Anyone still speaking to each other.

Diamond Darling - I can't relate in any way to that kind of environment. Last year, my son was one of ten seniors. Some of them had played together when they were young and some not. Some of the parents I liked more than others and was closer to some than others. However, there wasn't a parent that didn't support everyone of those boys.... from the top players to the ones that had minor roles. We all supported each and every kid. We'd meet and do things outside of baseball too which only aided in our friendships.

I don't know that I've had many "enemies" in my life and I would be most saddened to think I did in the area of baseball when it's filled so much of my life.

I've said before and I was most sincere - there wasn't a kid on that team, senior or younger, that couldn't come knockin' on my door now or in 20 years that I wouldn't welcome.

Playoffs are a perfect time too for the parents to join together in support of the kids. Perhaps you could host or suggest a tailgating party or something that would help inspire some coming together for a common goal for all of your boys.

Best of luck to your guys!

Can't say I've experienced enemies...
I have noticed some pettiness, even jealousy, between some parents when a player seems to be moving up, developing, getting more play time, has better "luck", receives recognition, etc,.

Sometimes parents may loose perspective..."My little Johnny is better than your little Johnny"...It may be the rose colored glasses syndrome. It may be they are struggling with the notion of the end of HS, or baseball altogether, or their son going away to college, or empty nest syndrome, etc.

I hope what you describe isn't going on. One of the most valuable things we have in life are friendships. Some are for a season, as the Bible says...Some for a lifetime...
Cherish each one for what it is/was. And be thankful.

BTW, which class & where in Texas??
Son's 5A is also in playoffs.

DD ~

I have to agree with the others.

My son's team has 10 seniors that 8 of them have played off and on together since the t-ball years. Those of us newer to the program are made to feel welcomed, because all our boys know that the head coach makes all the coaching decisions based on what's best for the team.

He's taught our boys life lessons on character development, integrity, sacrifice, and selflessness. Things we as parents have tried to instill and teach our sons but seem to go in one ear and out the other. (As a teacher, I'm sure you sometimes get farther with your students then their parents do.)

Maybe there is another underlying reason parents are speaking.

I agree with baseball mom...cherish each moment and person for what it is. And be thankful.

I am glad you brought this up. This is our son's 5th year playing with a core group of players that are finishing their senior year. One set of parents, whom I often enjoyed talking to, won't say a word to me. I speak to them and get ignored. I attribute it to my son moving their's out of his position, even though he continued to play as DH. Now they've moved my son to a couple other slots, their's is back at "his" postition, and yet they still don't speak. I just don't get it.

Girls - Thanks for all your advice. Part of the problem is that my son signed with a D1 back in November. He is the only one from our team. Last summer he also did not play with the local high school team, instead went with a team 2 hours from home in the metroplex. College coaches referred him to the metroplex team. They found my son at a college camp. Lots of jealousy. Some of these people have no clue about all the hard work and sacrifices my son made and our family made for him to play two hours away. We were just following the college coaches orders, then the select coaches orders, and one thing lead to another and another. Next thing we know, he is signing with a D1. These two kids on our team never told my son congrats, came to his signing, etc... some kind of teammates. We don't need friends like this. We sure are looking forward to getting back with our summer team.

JT ...

How do we spell j-e-a-l-o-u-s-y? It seems that at the amateur levels, it unfortunately can rear its ugly head, even with people we thought were special. We experienced some of it during our son's freshman year on the freshman team ... primarily from one other parent who tended to resent the time our son played defensively and hers wasn't in the game. There were some minor problems the following year when he ended up being the main starter on the varsity team because the ace was injured most of the season. Parents of other pitchers who were older resented his being on the mound, because they couldn't come to grips with the real level of their own sons' abilities. I think I felt more sorry for them than anything because I know they wanted their sons to be main players but unfortunately, they never were, even in Little League. The resentment was probably due to the fact that had our son not been there, their sons would have had more opportunities. Unfortunately for them, it was not just the pitchers who lost play time but we had four sophomore starters that many people felt were displacing older players. It was tough to find out how many parents resented the younger players and chose to have limited conversations with us, or (perhaps worse) if they did talk with us, they spoke in generalities about their sons' playing time but would never come out and say that they didn't think sophomores shouldn't be playing as long as there were juniors and seniors on the bench.

