.

I got out of a ticket once by pleading insanity…. was carted away to the Looney Bin…. Gotta go… Nurse Ratched is passin’ out Cool Aid….

Vintery, mintery, cutery, corn,
Apple seed and apple thorn;
Wire, briar, limber lock,
Three geese in a flock.
One flew east,
And one flew west,
And one flew over the cuckoo's nest. ~ Mother Goose

quote:

The officer truly was convinced that I indeed was a hayseed from the Northwest and he let me go

Wouldn't that be wood pulp!!!

i was working in the bahamas a few years ago,i lived within a half mile or so from the job site. it was a big site so we had souped up golf carts to get around site.i would drive mine home about a half mile.these were golf carts with a little bit of lift and knobby tires but still a golf cart. so i'm driving downtown to the grocery store and get pulled over by a local policeman.he says my tail lights are out,i go look and the tail lights are stickers.i have no registration, no lights,it's a golf cart.so i bang on the fender a couple times and tell him i'll have the mechanic look at it tomorrow.ok man see ya.

In the Bahama's I got out of a ticket by going to the officer's mom's restaurant for dinner. One of the best meals I ever had and cheap too. I went the wrong way around one of those circular intersections. I got confused because they drive on the wrong side of the road.

A friend of mine got out of a ticket by acting deaf and the cop didn't know sign language and did not want to bother writing everything down to explain it in a notebook the guy had. So he let him go. He was not deaf.

As my wife and I were driving down the interstate, we, well, really, she started an intense discussion (arguing) with me, and all of a sudden there are these blue flashing lights pulling me over. The officer gets out and asks me did I know that I was going 85 mph in 60 mph zone. I apologized and told him that my wife and I were arguing and that I didn't realize that I was speeding. He took my drivers license and went back to his cruiser and sat there for a long time. When he finally got out, he handed me a warning and sent me on my way.

I can't help but to think that he was sitting in his car saying to himself, "I know what he's going through. This poor guy had been punished enough. I've been there, done that."

Of course, my wife thought the same thing that I was thinking and didn't say another word the rest of the way home. God bless our men in blue.

gotwood4sale

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This forum is for Men Only. Players and Women, please stay away -- there are plenty of forums for you to post in.

QED

I talked my way out of a ticket many years ago that would have been a doozie. This was before I was married, so about 23-24 years ago. I was a young man and had just bought my dream car, a 911 Porsche, a few weeks earlier. I was driving late one evening out to my girlfriends (now wife) house out in the country. I was tooling along at the speed limit and got off the freeway, leading another set of headlights. I go six or seven miles with nobody in front of me, doing the speed limit all the way, when I come up on a car that is going quite slow. I decided to have some fun so I down-shifted and punched it hard. I immediately left the set of headlights that had been behind me the whole time in the dust. As I flew past the car I was passing, that set of headlights behind me decided it was time to show me all the rest of the lights that were sitting above it, Red ones, Blue ones all flashing away. S**T, I'm busted and pull over to the side of the road, with mr. slowpoke passing me in a much more civil manner than I'd done.

Anyway, the officer who pulled me over took my license and we walked back to his car. I politely asked him to please not write me a ticket as I'd been driving safely and at the speed limit on the freeway and ever since getting onto the country road, and reminded him that he knew it since he'd been behind me the whole way. I also told him that I had a perfect driving record, and I'd just bought this car and wouldn't be able to afford the insurance with a bad ticket, so please don't do this to me. He agreed that if I had a completely clean record (which I did) that he'd let me off with a warning, but if I was lying to him he'd write me up for everything he could think of.

After seeing that I did indeed have a clean driving record, he handed me back my license and told me to be safer and slower when I pass people in the future. I gratefully thanked him and started walking back to my car. Just before I got in my car, the guy stepped out and said that he wouldn't write me a ticket for my answer, but "just how fast was that thing going when I turned on my lights?" I told him I was passing through 95 mph when he hit the reds. He just shok his head and got back in his car and drove away.

I am a retired police officer. So you dont get confused I coached while I was an officer for many years as part of a community policing effort by our department. Then when I retired I started coaching full time. As a 20 year vet of law enforcement I can tell the you the best way to talk your way out of a ticket "Do you know why I stopped you sir"? "Yes officer I was speeding and I am very sorry". "I just was not paying attention to what I was doing and I take full responsibility". "Ok sir I will be right back". "Here is your warning ticket and thank you for your cooperation, slow down and have a nice day". Trust me your odds are much greater by being honest and sincere than coming up with some story that believe me no one is going believe even if it is true.

