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1) it’s not “normal”, it’s pathetic
2) it’s not my place to tell someone else how to parent
I use to play with a kid who had a dad like this. Kid could actually swing a little, as long as his dad was working. Always felt really bad for him, but his dad just couldn't leave him alone.
I remember one practice the coach decided to play a pick-up style scrimmage composed of players and some parents that could play. Coach made sure this dad was there for it. He quietly struck out multiple times, but still didn't get the point. Baseball is freaking hard.
@ReluctantO'sFan posted:I use to play with a kid who had a dad like this. Kid could actually swing a little, as long as his dad was working. Always felt really bad for him, but his dad just couldn't leave him alone.
I remember one practice the coach decided to play a pick-up style scrimmage composed of players and some parents that could play. Coach made sure this dad was there for it. He quietly struck out multiple times, but still didn't get the point. Baseball is freaking hard.
I was the manager of the 12u all star team. A few parents wouldn’t shut up at practice. So we decided to have “hitters” while the pitchers basically threw bullpens. One agreed to stand in. One pitch and he was done. No other dads wanted any part of it. Funny how that works
Not our style at all. Only thing we ever got mad at was being a bad teammate and that got fixed real quick real young.
The only thing I truly pushed my kid on was his Grade Point Average. There were very hard and firm minimum GPA’s he had to achieve every semester, or he was only going to have access to his phone for 10 minutes per day.
He thought I was way too strict . But he knew I wasn’t kidding.
Now he’s been accepted to a high academic college on a very generous academic scholarship.
With Baseball, I helped him. I made sure he had opportunities. But it was up to him to push himself.
Yes, I got very mad a few times... when he wasn't acting like a decent human being while competing. Never for anything having to do with performance.
For that, see 3and2's reply.
Never ever have I gotten mad. Bummed is more like it, but I always keep the feelings to myself. I’ve matured since then and that’s kind of changed too. I don’t get as nervous now either. I’m loving the moment.
I do get angry when the game gets cancelled though
Oh and I’ve seen those crazy parents and my heart truly goes out for those kids
I've seen that the further along you get the more restrained the parents are. I'm sure its not a coincidence.
I don't get mad at my kid, but sometimes my husband does (though not publicly) -- I think husband gets more upset because he is the one throwing 3 buckets of BP to kid most days, and driving kid to and from lessons. I keep telling husband that if he doesn't feel like throwing BP he shouldn't do it!!!! At school we talk about how teachers shouldn't work harder than the students they're teaching - I think it is same for parents. No point putting in more effort that your own kid.
Fan, yes an no. I remember a couple years ago, had to beg son to go hitting. Now he begs me, not that I don’t want to, but I’m tired! He just spent 4.5 hours practicing, 2.5 with the team and 2 on his own. Where did this come from? Kid is my hero!
@Dadof3 posted:Never ever have I gotten mad. Bummed is more like it, but I always keep the feelings to myself. I’ve matured since then and that’s kind of changed too. I don’t get as nervous now either. I’m loving the moment.
I do get angry when the game gets cancelled though
That pretty much described my feelings whenever my son had a bad game. I don't recall getting angry enough to do some of the stuff I've seen other parents do. As my wife would often remind me early in our son's baseball career, "It's only a game. He probably feels worse than you do."
I took it out on the umpires.
Cant do that anymore.
We had a dad in HS that made a fool of his son often, got into Duke and a year later out for smoking weed.
I saw a dad in college go berserk on his son in the parking lot after a game. Coach told the dad to leave and not come back
Similar vein with @PTWoodd, only game-related (or practice-related) anger I can ever remember was in relation to him being a bad teammate. He came to me after a practice around 5th grade complaining about the teammates being mean to him, and I told him that he is lucky he didn’t get beaned during BP, because I would have thrown a ball at him had I been a teammate. After the tears, I explained it and he learned from it.
I think maybe I got mad when oldest was young. I was wrong, you live you learn. Never got crazy.
I am on the opposite side now with my son being committed as a PO, but just DH'ing now in HS. Not a lot of stress and because the team itself is not very competitive, he's usually just swinging for the fences (again, unless in situations where that's not appropriate).
I don't think it's my place to tell anyone else how to parent, but if I hear it, I can and will passive aggressively troll the cr*p out you during the game.
@K9 posted:I've seen that the further along you get the more restrained the parents are. I'm sure its not a coincidence.
