Do I approach a recruiter?

Leave him alone and let him do his job. 

I did both, and it has worked out fine.  A couple of weeks ago, a HC from the Big XII flew out to see my son pitch.  I introduced myself prior to the game, and the HC said he wanted to say hello to son's HS HC.  I introduced the two of them, and I left him alone until after the game, so that he could do his evaluating.  At the end of the game, I introduced him to my wife and daughter, and he said he wanted to fly my son out for an OV.   Therefore, I agree with BOF that you should mostly stay out of the way, but introducing yourself shouldn't be too invasive.

"Hi, I'm RedFish's dad. I just wanted to introduce myself." 

 

And I would walk away unless he wanted to talk further.

 

This was done prior to game, not during the game (or afterwards if I didn't see him before the game).  If it was during the "quiet time". I would even add " I know you can't talk to me but just wanted to say hello"

It's very tempting, but do your best to resist.  The only times I did that was if we had previously met or at least spoken on the phone.  The VERY MOST I would do would be shake his hand, say "I'm Joe Smith's father, thank you for coming.  Enjoy the game." and then quickly move on.  Much more than that and I believe you are starting to get into a gray area in the NCAA rules.

I think RedFish and I were typing at the same time.  Agree with him.

Most of the recruiters who came and watched my son play, And turned out to be interested. Stopped and talked to him after the game. Many times they asked if his parents were there. 

He would introduce us and that was usually it. 

I totally agree with BLD,  If he wants to meet you, your son can introduce you.  Remember, this is your son's gig, so let him be the mouthpiece

 

Good luck.

 

Let me turn the question around.

 

Why do you feel a need to introduce yourself or talk to the recruiter?  Are you going to 'add' something?

My son didn't get a lot of attention early, but during that time and the time his recruitment eventually heated up ( after Jr HS season)....i rarely talked with any of them. If they spoke to me, i said hello.  

I wanted to meet the guy who is in all probability going to be my son's coach for the next 3 - 4 years, and I don't make any apologies for that.  I am glad I reached out to him, and I don't think I was out of line in doing so.  Many on this sight act like there is only one way of doing things.  I listen to some of the advice on this site, and some of it is outstanding. At the end of the day, it is my choice to veer away from some of the advice given.

 

Let me say it this way.  If the HC felt that it was wrong for me to approach and introduce myself to him, than I wouldn't want my son playing for him anyway.  I don't believe that is the way to be, and I don't believe it hindered my son's opportunity in any way, shape, or form.

I would also like to add that this particular HC has e-mailed me on many occasions.  He has not just spoken or e-mailed my son.  So that was another reason that I felt comfortable in approaching him.  We had a prior relationship via e-mail, and as a result, I wanted to introduce myself.

I don't know that I would add anything but it is just how I am. I have worked hard to overcome my natural shyness and I am just going to be friendly. To me, that means introducing myself so the coach can put a name with a face. Nothing obtrusive, no silly questions. Just a firm handshake and hello. Worked with my son and his recruitment but everyone's mileage may vary.

I can show the recruiter all 5'9" of myself and then he can look at my 6"3", 17 yr old son and look back at me and just wonder..........

Remember there are face to face contact rules. Be familiar with them. Also remember the infraction is on the coach.

 

A hello, I am Mr. Jones , Tom's dad is considered a permissible bump.

 

 

Since son is a 2015, I believe off campus contact is permissible. For the OP though, I don't think it is.

Well I'll take a different tact.  Walk up to him, introduce yourself, and go over your kid's stats from 9u forward. 

 

 

The saving grace around all of this is that if the recruiter likes what he sees well enough that he thinks a player can play at his program, he won't be bashful about letting the player and his parents know it sometime after the evaluation. There will be plenty of opportunity to get to know one another, then.

 

The flip side is that if the recruiter questions the player's fit after evaluating him, the parent is doing no one a service by going up and introducing himself/herself, afterwards. Some awkward moments have been created in circumstances such as this.

