What do you as parents expect from your high school coach

 For my son who is 23and finished with college,he still communicates with his HS coaches.One of his varsity coaches was also a math teacher and my son was a TA one semester.He is a great guy,and the entire staff was great.

 

I think my son was fortunate to have this in HS.

My sons school had never won a section title and they won it his senior year.So much fun.They worked hard for it,they won their league,and then the section.

 

Parents had a great time.it was all and more than we as a family could of expected from HS ball.

I know it isnt always like this but I wish it could be.

 

 

 

Great question.  You're going to get a lot of different answers I suspect.

 

I expect a high school coach to be a teacher first and foremost.  He needs to teach & reinforce fundamental and advanced skills as well as how the game is played the right way.  Winning is important, but HOW you win is more important IMO at this level.  Fairness and impartiality is the other expectation I have for high school coaches.  At the end of the day, he should be putting the best players on the field.  He sees them everyday at practice, he should know who is doing the work and who is not.

 

The rest is up to the particular coach.  If they want to be a bigger part of their players lives that is up to them.  For example,I've seen some high school coaches very involved in the recruiting process and I've seen others not so much. 

I didn't have high expectations of sons HS coach going into HS.  I had heard he was not that good but we knew son would make the team regardless.  We knew that the travel teams he was involved in would be more important, and that they would be more instrumental in the recruiting process than the HS coach.  But that did not mean that son didn't have to ignore his rules, what he demanded when he was on their team. We always told son if you don't like it just go with the flow and keep your mouth shut, which he always did. 

 

Over the years my opinions of what managers and HC roles (all levels) should be is as follows.   Their role is to see that the player attends class  (HS, college), GPA to remain eligible, runs practice regularly, is fair in his treatment of all players and delegates the teaching process to his coaches if he is not familiar with that position, and always nutures a winning attitude and philosophy.

 

Now some coaches go about that in different ways, but reality is that the player has  to be coachable. If word gets out that your player is not open to ideas presented to him (not coachable), this may eliminate some coaches from even considering, no matter how good the player is.

 

By the time a player reaches the Varsity level in HS, it should be about winning and teamwork.   Player should remember there is no I in team.

 

My son has continued relationships with all of the coaches he has worked under including his HS coach. Most have been a very big part in his life, more so from his travel/college coaches than HS. He learned more from some than others, but his respect for their position was always the same, which is/was you are the boss and I will do as you say.

 

I had the same expectations as every other coach in every sport along the way.. I expected the coach to teach the game and be competitive. Winning is a byproduct of a proper process (along with some talent). The only coach I had different expectations was the showcase coach. I felt i was paying for the college contacts and promotion.

I AM a head coach at a high school, AND the parent of a player.  It is interesting how my son playing in my program for 4 years has opened my eyes to some things that I didn't consider from the "parent side"....

 

Anyway, as a high school coach, I have always felt it is my job to evaluate player talent fairly and honestly to select my teams.  Then, it is my job to educate the players in basics and fundamentals if they don't have them or to reinforce those basics and fundamentals if they DO have them.  Then, as we continue to teach and reinforce, and improve skills,  I need to put together the parts of the team to help us win.  As noted by fenwaysout, to win the RIGHT way: play hard, hustle, be early, get good grades, don't talk back to umpires, don't speak when a coach or other player is addressing the team, etc.

 

A great, retired coach here in Ohio said something that I have adopted:  yes, I want to make you a better baseball player.  But while less than 10% of my players will play beyond high school, all of them will be sons, brother, husbands, fathers, co-workers, employees in the future, and if I can make them better at THOSE things, that is even more important.

 

In the past, I also always offered my help when it came to college, but anymore it seems high school coaches are treated as non-entities when it comes to college recruiting.  Those with college talent focus on their summer teams and don't want/need my help.  The rest of the kids don't seem to focus on playing behind high school.  Those few who DO express interest in playing beyond high school and want my help will get everything I have.

As a parent I think, teaching and coaching the team is enough. If a player needs additional support that the coach can provide that's fine. I'm sure some players need more support from the coach than others.  I have an issue when the coach starts to impart his personal moral and religious beliefs onto the players.

I assume expectations are based on skill/knowlegde level of coach.  Either way I do expect these coaches to first be concerned about their role, (during very impressionable years), in helping these boys learn how to be good young men.  Secondly, I expect the coach to teach them how to play the game to extent they know the game.  I also expect coach to care for the best interest of each player as well as the team, and not get jeolouse or become petty because player plays another sport or plays for a good Summer team.  Lastly, I expect the coach to love the game and do the best he can to try and instill that same love for the game in his players. 