OK,not a ticket story but good story any way.
Went out for a night with the big boys.......in Boston. Went to see Bob Seager band.Came out of the club to find my car had been towed.One of Bostons finest was kind enough to give me and my buddies a ride to the tow yard. We got out and he left. My car was in the lot. Lot had an open gate. Guy attending the lot was sleeping in the trailer. My friends and I walked into the lot pushed car out to street. We all jumped in started car and drove away. Never heard another word about it......... Oh to be young brave and really stupid again.

ok, I'll bite too (as long as it can't be used against me)

one afternnon this past spring just after lunch, I was driving thru town on my way to a Kent St game to watch I-bystander's son pitch a conference tourny game. Cop pulls up behind my jeep at a traffic light & in less than 20 seconds is pulling me over for expired tags.
He makes me sweat a bit & finally swaggers up to my window - asks for license, reg, ins -

I produce only my license

he says "ya know why I stopped you"?

I said "don't make me guess, I'll just get in more trouble with things you missed"

he says "sir, your tags are expired"!

I says "well, if you're good enough to see that in 10 seconds, I'm sure you have the rest figured out too"

he says "uh - - - well sure, but run it by me anyway"

I says "well, I-bystander's son is pitching in 1/2 hour - my shirt is team colors - there are seeds (1 reg & 1 bbq) & a cushion on the pass seat - AND the BMV is just a few blocks from the stadium so I'll be killin' 2 birds with 1 stone"

he says "yup, about the way I had it figured - good day!"

.

Coach May, I had tgat happen to me and the officer didn't even give me a warning.

BigHit15 , the guy must have been a rookie.

I talked my way out of a ticket once. A Tennessee Highway Patrol officer turned on the blues just as we passed each other. That was back when I had a 280 ZX and I had it wound up pretty good and seeing a side rode I quickly turned off thinking he might not see me ---- but no such luck. He finally pulled me over and politely asked me if I was trying to run from him. I said "No sir"! He said it appeared as if I was trying to run. I explained --- "My ex-wife ran off with a Tennessee Highway Patrol officer and I thought it could have been you and you were trying to bring her back." (I know it's an old joke but only if you've heard it before).
Fungo

As a teen, I had really bad allergies. My nose would bleed at the drop of a hat. I was blue lighted and pulled over one night. As soon as the officer blue lighted me I popped myself in the nose which caused my nose to start pouring. By the time the officer got to my car, I had a pool of blood in my hand. After he saw me bleeding and asked me if I was ok, he let me go. A couple of months later, the same scenario happened except the officer did not pull me over. He just blue lighted me and kept going. My nose must have bled for 30 minutes.

swdawg24...That's funny. I hope you don't get blue lighted often or else you might become anemic.

Either anemic or looking like I just competed in a boxing match against Joe Louis.

Let me tell you about the one that didn't get away....Rush hour traffic (it's always rush hour) in Manhatten, Dec. 22. Traffic is stacked and not really moving. Light turns red while I am literally under it in the middle of the intersection. Bumper to bumper with a limo on my tail. Beat cop notices out of state plates, WALKS up to the car, asks for my license, tells me to drive around the block. I do so and he's standing where I left him, ticket in hand for running a red light.I didn't argue it as I figured if he had that much imagination and tenacity (read b*lls) I'd just take my lumps.

The one that did get away: Many years earlier in my teens - jumped a subway turnstyle late one night. Cop is standing at bottom of stairs. Starts writing a ticket when he sees address on license. Tears it up telling me he doesn't have time for idiots from upstate. Truth!

Ok, here's an embarrassing one. I once gassed and ran. By accident. I was driving an old motor home with the family after a lake trip. Pulled into the gas station to fill up while my wife went into the store. Anyway, I'm standing there, pump in hand, when I see the camper wobble a bit.. it was my kid in the bathroom taking a leak. To my horror, I noticed I had left the cap off the sewage drain and yellow stuff is just pouring out. Next to me, a very well dressed Asian man is filling his BMW and I see a stream of P pooling around his $200 Italian shoes. My wife comes out and I tell her "Get in the Camper right away!" We drive about 20 miles before I realize she didn't pay inside and I didn't pay at the pump.

True story:

Friend's father is stopped on Interstate, doing 85. State policeman walks up and says, "All right bud, let's see your pilot's license". Driver flies for United and pulls out his pilot's license. Trooper laughs, says slow it down, and lets him go.

This will NOT get you out of a ticket, but it's a funny story I heard...

I businessman had to make the 3 hour trip from Dallas to Austin once a week. He drove a porsche and new that the only time he could drive it the way he wanted to was late at night on I-35 when no one else was around.

He got pulled over two weeks in a row by the same cop for going 30 mph over the speed limit. And, of course he got a ticket both times. When the cop gave him the second ticket, he asked "would it be against the law if I told you that you are and a** hole?"

The cop replied that he could be arrested for something like that.

The man then asked, "would it be against the law if I THOUGHT you were an a**hole?"

The cop replied, "I can't control your thoughts."

The man decided to be an idiot and said, "Well, I think you're an a**hole."

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