Where does competitive fire come from?

As I witnessed through a 4 year military tour and 24 years of police service; some can learn to have more of a killer instinct, but you either have it or you don't.  A few are all-in, but most are not.

As for competitive fire...

My son's favorite phrase when he started learning how to talk was "Tyler do it". Anytime you tried to help him, that's what you got.  He wanted no assistance from anyone, and he wouldn't quit until he could do it.  On his own.  Kid cracked me in the head with a block as a 10 month old because I stopped competing in his block building contest that he wanted to win.

He's always, always hated to lose.  He's evolved thankfully , and doesn't stomp his feet like when he was a little guy, but he still hates losing.  I remember shooting hoops with him when he was about 8 one time when I beat him.  He wouldn't head back to the house until he won a game.  I had to finally throw a game to an 8 year old, imagine that!! 

It hasn't changed for him up until now and he's 14.  He will take on anyone at anytime in anything and is determined to win.

I didn't knowingly teach him to be like this.  I would say that I have a pretty good amount of competitive fire, but a whole heck of a lot more killer instinct.  

I definitely agree with NYdad, you either have it or you don't.  My oldest one wore his emotions on his sleeve when competing when he was younger(LL era), he controls it a little more now...lol.  I was a little worried at first, but many others commented on his heart and desire.  Come time for recruiting, after talking to some coaches all seem to comment on his obvious desire to compete when he's on the mound.  Like NYdad, I did not "teach" him to be that way.  Second son, not so much.  Much more laid back as far as desire and the burning need to "win" at everything, but still competitive.  Third one..haha..he is off the charts on being able to do anything better than someone else, much thanks to his older brothers I believe(thankfully he is a lefty too!).

I too being in Law Enforcement see the same thing.  It becomes very apparent, very quickly with rookies, and some veteran officers, that that either have one or both of the qualities we are talking about.....or none  And, neither one of those qualities can be taught.  I do believe however, that if is just buried deep down inside of them, it can be coaxed out, but, bottom line you either have it or you don't

+1 there lefthookdad

I think the younger kids are more likely to have killer instinct come naturally. They're accustomed to being the underdog to the older kids. I also believe it comes from watching parents compete. My daughter (older kid) lacked killer instinct until she had a massive growth burst and grew to 5'10"at fourteen. When my son (youngest) was allowed to play roller hockey at eighteen months (had him in roller blades at fifteen months) with the five year olds in the cul-de-sac, the first thing he did was drive his hockey stick into an older kid's ribs. He was immediately introduced to cross checking.

Now that's a born hockey player.  

jp24,

I guess everybody's experiences and definitions differ.  In my experience, where I've seen competitive fire burn the brightest is with high school football and baseball where kids are given a chance to shine though outstanding & motivational coaching.   The kids want to please their coach and their teammates.

The right coach knows how to teach or bring out competitive fire with his team.  Last year, I saw my middle son's high school football team win a state championship.  They were actually playing a level up before the state organization re-classified them this year.  Our offensive and defensive line were totally outsized and looked like boys playing against men.  Every one of those o-line and d-line players didn't want to be to the one guy to get beat by the other team's matchup.  They were a unit and they played the game of their lives.  The peer pressure and support each one of those players showed for each other taught me competitive fire can be brought out by a team or coach.  I have other examples, but that one came to mind as the same school won another state championship this past weekend against a team that had won it 3 times in a row.  It was the same situation all over again.   The team with the most competitive fire won, and it was absolutely taught & brought out of them by the coaches IMHO..

I've seen it in high school and college baseball too, and it is usually the quiet, shy and unassuming pitcher that will carve up the other team.  Beware of shy & quiet pitchers.

I think it starts at a young age.  I read two articles on the Harbaughs and Ryans, and I think all can agree these 4 men are ultra competitve.  In the articles it talked about their parents allowing them to compete in everything they do.  To often in our society we worry about others feelings and making sure everyone gets a trophy.  We have outlawed Dodge Ball and everything that makes people feel bad.  Learning to be aggresive, IMO, is no different that learning how to compete.  You do not have to be loud to do this and agressive.  You can be a quiet and reserved person and have that killer instict because it is about being competitive.  I allow my son, and daughter, to compete in everything they do.  I can't say we have a, "Who eats the fastest" competition but it is truly about competiting.  Chris Paul stated that he had to learn how to take awkward shot to score on his older brothers during pick up games.  He learned how to compete and that is what it is all about.

I've found it. 

TEN years in the Navy ... two aircraft carrier tours ... and it was right there all the time.

How the HECK did I miss it??

Thank you, BOF. I can sleep now .

There's a fine line between the competitive fire and spontaneous combustion, BOF.

sometimes it takes a beating to light that fire. On the field not physically. Sons first travel team fielded quite a few players who are now in pro ball and playing for top college teams. But you would never know it looking at that teams first 3/4s of a season.

What comes to mind is a shellacking they took that left them on the short end of a 25-3 score. After the game they got together and swore that would never happen to them again.It didn't. They actually beat the same team in a semi final game later that year. Steel is forged in fire. So is a burning desire to succeed.