quote:
Originally posted by Dear old Dad:
Parent,
I hope this advice helps. I am a hardliner when it comes to tobacco use. It is a drug that my family does not handle well. Some families have to worry about heart disease, some diabetes, my family tobacco.
So when I found a tin of chewing tobacco in my son's car the summer before he entered college, I explained to him the hazards of it and asked him to do the right thing for himself and not use it again. He said he was only trying it and that he wasn't going to use it anymore. He told me I could throw the tin away and I did.
It's one year later and my son is home from college after his freshman year. He is 19 years old now and can legally do what he wants. I find out he is chewing again despite telling me he wouldn't.
So I told him that his use of tobacco was his business but that I don't support tobacco use in any way. If a person asked for a match to light his cigarette I wouldn't give him one. This is actually true. I will not loan money for the purchase of tobacco products either. When my boss asked for cigarette money I told him no. I also told him that I couldn't care less if he smokes or not and would never preach to him about the dangers of smoking. Just don't expect me to help you do it.
So I told my son that I cannot participate in his tobacco use. I told him that it is obvious that baseball is a driving force in his continued use of it. Since I don't support tobacco use I can no longer support his baseball or college, as supporting these is supporting his habit.
I then told him that he doesn't have to listen to me. He can choose to get a student loan, a job, his own car plus insurance and his own place. Then he can chew all the tobacco he wants.
So he says to me, "What if I tell you I won't chew anymore." I told him that he has already said that to me without meaning it so that wouldn't be enough proof for me. I told him I want a sample of his hair so I can test it for tobacco. And that I would need a sample once a month. It was at this point in the conversation that he started to realize that I was dead serious and that giving up the chew was a small price to pay to maintain his current life style.
We talked some more as well. I told him that his grandpa would have been dead before he was 40 if he hadn't stopped smoking. He quit for good when he was 38 because he couldn't stop coughing up phlegm. His doctor, after no other suggestions seemed to help, told my dad to give up smoking for 2 weeks. After 2 weeks my dad felt so much better that he never smoked again. It's been 40 years now.
I told him that better people than him have found themselves addicted to tobacco. I told him about a guy I played basketball with. This guy was very successful and had every phase of his life in order. He said to me once, "You know, I'm disciplined in all aspects of my life. I can handle anything on the job, I have my finaces in order, I take care of my family, I eat right and I exercise. But I can't stop smoking. It's the most difficult thing in the world to do." I will never forget the defeated look on his face as he said this.
So I finished up our discussion by telling my son that I loved him and that his life was much more important than baseball and I would do everything in my power to help him have a long one.
This is a continuing story but as of now he is not chewing. He even brags about it. I told him that it will get tougher in the fall when he is back at college playing fallball.
I hope he doesn't challenge me and start chewing. We will all miss him at home if he does. But my daughter will get a bigger bedroom out of it.
Great post. You obviously have done everything in your power to curb things. This much I know from my own experience - an addicted person cannot be talked out of it. They have to figure a way out of it for themselves and often it is the threat of dire health consequences with continued usage.
