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Coaches out there - I am dealing with a very frustrating situation - please help!

It has to do with my son's perceived personality when coming to a new team and coaching staff. Here are the facts about my son:

1. He plays at the college level. First year.
2. He is perceived to have above average baseball skills (told this in his evaluation).
3. He is told he needs to play with more emotion - quit being a cool player.

Now it is #3 that I want to focus on. This categorization has been with him since the beginning of his playing days. His high school coaches did not like his non emotiontial approach to the game and his college coaches have categorized him the same way. So the problem has to be with what he showing the coaches.

Now keep in mind that his skills are perceived as above average - it is the problem with the emotion.

Let me compare him to the emotional play of some major league players so everyone can get an idea. My son has a personality approach much like that of a John Olerud or a Garret Anderson. My son's approach is a very business like approach. He does not spend much time trying to interface with the coaches or really getting to know them. To some extent he can be aloof at times. He is very much a team player - he is very supportive of his fellow players and would never say anthing negative towards another player. Lastly, he is a very hard worker.

Another aspect of his approach - from the beginning he was told to never get very high or low; but, to maintain a certain level of emotionalism throughout his play. In other words - do not focus on the great or poor play you just made - but keep your focus on the play at hand. Believe me he has taken this advice literally and maybe to the extreme.

It is apparent that his outward expressions and the perception that his coaches are having is hurting him.

Any advice would help greatly before it is too late!!!!!!!!
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Reprinted from

A Perspective on the Mental Approach to Baseball

In past articles for USA Baseball News, the Medical/Safety Advisory Committee has given a perspective on sport. For fairly apparent reasons, it seemed appropriate to address the best way for an amateur to approach the game mentally, especially with the issue of escalating salaries in professional baseball, and the high dollar signs potential pro players often see.

With the announcement of Alex Rodriguez’ 252 million contract, one would hope that monetary reward leads to stellar performance. Indeed, most highly paid athletes do partially meet this expectation set by commanding such high salaries. Look at Pedro Martinez and Mike Piazza, for instance. Most players don’t link their salary with their day to day motivation for on the field performance.

On the contrary, when asked about how money affects their play, most professionals describe being aware of money and stats only periodically during the season, and never during the immediacy of the game. No one has a successful at bat thinking “If I hit this pitch, my batting average will go up .002, and that will help in arbitration!!” Instead of focusing on those and other distractions, the players who perform best, both professionally and at amateur levels, are those who enjoy the competition of the game. They strive to win for victory’s sake and also don’t feel as though one loss, or one day’s poor performance, is the end of the world.

This latter point, putting things in perspective, is where many players at all levels of baseball struggle. If every play, every at bat, is seen as having potentially devastating ramifications, then the player is likely to be over anxious, engaging his “civilized brain”, and isn’t allowing his well practiced athletic habits to do what they’ve been trained to do. He/she experiences anxiety, muscle tension and fear, all of which interfere with the ability to physically perform. He/she overrides well trained “perfect practice makes perfect” responses by over-thinking.

Studies show that one performs best if one can be in a mindset that is like the mindset experienced during practices. Your anxiety level in a game should be approximately the same as in practice, if you want your reflexes to perform optimally. When you see a double play where the movements of the infielders seem choreographed, graceful and smooth, it’s because they know and trust what they’re doing, not worried about how they look, or possibly failing. So, how does one nurture a “put it in perspective” attitude?

First put yourself in the game mentally, allowing other important issues of life to be left, temporarily, outside the white lines; you can deal with them later. For now, though, be where you are. Secondly, consider every play, pitch or at bat an opportunity that you’re eager for, not an “if I can just get out of this..” threat. The best at bat self-talk I’ve heard is that on every pitch, the batter said “This one is MINE!” He would of course have to sometime change his mind to not swing; but he would never start out planning not to swing, suddenly going to “Yikes, that’s down the middle!” He anticipated an opportunity; he didn’t wait or hope for one.

