BASEBALL PARENTING: Was the choice your son’s or yours?

My son is still quote young, 12 1/2 so there has not been that much decision making yet.

When he was 9 and playing LL majors, he wanted to play more than 2 games a week. There weren't many choices for travel teams in our area at the time (now there are too many IMO) so it was local rec travel ball that year.

At 10 he did local LL & a travel team in the spring & summer and travel in the fall. At 11 he played both leagues in the spring. Then I heard the words that I thought I would never hear. "Dad, I think I am playing too much baseball". I suggested he cut back to just 1 league. ( I didn't want him to pull a Ray Kinsella ) I let him decide what he was going to do. He chose to do local LL travel and fall ball.

This year he chose to concentrate on just Travel Ball and at first it looked like the wrong decision, but it turned out to be a great decision.

I guess because of the costs involved, I do have the final stamp of approval, but at this point I have approved of all of his baseball decisions...

How old is old enough to make those real decisions? I don't know yet, haven't gotten that far. I hope to be involved in the decision making progress for several more years, but somewhere down the line it will be up to him.

Fungo:

Our experiences (two boys, two girls...all travel ballplayers) are similar to yours. The older son, now a college freshman and playing baseball there, almost always wanted to go forward whether we prodded him or not. The only real conflict was when his mother and I wanted to have him change from one of the area's top travel teams to another one. We had our 'adult' reasons for making the change but he was never too happy about it. Otherwise pretty smooth sailing with him.

Our second son has been different. We must prod him more but he always comes around to accepting our proposal(s). He isn't as driven initially, baseball wise, as our older son is, but he always amazes me, ultimately, by his commitment. He is on a good track primarily from his own actions.

Now the daughters are a different story. The older one, 12 yrs. old, really fought us when we suggested that she switch teams (coach's daughter plays same position...no hope for meaningful playing time at that position)...to her it was all about friendships. Her mother and I knew that it would still be about friendships after the switch...new friendships. We were right... she is just fine with her new team and new friends. She is excelling at her shortstop position.

The younger daughter has never known anything other than a ballfield...she's 8 yrs. younger than our oldest son so she was always in tow as we watched game after game that the older brothers were playing in...good weather = ballfield...always. She's really quite good primarily because she is so 'into' the game for her age. Hardly ever any conflicts with her.

Lots of baseball/softball with this family...no regrets.

Fungo,

I kinda like to think many of the decisions were arrived at mutually. Sometimes I would throw out ideas listing pros and cons about a particular decision and it seems he often would come to the same conclusion I did. Maybe it was manipulation, but I don't think so.

There were times of genuine disagreement however. He often would get courted by other teams after he had made a committment or was already playing for a given team. This I would not compromise on. Many times those teams were better than the ones he was currently playing on and he just had to stick it out in my view.

Fungo,
Great post!

Our only big issues came over amount of pitching, other than that we went with the flow, letting him decide which coach he preferred to play with.

The only other big decision we helped him make was deciding upon which school and pro vs. college.

Funny, as he gets older we find him calling home and asking us more and more for our opinion about school and baseball and permission (monetary) about things he would never had asked when he was younger.

We are different than most, in the sense that about 6 years ago I realized that there weren't many opportunities for any local kids to play much more than little league at the 13/14 age level. There were only a couple of travel teams around our area, but you had to drive more than 1/2 hour to get to any of them, and we live in a metropolitan area of over a million people. Surely, there was a need for more opportunities for kids to play higher level baseball, so I started our own travel team program with a few other like minded fathers. My son didn't have much to think or say about it, other than that it would be pretty neat to get to play more baseball and he thought it would be fun to play against teams we didn't know. If he had said he just wanted to play little league, we never would have started this team.

That team has evolved into a regional program, drawing players from as far as 100 miles away to play with us, and expanded to include two age brackets (16u & 18u), totaling about 50 kids. Last summer, I talked with my son about whether he'd prefer to play for a different team in our league, to get away from playing on a team that I coach. I was concerned that maybe he wasn't growing enough as a player, and that having new coaches he'd never been exposed to would help him develop more as a player, and person. That was a non-starter from his perspective. He decided to stay on this team, even though I'd have supported him joining another team if he so chose.

While I decide the schedule our two teams play every summer without any input from my son, we do decide together on pretty much everything else that he does regarding baseball. I usually bring up opportunities like camps, showcases, clinics, etc. as I stay on top of these opportunities for every kid that plays in our program; but my son, just like every other kid that plays with us, decides which activities he'd like to participate in on his own. I generally support whatever his decision is, even when I don't necessarily like it.