 

For those who do that, I feel are make a huge mistake.  I feel a HS coach has a much better understanding of the player than some summer team coach.  And it seems to me from my little contact with college and pro scouts, the HS HC provides them with very valuable inside on a player.  Maybe there are cases where such insight is not sought out because of flaws in the players character . . .??? 

Good topic.  I think what you hope to get and what you expect to get are probably 2 different things.  I hope that he is a good coach and teacher of baseball.  Someone who knows the game and can teach them to play the right way fundamentallly and with class and respect for the game.  Someone who can get the most out of his players and build their confidence from beginning to end of season.  The ability to build a kids confidence is a true gift and I think a rarity, but I have seen it...   it is truley remarkable to see a kid who is beaten down in confidence by one coach to see him blossom for another coach who believes in him. 

 

I also hope that they take a true interest in helping players develop year round.  I don't expect this, but I am so amazed when I see a coach stay involved with kids during the summer and fall...   proactively making facilities and himself available to help them.

As a former HS Coach I would add a couple fo things, HS coach is representing the school and community first and foremost. Second upperclassmen should have the edge for playing time, my take was unless the underclassman is absolutely head and shoulders better than the upperclassman he is competing with, the nod goes to the older player. I always took a long hard look at the "other" things as well, is the player going to represent the school and community in a manor I expect? does the player have current interest from colleges and can he make it (academically) at that school? what position is the best for that student to help the HS team? I had a young man who was tremendous middle infielder with multiple D1 interest, he was also the best athlete on the team and the team leader, I had another kid that was a pretty good middle infielder but not a strong leader. I moved the D1 kid to center, I expected to get push back from him and his showcase coach but was surprised to have tremendous support from both, this was the best choice for the TEAM. I did play him at SS when a potential college came to see him so they could accurately evaluate him. the young man went on to college, was an All American and was drafted and played several years of minor league ball and is now one of my assistance. My point is, as a HS coach you have to represent your SCHOOL and COMMUNITY, it's not soley about baseball and that is the part all parents should remember.

I've posted this many times so I suppose to some this may be boring by now...but I believe my younger son had THE BEST HS coach in America.  And I sincerely mean that.

So maybe I'll just describe him (probably forget a few things)...

 

He is a teacher...math teacher at the HS.  Has been there around 25-30 years.  Was once head of student activities and at one point served as the school's AD as well.  He sees the players all day in school...he is absolutely in tune with their school work and their social life.  Trouble in Social Studies?  He knows.  Trouble with girlfriend?  He probably knows.

 

His teams are always better at the end of the year than at the beginning.  His teams have won numerous league titles in a league that is very tough to win...a league that has produced opposing players such as Barry Bonds, Gregg Jefferies, Daniel Descalso, Eric Byrnes, Tom Brady, etc...  His teams have won CA Section titles, at least one mythical state title and at least one mythical national title (they don't play all the way to state in CA).  He has won numerous awards including being the coach of the West team in the (formerly known as) AFLAC All American Game (now Perfect Game Classic I think?).

 

Communication is outstanding.  Always a parent/coach meeting at the beginning and end of year. Consistent emails.  And a willingness to meet if you ask.

 

Playing time...nearly all ~25 players get a shot early in the year.  If you do well, you play more.  If you don't...you're gonna find some time on the bench.  Work hard in practice and you'll get more chances.  Our son, primarily a pitcher, benefited from this as a hitter...he finally broke into the lineup as a position player about halfway through his senior year.

 

Pitching...monitored carefully.  Our son was one of those kids that begged to be out there every inning possible.  He would typically start the year with 4-5 innings, about 60 pitches limit and build up to 6-7 innings by year's end...but I don't think ever over about 90 pitches.  Our son was pulled in 0-0 games in the 6th inning because he hit his pitch count...and despite his own begging to get out there was held out of a league championship game until the very last inning or so because he had pitched a few innings the day before.  We lost that game, by the way.

 

I said the team got better every year.  So did our son.  He was always a better pitcher and a better hitter at the end of the year.  What was even better than that?  He, at least to us, was a better student and person at the end of each year.  By the time he graduated, my wife and I noted that he was easily the most well adjusted HS senior of any of our 4 boys to that point.  Thats not a knock on the others...just an observation about the value of this coach and this school.  Same parents...different school...gotta give them credit. 

