High School baseball question - need advice

From my perspective this is your sons problem to deal with and not yours.  I know at my kids HS all the sports teams have a rule that they won't even talk to a parent about an issue like this until the kid brings it up with the coach first.  If they can't come to some type of resolution they then will bring the parents in.

This is a tough position to be in.  You need to tread very lightly here.  About the only way I can see approaching this is for you kid to talk to the coach and ask him what he needs to work on to become a starter.  I'm not sure how your HS program is setup but it maybe that he has to wait it out until his Sophomore year and then hope the coaches play players based on the talent level vs. playing favorites.

I also see this as a life lesson type of thing.  Something the kid can learn and grow from.

Be prepared for a barrage of advice.

Your son should concentrate on his talent level so when he makes varsity all of this will be in the past.  Many of us went through these same issues.. I know I did.. but in the end, talent wins out.

DON'T approach the coach.  Let your son handle it by hustling and playing.  One more thing:  Don't let your son know about how you feel and DON'T let your son complain about this.  Attitude is the one of the biggest reasons players drop out.

Good luck.

Bun has give you some of the best advice out there. I been there and got the t shirt 

I agree with Bum. Talent will win out in the end. He's a freshman, he has time to let his talent do his talking.

Keep him focused on only what he can control.  His work ethic, preparation, skill training, mind set and execution on what he needs and wants out of his life.  The most successful people in the world stay focused.  WIth your support and guidance mixed with his work ethic, he will be just fine.  

At my son's HS, *everyone* knows the Sophmores get the meaningful playing time and at-bats. Seriously. So if the starter is a So., it might be status quo...

First of all as others have stated, your son needs to deal with this on his own, meaning you should not approach the coach. I also would not pay to much attention to the other parents. Remember they to have kids on the team, and any kid that has talent is a threat to their own kid. Now for your son, consider it a blessing in disguise. The more positions your son can play the more valuable he will be to the coaches, especially if he can hit. I told my son the same thing going into HS this year. We have worked at all positions the last couple of years except 1B prior to HS. I told him you just don't know if there is some stud out there that plays the same position as you do. My son was predominantly a SS/2B and P. He can now play C and outfield if needed. By being a multi position player that can hit, has paid off for him. He is the starting 3B for the V team as a freshman and has never really played that much 3B but was capable enough to fill a void in the roster for the V HC. The message here is be versatile and not locked into one spot!

My son is also a freshman...and practices begin in 2 days here in Sunny NJ. I explained to him that should a coach ask him what position he plays, his first answer is "anywhere I'm needed.

There are 9 positions. Somebody has to play them all. Good luck to your son!

First, what position are we talking about?  I hope it isn't SS. 

It is Freshman ball.  I wouldn't worry about a thing and I definantly wouldn't approach the "coach."  If the "friendship" played a part in the decision, why would anything change after talking to the coach.  Only bad things can happen as your son gets labled as a complainer, etc.  Have him keep a good attitude and be ready when called upon.  The season is still young.  Good luck. 

here's what i would do: tell son to work his rear off #1, tell him to outwork everyone in the program.  #2: if your son feels ok with it have him ask the coach about playing another position if it will get him on the field

and my personal comment: what is with this "trying out for a position"?  This would bother me.... for numerous reasons...  be careful not to poison your son toward any person or activities in the program; it can turn in one moment, for the good or bad;

best wishes

Bingo.  Yahtzee! 

I am sure that the consensus is unmistakable. Leave it alone and do not discuss these issues with your son. These are "uncontrolables". You can do nothing about them, neither can your son.

Focus on what he can control! Become a better Hitter. Not just a little better, but much better. Work on hitting, it always gets the attention. If you can hit with authority, you WILL play.

Guess I never cared what position they tried out for.  If they were one of the nine best I will figure out the position. I would think most coaches could figure that out in short order.Heck, if they can switch positions in the Major Leagues, they surely can do it on a high school freshman team. If two players are trying out for shortstop and they are anywhere near equal in ability... chances are they will both be in the lineup. If it doesn'y happen now, it will at some point.

