D-Day and counting!

I missed my daughter when she left for college. With only one left at home, it got quiet and I knew "who did it."

When my son left for the first time he showed no remorse or emmotions during the 3 hour drive until about 30 minutes before arriving. He started talking about how weird it would be not to come "home" at night. I think I detected a little watery eye there. Mom was bawling of course. Up til that point, no indication of any trepidation. Just excited about the adventure.

With 2 girls still at home, the dog still gets blamed for everything.

YoungGunDad,

It will hit him . he will miss you and when he comes home to visit it will be all good. I think its sweet and honorable for a dad to be attached to his son , my husband is the same way.
Good luck and I hope he has a great year.

YoundGunDad,....this was a really nice post and you speak of emotions that many of us 08'ers can relate to. Its comforting and extremely helpful to hear from those who are traveling with us and from those who have traveled this path before us.

I so appreciate hearing what everyone has to share; what they learned,...what worked, what didn't, & all the very important inbetween stuff.



...its time.

They're ready.

They know it.

We know it.

....time will tell.

Shortstopmon- you said it all so succinctly. Perfect!

I'm sure we'll be able to laugh about this next year when we are seasoned veterans sending our boys back to college and giving advice to the '09 parents.

But for now, it's sure hard to let go and I'm happy to see it's not just the moms! My son is so excited to be going away so I'm just really trying hard to stay positive. It does help to read about what everyone else is feeling.

Good luck to us all.

Yep, just sitting there stewing in one's own gaseous effluvia, with no one around to appreciate it. This lament has surely been around for thousands of years.

We have sort of already 'left', as in we are now at my brother-in-law's in Seattle....with that final leg to Texas beginning on the 16th. It's almost surreal. Today we were all out in the backyard, all the cousins and aunts/uncles, playing volleyball. I just tried to enjoy watching my son having fun, not showing my cards.

We went to a West Coast Collegiate game the other day and the coach invited him to hang out with the players a bit, shag some balls, etc. This was GREAT for my son because it turns out he really thought college players would be huge and mean and throw equipment at him.....well, not that bad, but he was concerned they they were somehow not going to be nice guys....but he found out otherwise. Almsot every guy on the team introduced himself, asked him a lot of questions, told him where they play their college ball and what it's like....my son came away from this time with thm saying college ballplayers were the nicest guys he'd ever met! So, you know, there's just so many questions our kids have in their heads as they set off for school -- many we'd never even guess at (like the example above).

I'm not a church-going man, but I have lots of Faith. I have faith that everything that has happened, and that will happen, is for the best -- every little piece of the puzzle comes together of its own accord. Who would have known that going to a WCCBL game just to kill some time would result in my son becoming so much more confident that he's going to be accepted by the older guys on his new team and that he's really going to enjoy being around them, and that they are no different than him? Well, I think God knew

By the way, we did purchase a video camera for the computer...one with a six foot extension cable so I can put it down by the floor where he can then see his beloved dog, Dodger, and kitten, Gingko.

Good luck all FY parents out there! Have faith! As Voltaire wrote often in Candide, "All is for the best, in the best of all worlds."

.
OK, may be out of line here but it would appear that the thread is open to observations from those who have been through this...

quote:

Its comforting and extremely helpful to hear from those who are traveling with us...and from those who have traveled this path before us.

You know this stuff but it bears repeating at times like this...

Good news...there is still time!...Don't waste it, eat drink and be merry!...take a deep breath, smile, laugh, cherish every last minute together, try to avoid letting the sentiment, the stress of the moment, or the looming event tarnish the fun, excitement, and tight family connection that this moment offers, engenders, and commands.

Because....you want emotion?...you ain't seen nothing yet...in a few days when you're watching him walk away/walking away and then leaving town...This moment is simply one of the the most bittersweet experiences you will ever have in your lifetime...You will be empty like never before, you will cry like a baby for the loss of both your son and a large part of your life, you will swell three times your normal size with pride....and you will do this all at the same time. There is no craming for this, you cannot understand how deep this emotional flood is until you have done it...but the good news is that you are built for this so you will handle it just fine. At last report no parent had yet died from HS post partum.