 

Our son's HS runs a summer program in which he hopes your son will participate.  But he does not require it.  Our son, a pitcher primarily, played infield and hit on his summer team and pitched on an elite travel team.  Almost never pitched for the HS coach in summer.  His main requirement?  Just communicate.  If you can't be there or can't pitch, just tell him in advance.  If you don't wanna play...fine.  No penalty whatsoever.

 

College recruiting.  Nearly every college coach interested in our son came through this HS coach (and many through the travel coach too).  They typically wanted to know about our son as a person, as a student and as a player.  He made himself very available for that...and he is respected in the college community as well.  When things were heating up on the recruiting front, my wife and I asked to meet with the HS coach.  We sat down in a classroom and went over each and every college and what he knew about them...and where he thought our son would fit.  When our son expressed interest in a college across the country that hadn't had any contact, the HS coach volunteered to call them and talk to them about our son.  He also volunteered to call any program we were interested in.

 

Our son is 2 years removed from his HS coach and school.  But our family is not.  We remain connected and enjoy this coach's friendship.  Our son heads down there on the first day he is home...nearly every time he comes home.  He works out, hangs out...helps out.  He loves that place and that coaching staff.

 

This is not to say that there are not detractors.  There most certainly are a handful every year.  I don't really know if they have a legitimate beef or not?  I do know that the HS coach cares that they are upset.  I know he anguishes over it to a certain degree.  But to me, that is yet another attribute that I love about him...he cares.

 

After our son's last HS game...one in which they were eliminated in the Section semi-final game...we waited by the bus to give our son a hug and thank the coaches.  As Coach Hutton approached the bus, my wife gave him a big hug and said, "I love you."  He was a little taken aback...but it was how both of us feel.  This school, this team, this coach...was the best HS experience we could have ever imagined. 

Well stated.

Thanks, for all the responses, some very good points were raised.  So to go a little further, 2014 is one of those players that has a shot at playing at the next level.... and I think his coach is aware of this. USA team try-outs in Cary NC, Area Code PG pre-season  etc.....

 

But the coach pulls him in the office and says, I want to make sure your focus is on this level and this team and not the summer team or the next level. To date 18 k's in 11 innings, ERA .81 for the HS ....

 

Son really does not know what to make of it. He has college coaches contacting us and wanting to know when he is going to pitch.  Some schools are in excess of 8 hours away. If I were the college coach I would not want to drive that far and not get to see the player perform. But he is hesitant to ask because he feels the HC will think he is thinking of himself .

 

From reading everyone replies, it seems the consensus is that he should be helping 2014 with this.  Advice?

But the coach pulls him in the office and says, I want to make sure your focus is on this level and this team and not the summer team or the next level.

So I could see a very good HS coach saying this.  The advice is sound...within his season.

 

Our younger son 'committed' to a D1...one game into his Junior HS season.  We asked his HS coach to keep it between him and us only.  Why?  So that our son (and all around him...e.g. teammates)...remained focused on that level and that team...and not the summer team or the next level.  Coach agreed...and not even his assistant coaches knew about the commitment.

 

Result?  An 11-0 record on the bump for younger son and a league, section and mythical state and national title for his team.

 

There are legitimate reasons to maintain "focus is on this level and this team and not the summer team or the next level" without negating them.

 

Just a different angle in how to think about this...nothing more. 

justbaseball

 

you have a "dialog"

Yeah, I was thinking the same.  I can think of several good reasons why a coach would have this dialog.  He may want to help the player stay in the moment, focus on the current task at hand, help him maintain his relationship with his teammates during a time of many distractions, maintain the overall focus of the team, help the player realize how important his HS memories will be years later, take some of the burden of dealing with college coaches off his mind when it comes to things he can't control (i.e. -when he may be pitching), it is continuation of teaching the right way to do things, etc.

I don't know if that is what's happening in Bacdor's son's situation but would hope so. 

 

Last year, a player in our league was getting heavy MLB and college attention to the point where each of their games was becoming a bit of a media circus.  It ended up hurting the HS team's performance and cohesiveness.  I don't know if it could have been handled better but it couldn't have been an easy task for the HS coach.

Many other times, with our players and other players in our league, college coaches are made aware of a P's start, they show up quietly and most other players and fans don't even know they were there until the game is over.  This seemed to work well for everyone involved.

