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Dads and Moms

Y YHF100+ posts
Reading through the "Why" thread got me thinking about the rolls my wife and I play for our baseball playing sons. I think we have a pretty traditional setup here...I played and coached baseball and my wife knows a little of the intricacies of the game, but mostly is there to encourage her sons. So is it a positive thing that we combine to provide a mostly "balanced" approach to our sons?

I too will encourage my sons, but I'm also the one that has to provide the advice on how to help them get better and how to conduct themselves on the field and in the dugout. And I probably do 1/3 encouraging and 2/3 suggesting (that seems nicer than calling it criticizing). That's better than I used to be. My wife of 17 years views the games differently of course. She follows the game some of the time, but it's also an opportunity to hang out with some of the moms and socialize. I follow the game pitch by pitch of course. She follows it when our son is pitching or hitting, and a few other times when the conversation dies down. We often have to split up because of conflicting games, and I get so frustrated calling her to get updates on what's going on at her game (I'm sure many dads can relate). "I think we're down by 3. Ok, no, Tom said we're ahead by 12.' I ask 'how is our son doing at the plate?' Her reply...'I think he grounded out, and got a hit, maybe to right field, maybe two hits I think, I'm not sure, and I think that's it...oh yeah I think he walked once'. Ok, so I just stopped asking for detailed updates when I call. I just call one of the other dads if I really want an update on her game LOL.

And she gets frustrated that I don't talk to her much during the games we attend together. I like to get down the line away from the other parents who primarily drive me crazy because of the typical lack of knowledge about what's going on, yelling at the umpires, or their constant hyping of their son's abilities.

I find it amusing (in a sweet way) how my wife gets so mad about certain things during the game...'the ump made a terrible call', 'what is our coach doing pitching that kid...we're gonna lose'? why didn't our son make that play'? 'why can't we hit the ball'? 'our outfielders can't catch a fly ball right to them'. I actually had a 30 minute argument with her driving home from one game because she was mad at the coach for bringing in the infield and outfield at the end of a game when our only play was at Home. I jokingly threatened to toss her out of the truck and let her walk it off.

I think over the last few years I've been mostly a teacher to my sons, and she's been primarily an encourager. That pretty much follows our natures. I'm a natural teacher. And she, naturally, is a great, loving mom. But I think we're moving in each other's direction. She has learned a lot about the game watching so many the last few years and of course listening to conversations between me and our sons. And I've definitely moved in her direction as well. I don't expect anyone here would remember this but in an old thread I posted that my kids were in a car accident a couple years ago. And that really changed me. 'Scared Straight' you might say. I still try to teach my sons when they ask for help, but I've become much more of a watcher and an encourager than I used to be. I started paying instructors to work with my sons on pitching or hitting, because it's hard for me to be coach and dad at the same time and I wanted their heavy instruction to come from someone else so I could just be the dad. I see some dads confusing the coaching and parenting, threatening to take their kids home if they don't try harder or make the play the next time. Makes me sick to my stomach to see it and reminds me to do better.

I don't hang out in the dugouts much like I used to, I try to stay away (still hard for me sometimes). I actually went to our coaches and told them that I want them to coach my sons and I want to stay out of it as much as possible (that was a little hard for me to overcome). They didn't use to say much to my sons because I was always coaching them during the games. I was used to standing at the fence when my sons pitched or batted, reminding them of things to help them.. Now I just try to pat them on the back and answer questions when they come off the field. I wasn't smart enough to realize it sooner but I should have seen it...my middle son always pitched great when I wasn't at his games. And my kids seem to have even more fun when I'm not laser-focused on what they might be doing incorrectly.

I posted this just to see if others have similar or different experiences. e.g. surely there must be some really knowledgeable moms out there and some dads who are the opposite.

