My multi-tasking skills have certainly improved. With more and more consistency, every time I cough, I just go ahead and get a fart out of the way right then and there.
We don't really discuss it, but based on their reaction, I think the boys in the dugout appreciate my newfound skills.
Top that. Anyone?
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When one of our pitchers was taking things too seriously, I called time & went out to the mound and told a knock knock joke. Does that count?
My son once signed a petition that a certain 12u boy NOT be allowed to have Taco Bell 24 hours prior to a game. It was delivered to the parents by the coach.
Better? Maybe. Funnier? Possibly. More endearing to boys in a dugout? No doubter, absolutely.
CABBAGE,
That is a good one. But before you get the big head... I too have developed the exact same skill. I also pee and fart at the same time quite often. I was using a urinal at a stadium and did both together. The guy at the next stall said, I hear the rain and I hear the thunder, but where is the lightening. Thought that was kind of clever.
Cabbage - I'm pretty sure that it's my last day at my current employer because I literally just spit out my drink on the desk of my manager. He was on the phone so I thought I'd catch on my daily reading. #AreYouHiring?
PGStaff posted:CABBAGE,
That is a good one. But before you get the big head... I too have developed the exact same skill. I also pee and fart at the same time quite often. I was using a urinal at a stadium and did both together. The guy at the next stall said, I hear the rain and I hear the thunder, but where is the lightening. Thought that was kind of clever.
Hilarious!
hshuler posted:Cabbage - I'm pretty sure that it's my last day at my current employer because I literally just spit out my drink on the desk of my manager. He was on the phone so I thought I'd catch on my daily reading. #AreYouHiring?
#AreYouHiring?
No problem, Hshuler, plenty of opportunity here at the senior center. Our turnover rate is ridiculous.
Too much? Let me try again...
#AreYouHiring?
Yes and the people you'll meet here at Walmart every day are inspiring! Have you see the Youtube videos of our customers?
OK, probably enough damage for one day.
Dang still looks like I have to develop some of the Important skill you guys possess by the time I'm older. I can burp on command as many times as I want without puking though!
Just beware of what one of my son's high school teammates did while standing on the mound. The embarrassing, deadly shart.
Did he shart his pants? That's one way to keep those mound visits down.
RJM posted:Just beware of what one of my son's high school teammates did while standing on the mound. The embarrassing, deadly shart.
What does one do in a situation like that? Did he motion for his coach to join him on the mound - or did he keep pitching?
RJM posted:Just beware of what one of my son's high school teammates did while standing on the mound. The embarrassing, deadly shart.
Hope he wasn't wearing white pants..have to take them to the carwash..lol
Texas 2 Sons posted:RJM posted:Just beware of what one of my son's high school teammates did while standing on the mound. The embarrassing, deadly shart.
Hope he wasn't wearing white pants..have to take them to the carwash..lol
More importantly, how did he get home?
Gentlemen, please. Civility. 
RJM posted:Just beware of what one of my son's high school teammates did while standing on the mound. The embarrassing, deadly shart.
I was just going to mention to Cabbage..... as long as the farts don't become sharts, he's ahead of the ball game!
And with his new found skill, he never has to ask a kid in the dugout to pull his finger!
cabbagedad posted:hshuler posted:Cabbage - I'm pretty sure that it's my last day at my current employer because I literally just spit out my drink on the desk of my manager. He was on the phone so I thought I'd catch on my daily reading. #AreYouHiring?
#AreYouHiring?
No problem, Hshuler, plenty of opportunity here at the senior center. Our turnover rate is ridiculous.
Too much? Let me try again...
#AreYouHiring?
Yes and the people you'll meet here at Walmart every day are inspiring! Have you see the Youtube videos of our customers?
OK, probably enough damage for one day.
Good news - still employed!
Bad news - EoY bonus probably not going to happen. :-(
At my age you don't trust any fart!!!
Catchdad44 posted:At my age you don't trust any fart!!!
LoL
Too funny
This actually happened to me once.
Driving down the freeway in Chicago shortly after eating a chilly dog and a chocolate malt. Started to get that cramping feeling that tells you to find the nearest rest room. All of a sudden I'm stuck in the middle of a big traffic jam. Dead stop with cars in front, behind, and on both sides of me. The cramping just kept getting worse, by now I was getting goose bumps and tightening every muscle in my body.
I looked over at my wife, almost crying and asked... What in the hell do I do? She kind of laughed and that really pissed me off. There we were stuck at a standstill in traffic and by now I was shaking with pain. She reached in the back seat and handed me a plastic garbage bag that happened to be there for some reason.
I fought right to the end and I lost the battle. There is much more to the story regarding the aftermath, but all of this reminded me of something we all know... Shit happens!
Wow, hopefully that was before the days of smart phones and social media, what a blackmail video that would make.
PGStaff posted:This actually happened to me once.
