Answering a Coach when not interested

I would invent a polite excuse like "thanks for the opportunity but geographic reasons" or something like that.

 Seems like folks here say don't close any doors.  I tend to agree with that. If your son is interested in similar schools what's makes this one different?  How confident is he that he's going to get another offer? If it's clear that he would never go to school here no matter what, I think a nice email  from him to the Coach thanking him for his interest but saying your son is looking elsewhere would be fine.

How about honesty. "Thanks for the interest but I don't think x university is the right school for me"

joes87 posted:

How about honesty. "Thanks for the interest but I don't think x university is the right school for me"

I think you are right.  You might also add "at this time" to the end of it to possibly leave it open but then the coach might still believe there is a chance. 

We had one school who called everyday.  They were not my son's first choice but they were a choice if other things did not work out.  My son told them straight up that he was pursuing another school and if that did not work out he would be interested.  The school my son was pursuing did make an offer and that ended recruiting. 

I asked my son, as a courtesy, to call the coach who called him everyday to let him know that we had gone in another direction.  The coach hung the phone up on him and I thought that was low class.  We never once told him anything other than the truth.    

smokeminside posted:

 Seems like folks here say don't close any doors.  I tend to agree with that. If your son is interested in similar schools what's makes this one different?  How confident is he that he's going to get another offer? If it's clear that he would never go to school here no matter what, I think a nice email  from him to the Coach thanking him for his interest but saying your son is looking elsewhere would be fine.

I agree with Smoke.  I don't like to close doors unless 100% sure after talking to coaches and visiting the school.  If he has other concrete, 100% bona fide offers then I think being honest and appreciative is the way to go.  It is your money and your decision.   "Thank the coach for his interest and time.  However, you are interested in several other schools at this time, and you don't want to waste his time and money any further".   I would just leave it at that.

Howevver, if there is a sliver or hint of interest (at this point in time...assuming RD), I would call the Coach and let him make a case for his school.  You have nothing to lose and he has nothing to lose.  My reasoning for this approach is there is a huge number of people on this website who have reported finding their "diamond in the rough" late in the process by keeping doors open. 

JMO. 

Balancing between complete truth and leaving an option open can be a bit dicey. Good luck.

My 2017 just got into my Alma Mater on early decision, Virginia Tech, he only had one offer from a top D3 school in-state (he was very choosey so to speak). But after exceling at the D3 school's camp and garnering much praise from the HC, he knew the school was too small for him. My wife and I encouraged our son to email the HC almost right away to "nip the offer in the bud" since he was 100% not going to go to that school.  HC did not bother replying...he had to move on to the next catcher on his list...

Be honest and express gratitude for the interest. Politely say that at this time, there are other schools that he has more interest in. If anything changes, I will reach out and see if you still have availability. Don't play games. Coaches are going to be much more impressed with an honest answer then playing some kind of "half-in, half-out" statement. They know when they're getting played so just be honest. My 2016 had to do this exact thing and was honest about not having interest in that school at that time. Coach thanked him for his time and said if anything changed to please let him know.

Thanks for the replies.  Of course he knows what to say (a thanks but no thanks) but wanted to hear any nuances given the HC is well connected,  as this is a school that seems to be at all the high academic camps and showcases.  We know the HC is extremely well connected from his background and from seeing him at these events this past summer.

When I said he had zero interest in applying there, I meant zero interest, not even a sliver of interest.  No need to visit the campus.  He does have offers from schools he is more interested in, but even if he did not, he would still not want to go to this college.  With his grades and scores, he prefers other schools and will take his chances.  We have had these discussion in this forum before (4 vs 40 years, better love the school if no baseball, etc).   There is no need to keep the door open for this school, it is all about being honest without pissing the guy off and belittling the school in any way.  One honest, yet polite, out may be that they do not offer what he may want to study.  Which is what he told the RC back in July...

I would find it really hard to believe a coach is going to engage is a negative campaign against your son because your son politely declined interest in that school. Again, just one guy's opinion after having a son go through all of the recruiting process, I think a straight forward honest answer that he has other schools that he is more interested in is completely appropriate and most coaches (or people in the business world) would appreciate the honest answer. Coaches know that their school isn't going to be for every kid they have interest in so I don't think it will be as big of a deal as you fear.