Good news...they are much better prepared than you ever could have imagined, and you will soon find that out. The challenges are large, larger than you and he can know at this point...but you have groomed him for nearly two decades to take them on and he will do so with gusto.

Good news...I have been telling you this for years but it bears repeating at this moment....IMO, being a college student is about the best gig on the planet, and playing college sports IS the best gig on the planet and yours is about to have that opportunity...this means an instant healthy, motivated, bright eyed, optimistic, happy peer group...this means coaches, experts and advisors whose jobs and lives depend upon your young man being successful....and they would not have brought him into the fold unless they had confidence in his abilities. And he will struggle but in the process he will learn and grow in ways that you cannot predict and the next time you see him he will be the same...but very different.

Good news...Fortunately most of yours are headed for dorms...the perfect halfway house between home and house/apartment life.

Good news...you know that group of HS/Travel parents you were sorry to see go/happy to be done with? Well, the faces change but you get a new peer group all over again to share the experience with. You may loan a son, but for better or worse you gain a new peer group. And that starts now.

And while it might seem like an end, and in many ways it is...you will soon understand like never before that the journey never ends, you will have a small window to appreciate the magnitude of the moment but then it's right back to work putting out fires and figuring things out as the challenges begin once again anew in new and different ways: How to help them when they struggle from hundreds or thousands of miles way? What do I do with all this time? Renegotiating job, free time, and relationships. And whose life DO I run now that my son is gone??

Best wishes, good luck, God speed and prayers...

We have great hopes for you!


44
.

ob44 - that was just another one of a long line of classic posts you have provided over the years

Experience will be the only guide here. There is no advice that can prepare you for it. When we dropped our son off and were on our way home for a 12 hour drive, neither my wife nor I could manage to say anything for hours. Neither of us cried but we both had lumps in our throats the size of apples which prevented us from speaking. We felt like we had abandoned him and let him down.

The good news - you'll get over it. In about two to four weeks after dropping them off, the feelings will subside and things will go back to normal. The feelings will be replaced by satisfaction as ob44 describes. You'll soon have that first college strikeout (for pitchers) or that first base hit (for hitters) to talk about this fall. It will indeed be the highest of highs

IF08 son drives up to school tomorrow for a one-week minisession to get 3 hours under his belt before fall semester starts, then returns home for 4 days before we head back up to drop him off for good.

He is more than ready; I snuck a peek at an email he wrote one of his college coaches last week and it said, in part, that he is very excited about college and really ready to get out of the house. Hey -- are we that bad to be around??!!! Actually, he's been fairly delightful to have around the last few weeks. I think he's just ready to move on and become a bit more independent.

It's hard to believe that day we have been waiting for -- and working toward -- is almost here. Perhaps it's a good thing that a distraction entered our lives 3 days ago: a new puppy who is very cute, but clingy and emotionally needy. Potty training class is today at 12:30 and puppy kindergarten classes begin in a couple of weeks. (And just when I thought I was going to enjoy a bit more independence as my eldest headed off to college!)

Thanks to all those seasoned parents who have shared what to expect. It's great to know that we newbie college parents have so much wonderful moral support on this site!

.

quote:

Originally posted by ClevelandDad: We felt like we had abandoned him and let him down.

Ya know...I felt that way as well...IMO, in that moment you naturally begin to question and rethink every assumption, decision, and suggestion YOU had made in helping them with the decision...My God, Is this the right academics? Right coach? Right environment?...and as a result you naturally begin to question yourself...

Without going into detail, our "dropoff" went about as rocky as it could go...And yet looking back the fears, concerns, problems were molehills, not mountains...though you'd never have convinced me of that at that time...

This I do know...Baseball players have tremendous resilience...thank God! They will all be fine.

44
.