 

Bacdor, I guess your son needs to have that discussion, assuring the coach that he has 100% of son's efforts and attention but son needs his help with college coach communication in regards to their requests to see him pitch.  I'm sure his answer will tell you exactly what you are dealing with.    

Solid post...as usual cabbagedad...in every way!  Said it better than I did. 

Again good advice and why I ask.  I often wonder why the recruiters are contacting my son, or me instead of the HC?  It seems to me the easy route to take would be for the recruiters to call/email the coach and ask him when he is pitching. This way I don't have to try and manage it, and 2014 does not have to worry about it either.  Maybe I could provide the contact info to the HC and he could just drop a note to the recruiters that have requested the info? 

 

It's a sticky situation, I do not want 2014 to get the "big head" I do not want it to be a distraction for anyone involved but I also would like some communication from the HC to the college coaches.

 

I think the HC gave good advice to 2014 in the context that justbaseball and cabbagedad explained . I hope this was the head coaches intentions.  I do not feel 2014 has lost his focus for his high school team.  I am just hoping  that asking him for the communication is not going to be construed as me...me...me....

 

Oh one more thing, this is a first year coach..... at a school that has history of placing kids in the SEC.... last years coach had been at our school for 15 years and was used to these situations.

 

I came to the same conclusion as my son was on that same team. Coach Hutton exceeded my expectations. I am forever grateful that my son had such a great experience as it was key to his current success.  And I would add that I know some players on that team who didn't go any further in baseball, but came way from the program much better and well adjusted young men. 

 

. . . . only wish all HS programs could say the same.

In another thread some of us talked about the "art" of bringing the coach into your process.  Its not fake or disingenuous...but most people will want to help if you make them a part of your "team."  In this case...process.  Ask him questions, show that you value his insights.  Ask for his help.  Let him see that you respect his team and him as a coach.

 

I think a lot (not all, but a lot) of problems with HS coaches appear when families treat them as an adversary.  Keep in mind that his #1 objective is his "team" and respect that his #1 job is to coach ~20 young men.  He will have time for your son, but I believe the burden is on your son and your family to show that his team is your priority as well.

 

There just aren't many HS teachers that wouldn't want their students to go to Harvard/Yale/Stanford and I don't believe there are many HS coaches that wouldn't want their players moving onto the next level...most especially the SEC.

 

Good luck! 

That is not always the case and can be dependent on your situation.  Most higher level kids in this metro area are known better buy a club coach than there HS coach.   I have known these kids in some cases for years and see them more than just the 2-3 months the HS coach see's them in the spring.  HS and summer team coaches are listed on most recruit forms.   I would guess a varsity guy may have some insite but at  larger programs you have numerous coaches through C,JV &V.  I know factually our kids have been given incorrect methods and instruction which happens whether in Summer or HS. As a parent I believe you have to look at it in the context of what you have as a HS coach.  I respect what these guys do and as a parent but I would never expect any higher of a standard other than good character quality and fairness.  Again, this area I am aware of no coaches that are envolved outside of just the few months in spring.  They don't coach legion as it's dying here and don't push any summer program over another.

2Lefties - I'd like to present an alternate view that may or may not be true in your school or area...but certainly is true in mine.

 

The HS coach knows far more about the kid's behavior outside of the baseball field.  He knows more about the kid's academics, social strengths and weaknesses, work ethic around daily practices and in school and in some instances more about the family.

 

The HS coach in both of my sons' schools (two different schools) are teachers at the schools and are with the kids 9 months out of the year...not 3.  But during the 3-4 months of the HS season...they are with the kids 5-6 days a week...2-4 hours a day which is FAR MORE than our sons' elite travel coaches were.

 

Don't get me wrong, I am a fan of good travel elite summer teams/programs.  (I am not a fan of all travel programs...just as we are all not a fan of all HS coaches/programs).  I think those summer coaches played an important role in both of my sons' advancement to D1 college baseball.  But I also think that both of my sons' HS coaches played a critical role too.

 

And I also believe...very strongly...that if you make your HS coach part of your "team" or process...you will find the vast majority are more than happy to help out.  If you treat them like an adversary, then they will very possibly turn into one.

 

Seems to me its usually our choice as parents as to which approach to take.

I do not intend on making the HS coach as adversary. But in my sons case the travel coach has taken a bigger role and works much harder at recruiting than our current high school coach. 