Driving down the freeway in Chicago shortly after eating a chilly dog and a chocolate malt. Started to get that cramping feeling that tells you to find the nearest rest room. All of a sudden I'm stuck in the middle of a big traffic jam. Dead stop with cars in front, behind, and on both sides of me. The cramping just kept getting worse, by now I was getting goose bumps and tightening every muscle in my body.
I looked over at my wife, almost crying and asked... What in the hell do I do? She kind of laughed and that really pissed me off. There we were stuck at a standstill in traffic and by now I was shaking with pain. She reached in the back seat and handed me a plastic garbage bag that happened to be there for some reason.
I fought right to the end and I lost the battle. There is much more to the story regarding the aftermath, but all of this reminded me of something we all know... Shit happens!
Now THAT is true love. You are a lucky guy!
It really feels a good to know I am not alone PG. My wife still cries laughing....I'm just not ready to share still
PGStaff posted:This actually happened to me once.
Driving down the freeway in Chicago shortly after eating a chilly dog and a chocolate malt. Started to get that cramping feeling that tells you to find the nearest rest room. All of a sudden I'm stuck in the middle of a big traffic jam. Dead stop with cars in front, behind, and on both sides of me. The cramping just kept getting worse, by now I was getting goose bumps and tightening every muscle in my body.
I looked over at my wife, almost crying and asked... What in the hell do I do? She kind of laughed and that really pissed me off. There we were stuck at a standstill in traffic and by now I was shaking with pain. She reached in the back seat and handed me a plastic garbage bag that happened to be there for some reason.
I fought right to the end and I lost the battle. There is much more to the story regarding the aftermath, but all of this reminded me of something we all know... Shit happens!
I started laughing at "eating a chilly dog and chocolate malt." The outcome was inevitable but the timing could've been better. :-)
PGStaff posted:This actually happened to me once.
Driving down the freeway in Chicago shortly after eating a chilly dog and a chocolate malt. Started to get that cramping feeling that tells you to find the nearest rest room. All of a sudden I'm stuck in the middle of a big traffic jam. Dead stop with cars in front, behind, and on both sides of me. The cramping just kept getting worse, by now I was getting goose bumps and tightening every muscle in my body.
I looked over at my wife, almost crying and asked... What in the hell do I do? She kind of laughed and that really pissed me off. There we were stuck at a standstill in traffic and by now I was shaking with pain. She reached in the back seat and handed me a plastic garbage bag that happened to be there for some reason.
I fought right to the end and I lost the battle. There is much more to the story regarding the aftermath, but all of this reminded me of something we all know... Shit happens!
You should've let her pull your finger....we all know it relieves the pressure and pain!
LMAO
I had a similar experience with Habanero wings while on a short escape in the Newport RI area. I was slapping myself in the face to distract myself from the pain. The better half was caught somewhere between shock, hysterical laughter and concern. I barely made it back to the BnB where we were staying and luckily no one was there as ran in from my car with my pants unbuckled
It can happen at any age. A couple of games back my 2017 leads off the 7th and swings at a first pitch curve -- something he never does. Gets a single to right, and all of a sudden he's replaced with a pinch runner, which is really odd because he has probably twice as many SB's as the rest of the team combined. When he gets home I ask him WTF? He says he told coach he was feeling sick and couldn't hit but coach talked him into going to the plate and getting run for if he got on. He says, Dad, I'm so glad that ball didn't get past the right fielder. If I'd have had to run to 2nd I swear I would have shat myself.
Now on the other hand I AM getting old so I don't remember....
Did I tell this one already? A kid on my LL Majors team hits a HR, then when he gets back in the dugout says, Coach, I really gotta go #2 LIKE RIGHT NOW! I say sure, go for it. We go on to have a really big inning and his spot comes up again. Blue's calling for a batter and the kid makes it back to the dugout just before I send a pinch hitter in, and he hits another dinger.
Well, I was thinking this thread would make it's way toward eyesight, hair loss, viagra, creaky body parts and other topics at some point 
If this keeps up, I may need to rename the topic.
Still a kids game...
cabbagedad posted:Well, I was thinking this thread would make it's way toward eyesight, hair loss, viagra, creaky body parts and other topics at some point
Sketchy eyesight? Check!
Hair loss? Check!
Creaky body parts? Check!
May I also add softer middle, greyer facial hair and not only falling asleep but snoring during movie night to the list? Check, check, check!
Eyesight - Failing
Hair Loss - Not Much
Viagra - For What?
Creaky Body parts - Pretty much all of them
Not all my body parts creak, just the ones that still move a little bit.
Swampboy posted:Not all my body parts creak, just the ones that still move a little bit.
When I get up off the couch, my knees make sounds like I'm a transformer.
My kids sing a song when I get up from the couch sung to the rice crispy's commercial tune...snap, crackle, pop, that's MOMMY!
One of these days I'm confident I will sprain an eyeball from rolling my eyes so hard at my children!
As long as I am popping and hurting I know I am still alive!
I throw just as hard as I always have. The ball just arrives a lot later now.