Best wishes to all you parents.
Jon
------------------------------------------ I'm a schizophrenic...and so am I.
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G gotwood4sale10,000+ posts
Thanks Jon.

quote:
Originally posted by willj1967:
My wife of 17 years views the games differently of course. She follows the game some of the time, but it's also an opportunity to hang out with some of the moms and socialize. I follow the game pitch by pitch of course. She follows it when our son is pitching or hitting, and a few other times when the conversation dies down. We often have to split up because of conflicting games, and I get so frustrated calling her to get updates on what's going on at her game (I'm sure many dads can relate). "I think we're down by 3. Ok, no, Tom said we're ahead by 12.' I ask 'how is our son doing at the plate?' Her reply...'I think he grounded out, and got a hit, maybe to right field, maybe two hits I think, I'm not sure, and I think that's it...oh yeah I think he walked once'. Ok, so I just stopped asking for detailed updates when I call. I just call one of the other dads if I really want an update on her game LOL.


I'm very glad you entertained us with this in a humorous light...this is the same situation my wife and I have. We frequently have to be at separate games. It's really too funny! I'm not as attentive to the games as you are, but I pay close enough attention to know the opponent, the inning, the score, if we're home or away, the situation in the current inning...I may lose track of the count or even the score on occasion. These are the essentials of the game being played. When I call for an update my wife hands her phone to a nearby dad...it works!

Last edited by gotwood4sale
B blm100+ posts
Yes I can relate. At the early stages I was guilty for alot of the same things, I coached LL a few years and started to notice that the fun was fading for him. Its funny you see others putting the pressure on way before you notice your doing a lot of the same things. It was hard for me also to pull away from the dugout. I thought at times, Why are the other coaches not coaching him, and like a brick it hit me. I was not giving them much of a chance.

So now that I am still learning everyday and Im getting better at watching, my wife has become as they call her here, "Baseball Widow". Once the game starts she keeps herself occupied with keeping books and I pace in all sorts of directions. Its the best way for me to keep to myself not focus every little thing. Its a struggle at times but i have seen a difference over the last few seasons.
2Bmom2Bmom1,000+ posts
Hi, Jon. I like this thread. I think I have seen your wife! I think she is having fun. Smile I have a different take on it.

When my son started tee ball at age 4, I was a single mom, and a lifelong baseball fan. I played catch with him, I pitched to him, I read to him, I taught the game to him as well as someone can who throws like a girl Smile . I can't recall his dad ever going to one of his tee-ball games those first two years. In the last 10 years, his dad may have watched part of one game.

When my son was six, we moved to another city and he got a wonderful stepdad. Stepdad was a college swimmer, clueless about baseball, but learned about it because of us. My mom's day gifts have included a tour of Turner Field and a copy of "The Mental Game of Baseball." My men know me well.

In this new town, my son was on his first kid-pitch team. He played SS and pitched. At the end of the season, the coach came to me and asked if he could "freeze" (reserve) my son for the next season, and would I be an assistant coach. Of course I would. So for the next four years, I coached, and that head coach and his family became very good friends of ours. It was a wonderful experience, and the boys were just great. The boys kept getting better, but unfortunately I didn't! His 11/12 team was the last one I coached. We moved then to Gainesville. With a mixture of pride and regret, I handed him over to his travel ball coaches, who, fortunately, were very good. And now he's a freshman in HS and has been very successful so far. Even so, every single afternoon, still, we're in the back yard. I'm soft tossing, hitting grounders, playing catch. Stepdad sits on the patio, drinks a glass of wine, and does his Sudoku. I have a minor leaguer who's a great hitting instructor (we are going today!) and a JUCO coach who is a great pitching instructor, and his travel team coach is an excellent fielding instructor. Those guys are the ones who provide the knowledge. What my son and I do is play. He used to get frustrated sometimes when he didn't like his swing and I couldn't tell him what was wrong, but an el cheapo video camera took care of that. He can watch himself and work out the kinks. I wouldn't trade the time I spend with him in the back yard for anything in the world.