^this
I do feel bad for the kid as I see the grind and not trying come out as baseball gauche, but this is a game of failure and all the remarkable advances (maturity, skills, wisdom) in my kid (me too) were from those beautiful failures. I do admit as a parent I get bothered by the repeat failure (not learning) and of course things out of my kid's control. For example, he was benched last night (he can only DH) as the roster is 28+ deep and I get the coach wanted to try different players. The team could not score runs and was down 4-2 late in the game. There was pinch opportunity with 2 out and runners on 1&2. The kid was getting ready to pinch hit then gets subbed because it was a LH pitcher and the coach wanted a L/R match up. Unfortunately that plan did not work and the next inning the team falls apart and gives up a lot of runs. On the ride home he was vented he was annoyed because what was proven at tryouts, BP and past performances against LH pitching and their statements he was their team's best hitter, he was passed over an arcane thought process. I told him all he can do is keep preparing and not dwell on the coach's process as that is a large and complex roster and maybe he did want to see what the other players had to offer. I tried a version of below on him and it probably work a little as soon as we got home he grabbed a quick bite and we hit for an hour. He felt better afterwards until he realized how many hours of school work was ahead of him.
2022NYC what you said rings true to me as far as the repeat failures that learning does not seem to be taking place...for instance, taking first pitch hittable fastballs, getting rung up on close 3rd strikes....over and over....I dont mind failure if there is a lesson being learned and it's not occuring over and over..
I have seen too many parents acting out in ridiculous ways that I guess I determined at the very beginning to never be that guy. Also, I guess I kind of always wanted to act like my dad who never said anything during a game, and only ever was encouraging before and after. There are many levels and circumstances between little league and a having a draftable player, but I believe in general if you are not a coach in the dugout, you definitely should not be "coaching" during a game, and probably not in the car on the way to the game or on the way home either
I played in college and my son played in college. For every time I told him something like "you should try gripping your change up like this" or "you have to keep your eyes behind your glove when you backhand", I told him 10 times something like "I love you", "do your very best", or "I have so much fun watching you play"
I can remember one time being angry, probably when he was 11-12. He made an error in the field and had his head up his butt the rest of the game, made a couple more errors and we lost by a run. I laid into him (probably a little too harshly) on the ride home, but not at the field. The only other time was in HS Jr year. He was competitive, but sometimes just took it too far, maturity or lack of it. Was throwing against a bad team, perfect game through 5, and gave up a hit in the 6th, one hit. Just really bad body language, embarrassing to me. I met him in the parking lot after the bus got back to school, and told him if it happened again I wouldn't be at any more games, he knew I meant it. Although I did see a few snippets of body language that could have been better, there wasn't any more of the really bad episodes like that one game.
Have been guilty of being too nit-picky when he was younger. Instead of emphasizing the good, I'd dwell on the bad, my problem not his. Luckily I learned to temper it, and to his credit he put up with it until I changed my behavior.
I can say in the 3 years of college, I can't recall a parent (our side or the opponents) verbalizing anything during the game. Perhaps it happens after the game, but most college parents are restrained/complimentary during the game. Most are just thankful for the opportunity to watch their kid play at the next level, a bad game here or there is going to happen. Move on to the next pitch, the next at-bat, the next game.
I got real mad at my son when he was nine. The coach - a friend pulled me aside and talked to me about it. He told me to be careful - he had already drove one of his sons out of the game doing the same thing. I guess we all are learning - I am still. I get on to him when he is not giving a good effort during a work out but I always tell him I am proud of him. My son gets lots of compliments on how he behaves and acts around other adults - teachers and such. That makes me smile more than anything he does on the ball field - just have to learn where the priorities lie.
We have parents who go into the dugout and talk to their kids while they are playing - giving them coaching pointers. I don't do any of that. We even have some that have been thrown out of games this year - yelling at umpires and threatening them with not being able to umpire in the county again. Kids also behave poorly - just like their parents. We have one that makes his kid run until he pukes for making an error.