Ryno,
The OP stated his son was a junior.

Since son is a 2015, I believe off campus contact is permissible. For the OP though, I don't think it is.

Now, that's funny!

That's a really good point...

I guess that I would add something else. If you are not 100% sure that the recruiter is there to see your son then I would NOT go up to the recruiter.

 

Watching other parents chase down scouts and coaches is really a little embarrassing.

(That is not the case with the OP but just saying)

The differing views here on the appropriateness, value and risks associated with dad talking to college coaches is interesting: For the most part, those who've been involved in baseball the longest tend to frown on any contact -- while parents with younger players often think it's fine -- within specific parameters.

 

The logical conclusion would be that seasoned parents are right -- because their views are rooted in experience. But I think it's also possible that two things have changed in the last decade or so that support ryno's position:

 

1. Parents better understand the do's and dont's today (hat tip, HSBBW), and are confident they can engage a coach without putting Jr. at risk. Further, they believe they might in fact be able to help Jr. -- if only by making it clear to the coach that Jr. has an informed, functional family.
2. Today's coaches are okay with it in ways their predecessors weren't. That could simply be due to the explosion in communications technologies.

Thanks for the feedback. I don't feel any strong desire to talk to the coach. I just wasn't sure of the norm. I'll just sit back and I'll be available if he asks my son to introduce us. (Although I might have some video from his 10U Little League all stars to show him. . )

This is very wise advice coming from a dad of a D1 college coach.

 

 

 

Q. What is my primary objective for the evening?

A. To increase the likelihood of this coach wanting to recruit my son.

 

Q. Is there any possible way I can positively affect this objective by approaching the coach?

A. No.

 

Q. Even if I'm a very charming guy with a 200 watt smile?

A. Even if.

 

Q. Is there any possible way I can negatively affect this objective by approaching the coach?

A. Several, actually. 

 

Q. So I guess I should be seen and not heard, huh?

A. Good guess.

 

Q. And speak only if spoken to?

A. You got it.

 

Q. What if my kid throws 95?

A. in that case, you can go up and give him a big hug and show him the scar from your war injury and tell him all about how good you were when you were a lad.

Of course you wanted to meet the guy who is gonna coach your son for the next 3-4 years.  Me too!!  But thats gonna (and did in due time) happen anyways if the coach gets seriously interested.  Nothing I wrote suggested otherwise.

 

My experience is...I just don't see the point of introducing yourself at this stage.

 

Maybe I shouldn't read too much into Prepster's or Swampboy's posts, but I think they more eloquently said about the same thing and those are two posters I'd listen too whether they agree with me or not on any given point.

 

I do not understand your comment about 'many on this sight (sic) act like there is only one way of doing things...'  All any of us do is give advice, based on our own experiences.  Nothing more.  If we don't do that, there is no reason for this site to exist - right?  Anyone who takes it differently should take a deep breath and do a little reset.  And yes, it is absolutely every poster's choice what advice to take and what not.  We are in 100% agreement on that!! 

Bingo.  Yahtzee.  Exactly, Prepster.  Let the recruit lead and carry the conversation without Mom & Dad.  These are life skills you are enabling him to do, and chances are pretty good he'll have to do this over and over with many college coaches and future employers.  Some coaches he'll be interested in playing for and others not so much. There will be plenty of time for parents to meet their son's future coach if it is a fit.    

 

Over the course of my life I've found it best to follow Mark Twain's advice of keeping my mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt.

 

Just to clarify my posts:

 

I did NOT say there is only one way to do things.

I did NOT say there is anything inherently wrong with or inappropriate about approaching a coach or wanting to meet him.

I did NOT say anything bad would necessarily ensue from approaching the coach.

