1) To our big nosed pitcher, 'Hey pitcher I don't know if I'd rather have a million dollars or your nose full of nickels' This pitcher was the biggest trash talker on our team and had to ask the umpire for time out. He stepped off the rubber, pointed in the dugout and said that was a good one, you got me. In a Division 1 baseball game.
2) 5'4 second baseman, 'Hey, #2 sit on second base and your legs will dangle'
Replies sorted oldest to newest
Years ago, our pitcher gave his B move on a pickoff to first and "your mother has better moves with men on" line shot from the crowd. I put my glove over my mouth and laughed.
5'3" Chris Cates (former Louisville shortstop) "Mow the grass so the shortstop can see." Short guys are accustomed to, "Are you the last one to know it's raining?"
The "short"stop https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAvTKUDzE6c
When I was in high school the badgering opponents rules were a little looser than today. There was a pitcher in our league with a million dollar arm and ten cent composure. He had kind of a donkey face. Our bench jockeys would decide when it was time for the pitcher to blow up. They would start braying at him from the bench.
"Hey Blue, why don't you turn over that plate and read the instructions."
The short jokes also included, 'Hey, someone left their hat at 2b and ended with Nah, he's under it.
Umpire getting a parent back ...
Parent: Hey Blue. It looks like a strike from here.
Umpire: That's why they make me stand over here.
I heard a good one last Saturday: "Hey 32, how does it feel to have the same number as OJ Simpson." Followed by "He was pretty good in The Naked Gun!"
The kid has his back to us but it was pretty clear he got a chuckle out of it.
10 year old after the game:
kid: Mom, the umpire needs a ride?
mom: Huh? Where does the umpire need a ride to?
kid: Pearl Vision OBVIOUSLY!
I've never actually said this because our association insists that umpires never engage fans, but . . .
whenever I call a pitch a ball, and the pitcher's parent (being one, I can always spot them) calls out, "Ooooh! Pretty close, Blue!"
I want to retort with either,
1) "And what do we call a pitch that is 'close' to the strike zone? We call it a ball. Thank you for validating my judgment." or
2) "I didn't say it missed by a lot. I only said it missed."
Again, I've never said it. But I've thought it lots of times.
Best one I think I've heard - and it came from my wife...
Son was on the mound, and the PU was calling a really tight zone.
After one pitch that was on the black (according to our biased eyes) that was called a ball, my wife lets out, "C'mon blue! He's not a roll of Charmin - stop squeezing him."
Heard between innings:
"Better check your cellphone, Blue..." (wait for it)
"...think you have some missed calls."
Me as thirdbase coach when my team was 12u playing the Houston Banditos who had a 6' 4" / 215 lb third baseman with mutton chops: "So, are your wife and kids enjoying the game?"
Me as thirdbase coach when my team was 12u playing the Houston Banditos who had a 6' 4" / 215 lb third baseman with mutton chops: "So, are your wife and kids enjoying the game?"
LOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Soda does not come out of a keyboard well roothog!!!!