I don't recall any public outbursts or "that parent" actions....however, I know I was hard on him on several rides home. Those weren't often but when I go back and think about the few times I lit into him....1 was too much and I've since apologized. I let go around 13U, if that makes sense. Ex-Pro coaches were handing all the coaching and hitting/pitching and I was only "managing" his hitting drills at home. He struggled with the larger field dimension, breaking balls and velo at 13U. He didn't have the same enthusiasm for the game. Looking back it all makes sense, he wasn't in the lineup or on the field due to his lack of hitting. That affected his work ethic. We had the talk. I asked him to think about his commitment to the game of baseball, and that I would not be upset with him if he quit the game. He wasn't playing for me and I wasn't expecting him to play for anything else but himself. He would have to find something else like Lacrosse or whatever to stay active and compete (many of his friends migrated to lacrosse around this time for the same reasons and growing popularity). I asked him to think about the game, his commitment and what HE wanted to do and not answer me for a few days.
He came back and said he wants to play baseball and acknowledged his lack of motivation for practice. Around that same time his pitching coach had already seen all of this and pushed him to think about pitching and contributing that way. He started excelling at 14U and the rest is history.
Sorry for the novel....some of these topics really bring back memories. Thanks to the OP, I hope this is helpful to someone.
I have witnessed "that parent", I think every team has at least 1.
I did many years ago and have always regretted it. My son always excelled in baseball so when he didn't perform I was way too critical and made the mistake of even one time questioning his heart. I immediately regretted it after seeing the look on his face and realized that I was an idiot who had no clue about the game of baseball at that time. I never had to ask my son to practice and he was "in love" with the game as he was learning the ups and downs that come along with it. I almost screwed it all up for him and I'm thankful my dumb !$& learned how to be encouraging as the game can be extremely humbling for the best players. Fast forward several years and he's still in love with the game more than ever and is fortunate to have the opportunity to play at the next level. If he has a bad game now, I give him a hug and jokingly tell him to "stop screwing around out there". We laugh it off and bounces right back.
When I selected players for our Summer team ages 14-18, I interviewed the parents and set the rules. Since the players paid $0 to play and I had 4 HS to select players, I selected players who "need" the game to succeed.
The competition in Northern California League was strong, 40 players in the 5 years later played MLB. We played 40 games with 16-18 players. Used a Army bus, I was the driver.
In our 1st game in Eureka, CA I was "kick" out of the game, no Assistant Coach, we were behind in the game. My SS became the Coach and he won the game.
Bob
@Consultant, you can’t leave us hanging like that! What did you do to get kicked out of the game?
@PTWood beat me to the question
I may have mentioned to the Umpire that he had 2 strike zones, one narrow for the visitors and one large for the home team [Eureka]. While sitting the stands I was "flashing" signals to our new Manager the SS. The umpire then "threw" me out of the Ball Park.
It is important to stay "loose" in this game. "Have fun"!! "Take 2 and hit to right"!
Bob
I'm awfully competitive and compensate by staying mobile throughout a game - walking almost constantly and separating myself when necessary. That said, I never, ever say anything to my son during the game beyond the usual fan encouragement. If, however, my son shows bad body language or doesn't hustle (thankfully rare occurrences) I will light him up after the game. The only things they can absolutely control are attitude and effort.
Sadly, I know of a dad that was known for being a real jerk. Not just to his kid, but everyone around the game his kid played. He was extra hard on his son who was very talented. I think the dad had mental issues that were never treated. His wife figured it out and divorced him. Meanwhile, the kid had a scholarship to a well respected private university in NorCal. One that every parent would be proud of, he managed to tick off the coaching there. Still his son got drafted very high, signed and went on to the pro's. Dad spoke of how he was going to sue the university because he thought they lost millions because they made him a reliver. Fast forward several years. The kid was a bust in the pro's and is out of baseball. You might be blessed to throw high 90's, but mental toughness is a big part of the game. I think this dad just broke this kid and he never was able to recover. The kid hasn't spoken to his dad in years. Refuses any contact with him even with the help of some of his old coaches. Luckily the kid has moved on, with a good degree and career. Sadly, the dad has not.
Sad to lose your son over a game...
If a parent gets angry with their kid’s performance they need to step away from the game. Stop attending. It’s the kid’s turn to play. The key word is “play.” It’s optional. Yes, there is effort required to become the best player possible. But the phrase is still “Play Ball” not “Work Ball.”
Don’t live through your kid’s sports. Their athletic ability is not a reflection on the parent. How a kid behaves is a reflection on the parent. “Your kids are always welcome in our house” means a lot more to me than being congratulated my kids had a great game. In fact, my response was always, “It’s all them, not me.”