 

The travel coach is working to make sure that every player on his roster gets signed. the HS coach is working on his high school team.  We have a very successful HS school team, ranked nationally, but this coach did not build that he inherited it due to a political situation.

 

Now my issue is how much the HS school coach is willing to help the individual player with recruiters.  I feel that the HS coach should do everything to help the player with recruiters, chances are this same player is a big reason why he is winning games.

 

As far as the HS coach spending more time with the players such as at school does not happen at our high school we are a very large school and players will hardly ever see coaches unless they have them for a class.

 

I think 2014 will ask the HS coach when he feels he will pitch so he can tell recruiters but other than that he will let the travel coach handle the rest.

 

I just don't think our HS school coach is concerned about spending time promoting to the next level .  He is new and does not have the exp.

I never expected sons HS coach to be involved in the recruiting.  I felt that was our job. Part of that job was to find a good fit for a travel team come summer.
You are expecting something from him that he may not be prepared to do.  The role of the HS coach is to coach.  Keep in mind not everyone will go on to the next level on a HS team.  Most hs travel teams are designed to offer opportunities and many have established relationships with college programs. There are exceptions as justbaseball has explained.
What exactly do you want him to do?

Valid points and I agree, but it's not the same in some schools.  Ours is just too large and 75% of the players from C to Var. play on Club teams were travel/club coaches have a vested interest in making sure there players get exposure to the next level.  Are there cases where the travel coach/club is more worried about getting paid, absolutley but as bacdorslider noted, many of these HS players will never see a coach unless they get him for the specific subject being taught.  Your spot on if there is a instantance where a kid has a attitude or social strengths or lack therof but it's more of an exception in larger 5A-6A schools.  Again, this is all about context and it's not a one size fits all for all parents.  I just want to give a differing perspective for other readers.  I am greatful for the wisdom that has been shared on this forum.  We as coaches and parents have to wear both hats when our kids play HS.  We have told our 2015's they need to be respectful or the time these other coaches put in do whats asked of them. As a parent don't expect these HS coaches to work wonders, respect what they have to work with and most of all don't be too judgemental by falling into what another parent said or thinks.  HS ball is my kids time to represent his school, he needs to learn to communicate on his own with coaches and do what is asked.  My job is to support him and HIS team whether from behind the plate in the bleachers or in my case down the RF line up on the hill in a lawn chair.

Alright...I described our younger son's "ideal" coach...and all of it was fact.  Backed by another poster from the same HS.

 

Now let me describe a situation with our older son...much more similar to the one bacdorslider described.  Different HS and different coach from the younger son's I described above.

 

Our older son played at a HS with a first year coach.  He had never been a head coach...anywhere.  He was a math teacher at the school and got the job over other candidates, in part, because the bargaining agreement with the teachers' union in the district was that if the teacher was "qualified," he gets the coaching job over outside candidates.  His qualification was that he had played 2 years of college baseball himself...about 15-20 years prior.

 

He knew nothing about recruiting...nothing.  Our older son was a junior and starting to draw interest (in 2004, getting interest as a junior was "early").  The AD knew virtually nothing.  In the history of the school...about 25 years...only 2 athletes had ever received D1 scholarships.

 

Very shortly after the math teacher got the coaching job, I contacted him (by email I think).  I congratulated him on getting the job and offered any help that he might want.  I also let him know my son was getting college interest and I'd like to talk with him about it.  He agreed...we met...I told him where we were (a few early 'personal' letters) and asked for his help.  He, somewhat hesitantly since he'd never seen our son pitch, said he'd do whatever seemed appropriate when the time came.

 

A couple of months later...tryouts began.  Pretty quickly it became apparent to him that this was a 'real' situation.  We met again...a few times.  He began to seek my advice on not only how to help our son, but on other team issues.

 

I wouldn't call this a "friendship," but a pretty good working relationship ensued.  The season began and by this point in our son's junior season the coach was beginning to make calls on his own...to schools that I had let him know were interested...and feeding valuable information back to me.  "Here's what they're thinking" kind of stuff.  We talked on the phone or at the field...somewhat regularly.  By mid-season, most of this was initiated by the coach himself.

 

As our son was a very good student and Stanford was nearby (15 minutes), all on his own, he called the Stanford coaches and asked, "Why the heck aren't you out here looking at this kid?"  Their response?  "We are...you just haven't noticed."  And then he proceeded to spend about an hour on the phone with the Stanford coaches who were asking about our son as a person, as a student, as a hard worker (or not).