It is nice to know that a lot of parents haven't seen or felt this negative stuff but I can attest to it being significant at our son's high school. Just part of life when there are 10 starters and 25 kids on the team.

DD, JT, & FBM
Many similarities in our respective situations...I wasn't going to give in to the negatives. One example (of many HS!!)...
A couple of years ago, a parent asked why my son was getting so much attention from top D-1 colleges across the nation when he was "just a junior...I mean he "may" be good,... but my son is a senior & is a switch hitter, and...and...and...I mean, he's not THAT much better than ______, is he?" (you get what I mean!)
Her comments were a not so "veiled" attempt to rile, even provoke...and continued the whole year!
So, I explained my strategy as a parent had begun years earlier... when my son had shown success at each level, I moved him on to the next challenge. While it was my job as parent to provide opportunities for his growth & development, my son had to prove himself, and he has...every step of the way. He has accomplished much throughout the years, and most recently, a very nice scholarship to a great D-1 school. It was his talent that garnered the honors, accomplishments and interest from scouts & recruiters.
To me, it was more important to offer help, if possible. I gave her copies of all the recruiting "how too's", NCAA info, Coaches contact info, showcase info, names & numbers of several important baseball people in the area, etc. and suggested she visit this site to learn, learn, learn...

Sniping, insults, jealousy...It comes with the territory...It's sometimes difficult to choose not to participate, to walk away.

Compliments, encouragement, "'at a boys"...may be fewer, seem insincere, or even hard to recognize. Just accept the good, & try to turn the ugly into good, if possible.

DD, some folks are just shallow (hollow, probably). It is an important life lesson for your son to recognize, differentiate between his true friends and the "fair weather" or fickle friends. If he stays humble, true to his principles, he will be fine.

Maybe I'm just naive, but our parents truly got along and perhaps there may have been disappointments at time for some folks over playing time. If so, they did a very good job of keeping it to themselves.

My son was given opportunities on the team when he was young, but any negative comments faded quickly as he produced. In the ten seniors, we had four go on to play college ball - one DI, one JUCO, and two NAIA and one first round draft pick. Even with that success, the boys were all "the boys". They picked each other up, spent their time together, cheered one another's successes.....

I feel sorry for those parents that have had to face a different journey than mine, because I will always remember each and every day of HS ball with nothing but fondness.

quote:

Part of the problem is that my son signed with a D1 back in November. He is the only one from our team.

Double D,

The ladies on this forum are baseball moms. They are special creatures and represent an unacknowledged sixth tool of baseball players.

The most important thing about them is they have a least one son who is or was "the only one".

DD, they are especially experienced with exactly the challenges that you face, right now, with a young D1 prospect headed off to college.

They know exactly the quantities of underwear (2 pair) and condoms that the young man should take off to college with him.

They can tell you all the other things that you will need to pack for your son to have a good freshman year, that will pass by so quickly, and how much he will quickly change between now and this time next year.

There are one or two things that they do not handle well.

The main thing is that when you make the list of things to head off to college with, you need to divide it by two, because it will not all fit into that palatial dorm room.

And, you will have to bring it all back home.

When your son is "the only one", there is not much support or understanding of what you face on your high school team. That is why your select team is more comfortable for you.

Some of these moms have sons at the show, in the minor leagues, and at major D1 baseball powerhouses.

They have learned from each other and IF I was a mom of a baseball player headed off to a D1 and had a question, I'd ask them.

Now, there may be a j****ss man or two get on here and poke fun, but don't let that bother you. Most of of have enough decency to keep our eyes covered in the ladies room.

Ask anyway.