And if you ask me the score, I'll know. Smile
infielddadinfielddad10,000+ posts
will and blm,
Those are terrific thoughts you have expressed about being the father/parent of a baseball player.
What adds to that "tension" of loving your son and wanting them to succeed is the fact that baseball is a game of failure, where your son cannot hide. If he K's in a critical situation, makes an error or two, or three, there isn't any place to hide. He has to know his "failures" end when he walks off the field. That we as his parents are just as proud of him when he might "K" as when he goes 4-4.
Two things helped me recognize and deal those issues and, I think,helped our son even more.
As I coached his team from ages 13-15, I remembered just how hard the game of baseball is to play on a regulation field. That difficulty isn't, IMO, on display in LL. Teaching and coaching those kids at age 13, with all that involved was great for me because it reinstilled my respect for the game, the skills it takes to play it well, and for the players who can do that.
The second development occurred when our son was about 15. At that point, I recognized he was a better player than I could coach.
From that point, I was pretty able to separate. He was the player who was taking the risks of succeeding and failing on the diamond. Nothing I could do as his Dad or fan would protect him from the feelings of striking out, making an error or having an 0-4.
If we as parents are all about protecting or promoting what our sons do well, I question if we are being fair with them and/or doing the right thing.
In the long term, I feel we are much better parents by supporting our sons when they fail and letting them take the accolades of any successes.
Our son has left me with some wonderful memories and I hope there are more to come. One of the most pertinent though was when he was in college. He started the season in an unbelievable slump. His coached even called to describe how he was battling the slump, his emotions and how his mental strength was being challenged. I felt bad. Not because I wasn't there. I felt bad because I had not heard from him and felt he may believe he could call only when he did well.
That night he did call. Talked about every aspect of the slump and how he felt. Even asked if I had any suggestions.
IMO, when they are playing varsity HS baseball and beyond, it is their game and we are their fans. We should never let our love and desire for them to succeed get in the way of them thinking that when they "failed" in a game, they also "failed" for us.
O Orlando1,000+ posts
Our situation was quite different. I was the on-field coach, the advisor, the encourager; his father was chatting in the stands. (Yes, the 'his father' is used in the pejorative sense, 2Bmom Wink) When I wasn't coaching his team, I kept the book....so I answered all those 'what's the status' questions when the phone calls came in. Big Grin

Whatever your baseball background and knowledge, IMHO at some point it's better to let someone else do the coaching (on-field and from the sidelines) and concentrate on the parent part --- support, encouragement, discussion, research. You know, our job Big Grin.

With any luck, our players will progress beyond our capacity to help them in any case AND (like any developmental project) more eyes/brains/experience on the subject can yeild better results. Baseball, like technology, has progressed --- remember all those LL Dads teaching their sons to hit as they were taught....30 years ago? More importantly, concentrating their "home base" and their baseball development within the family, I believe, can inhibit progress and perhaps cause undue friction at home; these are, after all, teenagers Cool. He's going to have to learn to deal with paid coaches at some point. (This is not to say all paid coaches are good --- there are lessons to be learned from all kinds of coaches.)

Oddly enough, in college, a few of his teammates would ask me for advice. That was fun!

Even today, we'll have the postgame discussion about what he's doing well and what needs work. But it's two baseball junkies discussing the game they love --- not parent telling the child What He Should Do.

Evolution.
T TripleDad500+ posts
quote:
We often have to split up because of conflicting games, and I get so frustrated calling her to get updates on what's going on at her game (I'm sure many dads can relate).


This drives me nuts. My wife and I are mostly separated at games. First of all, when we are on the cell phones the crowd seems to be amplified 10 times more than my wifes voice. My wife knows the game pretty good, but it is frustrating and hard to communicate.
OLDSLUGGER8OLDSLUGGER81,000+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by Orlando:

Even today, we'll have the postgame discussion about what he's doing well and what needs work. But it's two baseball junkies discussing the game they love --- not parent telling the child What He Should Do.


Very similar with me and my college son, and I am even applying it with my younger son, so we all evolve. But I love the fascination of my youngest when we play catch and I occassionally mix in a few knucklers, and he asks, "how do you do that"?

Best answer I got recently from my older son recapping a day at the plate, which included a couple successes and a strikeout.

"He made a great pitch"
Y YHF100+ posts
quote:
Yes I can relate. At the early stages I was guilty for alot of the same things, I coached LL a few years and started to notice that the fun was fading for him. Its funny you see others putting the pressure on way before you notice your doing a lot of the same things. It was hard for me also to pull away from the dugout. I thought at times, Why are the other coaches not coaching him, and like a brick it hit me. I was not giving them much of a chance.