 

He had NO connections with colleges or anyone else...none...we asked for his help...and he began to do this at his own initiative.  And did I mention that at the beginning he saw no reason, whatsoever...to play summer travel ball.  He thought Legion was the way to go and that travel teams were run by crooks and taking money from innocent folks.

 

But we communicated and I asked for his patience on things like summer ball and I gained his confidence.  And he listened.

 

Ultimately, coaches from St. Mary's (CA), Santa Clara, Cal, Stanford and elsewhere were at the field consistently.  Each time, the coach would greet them and get them a primo spot behind the backstop.

 

ALL OF THIS...with absolutely no experience with recruiting whatsoever.  None.  ALL OF THIS...beginning with a bit of "doubt" as to whether I was blowing smoke up his backside in December when I first approached.

 

I like to believe I educated him a little...and yes, he ended up educating me a bit too.  We learned together.  There were bumps and obstacles and a few disagreements.  But we worked together and got the result that HE was happy with...and us too.

 

Son got a scholarship to Stanford.  Everyone was proud, happy and felt a part of it.

 

As a senior, with scouts and advisors and the nervous Stanford coaches showing up to watch over their "investment"...coach continued to accommodate all and keep me informed.

 

It wasn't perfect.  But it worked and I respect the coach immensely for his help.  But the bottom line is what I've been trying to tell you all...ENGAGE THE COACH and ASK FOR HIS HELP...respectfully.  It can and most likely will...work.

 

I guess if anyone has their mind already made up about their son's HS coach, my advice won't be worth much.  But I can tell you...that this relationship can and usually will work if you treat your son's coach with respect and make him part of your team.

 

Good luck!

My son is now playing in college, so we've crossed the HS bridge. I talked with many parents in HS who thought it WAS the responsibility of the HS coach to find their son a college.

 

Your HS coach doesn't know what your son wants to be when he grows up. He doesn't know if he likes the mountains or the sea or small cities in Iowa. He doesn't know how much money you have or how much money you're willing to spend on tuition or your allegiance to your alma marta. He knows your kid's GPA but he doesn't know his SAT/ACT scores or if he even wants to go to college. To think he's out talking to college coaches about your kid is wishful thinking.

 

HOWEVER, he will answer his phone when those colleges call and chances are he'll be pretty honest with a bent toward the optimistic when talking your son up.

 

Making the coach make the call is up to you.

Some of these high school coaching experiences sound excellent and I wish my son had had that.  Fortunately, we did have a travel coach who he'd been playing for year round since 7th grade.

 

 During my son's 4 years of high school there were 3 Varsity coaches.  The final one runs his own "year round" program and basically forces his players into it.  He spends an inordinate amount of time at his organizational meetings telling people they are wasting their money playing elsewhere and there is a college for every player and he will find it.  He then spouts about how camps and showcases are wastes of money too. He has helped just ONE kid in two years play on in college (a very talented pitcher who needed no help as scouts do find the guys throwing in the 90's!). What he has accomplished is a very lucrative income as after watching my son (D1 bound) sit the bench his senior year for honoring his commitment to his travel team, a group he'd played with and traveled to the country's best tournaments since 7th grade, nobody is willing to have their son demeaned and treated so poorly so they all cough up the fee's to play summer and fall ball with his club team that is terrible and travels for the sake of travel, you know those if you have the 750 entrance fee you can fly in and play in front of your parents who can see you at home for free kind of events.  

 

Yes, even now as my son plays on a ranked D1 team my blood can boil at the treatment he received at the hands of a bully.  We did not ostracize the coach or fail to engage him, we chose NOT to walk away from a team and coach who had been excellent in all regards for 7 years.  WE chose to honor a previous commitment rather then to comply with this new high school coaches desire that everyone play for him.   For that my son was benched and treated terribly.  Not a day went by without a pot shot. My son bit his tongue and it colored his entire high school experience.  He's good enough to contribute (not a freshman starter, but a contributor) at a ranked D1 but a bench player behind guys who didn't make college club teams who played for the high school coaches team.  

 

Not all high school coaches are honorable.  Some are simply greedy and don't care at all about the players.  I wish my son's experience was different but now while other freshman on his college team adjust to not being the stars, my son knows how to stay ready and make the most of any chance.  So, the transition has been easy.  Maybe that's the silver lining. Thank goodness for the excellent coach and man his club coach was.  He put my son in the position he is in today and remains connected to all his college players.  So, there is more then one way to skin a cat if you find yourself in a difficult situation.  