FO ...

quote:

They know exactly the quantities of underwear (2 pair) and condoms that the young man should take off to college with him.

Okay, I can understand why you would think we should only send two pair of skivvies, but I can assure you that I didn't send any of the latter with my son ... if I could have sent a chastity belt, I would have but fortunately I didn't have to worry 'cause he made some very good decisions.

lafmom ...

I do hope that most parents get to enjoy the same kind of wonderful experience you experienced. I wish it had been so at our son's high school, trust me, but I even had to deal with comments made by the person I considered my best friend at the time ... depending on who was around, she would snipe as well. During a conversation once where several moms (including my best friend) were bemoaning the fact that their sons were basically be pains in the buttocks, I made reference to the way my husband and I handled the type of situation they were discussing. The response from my 'best' friend was "Well, your son isn't normal." And then another gal whom I had known for many years quipped "Oh, we forgot ... AJ is perfect." I finally had it and looked all 3 of them in the eyes and said "No one said he was perfect. Trust me ladies, it took a lot of hard work ! !" Once the boys went off to college (and quite a few went on to play at the D-1 level), we would get together avery 6-8 weeks for dinner and 'share time' to keep up on the boys. It got so that I wouldn't even share some stuff about AJ because of the responses I got ... guess they thought if our sons were doing well, this wasn't the place to talk about it. Some of them preferred to dwell on the negative, if you know what I mean.

So the envy/jealousy/whatever can rear its ugly head under lots of different circumstances. I had expected better because several of us had traveled to the Little League world series together a few years earlier but for some people, it just didn't seem to matter.

Oh well ... that is just the way of some things. Perhaps it is the locale we come from ... not a small town environment, lots of mommies and daddies who think they can buy their sons' futures. I think a lot of it in our town has to do with the affluence of some of the families ... they think they can buy their way in life and their sons have taken on the same mantra. Personally I think that is too bad because in the long run, the sons come up short without having developed the tools to function on their own ... but that is another thread

FBM - Very interesting story and thanks for sharing. I have thought about my son's situation and his teammates. I really just can't understand what would make people act like that if you care about all the kids.

Lexington is a city of (just saw a population stat this weekend) of over 400,000 people and our particular HS is about 2200. The friend of my son's that was a very high draft pick did face some jealousy from kids at other schools - I saw it first hand. However, his buddies and teammates NEVER begrudged him a moment of his success. They all still talk to this day and I have no doubt will always do so. We had another first round draft pick just a few years ago and have a history of many kids drafted. Perhaps, it's harder at schools were many kids haven't had success?

Maybe the economic status might have something to do with it as you point out? We were and are all very middle class families and no one pretended to be anything different. So, perhaps your observation there hits on something?

I don't know any answers to this behavior, but it provides some interesting thoughts.

FO,

Girls are like fine china. Look but don't touch!!
I've told him to never "take anything" that can't be given back! I can only hope it sticks!

DD, I've answered your PM...

I don't neccessarily see this issue as being socio economic... the kids get along fine for the most part...it's some of the gossipy parents that don't grasp the fact that these guys slow down or zoom to the top developmentally. Some players get into "distractions", senioritis, girls, etc...Some players work harder due to their own goals, some don't care..Some are happy to have on the uniform, some are aiming for All State or to set a new homerun record.

Parents may not be in touch with all the "stuff" kids are "really" going thru & it's always easier to "blame" (or insult, snipe, etc) someone else rather than to look at reality, let alone be objective.

We have not experienced this....and son was only senior to go on to college ball. That said we did see it once at high school....a senior catcher, one year ahead of son at the time......he was replaced as a starter mid-season....and the parents took it out on the new junior starter and his family....they behaved very badly. Jealousy.....yes, and maybe frustration, some anger.....knowing there is no next level.....

quote:

Girls are like fine china. Look but don't touch!!

Kinda knew that was a sensitive subject........