My excuse was this...I see other dads always on their kids...I do some of the same, but I actually know what I'm talking about. So I'm justified in doing what I'm doing. Man, that's pretty arrogant of me and it's something I still struggle with from time to time. I have to remind myself sometimes to just shut the **** up. I'm doing better. But certainly not perfect.
Y YHF100+ posts
quote:
When my son started tee ball at age 4, I was a single mom, and a lifelong baseball fan. I played catch with him, I pitched to him, I read to him, I taught the game to him as well as someone can who throws like a girl Smile . I can't recall his dad ever going to one of his tee-ball games those first two years. In the last 10 years, his dad may have watched part of one game.



2Bmom, this is one of my favorite posts ever. There's a kid on one of our teams whose Mom has taught him to play and taught him to love the game (even though she was no 'expert'). His dad disappeared shortly after the boy was born. Very sad. But I'm really proud (I feel a little weird using that word and i don't want anyone to think it's condescending) of the Mom for doing what she did. She didn't know much of anything about baseball, but she wanted her son to have a chance to play. Now she's being rewarded because he's a really good kid and a really good ballplayer.

Thanks for your post.

Jon
T theEH1,000+ posts
quote:
I have to remind myself sometimes to just shut the **** up. I'm doing better. But certainly not perfect.


Duck Tape helps.
And a scorebook can keep you busy.
But like I always say.
There's a thing, a Disease called.
BLURTIEDUS.
It effects all at some point.
Some more then other's.
There is no cure,
Except to stay at home.
And we all know, That is not an option.
EH
DE Double Eagle100+ posts
I coached all kids in all sports when they were younger - up until about 13 y.o.. I find it hard not to coach when a spectator, but I think of this one event which helps keep me quiet. On the s****r field a player I am coaching is dribbling down the sideline with a clear path to the goal. His father, standing near by yells in a big voice some type of instruction. Upon hearing his father's voice the player hesitates and looks for his dad. During this brief moment an opposing player closes and steals the ball.

While I could yell specific instructions to my son when he is pitching or batting (while not wanting to be arrogant I do think I can detect mechanical changes because I've watched for so long) I think of the distraction of the young s****r palyer and I bite my tongue. My theory is that whatever gain may be accomplished by the instruction will most likely be offset by the potential distraction of my voice.

The harder question for me today is how much time to I let pass between game and comment. Even after great games I seem to want to point out the minor flaw, so as to not let it happen again. I have found if I don't let enough time go by between game and comment, its teaching value may be lost.
L lafmom5,000+ posts
I can honestly say that I believe I know far more about and enjoy baseball much more than my ex-husband did or does. I'm the one that has played with and encouraged during the years... not his dad. My son always took great pride in the fact that his mom was very knowledgeable and supportive of baseball in his life. On numerous occasions, I would have a friend of his come up to tell me comments Michael made about how much his mom knew about baseball.

It really doesn't matter if it's mom or dad.... a kid needs someone in his corner. We all have our roles I guess... but they're not always defined by the *** of the parent.
L lafmom5,000+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by willj1967:
lafmom, given where you live you probably know this story already. But for any of you moms out there that want some additional inspiration, search out stories at heraldleader.com or just google Andre Woodson and read about him and his mom. He is Kentucky's QB.

Great story!

Jon

Funny you mention Woodson. I just met my daughter for lunch and he was at the restaurant with some teammates. He's one of my favorite players... not because of his ability as much as the obvious relationship he has with his mom! She was the first person he headed to after a big instate win against Louisville! Smile
Y YHF100+ posts
quote:
Funny you mention Woodson. I just met my daughter for lunch and he was at the restaurant with some teammates. He's one of my favorite players... not because of his ability as much as the obvious relationship he has with his mom! She was the first person he headed to after a big instate win against Louisville!


Sorry to everyone for kinda hijacking this thread. I did see him go hug his mom after the game. Wish I could have been there but we were playing fall ball. I'll be at the Florida and Miss State games though.