Huge thanks to those that have gone before us '08 parents. As usual, O'44 can be counted on to reassure and enlighten us. And,0'44, thank you especially for always being so full of understanding and information and sharing your experiences with all of us.

We do have to remember these boys are special. They didn't get where they are by being faint of heart. I have every confidence they will master the ups and downs of college life and college athletics and come out stronger people. I'm sure it won't be easy and they'll take some lumps along the way but unlike normal college students, they will have a team to help them along.


PS- we'll try not to whine for tooooo long so bear with us.

Thank you O'44.

That was awesome!

Great posts, and another classic by OB44.

Infield08, if your son wasn't looking forward to getting out of the house and on to college, then that would signal that you didn't do your job as a parent. After all, isn't the object to prepare them to be on their own someday.

I think that our son missed us for about a week. He was too busy to think about missing. I am sure if he missed anyone more, it was his lifetime friends that he grew up with.

If you have younger children, you are lucky, if it's your last leaving that's an adjustment, but you manage. The fall is a bit slow, but by season there's going to games, or 3-5 nights on the internet listening, watching. Perhaps you get to watch a game or two on regional TV, you begin to follow other teams, players, etc. Then all of a sudden the year is over, wait, where did it go, didn't he just LEAVE us?

If your player comes home for the summer, like mine did the first summer, you are happy when they decide that being home is good for two weeks at a time, back to school to work camp, work with your trainers, chill out without anyone bothering you, curfew (hey folks, I had no curfew at school ) and where your new BF's are and maybe a girlfriend or two. .

Reading all these posts brings back memories from last year as our son went away to school 17 hours away. We went to dinner at a nice restaurant the night before we were leaving to take him to school - what a mistake - we were all so sad - not a fun celebration. If I had to do the dinner again - I would do it a few nights before we left.

We got home to get the last minutes things packed and the friends drifted in and out to say goodbye and the doubts started - "What are we doing sending him so far away?" , "Boy we are going to miss all these guys who have been coming in and out of our home the last few years", and he's wondering "Why am I not going to school closer to my buddies". A few tears were shed by mom and dad (but he won't admit it). Even the dog and brother were sad.

The next morning when we got on the road - it was a whole different story. The doubts were gone - the excitement was there - the new adventure started. Unloading stuff for the dorm - looking for kids who look like you - meeting the new suitemates - instant 6 new best friends. A few bumps in the road with the roommate who went home at the semester break - but those are great life lessons. It was really hard for me to be too sad leaving him when I saw how excited he was and how it was time for him to start this new chapter of life. The freshman parent orientation was awesome and really geared to parents learning to "letting grow" - a ship can't have two steering wheels, etc.

My sophomore son left today to get to school a week early to get settled & take care of business this time in a house with those same suitemates. He was so excited - not sad at all. I'm the sad one - can't believe how fast summer came & went. But how thrilling it is to see him growing up and becoming more independent.

Great post by OB. I will echo how great it is to have the coaches a part of your sons lives - and what a blessing baseball has been. Don't know how long the ride will last but we will enjoy it as long as we can.

Good luck to all of you who are taking their sons (and daughters) to school the next few weeks - we'll be here for you!

O44 --- Classic post!
Fungo

It is the natural order of things --- and one more milepost on the parenting trail. The kids deal better than we parents do, as they are going to all the excitment of a wonderful new experience; we're 'left behind' to the same old routine.

I identify with the 'joined at the hip'; my son and I are the same way. When he left for his freshman year, it was all I could do not to throw him back in the car and yell, "No! I'm not done with him yet!"

His first trip back home will seem as if life is back to normal; subsequent visits, however, will start to show you that normal involves his being away from you. Eventually, that feeling is the norm, and you have the joy of watching him mature in whole new ways.

Through it all, though, your joined-at-the-hip relationship remains, though in a different guise. That kind of foundation doesn't shift!

I appreciate your kind words Orlando.