Not all high school coaches are honorable.  Some are simply greedy and don't care at all about the players.

I agree with this comment.  However...I have also observed a similar proportion of summer travel coaches who fit this description as well.

 

There are idiots on planet Earth.  No doubt.  However, I don't think all of them that are baseball coaches....are HS baseball coaches.

 

I do believe that antagonistic behavior towards any coach will often reap antagonistic behavior in return.  And I have seen, in person, too many families create adversarial relationships all on their own...just because they didn't get "their" way with the first attempt.  And then turn around and blame it all on the coach.

 

Again, my advice...simply put...is to do your best to create a respectful relationship with your son's HS and travel coaches.  Understand their perspective and respect their primary function...to coach a baseball team.  You can achieve the best of both worlds in most cases.

update, I talked to the HS school coach about maybe helping son with college recruiters....  He told me to talk to the pitching coach. So I went to the pitching coach and he told me to give his number to any coach wanting to see son pitch or information and he would be glad to tell them when son is pitching. he also said that he would adjust the pitching schedule as best he could to accommodate the recruiters schedule. 

 

Awesome!  Nice job pops!  

Just Baseball, as I said right off the bat, you were very fortunate and I wish we had had a similar experience.  We did not.  Nowhere did I say or imply that high school coaches have a monopoly on bad behavior, I simply explained our contrasting situation to the two you experienced.

I think you need to recognize that although you never confronted it, antagonistic behavior goes both ways, only it's far more egregious when it's traveling from coach to player.  My son has been coached by many coaches in many sports throughout the years.  This is the ONLY coach who ever disliked him.  He has always stood out as a team player and the guy giving his best effort 100% of the time.  My son had respectful dialogue with the coach and I never got involved once.  There was simply nothing to be done except screw the program and man that had gotten my son multiple college opportunities 6 months after our roster had been set or suck it up and let this small minded coach use my kid as an example.  This is not blaming the coach, it's simply our experience.  Just as you were fortunate enough to have excellent ones, we were not and I am all too aware there are some guys for a multitude of reasons (ours was coaches personal finances) who aren't going to help.  Just like in life, there are good people and there are bad people.  I am glad that our experience with this particular coach was short term and that my son has had an incredible role model as a club coach and now a college coach that shares the values I attempted to instill in my kids as well.  The high school coach will serve as the perfect role model of how NOT to act.

I think you need to recognize that although you never confronted it...

Nothing could be farther from the truth.  We have confronted it (or absorbed it or dealt with it) multiple times.

 

We just never whined about it on message boards...including local ones.  (HS coaches do indeed read local message boards).

 

I have described one way (with older son) that we made lemonade out of lemons.  Thought it might be more useful for others to think about things from another point of view, one that might(?) help them pull out of the dive...rather than just lashing out and saying, 'Yeah, my coach sucks' to each other over and over.

 

My assumption is people are looking for solutions.  Thats what I'm trying to do.  Won't work in every case, but I'm still gonna try to describe what has worked...at least once.

To understand enough about pitching to not pull the SS and have him relieve in 35 degree weather after his 8 "warm-up pitches" when he has kids on the bench he could have had ready.

Simple:

 

"Why isn't MY son playing?" 

answer: Because he is no good!

 

"You play favorites!"

answer: Yes I do! My favorites are the 9 best players on the team.

 

"Well, the other players make errors too..."

Answer: You are correct, however, they do not make their teammates worse... like your son does.

 

"But I'm apart of the booster club."

Answer: Thank you for doing that, but what does fundraising have to do with your son not able to play at this level?

 

"You are picking on/bullying my kid"

Answer: No, your kid is as lazy as they come and it annoys me to have to tell him to hustle so much that it starts coming out as screams.

 

I hope you all get where I'm going with all this. If you have ever coached high school baseball, for any amount of time, you know exactly where I'm coming from.

Yes coach, I know where coaches come from. I have a relative who is being recruited and cannot crack lineup because coach plays a couple of faves. My relative does not play Legion Ball and the coach holds that against him. I am not saying that all coaches are doing that, but some do.My relative just shrugs it off and uses High school ball as spring training for summer ball.It is a shame that baseball is so irrelevant that this coach will not be held accountable. He is a teacher as well so the AD has his back. Sound familiar folks?

jaggerz - I know nothing about your relative nor whether or not he is getting hosed.  There is no doubt those situations arise across the country.