After the last out of a 10u travel season one of my better players blurted out, “Thank God it’s effing over!”
I had to ask him about his comment. The comment was so strong I ignored the F bomb. Something was wrong. He explained it’s the last time until next season he has to get in the car and have his game ripped apart all the way home.
The dad never made it past LL. His three older boys had already washed out in middle school baseball. This kid was his last hope. The dad placed a lot of pressure on him.
The family moved to the other side of the city. I saw online the kid became a mediocre high school player playing 2b and batting 9th. I hope his father lightened up. The kid went further than dad and the other sons.
The only time I ever went off on my son was in a 13u game. I was also the head coach. When he struck out with the bases loaded in the bottom of the last, down one run. He threw his bat. It sailed over the stands where several people were sitting.
I immediately grabbed him. We went for a walk behind the dugout. His ears had to be ringing by the time I got done screaming. A parent eventually came out back to make sure I wasn’t hitting him. I was told it sounded really ugly. In retrospect, reacting was acceptable. But I went to far. I scared the entire team. They were zombies in game two.
When I calmed down I told my son he embarrassed the team by throwing his bat over the stands. I told him to take off his jersey and watch the second game from down the line outside the fence by himself.
The next day I apologized to the team and the parents I was out of control enough where I embarrassed the team.
My father was hard on me. Babe Ruth ball was what we had when I was fifteen. Travel didn’t exist. Players had to be good enough to make teams.
After one post game brow beating I told my father if he ever showed up at another game I would walk off the field.
So, there I was six and two-thirds innings into a no-hitter. I had walked two. Before facing the last hitter I looked out towards the outfield and took a deep breath.
Across the highway beyond left field on an access road with binoculars was my father. I couldn’t walk off the field one out from a no hitter. But I was so rattled I walked the next three hitters. We were only up 1-0. The last hitter took a called third on a breaking ball.
My father drove around to the field. Of course he had to be in on the excitement. Despite being a successful businessman he was an alcoholic, arrested adolescent, overgrown frat boy who had to be in on the party.
He came up to me. I told him to go away. Instead of congratulating me he told me I better thank Ricky for his diving catch or I wouldn’t have had a no-hitter.
It got worse starting with soph year in high school. Now I was on varsity teams. This was the beginning of sports mattering to my father.
@RJM, this is what it is all about. Taking what we learn from one generation to do a better job with the next generation. I love this: "Their athletic ability is not a reflection on the parent. How a kid behaves is a reflection on the parent." It's their turn and we are lucky enough to be along for the ride with all its highs and lows. Thank you for sharing.
This is a classic post:
@anotherparent posted:This is a classic post:
Don't remember if I had read this before or not, but well worth the read. Thank you for re sharing it.
I do get angry with the spouse when she has a bad game...lot's of unrelated baseball questions (I really do not know why uniform colors do not match, no I do not know the intended purpose behind the logo nor do I care to speculate on it during a game, yes I prefer to sit away from the other parents...at every game), repeated baseball questions even though she has been attending games for a decade (groundhog's day effect), the panic attacks during at bats (thank god our kid doesn't pitch, the hysteria would end me).
I have to sit by myself. Can't have people talking to me and I must eat sunflower seeds incessantly. That said, when the game is over, I hug my kid...good or bad. He really doesn't need to hear anything from me.
@TPM posted:I took it out on the umpires.
We had a dad in HS that made a fool of his son often, got into Duke and a year later out for smoking weed.
I saw a dad in college go berserk on his son in the parking lot after a game. Coach told the dad to leave and not come back
I was only kidding about the umpires.
Parents, listen don't get mad at your sons performance, he feels bad enough when the game doesn't go the way it should. This is a game of failure and they need to learn from that. Keep your disappointment to yourselves. This especially is for high school and college players.
And never, ever take your anger out on the coaches. If you find yourself more often angry than pleased, don't show up.
JMO
Honestly, I never get my mad at my son when he has a bad game. It makes my heart break. I know there is nothing that I (or a coach) could say to him that is any rougher than what he is saying to himself. My job is to make him feel better and realize that one bad game or play or pitch doesn't define him as a player.
Last week he gave up four solo home runs over six innings. Struck out five. I was so proud of him coming back and throwing the next pitch,I knew that he had learned that lesson.
What would there possibly be to be angry about?