If you feel the need to discuss this with the coach or his superiors be as diplomatic and polite as possible. The other way just won't work out well.  That said, it's almost always best to stay out of these things.  I think that is what most people here are telling you.

I never mind talking to someone about their kid. But when that discussion turns to talking about comparisons or some other kids inability, lack of production, or about favoritism, the talk is over!

One more thing... I made/make lots of mistakes. But the best advice I ever gave the kids was simply this. It eliminated a lot of potential problems.

Your Coach is ALWAYS right! Never forget that!

Of course, that's not actually true. But it's the best way to play the game for a long time! It's amazing how coachable and productive your son can become when he knows it will do no good to go home and complain about the coach.

Of course, this has the complete opposite effect, if the parents are the ones complaining about the coach to their son.

Agree with bum's first post 100%. I'm a coach. I can't stand that "play your buddy's kid" crap. I do not play the nine best, I play the best nine. 

Welcome to the site.  You are getting great advice from many who have been there.  I certainly agree that your son should be taking the lead on talking to the coach, asking him what he needs to do and what areas of his game need improvement to earn playing time.  And, then, more importantly, he should work his butt off to earn what he wants, striving to eliminate any doubt in the coach's minds. 

That said, I have a slightly different take on your involvement.  Many here say "stay out of it".  I think it is important that you ARE very involved.  Be involved by setting the good example at every opportunity.  Be fully supportive of the coach whether he is playing your son or not.  Be a big fan of every kid on the team and cheer equally for your son and the player/s he is competing with for playing time.  Be the parent that doesn't fall into the trap of criticizing other players to put your own in a stronger light.  Be the parent that has a supportive response to the negative banter of others.  Be the parent who doesn't try to make excuses for your son.  Be sure he knows that there will be new challenges to overcome every step along the way.  Offer your son guidance on how to take positive action to overcome obstacles.  Understand that all parents have slightly rose colored glasses upon their own of one tint or another.  Know that other parents will be inclined to tell you "your son is really good and he should be playing instead of so-and-so" as a courteous jesture just as they would say "hi how are you?".  Understand that the coaches are with the players 3 hours a day every day and they really do know more than anyone what each player can contribute to the team (I realize there are exceptions - in that case, see previous "overcome obstacles" comment).  Be the parent that always has something nice to say about any of the other players and it doesn't have to have anything to do with baseball or playing ability.  Understand that this environment is a hotbed for your son to learn life's lessons.  Don't under-estimate the fact that so much of what he learns will be based on his observations of your behavior in these circumstances.  So, IMO, don't stay out of it.  As he strives to be the best he can be, make sure you are on your best parenting game. 

At the end of his four years, what will really be the important take-aways for him?

If you are able to keep this perspective, I think you will both find the game at the HS level to be very rewarding and enjoyable.

Best wishes

Parent, I want to talk to you about the emotional aspect of what you're dealing with.  I just want you to know the emotions you feel right now are exactly what most of us have felt at some time during h.s.  I remember when Bum, Jr. was in h.s. there was a certain parent that was buddy-buddy with the coaches.  He donated tractors to cull the field and had money so he was a big-time donor.  I remember my feelings at the time, that perhaps his kid was getting an unfair advantage and playing time was correlated to money and popularity.

Trust me when I say that all of this will pass. In the end, when those nine guys step on the field their senior season, it is all about talent and hard work and their ability to play ball.  Looking back, I can only praise that parent for contributing and perhaps kick myself for being petty.

This is a great teaching moment for you and your son.  Sports mimicks life I tell my kids that all the time.  Learning how do deal with adversity is great character building.  My son was in a similar spot last year.  He was put on the JV team and rightfully so was pissed off.  But he took that disappointment and working his tail off in the offseason to get stronger and now this year the coach has already told him how good he looks.  Plus you need to understand that if he wants to play beyond high school then HS really doesn't matter at all.  College coaches and scouts could care less what his HS stats are etc.  At that point its all about his ability.

Sit back and enjoy the ride because its over too quick.