Two great points here:

quote:

Parents of other pitchers who were older resented his being on the mound, because they couldn't come to grips with the real level of their own sons' abilities

quote:

the kids get along fine for the most part...it's some of the gossipy parents that don't grasp the fact that these guys slow down or zoom to the top developmentally

Parents do have a problem with this ---- and ---- players for the most part don’t.

I hate to bring up more negativity, as I too have experienced many wonderful relationships with parents/players over the years but I think it is important for everyone to realize these negative comments/actions do exist. We had a perfect example this past weekend. My son is a soph, got his varsity letter last year and looking to earn a staring position this year. An older player egged his car this weekend and dug out and hid the homeplate/pitching rubber from the batting cage my husband had built for our son in the back yard.

Problems with the same kid and his parents last year. As a Freshman, my son was eager to fit in. The kid invited him over with the rest of team between school and practice, offered to give him a ride and when my son put bat bag in the back of his car, the kid took off with his equipment for 3 hours! Unfortunately on a day the varsity coach asked my son to practice with varsity.

It seems the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. The first comment the dad ever made to me was in response to me wondering out loud why they put someone in to hit for my son but still had my son catch (I had NO problem with the substitution. It was a run rule situation, my son played in every game, just wondering why he went back into game at all.) The parent said "your kid's a freshman, he's lucky to be playing at all" OUCH!

Sorry to gripe so long, but with last weekends incident and then multiple comments I overheard during this weekend's game from upperclassmen parents... I'm getting fed up and it gets increasingly difficult to set a good example and advise my son to take the higher road.

I guess I just want to add to my last post... I'm really looking for advice as to how to handle the situation. Definitely don't want to make it worse. I've told my son to let his play speak for itself, however it's tough when parents/players refuse to keep an open mind and look at a situation without bias. The team is VERY talented, just worried about them being able to play as a team...

How to handle it? Ignore it as best you can and explan to your son that this is really a compliment. If his talent were not a threat he would be ignored.
Fungoette

quote:

Originally posted by Fungo:
How to handle it? Ignore it as best you can and explan to your son that this is really a compliment. If his talent were not a threat he would be ignored.
Fungoette

Fungoette gives excellent advice here.

Remove yourself from the naysayers. People who aren't for the program, are a detriment to the program.

If you constantly say negative things and hear negative things, you become negative. When you have the opportunity to be positive you should. When you have the opportunity to hear others be positive you should join in. A positive attitude is contagious to all around.

Good luck! Stay positive and be proud!

Just reading those 2 posts made me feel alot better. I've been STRESSING all weekend dreading the upcoming season(s). That's really a great way to look at it. And thinking of things in that light, it will be alot easier to remain positive.

I don't post very often, but this was a topic that really hit home for me....

THANK YOU for the input!

My son is not the star, but has been one of the top two pitchers on JV during his first two years. He moved up to Varsity this year while knowing he would see very little playing time because of a team that is very heavy with pitching(and Seniors). His close friends happen to not be on the team and he runs in a different social circle. Throughout the year he has been treated poorly by a lot of his teammates - in particular - two of the Captains (seniors - 1 signed with D1 in Big 12). They have cursed him during a game, thrown his clothes in the shower, insulted him, and probably more that I don't know about. My son is not small - 6'4' and could beat the **** out of either of them. He has held off because he knows he would be the one to get tossed off the team. I have held off because I am letting him become a man. It is a difficult thing for me to do. I like the parents of these kids (some of them I like a lot) and some would be appalled (and some would not) if they knew what their sons were doing. I always speak and I am pleasant - all the while knowing their kids are jerks. In the end - I know what goes around always comes around.

Hunt19 ...

Yep, sometimes you just have to have an out of body experience when the naysayers are rambling on or making short cutting comments. Let your eyes glaze over and talk about the weather ... keeps them guessing and also keeps them from being able to twist your words. And I am sure most of us have experienced times when something we said was twisted to suit the other person's needs and detract from us.