Jon
Rob KremerRob Kremer1,000+ posts
My applause to you moms who have taken the lead with your sons' baseball. I think that is wonderful.

My wife learned the game along the way, and I'd have to say she is now quite knowledgable about all the nuances. She loves going to games.

She does, however, like to chit chat with other (almost always) moms during the game. Women (yes this is a generalization) seem to more often carry on non-baseball discussions during the game than men.

In my experience, the guys will talk about game related stuff and watch every pitch, while the ladies more often carry on conversations and tune in when their sons are at bat or are involved in a play.

As for my role: I helped coach in LL every year, but I never really felt qualified to be the head coach. So I just helped out any way I could, and there was always plenty to help with.

By the 13/14 pre-high school years, I knew the gap between what I knew about the game and what was necessary to coach effectively was big enough that I was out of the dugout, but helped out by scorekeeping. Totally happy in that role.

Now, in his high school years, I'm just a fan. I LOVE talking with my son all about the games and the plays and players and all. But I stay out of the coaches way. He's been blessed by having terrific coaches, all the way up.

I learned long ago to not coach from the stands. I never say anything when he's at bat. Sometimes I get the urge, but I keep it buttoned.

Letting go wasn't all that hard for me but it was an adjustment. Arriving at games for the first pitch was a new experience!
20dad20dad1,000+ posts
i have loved the game since i can remember.when we had our first child it was a boy. he wasn't a day old and had a glove, between me and his uncles the kid couldn't help but love sports. same thing with his brother.we would play pass ,shoot hoops, football in the yard etc. the guys that worked for me and the neighbors would have the big games on fri,and sat. and the kids would play as well. my wife not much of a sports fan,having two brothers that played everthing she had an early dislike for sports. i was playing softball at the time, which i don't think she was a big fan of. gone every weekend to tourny's etc. but the upside was my boy's would go to see me play.i think thats where the learned to play hard, play the right way. they would play catch with the team, wiffle ball . lot's of fun. mom liked it for the time alone.
i started coaching LL when my son was 9. i was the guy i didn't want to be.my son never played a whole LL game for me. the smallest mistake or attitude and i'd bench him. i told them both,if you want to play the whole game you need to be better than everyone else. i never wanted anyone to say i played favorites. or that they only played because i was the coached. i think it is the hardest thing for a kid to play for his dad. but that's another story for another day.
one day i saw a guy flip out at his son about an error or something foolish. the light bulb went off ,that's me yelling. that moment changed everything for me. i tried to put the fun back in fundementals. and let my kids play for someone else. i thought my sons were, are good athletes. let them play for some one else .if they are good they still will be, and it's much more flattering to here your thoughts echoed from another.
i stopped coaching my oldest at 12,my youngest asked me to coach his teams until he was 15. and moved on to legion ball.i coach today without my kids because i enjoy it.kids keep you young and they make me wish i was 17 again.
as i said my wife was not much of a sports fan for many reasons. she always did her part to support the boy's in what ever they did.even sports, and as they traveled around we were there.and she began to like it, because of the boy's. when i missed a game i'd call for an update and i would have no idea what she was explaining. stevie wonder would have seen more than she did. that was then, today she knows what she watches.she knows the score, who play's hard, who doesn't want to be there. who's a player etc.
while moms and dads don't do things right everytime, that's how we learn. that's how kids learn. it isn't ok to shout instruction into your kids math class and it isn't ok at a baseball game. let them learn ,have fun,and fail on there own, but support them no matter the out come.don't make excuses for them, there kids they know the deal. and dads remember they don't draft 14 yr olds, if it is to be it will be. inspite of us.