Your car scenario has crossed my mind several times over the past few days more than I care to admit. I guess what kills his mom and I most of the times is the fact that he would lose his head if it weren't attached to his neck! How in the world will he ever survive away from home?! lol

Knowing this is all a process doesn't make it any better. I wish it did. Some of you 07 parents and beyond have been through this and know the outcome already. We're on the outside looking in and hate it. ugh. But every word you guys say here I soak up like a sponge. It's funny how us 08 parents find solace here about this rather than friends or co-workers who won't understand or haven't the time. lol. Someone made comment about the baseball team and coaches helping our sons through this transition. That made me feel pretty good knowing he will have others around to get to know with a common goal.

quote:

Originally posted by YoungGunDad:

I guess what kills his mom and I most of the times is the fact that he would lose his head if it weren't attached to his neck! How in the world will he ever survive away from home?! lol

It may take a few times but he'll find it sooner than you think, because he HAS to.


Coaching staff is what makes a difference. They really are very helpful in helping the player adjust, just not on the field. IMO, part of their job is turning boys into men. If your son has an academic/athletic support system as well, they will do everything they can to help your son succeed in the classroom.

If any of you find yourselves making phone calls everyday to remind your players to do things, you are not letting go. Always ask about school first. And parents, don't do your son's college assignments. Don't laugh.

Fabulous post, as always, 44!!!!

Well, sending 2 boys a l-o-n-g days drive away (and then a L-O-N-G day and a half drive)--I can indubitably say that yes, I was a total Italian emotional wreck when the first one left for college...less so when the second one left, but still emotional.... It is very definitely DIFFERENT around the house with just the 2 daughters home. Not necessarily more QUIET, but definitely different.

And then in May, I was ABSOLUTELY DREADING their summer arrival.....I was quite happy to make "girl food" for dinners, quite comfy in our new life with "normal" late night hours, the guitars and "boy stuff" all over the house.... Oh well. That, too, shall pass soon....again....And the carnivores will have to hunt for edible dorm food....or apartment food....How many boxes of Kashi does it take to feed a hungry college boy?????

Good luck to all who are experiencing this departure for the first time. And blessings to all of us to make it through another year!

quote:

Originally posted by YoungGunDad:
It's funny how us 08 parents find solace here about this rather than friends or co-workers who won't understand or haven't the time.

Aint' that the truth, jersey & YGD! We're all fortunate enough to share not only the normal growing up, but our sons' progress through baseball -- the teams, the training, the travel, the like-minded parents -- and all the closeness and shared experiences that engenders. And so the success of the site; parents who not only understand that, but further share sons who have been dedicated and talented enough to play through hs, into college, and sometimes beyond. Not the sort of experience everyone can empathize with.

As TPM says, our sons are fortunate to have a support group with them at college; the ready-made 'fraternity' of the team, and the coaches who have the job of developing them as players.....Academically Eligible Players!

It's a good support group, but it isn't the same as Mom & Dad. Coach will let him know what is expected of him and pull him back into line if needs be, but Coach doesn't offer the unconditional love that parents do. So he will learn to be more self-reliant and you will swell with pride!

I've told the story before, but after a game my son's freshman year in college, I heard him advising a teammate who was not, shall we say, taking care of business in the classroom (a hs concern with my son). When he finished and approached me, I told him how amazed I was, hearing my words come out of his mouth without even feeling my own mouth move. He said he had always been aware of my advice, and it kind of hovered around his head like a cloud until he was ready to take it in. That's one of the beauties of watching your son when he leaves home, seeing the seeds you've planted come to flower.

Exciting times ahead for you freshman parents!

quote:

I've told the story before, but after a game my son's freshman year in college, I heard him advising a teammate who was not, shall we say, taking care of business in the classroom (a hs concern with my son). When he finished and approached me, I told him how amazed I was, hearing my words come out of his mouth without even feeling my own mouth move. He said he had always been aware of my advice, and it kind of hovered around his head like a cloud until he was ready to take it in. That's one of the beauties of watching your son when he leaves home, seeing the seeds you've planted come to flower.

Orlando, this is the first time I've read your story and it sure does give me hope!

