Advice on Player/Coach Issues

What year is the starting catcher?

Soph also.

BDTI, I hope to learn something from the responses you get. My son, though a junior, has a very similar situation. Though his coach doesn't yell a lot - he gives kids he doesn't appear to be interested in the silent treatment.

BDTI --- Welcome to the site and as a Dad and former Coach I certainly feel your pain. There is no comfortable "correct" answer here. I can only respond based upon my perspective.

The most difficult transition to becoming a parent of a High School player is that loss of control. Unfortunately, you probably will not be able to influence the Coaching Philosophy at his school no matter how negative it may be.

I'm gonna make this short. You said that "your boy was 5-10 in limited plate appearances?" Keep him working on his hitting and hit the weight room." If he can hit and drive the ball they won't be able to ignore him in his Junior and Senior years. There is still alot of baseball to be played. Tell him to look for a secondary position on the team where perhaps the door may be at least ajar. Sounds like the Coach is going to Catch the other kid ...... until someone with a bigger BAT and vastly better skills push him aside!

In the meantime, sounds as if his Summer Team experience has been and will continue to be positive. He will get his best exposure there anyway! He, with your support, needs to focus on what he CAN control. This will give you a chance to see what he's made of ..... having a tough goal to work towards can be a very positive experience in the long haul.....!

Good luck.

A player in a situation like your son is in has to focus on the things he can control and not get discouraged by the things he can not. When he starts focusing on the things he can not control he will soon prove to the coach that the coach is making the right decision by not playing him. He will start to lose his fire , his determination , his excitement for the game. He will stop working to become a better player , he will become negative , he will look for excuses rather than solutions.

Coaches make mistakes all the time. Coaches can get focused on certain players and lose focus on others. They can get comfortable with certain players and for many reasons not be comfortable with others. Sometimes they see something in a player that others simply can not see.

When a player starts focusing on the coach , the players in front of him , etc etc he is not focusing on what he can do to get better. All a kid can do in a situation like this is continue to work hard and continue to get better. Keep a great attitude and not allow anything or anyone to take away his love for the game. Enjoy what you get to do on the field. Your practice time is your game time. Its your world series. Come to the park with a smile on your face and a fire in your heart. Be determined that no one or no thing is going to beat you and make you believe that you are not good enough. Be a great team mate and look for ways to help the team any way you can. Catch your bull pens like its the bottom of the 7th and the winning run is on 3b.

I know you are frustrated but imo it is critical that you keep a great attitude for your son. Don't say anything negative about your sons team mates. Dont feed into the negative but feed the positive. Its not the kids fault that is playing in front of your son. Dont get caught up in "he is not good" "he has passed balls" "my son is so much better" - remember that is someone else's kid as well. And that is your sons team mate. Pull for all the players because you certainly want people pulling for your son and not against him.

This can be a great learning experience for your son. This can turn out to be a great positive in his baseball experience as well. This situation can be used as the fire that forges the steel. Or it can be used as the fire that burns him up. Its all going to come down to how he handles it and approaches it. And many times that direction will be dictated by the attitude of those that mentor him. "Your getting screwed!" "They are doing you wrong." "The coach is an idiot and plays favorites." Or "Stay positive son and keep working hard." "Focus on what you can control son." "No one can stop you if you just keep grinding it out." "You day will come if you just focus on what you can control and dont worry about what you can not."

I believe that a player that can play who stays focused , continues to work hard , has a great attitude , is a team player , will find a way. And I don't believe you ever will once you lose focus , look for excuses , look to blame others , become negative , ever will find a way.

Its not where you start the race its where you finish it. Its not simply running the race that matters but how you run it. Stay positive and take your focus off the other player and players. Stay positive and take your focus off the coach or coaches. Stay positive and put your focus on what you can do as a Dad to encourage and support your son in a positive way. And good luck to your son.

"If he can hit and drive the ball they won't be able to ignore him in his Senior and Junior years."

One has to hope that will be true but it isn't always. I know of one school where a catcher with a weak arm, excellent blocking skills, and a very weak bat, started as a soph, junior and half his senior season. When the kid was a soph a much better catcher who had hit over .300 the previous season left the team when it became obvious he was likely to be replaced by this kid. A senior with a much better bat and stronger arm was made the backup. Mom was the team mom and he had an older brother play for the coach. The kid who played behind him as a junior played behind him as a senior. A sophmore who was hitting well replaced him midway through his senior season, only because there was another favorite, the son of the next year's team mom, who wasn't hitting either who they had to DH for. Sad part was I thought the catcher had some talent and would have developed into a decent hitter if they'd let him play JV as a soph instead of destroying his confidence by bringing him up to hit in a league with several pitchers who were drafted in early rounds.

He might end up being a DH or playing another position where there isn't already a favorite if the bat is good enough.

I'm going to start this reply with a disclaimer that our team got our butts handed to us tonight and I'm just not in a very nice mood. So if this reads as being harsh then I apologize ahead of time.