today my wife and i celebrate our 27th year married.(not in a row) and we will be watching the nlcs, together. funny what 27 years with me did for her,or to her.lol. sorry for the ramble.
T TripleDad500+ posts
I have coached all 3 my boys for many years. This year is the first year that I didn't. The travel demands for son 1 and 2 were too difficult. My wife really liked it that I didn't coach this year because when I coached she could feel the pressure to win and it took some of the fun away. Even though I no longer coach their games, I am still their coach and I will be until they quit playing. I do not speak to my boys during games, I also stay away from the coaches. There have been times when one of the boys
were not hitting well during the game and call me over to the fence and ask me what they are doing wrong. If there is something wrong I never tell them during a game. Now they know not even to ask.
We will work on it later. As they get older, I really like it when they learn new things from other coaches. Even though I will always be their coach, there are many many things for them to learn from other coaches more knowledgable than me. Learning baseball never stops, I learn new stuff every year.
My wife is the boys biggest fan of course, she never misses a game, unless they are playing at the same time. She likes to sit with the other parents, she likes the social part of it too, but if a parent is yacking too much she will move. I tend to wonder around and hang out with a few dads.

How my wife keeps track of the boys uni's, sliding pants, cups, belts, socks, hats is an absolute mystery to me. I don't how she keeps up with it. She is also excellent with the nutrition part.

We are a baseball family, Our parents and friends think were nuts. And they are right, we are..
2Bmom2Bmom1,000+ posts
I admire all of you dads who have taken a step back and thought things over and maybe changed your approach. That takes a lot of courage. You made me think of one of the best coaches my son ever had. This guy played college ball and spent some time as a shortstop in the minors. He was so knowledgeable, and ran the best practices that we've ever had. He knew the best drills, worked the boys hard, kept things moving, and my son really learned a lot. But he was so hard on his own son that it made the rest of us really uncomfortable. It was really sad because (IMO) the kid was just not a natural SS, and every time he brought that glove up early, he would get hammered by his dad. And it just made everything worse for them both. I think the kid would have made a fine outfielder with his arm and speed, but I think his dad's dream was for him to be a SS. The dad finally chilled out somewhat at the 14U level, but I could hear him hollering from the stands during the HS summer season. I think the world of him and I like his son, and I hope they are able to make the adjustments that you dads have.
LHPDADLHPDAD500+ posts
Thought this was pretty cool
This in no way excludes Moms IMHO
Cool

Baseball Is

Baseball is grass, chalk, and dirt displayed the same yet differently
In every park that has ever heard the words play ball.
Baseball is a passion that bonds and divides all those who know it.
Baseball is a pair of hands stained with newsprint,
A set of eyes squinting to read a boxscore,
A brow creased in an attempt to recreate a three-hour game
From an inch square block of type.
Baseball is the hat I wear to mow the lawn.
Baseball is a simple game of catch
and the never-ending search for the perfect knuckleball.
Baseball is Willie vs Mickey, Gibson vs Koufax, and Buddy Biancalana vs the odds.
Baseball links Kansan and Missourian, American and Japanese,
But most of all father and son.
Baseball is the scent of spring,
The unmistakable sound of a double down the line,
And the face of a 10-year-old emerging from a pile of bodies
With a worthless yet priceless foul ball.
Baseball is a language of very simple words that tell unbelievably magic tales.
Baseball is three brothers in the same uniform on the same team for one brief summer
Captured forever in a black and white photo on a table by the couch.
Baseball is a glove on a shelf, oiled and tightly wrapped,
Slumbering through the stark winter months.
Baseball is a breast pocket bulging with a transistor radio.
Baseball is the reason there are transistor radios.
Baseball is a voice in a box describing men you've never met,
In a place you've never been,
Doing things you'll never have the chance to do.
Baseball is a dream that you never really give up on.
Baseball is precious.
Baseball is timeless.
Baseball is forever.

[Greg Hall]
Last edited by LHPDAD
O Orlando1,000+ posts
That was lovely.

And made me wonder (as I'm a fan of a few sports, but passionate only about baseball --- so I don't know)....do other sports have such a wealth of (for lack of a better word) poetry? Essays about the feelings/heritage, lyrical quality, place in the heart and mind that baseball has?

Odes to football? Song of S*ccer? For Love of Golf?
Y YHF100+ posts
quote:
What adds to that "tension" of loving your son and wanting them to succeed is the fact that baseball is a game of failure, where your son cannot hide. If he K's in a critical situation, makes an error or two, or three, there isn't any place to hide. He has to know his "failures" end when he walks off the field. That we as his parents are just as proud of him when he might "K" as when he goes 4-4.


infielddad, i must have originally missed this important post, but happened to catch it scanning back through to catch up. How do we as parents handle it when our kids don't play well? I've handled it poorly at times but I do much better now thankfully. I think the reason a lot of dads are up yelling or instructing their sons is that if their sons fail the dads take it as some sort of failure on the their part, or perhaps worse, the dad feels like it makes him look bad (without much concern with how the son is handling it).

