, my son has been through similar experiences and all it did was strengthen his resolve to fight back and get into the game.
He had a spell in HS and more recently this year, he was getting virtually no playing time as he was coming off an injury. He kept working, kept communication open with the coach and as of last week, is now one of the starters.


I'm not trying to be harsh here, but if the player chooses to quit due to lack of playing time, his heart probably was not in the game.
If you think it is hard in HS, the college level is very demanding even in the JUCOs.
You have to WANT to be in the game and that means hours of work and extra work to prove that you deserve to be there.
I would strongly agree with those who commented on the importance of attitude.

lazyj, best of luck on the season and let your son dictate the road he wants to travel.
If he loves the game, he will fight his way on to the field.
Or he may discover, this isn't what he wants afterall and find another path that carries him exactly where he wants to be.

Good advice from all you ladies about a HS player sitting on the bench - I have a broken hearted college player also sitting on the bench - for 2 years! He is a sophomore pitcher at an average D3 school, throws 85-86, works very hard all the time, never in trouble, has talked to the coach about how to work harder etc etc. but in 2 years has only pitched about 4 innings. (He did very well in those 4 innings) I can understand a freshman not pitching much but a sophomore? The coach has used many freshman and sophomores but not my son. It would have been much kinder to cut him this season if he wasn't going to use him. Every week he calls and says "Mom, I may be pitching this week?" but the week goes by and he doesn't. Even a coach from another college, who knows my son from the summer, commented on the fact that he was a better pitcher than most of the kids on the team!
It crossed my mind that because we are paying full fees for the college they wont cut my son in case he goes somewhere else. Has anyone heard of this before or am I completely off base?
This just breaks my heart too because he is really a good all around player, good outfielder and batter
as well as pitcher. They could definitely have used him in the outfield!

mmac, It sounds like your son has discussed his situation with his coach and been told he'll be in the lineup. What does the coach say when your son doesn't come in to pitch? I know it's very tough to watch them ride the pine in college.

My son realized he wasn't going to throw last year as a freshman at a JUCO he'd chosen, requested, and was granted a RS. He transferred (not particularly for that reason... but a combination of factors) and is so much happier this year. He started this season off not pitching much, but things have picked up considerably when conference play started and I can tell you he's a happier kid! They all want a chance to proove themselves and it's difficult to have patience when you're not used to sitting in HS.

The only advice I can offer is be supportive and encouraging. To take a negative attitude ourselves as parents is never helpful IMO. Hopefully, your son's coach is being honest with him and that he will have some mound time. I understand the role of being a coach is far more complicated than any of us parents can ever imagine... but I also expect a coach to be completely honest with a player. If he won't play there... tell him and allow him the choice of what to do... don't mislead him. Keep us posted and fingers crossed that he gets some more innings real soon.

quote:

by mmac: It crossed my mind that because we are paying full fees for the college they wont cut my son in case he goes somewhere else. Has anyone heard of this before or am I completely off base?

pardon my intrusion into the ladies area, but sadly you're NOT off base & this is common at D3s - some coaches are encouraged (forced) to do this

a local NAIA coach was required to bring in a number of extra players beyond his necessary recruits ... players for whom playing time opportunity was nil but having academic money

15 or so extra guys over 4 or 5 yrs = $2+ million in tuition/fees to the bursar's office & additional $$ for college & town AND they're not on another campus

Well, since Bee> started the trend.....

The advice has been excellent in this thread.

Some thoughts but I am not trying to convice anyone of anything. As a freshman last year, my son sat for the first time in his career. It was not pleasant but it was not devastating either.

I didn't feel that a conversation with the coach was necessary. To me, the line-up card was the most honest form of communication the coach had. Plus, you have your competition for playing time right in front of you so it's possible to determine what needs done.

When my son was on the bench, I encouraged him to improve the five tools - throwing, fielding, hitting, hitting for power, and speed. I said if you were better in each of those areas (or most) than the next guy, then you would probably be playing. We focused on self-improvement and nothing else. It was a good experience for him.

I should add - luck plays a role in playing time. There is an ebb and flow to it. Perseverence usually pays off.

quote:

some coaches are encouraged (forced) to do this

It absolutely happens in smaller schools. Obviously a NAIA (12 scholarships), DIII (no athletic money), JUCO (max of 24) that fills their rosters with 45 kids do not have all of those kids there on scholarships (baseball or otherwise). The only problem I have with that is honesty. If there's a JV program and a coach tells a young man that his role will be to be on the JV team and develop into a stronger player... yeah for him. But if a coach misleads a young man into thinking grander and bigger things are awaiting him... bad man!! Is everyone coming in being told they're a varsity starter? If so... DANGER... WILL ROBINSON... DANGER!

We had a JUCO coach tell us (who only funded a total of six schollys to be divided) that he liked to keep a roster of only 20 kids, but the school made him have one of upwards of 26-27 kids. It happens very often and is a reason that parents need to be extra diligent when researching programs. That small school player (as Bee said) may be bringing in an extra $30,000/year/player for the school and coach "hears" it if he tells these kids the honest truth and they go packing.

good thoughts CD,

but on some 40-50 player DIII/NAIA rosters there are players
(PAYING THEIR OWN WAY) who will never see the field

Thanks for all your good advice and for confirming what we thought. The roster at my son's college is 28, obviously some of these kids will never play, and are probably paying full fees like my son. Pity the coach could not be honest with him about playing time. (I really think he should be given more of an opportunity to prove what he can do) I dont think my son would transfer anyway as he really likes the school, his major, and the kids. He is playing ball this summer but I doubt be will try again next year. Great pity as baseball is his love. Very disappointing for us all.

while 28 doesn't seem out of line ..

if it's not working - it's not working

good luck