But at the rate we see from posters here?  Hard for me to believe.

 

I have seen this 'my son is getting recruited so whats wrong with the HS coach?' mindset before.  Actually quite a few times.  But truthfully, I cannot think of more than 1 or 2 situations (out of a dozen or so) where I thought the HS coach was wrong in not playing the kid as much as parents believed or wished.  And thats across a handful of high schools.

 

The truth is that we, as parents, aren't very good at evaluating our own kids' abilities.  But thats the beauty of this...we parents are the ones who don't give up on our kids whether its in school or on a baseball field.  And that, in part, is why some kids break through further down the road...because they had great support.  Usually from mom and dad.

 

I once heard a legendary HS baseball coach (not my own kids, but an neighboring one) say about a kid that went onto play D1 and pro baseball.  This coach told me, "I don't know why I didn't see it at the beginning of his junior HS season, but I didn't.  And when he got his chance he proved me wrong and I couldn't be happier about it."

 

The other beautiful thing about that kid...I knew his father very well...and I never heard him say one negative word about his kid on the bench.  He just kept working with his son...and working.  And eventually, it all worked.

 

I just don't believe there are more HS coaches than in other walks of life...that purposely stick it to a kid and his family just because.  It just doesn't happen as often as its reported on here.  JMO.

I often wished that I could just coach baseball.  I still don't know how I did it at times and am so thankful for my players, parents and coaching staff.  I'll go through some things I had to do and hope it address the OP.

 

First, a great majority of my players went on to play college baseball.  Few believe the percentage and so, I'll save you that stat.  Starting a player's sophomore year, those sophs on the varsity were called in and I talked to them during homeroom about where they might want to go to school and then, asked them to talk it over with their parents.  A part of this, the creation of an email account, has to be approved by the parents and I wanted the players to make coach contacts.  Naturally, I'll do so as well but every player was told that I would be honest in my replies.  By my player's junior year, they all had recruitment brochures made and "folders" created on the computers in my class so that they could come in and make contacts with potential college coaches.  For the junior year, I also had a system set up for those players to come in during homeroom and do ACT Practice tests etc.  I got the computer practice disk from the guidance department and made sure one computer (of 3 student computers) was dedicated to this.  Many of you won't like this but at some point I had to talk to many of my players and let them know that such and such was not interested and then I'd tell them where I thought that they could play.  I read a response to this statement that I made a couple of years ago that said I was limiting my players.  I was being honest and giving them a chance to get an education.  Therefore, I won't respond to that criticism again.  I have done a lot for my players.  One time I drove 4 hours to talk to a coach because he would not return my phone calls concerning one player.  My player wanted to play at this school and was more than capable of doing so.  That coach played me off and I returned to my car only to find out that I left my lights on and my batter was dead.  That young man went on to become an All American at another school and played in MLB for 8 years after pitching/hitting us to a state title.  On another occassion, I had a young man who was torn between an SEC and Big 10 School.  I drove to talk to both coaches.  They were in opposite directions and around 6 hours from my house.  I gave this player my impressions on those coaches.  I think he made the right decision.  I don't expect anyone to ever do that. 

 

Now, what I think a parent should expect.  The coach should know the game, coach fundmentals, conduct themselves as professionals and build a program as opposed to coaching a team.  A program would consist of consistency throughout the program as to what is coached as it applies to hitting, defense, game management and player expectations.  A coach should be expected to be honest.  A player should be open to communication but, I'll admit that if I were to talk to a parent, I wanted the AD involved since I am a hothead.  I would expect a coach to be a disciplinarian but that can be done in so many positive ways. 

 

I'll wrap up my rant with this.  When are we coaches supposed to meet all of your expectations?  I had to do the diamond most of the time including getting the field ready for games and mowing it.  I had to buy most of my facilities including batting cages, rolling cages, ...  I had to do grade checks, discipline checks, and know who was dating whom and who had bad days.  At times, it seemed as if I never got to sit down, look at the game and just enjoy that.  I left the game on my terms and to watch my child play.  I was so blessed.  I do miss the craziness of it all.  Today, one of my former players stopped by to talk.  I got him into a college in Oklahoma.  We had a good laugh or two about him chasing a foul ball into a field where he almost stepped on a rattler.  I'm glad that the players understood the madness.  Thanks for putting up with this rant.