Do You Tell The Coach?

I'll pick off the easiest question...if this kid's elbow is hurting...by his own admission... then he has to see a doctor immediately...someone (his folks) has to drag him in...kicking and screaming if necessary...his health and baseball career are both seriously in jeopardy.

As for the other concerns...those are tough ones...perhaps someone out there has had to deal with similar circumstances and they can share their wisdom with you.

Well you did ask,

The thing that sticks out in that situation is…

The pitcher (teammate/friend) has confided in your friends son.

The pitcher wants to attend the same college.

The pitcher seems to be performing well.

The HS coach does not know of the pitchers elbow pain.

It is assumed the pitcher’s parents do not know either.

The HS coach is recommending this pitcher to the college coach.

Sounds like the summer coach is also recommending the pitcher.

Your friend’s son doesn’t want to get involved, but feels he must be dedicated to the college coach. He is worried about losing trust with the college coach. He’s afraid the college coach might find out he knew.

My questions would be…

1. Has the college coach asked any questions?
2. What about the current HS Coach? Any dedication there?
3. What about the pitchers parents? Should they know?
4. What about the pitcher/teammate/friend? Any loyalty or concern there about further injury of his arm by continuing to throw?
5. What about the son’s summer coach who is recommending the pitcher? Any dedication or honesty involved there?

Then there is this statement…

There are other issues too with this young man that he does not make the best decisions off the field either.

hsbsblfan, That comment would lead me to believe your friend has much more that they’re concerned with than the elbow pain. Sounds like they don’t really want this teammate of their son’s around him after this year.

After all, it would take much more than a fellow teammate to determine something seriously wrong with the elbow. If he (the pitcher) is really a friend, talk him into getting checked out. Privately tell the present coach, tell his parents of your concern.

I can’t figure out why the decision whether or not to tell the JUCO coach is more important than the other things involved. Sounds very much like the JUCO coach recruitment is more important than the teammate/friend, who is experiencing the elbow pain.

Hope I don’t have many friends like that!

hsbsfan,
In the world of coach / parent / player / there are areas you shouldn't venture. Some call it staying in your own sandbox. Of course there are exceptions. One exception I can think of is if you are a medical doctor and have examined the young man's elbow and you're the team's physician and the player has signed a release allowing you to divulge his medical information to those coaches then I guess you have an obligation to respond. Other than that let them handle their own problems. It's an unwritten rule that a player or a parent does not say anything that could harm another player's future. This could be a vicious rumor that another jealous parent or player has started .... That happens too.
Fungo

Have a chat friend to friend and express your concern as a friend. Id give him a week to see a doctor and threaten to tell his parents if he dosen't.

why is it your business anyway?

Sad to say but it will work itself out if this kid continues to pitch with constant elbow pain and refuses to inform the coach as both is numbers and arm will surely fall off.

I forwarded all of the information from everyone to them. I didn't state my feelings but I feel the same way as all of you and my son also said that he never heard anything about this boy and would not say anything too. thank you and i'm sure all this info will help them make the right decision.

PGstaff, I don't know the answer to the questions you ask because it was just a short discussion during a game last night (their son was on the other team). But I'm sure by your response it will make them think. I'm ashamed that I didn't have the same answers for them.

TR, it's not my business but they seemed very concerned and I just thought I would ask and I think these responses will help them a lot.

I've told them about this sight and I believe it is a great source of very good information and opinions.

thank you all

It is not his position to say anything to the coach about the other players pain. Why would he want to take away a potential opportunity for his friend to play college baseball?

His is not obligated to tell his college coach anything.

quote:

It's an unwritten rule that a player or a parent does not say anything that could harm another player's future.

Glad that it is "unwritten". That is a stupid rule.

Get involved. Get the kid to go to a doctor. Teens, especially athletes, don't have enough common sense. Worse, if they are former football players, they are "coached" to grit their teeth and work through the pain.

Sounds like something serious.

Don't have to be a doctor to help a kid.

No problem with going to the friend and encouraging HIM to seek help.

Huge problem violating his confidential communications however. IMO, if someone confides in you, that trust should remain sacred for the most part. I am sure there are exceptions to this (e.g., someone discloses a criminal activity), but this situation is not one of them imho.

quote:

Glad that it is "unwritten". That is a stupid rule.

Get involved. Get the kid to go to a doctor. Teens, especially athletes, don't have enough common sense. Worse, if they are former football players, they are "coached" to grit their teeth and work through the pain.

Not stupid at all. I didn't say anything about not going to the kid or his parents and suggesting to them that he see a doctor. How would that hurt his future? I talking about telling scouts, college coaches, and high school coaches that a player has an undisclosed injury -------- as usual I didn't make it clear. There are many players that go to college with some degree of arm problems, rehabilitate or go through surgery and then go on to have rewarding careers in college. That in my opinion is better than having your college offer pulled completely because of something someone said that may or may not be true.
Fungo

Fungo...I see you're pulling rank on me with that "...Highly Regarded and Beloved Old Timer" disclosure near your son's picture.

That is ok.

I just think that kids, especially teens, confide in peers, not with expectations of confidentiality, but rather because they don't know where else to turn.

If your buddy tells you stuff confidentially - you should keep your mouth shut. IMO.

It isnt that complicated - and it isnt supposed to be soap opera stuff.