 

My first post was simply a reminder that the coach is there to do a job and it is best to let him do it undisturbed. The coach is there to gather information that will help decide whether to recruit a player. He will make his decision about whether to pursue, follow, or pass on the player based on how he sees your son play and conduct himself--unless a red flag pops up from some other source somewhere in the course of his visit.  There's just no good that can come from chatting up a coach who hasn't even decided yet if he likes your son as a player.

 

If talking to the parents to make sure they aren't whack jobs is on his to-do list, he will make the approach after he decides he might still be interested in the player. If talking to the parents is not part of his routine on scouting visits or if he doesn't like what he saw on the field, it's best to let him depart in peace.

 

As far as the different responses by older and younger parents, I think it is mostly attributable to the fact that older parents are more likely to acquiesce to two realities:

1) You're not going to learn anything useful about the coach by greeting him. The typical college coach has hundreds of parent interactions and is savvy enough not to tip his hand in a brief exchange about any deficiencies he might have in the in loco parentis department. However, you very well might tip your hand about who in the family will really make the decision and what is important to that person. 

2) The coach doesn't want a relationship with you, and your relationship with him will effectively end when your son's recruitment is complete. The coach knows well that baseball is a game of failure and most recruits will not have the careers they envision. He will keep all parents at arm's length because he knows there's a high likelihood he's talking to a future disappointed parent of a player who got benched, cut, or transferred. Same reason farmers don't name their cattle.

 

Letting these two realities sink in tends to dampen one's need and desire to interact with the coach. And yes, it takes a while for them to sink in.

 

Are coaches "okay" with being approached by parents? They know it comes with the territory. They know today's baseball parents are more involved, for better or for worse, in their kids' lives. They tolerate it. Doesn't mean they like it. Doesn't mean your interaction with him has any chance of helping your son.

 

And my second post--about the kid who throws 95--was an acknowledgement that individual situations vary. The more attractive a recruit your son is, the more parental interaction they'll tolerate. But it doesn't change those two realities I just mentioned.

 

Best wishes,

I too don't think that anyone here said that saying hello was not ok. 

 

And I don't think that there are many differences between the process of when some of our boys were being recruited and now. The same HC are out there coaching that were there 10+ years ago.  And to be honest, most of them, unless smaller programs have others do their recruiting for them.  Sometimes you usually wont meet the HC until you reach campus for an unofficial visit or for a official. Keep in mind, HE is the man who will make the final decision with the imput from his asisstant coaches and the head recruiter.

 

Yes things have changed, more than ever, coaches that recruit you may not even be there in a year or two. So make your decision based more upon other things, rather than meeting the HC for a brief encounter. JMO

 

I only met two recruiting coaches during the recruiting process face to face off campus. That was only in his senior summer, when it was allowed off campus. Both from Florida programs, they had both been actively recruiting son for quite a while.  If there is a coach who has been actively recruiting your high prospect player, as Swampboy mentioned, there are circumstances that allow for that contact to be different.

 

This has nothing to do with anything but using common sense, and your question was a good one to ask.

 

Best of luck to your son.

Interesting thread....is there any chance views on parental interaction with a coach is skewed on a geographical basis?

 

I have lived in NJ/PA/OH and now Georgia.  My new housemate taught me a lesson I will never forget when I first moved to GA...I had no idea how to change the windshield wipers on my car, and they needed it badly!  She said, no problem, let's go to an auto parts store...we bought the windshield wipers and she said "just stand at your car and look confused"..in less than 5 minutes 3 different sets of random people came up to install the blades for me...and they weren't hitting on us, they just were being friendly and neighborly.  I told my housemate that that was possibly the most amazing thing I had ever witnessed and had I stood at my car looking confused like that up north I was far more likely to be mugged!

 

I have to say without a doubt things are just different in the South...is this "better to leave the College Coach alone" mentality a "Northern" thing, or universal?  Because I have to say in general not speaking to someone until spoken to is pretty much sacrilegious down here...not that I am doubting anyone's knowledge, just wondering aloud.

Your geographical location has nothing to do with it...your sons talent and skill does. 