IF08 son headed off yesterday for a one-week minisession to earn 3 hours before the regular fall semester begins on Aug. 20. We will take him up next week, but he drove himself yesterday. He moved in to his dorm room at 8:30 p.m. last night and has already called me 3 times. "What's my password for my college web advisor so I can get onto Facebook?" "Where do I go for lunch?" "I didn't get my carpet out of the truck last night and it rained. What do I do?" Perhaps he's starting to appreciate his dear old mom right about now! I helped him with all his questions, but challenged him to find people on campus to ask for help. It'll be very interesting to see how this plays out in the coming weeks!

.

quote:

Originally posted by Orlando: .....When he finished and approached me, I told him how amazed I was, hearing my words come out of his mouth without even feeling my own mouth move. He said he had always been aware of my advice, and it kind of hovered around his head like a cloud until he was ready to take it in. That's one of the beauties of watching your son when he leaves home, seeing the seeds you've planted come to flower.

So true.

For those of you in the middle of the struggle...there is indeed light at the end of the tunnel and in places and situations you'd never have expected...

...and it really all begins when they take this next step.

44
.

o8 son drove off two months ago to visit his aunt and uncle 11 hours away in Atlanta to earn some money. Got a call from him late last week to say he was in New York City on the stoup of a Columbia University fraternity house drinking a beer and visiting his sister for a week. He'll fly back to Atlanta tomorrow. We'll meet him in Birmingham next week where he'll check into college. Fall baseball practice starts soon thereafter. I hope I'm right when I say to myself we have nothing to worry about because we taught him well. He might not shed a tear. He's been pretty independent all his life and has been away from us for weeks at a time since he was very young, so he adjusts well. This is my third and last to go off to college, but he's the only son, so it might be tougher for me. When I walk away and get in my car to leave campus, I'll know one way or another how hard it will be to leave him.

If my 18yr old calls me and tells me that he is sitting around drinking a beer, I'm going to ask him how much he has had. If he says only 1 or 2, I'm going to suggest he get good and drunk because by the time I get there to the school it ain't gonna be pretty when I get done with him. lol.

Then I'm gonna go after the one who ever contributed to younggun's thirst since he is a minor.

quote:

That's one of the beauties of watching your son when he leaves home, seeing the seeds you've planted come to flower.

One of my guilty pleasures is blasting The Rose by Bette Midler. Yep, that's right. In between "Die Young" with Tony Iommi's awesome solo and Iron Maiden's "Killers" with Steve Harris' machine-gun fire bass, sure, I'll sometimes put on The Rose and belt it out in the car. Orlando's quote reminded me of it.

To those FY parents (and dangit now my eyes are all blurry) who know the fall and winter are going t be tough.......

just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.

18 year olds are not minors. You are kidding yourself if you think you can stop it from happening. You can only hope he drinks responsibly and takes control of situations that have the potential to get out of control. He has proven himself trustworthy and responsible, so we are not worried at all. Louisiana's Cajun culture might be so different than other's, that one might find it difficult to understand our liberal tolerance of alcohol consumption.

I said Minor. Sorry, that was the incorrect verbage to use. What I meant to say is that he is at 18yrs old illegal to purchase alcohol thus shouldn't be in possession of it. NOW, I do know the reality of what all I just said. I'm not blind to underage drinking across this nation. My son doesn't drink and I hope he never does. I only commented how I would feel if I as a Dad had received the same call you did.

I was not belittling or attacking you in any way whatsover. Do I think I can stop it from happening? At this age especially, absolutely not. But the beauty in all this is that my son is a fine young man with a great head on his shoulders and has no desire to put alcohol on his list of activities at this point in his life. He knows that academics and baseball alone will be almost more than he can handle. His choice, not mine. But I will agree with you on the part of drinking responsible and taking control of situations if he did drink.

Good luck to your son.