When my boy was 10 I was asked by a former s****r teammate's dad if my son would like to be on a baseball team that was starting up. I told my son about it and he was very excited and said yes. Now he is about to turn 13 and is still on the same team and loves it. He has also been invited on occasion to play with other teams at tournaments and has done so. I always ask him if he is interested when such a query comes and he makes the final decision unless it is something that we cannot fit in our schedule,is cost prohibitive or is otherwise something I don't approve of. Then I let him know he is wanted but we will not be able to go. (So far he has no interest in going anywhere that requires an overnight stay without a parent going with him and I really don't either) He has been asked to join other teams to replace the team he is on, but he is loyal to his team and I cannot see him leaving it.

Every baseball decision was made by them. This was after (sometimes) discussing things with their parents (us). Of course, we were always involved in all decisions that related to money. They didn't have any, and we didn't have much.

The only decision I made was how they were going to act as a baseball player. I made that one perfectly clear!

It just wasn't that contrived...

We started with LL and found that the environment for him was politically charged. A lot of underlying manipulating of how teams were both selected and back-filled with supplemental draft picks. We learned that we had to become "educated" of how the system worked.

As a pitcher, and since my son was never a "protected" player and always functioned as a "fill-in" we learned early that we had to manuever our way around to locate teams for him to play on so that he could develop. You see for "protected" players, playing time is not an issue. But for the fill-in playing time has to be accumulated by playing on two, maybe three teams. As a result we traveled a lot.

So early on he told us, all he wanted to do was play, not sit on the bench. So he told us, "find the teams for me to play with and I will play...I don't care with who or what league as long as I can pitch." That is what we did.

Intuitively he knew what was necessary, and now when we go to tournaments it's amazing to watch how many players, coaches and umpires come over to say hello to him. Now we just enjoy watching him throw.

We moved so much (job related) that baseball had to be a combined family effort. Son wanted to play....as much as possible....but when you are new to a community....you don't know the baseball people.... you are not familiar with the coaches, tournaments, travel teams, etc. It was really kind of stressful......so when he got on teams.....there was usually a collective sigh of relief....and an attitude that as long as he was playing.....we would make the most of it....and we three did....

We were our own team in a way......and it made baseball parenting a lot easier.

Every decision was my son's once he graduated from LL. I consider myself to be a resource, sort of a tour guide for my kids once they reach high school - but I want them to make their own decisions. It's part of the process of growing up. I only want to step in if I think they're about to make a decision which will end them up in a police station or emergency room. But... as his main resource for baseball stuff the decisions he makes depend a lot on the options I make available to him. If I don't find out about a team, or an event, or make a few calls to find stuff out - he's never going to know he had a decision to make. So to a great extent even the decisions he makes are determined by the choices I make available to him. I suspect that's true of most families.

Being from a location that is not baseball hotbed, travel and cost were always an issue. My son understood this and he was always prepared to justify his want/needs. He also understood that fall back plans were needed. At the same time he made a choice to in his Freshman year of HS to drop football and basketball and focus on baseball, this I took as a committment, and we did everything we could to hold up our end of the deal. When recruiting time came he made all the school visits himself. We had a matrix set up of about 20 intangibles that he rated the schools on.

When all was said and done he chose the school. The funny thing was it was not the highest rated, but it was the one HE felt was the best fit for him.

In hindsite we were fortunate to have a kid that was responsible and held to his convictions. Would I have liked for him to do some things differently, of coarse. As parents we always had the motto "Don't bring me problems bring me solutions". I count my blessings because that way of thinking can blow up in your face also.

I would have to say that until my boys were in high school, all the teams they played on were parent driven. Standing in line at Little League sign ups with the birth certificate and check book was old dad. The kids were at home while I stood in line to get them signed up. They did not care as long as they had a uniform and a place to play. So, the early teams were my decision.

When they got into high school, they both wanted to play high school ball and that was their decision. They both wanted to play Legion Ball with their pals and that was also their decision. After my youngest son finished his Soph year, I got him on a summer team in Carson City, Nevada, and that was my decision.
When they both were offered scholarships to college, where they went was their decision.

Both of my sons always asked me what I thought was the better choice when it came to playing for a team,showcase or even training facility.

Usually mutual agreement.

The only exception was playing time. I should have been more forceful in keeping the eldest off the field when he wasnt 100% physically. Despite his objections.

quote:

Standing in line at Little League sign ups with the birth certificate and check book was old dad. The kids were at home while I stood in line to get them signed up.