 

Coaches who are competing for a very desirable player know that parents have influence over their players. They will want to meet you but most likely on their terms.

 

Why is this so hard to understand?

 

FWIW, I wish folks could be flies on the wall when coaches sit down to discuss recruits each week. Most of you probably would never approach a coach after that experience!

Our older son was recruited by coaches nationwide - CA to Georgia/FL to Indiana to AZ to Tennessee.  Ultimately (in due time), we interacted with coaches from all regions.

We also recently moved from CA to North Carolina and you are right - the South is more friendly.

 

But my answer remains the same.  When coaches are ready, they will call you, introduce themselves to you or invite you to join your son for a visit/meeting.  Be patient...I still don't see whats to gain by a self-created early introduction.  Swampboy and Prepster have given more than enough reasons why its likely not the best idea.

I think there are two forces at work here.  The world as it is and the world as it should be.  I really hate elitism.  Despise it.  And to me if you are unapproachable or turned off by a parent simply being excited about his son's recruitment and saying hello...  well you may just feel a little too much self importance.  Being a D1 coach is a job like any other.  How many jobs allow you to treat people indifferently and not graciously accept a handshake and an introduction?  On the world as it is side there is so much out there now about 'helicopter' parents and 'living vicariously' two things I feel are rather subjectively defined but none the less are out there.  So sadly we live in a world where you simply walking up and introducing yourself can lead to a coach feeling justified stereotyping you.  And as pointed out by others, whats the benefit?

Gain...oh I wasn't thinking about gaining, I was thinking of my fellow Georgian's being born and raised to think it would be rude as heck to have someone come see your kid and not even go over and say hi, but I can understand why with the reasons given.

 

I find myself constantly confused on what is rude and socially acceptable since I moved here.  The mentality I grew up with was "don't make eye contact unless you "got somthin'" to say" down here you are expected to make eye contact and smile with random strangers or be labeled as totally rude, or worse...."a northerner!"

I am not sure I get your point.

Think of all the people that the coach might have to meet at one event.  While you might believe that he is there to see your son, more than likely he is there to see someone else as well, in fact he might have a list in his hand of the players he wants to see. He is there to do his job, and that bleacher is his office.  He is there to see if your player has what it takes to be on his team. That is the only reason he is there, if he wants to meet the player and the parents he will let it be known.

 

I think that the issue here is that once you have been through this, you can look back and its easier for you to understand.

 

BTW, my point to the OP was that his son is a junior.  Going up to the coach and introducing yourself doesn't place an infraction on your son  but the coach, let him decide what he wants to do. What some may see it as elitism might  really be about not understanding the recruiting process.

Because it is not the way normal people act. 

Let me try and put TPM's post in a different 'son-centric' context.

 

When our older son got to the big leagues, his cousins/uncles/friends.../parents flocked to the ballparks his team was playing at day after day.  He simply asked, 'Mom/Dad, please tell our relatives that the field and bullpen, before during and after the game are my office.  Its my job and I need to be able to totally focus on my job.  I will talk to them later, but it is not helpful to me while I'm trying to do the very best at my job.'

 

And yes, that (especially) included Aunt Rose screaming "Hi Nephew!" from the bleachers. 

 

It is in fact the way normal people want others to respect their office, their job and their ability to do their job well.

 

PS - geckoprof - this is turning out to be a pretty good topic! 

 

 

       
       
Welk TPM I guess we have been agreeing too much lately so we were due for a disagreement!  Its the old 'you woll understand when you go through it' thing that is bothersome to some of us.  I understand it now.  When I was in my 'office' an actual office...  and a customer requested to meet me or just introduce themselves or a family member know what I did?  I greeted them warmly and spent a little time with them.  Even walked away from conference calls a time or two to do it.  I am the type of.guy who wouldn't walk up and introduce myself.  But that is my choice.  For reasons maybe other than mentioned already.  But that is MY way not the one size fits all way for everybody.