Hunt...you have been given some very good advise. As I posted earlier.....we did not experience this....but we didn't allow ourselves to either.....we moved around a lot at the games....if someone started getting negative we politely excused ourselves......had to take pictures.....whatever......any excuse....and....we stayed positive.....worked a lot in the snack bar.....smiled at everyone.....and cheered for the team......

The problem your son is experiencing....well at some point it will hopefully dawn on certain team members that he helps them win games.....and then all should be fine.....Good luck, enjoy....and with an eye always to the field...... keep moving.....

Hunt19

Cameras are wonderful tools for dealing with this problem.

"Excuse me, but I need to move over a bit so I can get a better angle" works well to get you away from folks when they start snipping.

Plus, it is amazing how their attitudes improve (at least temporarily) when you hand them a nice shot of their own son up to bat or pitching.

But the best advise you can ever get is to simply ignore them. If they are looking for feedback and don't get it, they usually give up.

My son has signed with a D1 school and this year has the support of teammates and their families. It hasn't always been that way though. When he was younger, he traveled on a select team and never failed,it was usually a dad started trashing different players. JEALOUS. I always try to support the whole team and say positive things. I have gotten to the point where I keep a scorebook to keep me focused on the game and most of the time don't hear the jibber going on around me. I guess I have gotten good at tuning that stuff out. As for the young player who is being hastled by the older ones, shame on them. They need to remember that they will be the young one next year and how would they like to be treated that way. I agree that the parents would probably be appalled that their kids are acting that way.

This thread really hits home. We are experiencing the same thing and have decided to ingnore the comments. But it does get awfully lonely for parents.

Did you ever hear a coach say that the pro scouts are distracting to younger players? Did you ever have a coach tell your kid that pitching a no-hitter is going to give him a big head? Our jealousy starts at the top. No wonder his teammates aren't supportive.

I actually had a parent tell me that my son's attention put a huge target on his back and we shouldn't be surprised that his teammates are not supportive. But I am surprised.

Last week we had an academic awards ceremony. My son is a good student and got several State Scholar awards, honor roll all 4 years, academic scholarship, etc. His friend, I'll call him "Joe Smith," might as well have parked on the stage since he was honored for almost every category they recognized that evening. When I got to baseball the next night, here sat the same jealous parents, sniping about the academic ceremony being the "Joe Smith" show. They all thought it was silly. SILLY? How about wonderful? I WISH my son was receiving all those academic awards, but I don't hold it against Joe Smith. I found his parents and congratulated them after the ceremony. He's an amazing kid and is on his way to Princeton. YEAH! I let the baseball parents know that I was really proud of Joe Smith, and they should be, too. He is really smart and works hard. GOOD FOR HIM!

I just don't get the jealousy thing. We can't all be great at everything! Be happy for your kids' friends' successes.

Its gotten to the point where I can't wait for this SR season of baseball to be over. The pettiness is very hurtful. I agree that the affluence at our HS is a factor. The parents are successful and feel their child is entitled to everything, due to the parents' wealth. Funny thing is, very few of these parents were athletes and now they think their child will be playing in the World Series some day because they pay a former professional to hit BP with their kid!

In the end, its made my son stronger and more secure in himself. He knows he can make it and that the judgement of others does not determine who he is.

This may surprise you but the "Joe Smith" show can be uncomfortable for the parents of Joe, and not because of jealousy - but empathy !!!!

There are kids who seem to excell at everything. Kids who just stand out. But that does not mean that kids who have done almost as well, but not quite, should not also be honored.

A few "I couldn't have done it without the rest of you" comments can go a long way towards restoring order when it's a team oriented success like baseball.

A few "Sam and Sarah were nipping at my heals all year" comments can do the same in academics.

A little extra humility goes a long ways towards making everyone feel a bit more comfortable - which then makes for a lot more enjoyable time for all.

KCBaseball....good post....we found out....and this may not be the same for all....but things are different in college....a whole lot less jealousy....best of luck to your son.

AParent....you make a good point.....humility is necessary.....but don't know if it's all that simple.....