I've been able to let most of it go. But we have a couple dads on our teams that have some serious issues here. I'm sure you all can relate.

After one of my sons makes a couple errors or has a tough at-bat, we give credit to the other pitcher or other team when it's due, and we try to think of what we want to do the next time we're in that situation...try to keep it a future-based discussion.

Jon
TPMTPMHSBaseballweb Member since 2003
quote:
Originally posted by willj1967:
quote:
What adds to that "tension" of loving your son and wanting them to succeed is the fact that baseball is a game of failure, where your son cannot hide. If he K's in a critical situation, makes an error or two, or three, there isn't any place to hide. He has to know his "failures" end when he walks off the field. That we as his parents are just as proud of him when he might "K" as when he goes 4-4.


infielddad, i must have originally missed this important post, but happened to catch it scanning back through to catch up. How do we as parents handle it when our kids don't play well? I've handled it poorly at times but I do much better now thankfully. I think the reason a lot of dads are up yelling or instructing their sons is that if their sons fail the dads take it as some sort of failure on the their part, or perhaps worse, the dad feels like it makes him look bad (without much concern with how the son is handling it).

I've been able to let most of it go. But we have a couple dads on our teams that have some serious issues here. I'm sure you all can relate.

After one of my sons makes a couple errors or has a tough at-bat, we give credit to the other pitcher or other team when it's due, and we try to think of what we want to do the next time we're in that situation...try to keep it a future-based discussion.

Jon


Great thoughts infielddad. Smile I have often said to son, I don't care about the lousy outing, I am so proud of you and what you have accomplished. If you let your kids know that from a very early age, you will see them go farther than you can ever imagine.

How do you handle it when your kids don't play well? You don't criticize, belittle or use derogatory comments to make him feel worse. Your role is to be there to listen, only when and if he has something to say that he wants to communicate. They need to learn from their failures, to bring success, that's the game. I went to see my son pitch today, I think he did well, he thinks he didn't, but he usually feels that way, he is harder on himself but that is his way of making himself better. As your kids get older, you will find they are very rarely happy with a performance. There's always something to improve always tweaking and it takes YEARS to develop as a player, physically and mentally. Sometimes you do everything right, but the person you are facing did things better. It's important to teach your young players that is how it works.

As far as our mom and dad roles, we do look at things differently because I am a mom and he is a dad. But that is just not in baseball, that's in everything. Moms tend to smooth things over, dads seem to be more critical, that is part of the mother/son, father/son relationship just as the mother/daughter, father/daughter relationship has its own set of rules. Roll Eyes

Dad04 is the YOU in cajun red!?!?!
Last edited by TPM
ILVBBILVBB1,000+ posts
Since my son was about 14 we have always used the stock market and performance of companies as analogies for baseball.

After a game, the question was "whose stock went up."

At first he did not really understand the concept. Until he learned that you "invest" in stocks, no different than you invest in your game. When you have a bad game do you sell your stock, of course not.

What I was able to teach him was the value of investing, that is not just in stocks or education but your game. He learned that to be a successful investor you have to look "long term." So when we talk after games, when he does poorly, he knows that his stock may have gone down but if he "invests" he will create more value for himself and his team.
OLDSLUGGER8OLDSLUGGER81,000+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by ILVBB:
Since my son was about 14 we have always used the stock market and performance of companies as analogies for baseball. He learned that to be a successful investor you have to look "long term."


Thats a good one.

Take a 3 game series full of ups and downs. Then project that out times 20 and you can get an idea of pace performance.

Go 3-10 with a couple ribbies and couple stolen bases. At seasons end, you contributed the following:

A .300 batting average with 40 RBI's and 40 stolen bases. Think that has a value to a team, for example ??
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