Sounds like "pursuing an area of study the school does not offer" is best.  As you mentioned in your last post....

Twoboys posted:

Thanks for the replies.  Of course he knows what to say (a thanks but no thanks) but wanted to hear any nuances given the HC is well connected,  as this is a school that seems to be at all the high academic camps and showcases.  We know the HC is extremely well connected from his background and from seeing him at these events this past summer.

When I said he had zero interest in applying there, I meant zero interest, not even a sliver of interest.  No need to visit the campus.  He does have offers from schools he is more interested in, but even if he did not, he would still not want to go to this college.  With his grades and scores, he prefers other schools and will take his chances.  We have had these discussion in this forum before (4 vs 40 years, better love the school if no baseball, etc).   There is no need to keep the door open for this school, it is all about being honest without pissing the guy off and belittling the school in any way.  One honest, yet polite, out may be that they do not offer what he may want to study.  Which is what he told the RC back in July...

There were a couple of schools giving my son a time limit to make a decision at a point where my son wasn't ready to do so.  He ask me how he should handle the response as he didn't want to burn bridges, but he did have other options and was still looking for an offer from his "dream school."  And since he really had no choice but to say no thank you, having other offers on the table, went along with responding with what I suggested . . .which was something like this:

"I feel really honored with your offer for the opportunity to play in your program. You have such a good program, it makes it a hard decision, but I must at this time decline your offer.  And thank you very much for considering me."

Since the coach was expecting a phone call from my son, I wrote this out so he could see it as he spoke on the phone.  The coach had a very positive response to being turned down and said he appreciated the way it was done.

I think it's important to show the appreciation for the consideration and acknowledge the opportunity the coach is offering, when saying no thank you.

All great feedback... Twoboys, here is a line of dialog to consider that may give you some of the nuance you are looking for... 

"In considering several factors important to my athletic and academic pursuit, I have currently narrowed my search to a small handful of schools...  I want to be respectful of your time and share that XYZ U is not one of the schools I am pursuing.  This doesn't reflect in any way my admiration for your program or my appreciation of your interest."

Firm, to-the-point, honest (??), respectful, appreciative.

How about this, which I am sure I will take some flak for.  They do not need to know you are not interested, that is between your player and you.  Let them believe that you are interested until you decide to go somewhere else.  This is a business and these schools do the exact same thing.  They let a large pool of players believe they are interested in them, Why?  Because if they need to extend their pool they still want you on the hook.  This is the exact reason why you need to do the same thing.  I tell all my players, make every school that has serious interest in you believe that they are in the picture because you never know what will happen at the end of the day. 

When in doubt, be honest.  You don't have to reveal why they are not on your short list.  Other posts above give good advice on scripts.

Coaches move a lot.  So do kids, it seems.  Good to keep dialog open, or at least keep a reputation for honesty with that particular coach.

I agree with the above post.  Does your son have offers to somewhere else?  If he doesn't, why close the door on this opportunity?  Because it's a D3?

Regardless what others say, be honest. You never know when you may run into that coach again.  

This may be your sons only opportunity to play past HS. If it's definitely no, then tell them that.

Thanks again to all who responded.  Really appreciate the comments and the help with drafting (Cabbagedad THANK YOU, you got the nuance needed).  

Just to answer some of the ?s above: 

It is not his only opportunity to play past HS, he does have offers of support for RD at other D3s that are more appealing to him, as well as possibilities at D1s as well.  While he 100% wants to play in college, he does not want to go to any old school just to play.  With his academic background and test scores, he is admissible anywhere (of course with tiny admission rates at many high academic schools actually getting in is not easy).  He cares about the quality of his education as well as his collegiate experience.  As I mentioned he had already dismissed this school's interest in him in July, not because it is a D3 but because it is just plain and simple not a school he wants to attend - even if it were his only baseball option (which it is not likely going to be the case).  

We were not afraid of a smear campaign, just wanted to make sure he was respectful in saying no thanks.  Yes coaches want to hear the truth -- as do players -- but no one wants to hear their school (their employer!) knocked for any reason either.  I think he got the email right, and happily responded with the advice given here.  Thanks again!