IMO

BeenthereIl,
I hope you understand I had nothing to do with that wording beside my avatar ----- Besides you and I both know it would be imposibble for me to pull rank on you! I may be an old timer but you are an older timer.
Fungo

Its a rough business out there now.

If you think it isnt - you are going to be surprised - bigtime.

Stick to your own knitting.

That is precisely what most college coaches do - and that is what your kid should do as well.

hsbsblfan, the conventional wisdom here is very good

"mind your OWN business, period, is a good rule of thumb" for you AND also to pass along to "friends" seeking your advice.

to take any action on second or third hand info would be irresponsible, imo



however, I'm confused-er than ever at Beenthere's response ...
he'd reserve judgement on Bonds in spite of his own admissions, but suggest immediate action for others on third hand rumors

go figure

I always feel sad when I hear about a player hiding pain. Do know many HS players do as to not jeopardize college or pro ball
Some can pitch,play well with pain as they have learned to deal with it, until it becomes too much to bear, the truth comes out eventually.

If there is not something seriously wrong, someone may lose a college scholarship over it.

I have to agree with Fungo, aka old foggie, highly regarded and beloved one. Your friend's son was told something in confidance, and it should remain that way.

quote:

on third hand rumors

The kid with the problem told the buddy that his arm hurt.

What is the "third hand rumor"?

Your friend, as a parent, has an obligation to tell the other boy's parents, in confidence. Then they can handle their son's problem as they see fit.
And that is all you do.

I just want to make it clear that I don't even know who the player is that they are referring to. They just asked my opinion. I only see these people at the baseball field. When they asked my opinion (I don't even know why they asked me) I just mentioned that I knew a great place to bring up the question for answers, and that was here. And I told them about the site. After reading these responses I'm wondering if what PG said is true, that they just don't want this boy with their son. That's how the whole topic came up. But they never told me who it was and I didn't ask.

Please, I am in no way involved in this scenerio. You guys are scaring me.

hsbsblfan,

I didn't want to say it, but you and PG did, maybe these parents just don't want their son to be at the same school with the other player.
That happens often, especially if they play the same position.
I wouldn't give anyone advice on this one.

quote:

Beenthere asks: The kid with the problem told the buddy that his arm hurt... What is the "third hand rumor"?

I try to be helpful when I can, so here goes

player "A" has some pain, he's pitching well and no problems are apparent to coaches/parents

player "A" tells player "B"

player "B" tells Mom "B"

Mom "B" asks Mom "C" for advice

Mom "C" posts a Q on hsbbweb


now that I've diagramed it out, I suppose it more correctly would be 4th hand ...
I can type slower if you're not keeping up

Respecting confidentiality...

The player who was told about the elbow pain should advise the ailing player to see a doctor.

Given all that has been discussed here that should be the extent of any further involvement.

If the player, in the future, is asked whether or not he knew about the ailing player's condition he can honestly say " Yes, we discussed it, and I told him to see a doctor."

The only reason not to say this would be if the ailing player had told the player to hold the information in strict confidence. We don't know the answer to that.

quote:

by hsbsblfan: Please, I am in no way involved in this scenerio. You guys are scaring me.

a belated wecome to the board

often, answers and discussion to any question can be a bit intimidating because with the written word it's difficult discern emotion in any certain response - -
some folks get right to the point and don't mince words, some are eloquent, some thro in a bit of sarcasm, some never read the original question, still others relate your question to personal experience whether it's relevant or not . . . . but they are all trying to help in some way



just think of it like a large family sitting around the kitchen table discussing issues & giving advice, solving problems . . .

oops, never mind the family analogy . . . that's REALLY SCARY!


.

LOL!

Bee>? That family analogy? Eloquent or sarcastic?

Even for a Sunday morning...That was good!

Chairman, ABC
Thats called a A and B conversation and C your way out of it. Friend should advise the pitcher to talk to his parents. Not his place to talk to coaches

"The friend is a pitcher. He has confided in her son that he has constant pain in his elbow but he continues to pitch anyway."

Chairman...Two kids...One confiding in the other.

No one else needs to be involved. The kid should tell the coach before his buddy seriously injures his arm.

A couple questions:
What does the injured player put down when the schools forms ask about injury,last time you saw a doctor and for what ?
What happens when you come up injured in the fall workouts ?
Would it not be wise to talk the friend into seeing a doctor? At some point the kid will have to come clean or be dishonest.
This ahould be between the 2 fiends. The injured kid is being foolish.

All I can say is if my son has a hurt elbow and his friends know, his friends parents know, other parents know and everyone in America on the baseball chat room knows, I would be disappointed if no one came forward and told me.

This would apply if it was baseball, drugs, bad crowds, girl trouble, whatever! My son's health comes first and baseball is a distant second.

The question was should the friend tell the coaches.

Again I say stay out of it--let the player take care of his own business

I understand what the original question was, njbb. Just to make myself clear, I am saying do NOT tell the coaches, but do mention what you have heard to the parents. If it is true, you are helping them. If it is not true, then there is no harm done.

Someone please explain to me why you would not do this?

The key word here is friend. Friends try to help their fiends. Telling the coach is not right but talking to the friend and pushing him in the right direction is an act of fiendship. I aqgre Sloggo.

the pitcher should be encouraged to see a doctor and that's it.

The player should be encouraged not to make decisions for the short term but the long term.