Younggun Dad,

I agree with everything you just said. I just know I was the odd parent out in my sons HS. A lot of parents allowed it and let their kids drink.
My son also has a good head on his shoulders, but its tough becasue they are in the minority and the peer presure is hard esp. when they go off to college and its rampant as we all know. Lets just hope that baseball and school is enough to keep them motivated.

LSA R.S. 93:13 makes it illegal in Louisiana for anyone to buy alcoholic beverages for anyone under the age of 21 years except for a parent, guardian or spouse of the person under 21.

So, someone under 21 years cannot buy or have in his possession IN PUBLIC any alcoholic beverage, but can IN PRIVATE. It would not be illegal for someone under 21 to drink at home or a fraternity house if a parent provides the alcohol. So my 18 year old son can drink in a Fraternity house provided I purchase the alcohol. Now, that's not to say Fraternaties permit alcohol in their house, but a violation of fraternity rules would not be a violation of the law.

athletes + drinking alcohol = bad combination.

Doesn't matter of its legal, who buys it, or where they drink it.

jmho.

Didn't mean to hijack the thread. The topic of " drinking & athletes " should probably be saved for it's own thread.

Getting back to the the original post,...

Two words: Can opener
Don't forget a can opener!!

Bought ssmomma's son cans ( ok,..well I'll go ahead & admit it,.....a case ) of chicken noodle soup ( for a snowy day ) and it dawned on me at midnight the other night,..that I hadnt purchased a can opener. Duh!

( One of many midnight, eeek!- what have I forgotten, mom moments )

Many of you would be shocked if you know what goes on with regard to college weekends---it is an entire new world out there and a very REAL ONE !!!!---I would be thankful to have a son who tells me he is sipping a cold one on the steps of a college frat house.

quote:

Originally posted by TRhit:
Many of you would be shocked if you know what goes on with regard to college weekends---it is an entire new world out there and a very REAL ONE !!!!---I would be thankful to have a son who tells me he is sipping a cold one on the steps of a college frat house.

TR, while we give good advice to others on many subjects, I always feel that there are somethings parents have to learn on your own.

To each his own TR.

Bum, Jr. is shipped off in 3 days. I can hardly believe it. 18 years ago I remember buying (and half-smoking) a cherry cigar I purchased from 7-Eleven, celebrating the birth of my first born male child. I swelled with pride, and choked with stupidity. When he began to speak, his first word was "hammer". And he would say it in succession as he pounded on his blocks. I hear the echo now, "Hammer, hammer, hammer.."

At the age of 3, Bum, Jr. would wait patiently every morning in the living room, waiting to bid his father adieu before he left for work. We'd talk about legos, Winnie the Pooh, or his favorite cereal. We'd sing songs together and hug.

At 6, I enrolled him on a coach-pitch team. His very first game, in the first inning, the coach put him on the pitcher's mound. I have the moment on tape. He raised his hands in triumph, and excitedly exclamed "Yahhh! I'm the pitcher!"

Together, we've been through 9-11, countless scrapes and bruises, have built make-believe ballfields and a doghouse together, and have forged a relationship tested by time. In baseball, we have seen countless failures, have dusted ourselves off after three hour monotonous practices on a dirt infield, weathered April snow and August heat, and have seen him fail countless times only to pick himself up again and become even better.

He may not know it now, distracted as he is by cell phones, his girlfriend, My Space and the relentlessness of his busy life, but he is my son. We love each other, and nothing will ever change that.

So, with simultaneous sadness and pride, it is is time to let go..

quote:

We love each other, and nothing will ever change that.

So, with simultaneous sadness and pride, it is is time to let go..

....tears.

One day you'll be looking back and will be saying, " I remember the day he left for college,......... "

The start of a new beginning......



~ ssmom

Well put, Bum. We are feeling the pain and reliving the memories at our house too.

I have intentionally avoided this topic for the last few days, after reading the first post or two I thought it would be difficult to get through.

This morning with a cup of coffee I thought I was stable enough to make it.

NOPE!!!

Daddys little girl leaves tomorrow. The oldest child. Man this is tough!!

Thank you all for the bits and pieces of information and encouragement.