We try to do the right thing with our son and let him make some of the decisions. Last year he wanted to play football, we were against it, but let him play.

As far as baseball goes, he's almost always wanted to play. The past couple of years he hasn't wanted to play Fall ball. He said that he just wanted a break. This year I told him he should so that he can stay baseball ready for showcases and camps. He said no, and without much of why he should, he didn't play. I think the real reason was due to who was coaching the team. I suggested to him that he could play for another team. He simply stated that he wouldn't do his team mate that way. I always ask him if he wants to attend a camp or showcase he gets invited to. He'll ask when, and he'll say sure. University of Kentucky baseball had a showcase/camp last December. He didn't want to go, but I told him that he should just to see what he needs to work on and where he stands skill wise. He went and learned a lot from that experience.

He has a list of a few college's that he wants to attend. I haven't marked any out or told him that he should or shouldn't go here or there. I have told him if he wants to go to the DI that he wants to attend, that he needs to keep his academics in order and work hard in the off season.

I have learned not to push too hard. Give them some advice and let them decide.

I made all the money decisions over the last 6 years due to health reasons and a huge drop in income. I had a talk with my son and made him aware that I no longer could afford the life style we had been living. I said I was sorry and would support his dream as best I could.
I worried year after year about putting him through college. I had to negotiate all the offers we wanted to deal with to get as much as we could get. We even told the coach of his Elite team we coudln't participate the 05 season and that he had to work. They would not hear of it and made allowaces for us. We were able to encorporate academic, baseball scholarships plus student loans and grants plus part time work to cover almost all of the tuition,room and board and periferal expenses.
In the summer team the last couple years he went to a team that we both liked who travelled all over the US and played out of a minor league stadium. It was a reasonable cost and closer to home. He was upset leaving his old teammates but soon made new friends. I used to take him to several different team tryout within a 100mile radius. I did that to show him he could pitch against anybody. He even made the provincial team but I had told him that I could not afford the $5,000 price tag. I regret to this day having to turn that down. I suppose that is part of the reason I was so pro active on his behalf and he now has a great scholarship at a D1 NCAA school. I was concerned that they had never seen him play other than on video. Now they have seen him and he made the 25 man travel roster as a freshman.
I have received accolades from his coach about his pitching and about him as a person. The tough decisions we had to make as a parent have given him an opourtunity to realize his dream. Before he signed the NLI we asked him if he was sure that that was what he wanted. We went over the pros and cons and he couldn't wait to sign.

Wasn't going to post on this but my wife just faxed me a local article written today about our son and minor league baseball. The article is more about his life in the minor leagues but does talk some about the past and "future." The conclusion pretty much spells out how most of the choices on baseball have been made:

"After hearing his story, one almost wonders why Armstrong is still there after getting a 'taste of the grind' as his coach calls it. But he is not shy about his dream.
When I'm done playing at the highest level I can play, I'm going to stop. I think I have quite a few years left in me. I think I can make it to AA, AAA and the major leagues...But I am going to play until they tell me I can't."
When he refers to "they" he is not talking about Mom and Dad.

Up to age 11, it was all my decision, 12-14, was our decision (meaning the three of us). Since he turned 15, it's been all of his decision.

This summer, his team disbanded and he asked for me to find some places for him to tryout. I did, and after 3 tryouts, he made his own decision.

Now it seems, all I get to do is write the checks.

With both my sons the decisions were all theirs to make. I would offer advice if asked (or if I thought they needed it ), but the decisions where theirs, and they made some big mistakes!

They both quit football after their Sophomore years to focus on Baseball. It killed me because I loved watching them play football. I always thought my youngest would quit baseball for football, but I was wrong.

The only strict rule we had was once they signed up for a sport they had to finish the season they could not quit mid-season.

quote:

Originally posted by P-Dog:
I want them to make their own decisions. It's part of the process of growing up. I only want to step in if I think they're about to make a decision which will end them up in a police station or emergency room.

I think P-Dog has it right. As a parent, my primary function in life is to teach my kids how to make good decisions before they leave my house. If I accomplish that, I'll be happy and confident that they will be OK in life. So every day I teach decision making and considering & understanding the consequences of those decisions.

Baseball is such a great life lesson experience that you can't help but learn how to live by your mere participation. We discuss all the consequences of a given decision and then the kids decide (of course, if they choose poorly, we continue to discuss consequences until they choose wisely).