BDTI I truly haven't read everyone's replies but looking at the names you are probably getting some great advice. You got some people telling you what they think and it's truly good information because they have a proven track record of knowing what they are talking about. But based on your opening post here is what I think....

Have your son get better and I'm not talking about just a little bit. I'm talking about LOTS better. Have him become the ultimate team player. He hustles on everything. Balls need picked up he picks them up. Coach needs something done then he does it. One of the other guys makes a mistake have your son be the best team mate a guy can have and pick him up. If the coach is doing blocking drills then have your son want to block the ball with whatever part of his body he can get on the ball.

Have your son strive to be the absolute best at whatever he does while being a great team mate. Honestly when I read your post about how your son is ready to give up the game he loves and wants to play in college I have to question his commitment. If your son truly loves the game then he will not let anything stop him from being the best. Or is it that you are frustrated with his not playing that you are projecting this on your son when it's truly not there?

I realize this is probably coming across as harsh but if your son is ready to give it up over some adversity then he truly doesn't love the game. Nothing really wrong with that if he's not loving the game because he needs to move on to things he love to do. But if he loves the game like you say he does then he needs to overcome this adversity. He's going to face all kinds of trials and tribulations in life and he better learn to fight through them. Here is his first chance to do this.

As Coach May said "control the things you can control" and then it's out of your son's hands. This coach may be the worst guy to ever put a uniform on or he may be a great coach that your son is missing out on a great chance to learn from. I don't know and really nobody else on here does either. When I read your opening post I hear a lot of "I" and "me" statements where it's about your son and not the team.

Have your son do everything in his power to be the best catcher, hitter, thrower, baserunner and be the first to the field every day, be the last off the field everyday just so he can't say "What If?" one day.

BDT1, I have to agree with previous posters about this situation. I will say there is light at the end of the tunnel here if your son continues to work hard and plays summer ball. In the end, what he does in HS will be all but forgotten. Getting the chance to play at the next level will be his reward.

Our son played for a coach similar to your coach, except he was a starter. Coach was very negative to the team and by his senior year it was all he could do to continue playing. But he knew there was a future and stuck with it. He now plays for a nationally ranked JC program and is having a blast, and loves the coaching staff. And best of all, they actually believe in him. Best wishes for your son and do let us know how things progress.

The only advise I can offer is to work hard in practice, do the right things, not goof off, keep up the grades. My son was stuck on JVs his soph and half his junior year because there was a logjam of upperclassmen on varsity. The JVs had eight juniors and couple of varsity players who played down on jv. While he played all the time, he felt he did what he needed to do to play varsity by his junior year but seemed that the varsity HC didn't even know who he was..With a few breaks and strong play during his senior year preseason, he got his shot and earned a starting spot and was a key player and one of the offensive leaders on the team.

I can't say it's gonna pan out for every player who's stuck in a bad situation. Coaches have their ways. Some are too stubborn to change or give other players a look when they have "their man" who could do no wrong or maybe here's some politics involved like the team mom's son getting a longer rope etc. Or could simply be that the player who's starting is a better player and coaches will overlook their slumps and brain farts while the bench player has to be near perfect in everything he does to hope he gets his shot.

My kid had to be near perfect and couple that with a couple players quiting the team (playing time and grades) (that's why keeping up grades is key)opened the door just enough for my kid to squeeze thru and prove himself.

All I can say is either hang in there, work hard in practice and make the most if and when they get their opportunity. Otherwise, just quit.

My son didn't get the reps he needed with the varsity and never made excuses but when he got his shot, he made the most of it because he was prepared and did everything that was asked of him and more on jv.

Other thoughts:
Has he looked at playing another position? Some times the player in front is just better and will be better the rest of his career. Just a thought.
Then there was my older son's position. He played shortstop and so did a kid the same grade. My son played second and third and pitched while the other played short. Until the senior year, when this kid went to the coach and said I don't want to play short anymore.
Tell him to be patient and keep working. As Coach May said, tell him to outhustle every player on the team. If he can hit, he will play somewhere.

How do the pitchers feel about the situation? Has your son been catching bull pens for them?

Nice post Zomby. The right advice with a realistic outlook.

Thanks to all of you for the advice. I'm staying positive for him always have and always will. Coach has said he works hard, is a tough kid, and is keeping his mouth shut (possible slap for him openinig his mouth to the Freshman coach last year?). He arrives at practice 30 minutes before it starts and is one of the few to hang around after practice. Pitchers say he is much better and wish he could catch more in games. The kids are intimidated by the coach to say anything for fear of retribution. He can and has played all other positions except for pitching and is listed as an INF/Catcher on the coaches chart (although he has only practicied in the INF once). Easier for me to stay positive and encourage him when you see the disappointment on his face at times when he sees what's going on. Beleive me he will not let the HS program defeat him and he will continue to work hard.