Lastly, realizing that even though winning is important, it isn’t everything. Even the quote often attributed to Vince Lombardi “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing” was never said by him. He actually said “Winning isn’t everything, trying to win is.” More important than the win itself is striving, picking yourself up when you fall, enjoying your accomplishments, and putting it all in perspective with your personal values.

These things make one a better person, not just someone who wins games. The irony is that the person who best puts their life in order and gets perspective usually prioritizes effectively and can perform with less anxiety and more success, both on and off the field, prolonging a productive amateur or professional career and …getting bigger contracts!!!

Herndon P. Harding, Jr., M.D. Medical Director
Florida Hospital Center for Behavioral Health
Member, USA Baseball Medical & Safety Advisory Group
My advice isn't worth much but here goes. I'm not big into the rah rah thing. I'd ask your son to sit down and talk to the coaches about the perception. I'd have him tell them that he'd do whatever it takes to win on the field but rah rah simply isn't in his makeup. He needs to let them know that he is a private individual and so, he keeps his emotions close to himself. However, please don't misuderstand and assume that he isn't into the game or winning.

Honesty is the best policy! PERCEPTION ISSUES ARE VERY IMPORTANT. My daughter played in a softball tournament a couple of weeks ago. A parent from one of the teams said something against my character. I'm known in our area for some distance. I went to that parent and said that I had heard... I said I didn't appreciate it and that I if anyone has issues with me, I'm not hard to find. I didn't want the perception that this individual was perpetuating to continue. Honesty is the best policy and communication is key!
This topic reminds me of Andrew Jones of the Atlanta Braves during the season of 2004. He wasn't doing so well at the plate and fans were writing letters to the newspapers saying that he wasn't serious enough because he laughs or has a smile on his face even when striking out. The fans were ready to trade him and send him packing.

Well, anybody who had been watching Andrew for the past five years would know that Andrew smiles ALL the time. That is just his personality. This past season nothing changed except he was one of the best hitters to play the game and he's still probably smiling all the way to the bank.

Bobby Cox certainly was smart enough to know that the smile or smirk Andrew carries on his face has little to do with the way he plays or the way he feels about the game. But, I guess until a coach gets to know his player, some coaches may judge him on outward expressions and behaviors until the kid proves himself.
I wanted to wait a bit before responding so that you would get some of the coaches viewpoints before I chimed in...

I am going to disagree that you do not have something to worry about .... I believe you should.

From your post both his High School and College coaches did/do not like his non emotional approach to the game. It has led him to be categorized negatively.....and later in your post you state that this perception and his outward expressions are hurting him....

Unlike TRhit, whose approach I respect greatly, not all coaches can overlook non playing issues just as long as he performs well. The "FIT" of his team is important and many coaches guard it well. Your description of your son not spending much time trying to interface with his coaches and at times acting aloof, correct perception or not, can be construed as being detrimental to the team....

Of the college teams I see on a regular basis, I can state that most college teams are the College Coaches team......not the players team....Meaning I know Coach A is a firey, upbeat, aggressive coach and I can confirm that the personality of his teams over the years mirror him........not his players.....

Your situation mirrors one I am very familiar with. I am very close with a family of one such a player as yours. A fine kid, excellent skills, but very much an introvert. He was recruited by a good school with a strong personality coach......He left the school after the fall semester....He has since left another school. Both times he has left because of the perception that he is not a team player.....The first coach commented to me that " He just was not one of us".....

I am not asking your son to be anything he isnt.........but we all know that in life some adaption is necessary to succeed....I hire a fair amount of people each year and the vast majority of them are exceptionally and equally qualified.......the difference is in the interviews........how they come across, and how I feel they will fit in to the organization....

