Yearly thoughts

At My HS chapter meeting last night I received my first game assignment of the year. Monday, March 14, 2005 will be my first game of the year. I'm scheduled to do a varsity scrimmage.

After a long winter it is a day I always look forward to. It's opening day for me. For those of you who have been here over the years know it is also a time when I reflect on one young player and the darkest day of my baseball life...

Its a day I review over and over in my mind. Its a day that, in fact, I should not have been there, but I now believe that divine providence placed me in the moment.

By my reckoning he would be in collegfe now.... I will never forget him.....and I write this to
keep his memory alive for me.

I umpired his game on a storybook beautiful day. It was Blue sky, sunshine and baseball. I know he was nine or ten years old. My memory of him is not all that clear until he came to bat.

I saw the pitch that came hard at him, I cringed knowing he was going to be hit.... and I watched him crumple when the ball hit him square in the body. He went down and the tears flowed.....

I bent to help him, and try to comfort him. His coach and I lifted his shirt to see the mark the ball made......and I saw it..., it was already red...and angry looking.......but when lifting the shirt, I saw the other marks....... the angry purple bruises that only fists and adult hands can make....too many to be accidental.....

He tugged his shirt down and got up....He said he was fine... He took a moment to dry his tears and kid like ran off to first....The game, of course, was more important than his getting hurt...

I was the one who called the police....

I'll never regret that.

His coach bought the hotdogs after the game, more to delay the departure of the team, while I called the police.....I heard later he was taken out of the home and his parental abuser was charged. I heard he moved to live with relatives.....

I never saw him again......But I do see him every year, in every young mans face.

I look for him in the crowds of ballplayers that I get the priviledge to protect every season.

I wonder so much about this boy. How could anyone do that to a child. On TV now there are ads for reporting child abuse....and the reason most dont is "how can I be sure?". I can tell you that I was, that day, and remain today totally sure. The evidence of the beatings that boy was taking left me no grey area....

I wonder if baseball was his refuge from the monster. I wonder if he is ok. I wonder if he ever knew how much he has effected my life and my relationship with my son and with the boys I umpire. I wonder if the coach and I will ever be able to meet and not talk about that day......so far its the first thing we mention when we meet after a long off season. I wonder how many others are out there. I wonder if he is happy.

I am haunted by this experience.....but wouldnt change it. Writing this every year gives me some relief from the anger, tears, sorrow and guilt that I feel.

I wasnt supposed to be there that day........I was a HS umpire and usually did not do "Kid ball".........but my assignor needed a favor......could I do this one game for him?. I was put there for a reason......