I agree with Bum, this too shall pass...but only with hard work and dedication.  Though our son is not the most gifted pitcher, he busted his tail because he felt he was being overlooked and underestimated his sophomore year.  By the time the junior season ended, he received all-conference and district honors and recently signed his NLI for JUCO ball.

I don't bring this up to gush about my kid, but only to illustrate that ultimately it comes down to what your kid does with his opportunities both on and off the field.  If he wants it bad enough, he will excel to a level that surprises everyone...but him. As parents, it is difficult to see kid's suffer disappointment.  It certainly was for us.  But, watching a kid develop through hard work and earn his place certainly will make up for all of the other garbage he endures. 

Best of luck.

One more thing: remove yourself from those bleacher conversations that dwell on who should/shouldn't be starting and how unfair the coach is. Regardless of what you're told, you WILL be quoted to someone whom you would not want aware of your comments.

Agree with everything said here!

1 - let son handle it by trying to earn a starter spot

2 - Butt out

3 - Stay positive in the stands

My son made Freshmen team and had a great glove but was flat out told "son, there are 5 kids on this team all taller than you that can play first base and 4 are lefties - go get a glove and catch for me during drills".  Teams were made for scrimmages and he was with the 'other' kids - not the studs.  He even came home and said I guess I'm just going to be a sub....

 During drills he would get comments while catching for the coach, nice jump / block / scoup / etc. 

He started every game at first except for 1 (or when he pitched).

Coaches will realize that he needs to play the kids that will help make him look good.

Hang in there and stay positive and keep your son's thoughts positive!!!

Allow me to be another one in agreement.  Especially #3.  I knew several parents whose sons did not start or play every game, but they cheered every player on the team as they came to bat or after a good or great play.  No one likes to be around a parent who's grumbling that his/her son didn't start or isn't playing.

My son is now at a DII JUCO.  He went from starting nearly every game in HS for 3 years to playing behind two sophomores.  Lately, coach has been using him as a DH and starting some games.  When we do go to games, we go with the attitude of cheering for the team and if he's in the lineup it's just gravy.

Remember, the coach sees the boys in practice everyday.  If he's hustling, coach will see it sooner or later.

Your son will get his chance. He needs to be ready.

Good luck!

You guys are missing the obvious easy answer,,,

Become good friends with the varsity HC.

While this may be generally true, it may not occur on this team or with this coach.  And that can be difficut for the young lad (and dad) to understand.  That is where you need to parent, which can be difficult as well. 

It happend to my kid in basketball.  Same thing - parent was "frendly" with the coach so you do you think started and played the full game.  My kid who was easily one of the top 5, got his minutes but they declined as the coach eventually went to the 5 person "rotation" by the end of the season.  Even his mother told dad at the end of the season that he better become friends with next years coach. 

Telling him to work hard, you'll get your chance and be ready only to watch him sit on the bench as the team was getting crushed fell on deaf years.  His work was did not appear to be paying off.  He became discouraged -- why should I practice extra if I am not going to play.  So you'll need to figure that one out.  I have no advice, because I did everything wrong -- I would sit in the stands and become more furious as the seconds ticked away.  The silver lining is that the HS season is relatively short and their are many more seasons to go.  We eventually counted the days until the end of school season and moved on to his winter travel team which was a much better experience.  Good luck. 

Rob T, I assume your remark was tongue-in-cheek, because I would rather have my son concentrate on working his tail off.  I know smooching the coach might help in the shortrun.  (Actually, with some coaches, it might have the opposite effect.)  But this is baseball.  Then what?  Forget about the next level because they won't care who your friends are!  Concentrate on the tools of the game.

The scouts for the most part target their efforts on the high-profile travel teams.  Yes, Bum, Jr had major league scouts at his h.s. games but the showcases and the fact that he was the #1 pitcher on a tremendous travel team in h.s. got him all the looks he needed.  High school baseball is important, but not playing in h.s. doesn't mean a kid will have no chance.  Keep working on the talent level, get on a good summer team, go to showcases.. there is more than one way to skin a cat.

Bum, Jr.'s hometown had 500,000 people in the metro area.  So mid-size, yes.