As I see it here are his choices:

1. Find a coach/school that fits his personality type.

2. Find a coach to whom it does not matter.

3. Maybe he should try to "GIVE UNTO CAESAR WHAT IS CAESAR'S" ..........

What ever choice, its no simple task and as a parent myself, I can understand your concern....Im sure you have had your sleepless nights over this....... Best wishes on this, I hope it all works out for your son......
Last edited by piaa_ump
all good info in some of the above posts -esp piaa's

a reminder(s) regarding passion's original question

1) different coaches have differing styles and expectations - it's doubtful that a chat with the coach will change him

2) passion presumably chose this coach & staff

3) almost ad-nauseum it is emphasized here to do your homework on "fit" - of which personality fit is of prime importance

that's a tough spot

good luck



.
Last edited by Bee>
these posts have been really good. i know the last 2 are true on the college level.
i know we really, really emphasis family with our high school program. kids all have different personalities and approaches to the game but being aloof from coaches or teammates is not being family. during games we are together in the front of the dugout pulling for our teammates. and to be honest if i see a kid over by himself on a routine basis during the game, not hanging with his teammates pregame, etc. my initial impression is going to be he is a selfish kid. we really emphasize family, loving each other, caring about each other and being a good teammate.
Last edited by raiderbb
Thanks for the info. In reading the posts, my thoughts are that he needs to learn to adapt. One thing I do know is that he is very much a team player. I know in his high school situation that team members always came to him when they needed to get things off their chest. In away he was the "quiet" leader. It is just with coaches that he sometimes comes across as distant. I know in his current college situation that he very much respects and likes the coaches. He also loves the university. He also loves the game and is a very hard worker. Hopefully he will be able to work it all out - I know this I cannot do it for him. Again thanks for the posts.
quote:
this I cannot do it

Passion,

They need to think critically more than anything IMO.

They dont always need to adapt. Sometimes "adapting" is unacceptable.

My son went to a college for baseball. Once there - they told him he must attend mandatory Christian meetings.

We are Christians - but we werent looking for religious guidance from a freakin baseball program.
He refused.

End of collegiate career at that school.
Thats the bottom line.

Sometimes adapting isnt acceptable.
Thats life.
Sometimes - you just have to suck it up and move on IMO.
Last edited by itsinthegame
Passion,
One thing that I would do if this were my son is to talk to him and ask him to remember all of his fondest baseball memories. Sometimes we get so caught up in where we are going we forget to enjoy the ride. This was me at times when I was younger. I was and still am very driven, but I now learn to enjoy the ride. This has made me love the game even more and transfers energy, at least I hope it does, to those around me. Remind him to love what he does and play it the way your name states, with "passion" because no matter how far you go in baseball, someday your playing days will end.
PASSION,

I'm not a coach, but an employer, manager and supervisor, and I think the player / coach relationship is much like the employee / boss relationship, especially at the college level. In finding a way to deal with this situation, your son can practice "learning to adapt" as you mentioned, in ways that will benefit his future outside of baseball also.

Good advice above for your son to try to have a talk with the coaches, and the approach I would recommend is to emphasize "I see that there is a problem and I am asking your advice on how to improve." Many times in the working world we see employees hit a dead end in their job or career because they keep insisting "I don't have a problem, this is the way I am, accept me like this or not at all, and besides, this is why your expectations are wrong...". That rarely helps.

Maybe your son will decide that this program is not a good fit as some have suggested above - that happens in jobs, too. But hopefully he will find a way to improve the situation, and the solution will teach him a skill that applies to other areas of his life also.

Good luck to your son!
This is an area that always gets under my skin! I was a big intensity guy (nickname "psycho"), but it wasn't for show...I just found that I HAD to play that intense style to be as focused as I needed to be to win. However, I HATE IT when coaches try to force a kid to be like that. Every kid is different: for every Randy Johnson stomping off the mound, cursing and snarling, there is a Greg Maddux who wants to win just as badly but doesn't show it on the outside. I hope that I can look in players' eyes and know where they are....that is one of the keys to good coaching, in my opinion. I want my players to play at a high intensity level...but I want to be able to "see" it in their heart, not necessarily on their face!

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