Dropped him off at School

Nice post Windmill. They talk about the Mother/Daughter relationship that us men do not understand, but I think it works both ways with the boys. When my son went off to school, my wife having a medical background, warped mind, and good sense of humor told me that the medical term for this "son out of the nest" experience was call a Missing Penile Syndrom (MPS) that was curable only with a short vacation with a qualified medical support. I thought that was great, so I called a friend of hers who is also a nurse and he and I took off for a weekend of golf.

Time for him to "man-up" and go it alone.

Sound's like you did your job.

Now he must find a way to do his.

If he's on a "scholly" as you call it, he'll still be considered "BMOC"!

Windmill,

Thanks for sharing your story from a dad's perspective. I know it made a huge impact on my husband when we dropped our older son off at college two years ago - more than dad would care to admit. This weekend when son drove off on his own for his 3rd year, I was the only one with tears welling up in my eyes. I found out "after the fact" that freshman year, our son was very homesick the first few weeks, though he didn't tell us at the time. Of course this year he was just very excited to get back to school with his friends and teammates, and not capable of feeling "homesick" since that is now a second home to him.

Next weekend our youngest goes off to college for the first time, from a small private HS of under 300 students in 4 grades where he was class president and knew everyone, to a university of 40,000 students where he knows no one. He seems very excited and NOT the least bit nervous - just gets a big grin on his face when we talk about move-in weekend.

Best wishes to your son and to all of our sons and daughters heading back to school!

Julie

re: pull over for "a moment"

I must have "a moment" annually, since HaverSon ('06 gradaute) enrolled at just about this time. With the exception of my mother's death, that day remains my most emotional memory.

Maybe some day I'll make it through August.

best wishes/

We did this for the first time back in the Fall of 04. I really struggled with emotions during the final week our son was home. My mind kept replaying a mental image of my "little boy" in his room at home and the thought that I won't be able to walk down the hall anymore and find him at the foot of the bed playing Playstation. After finally saying goodbye on that Sunday afternoon, my wife and I shared a few tears for the first half mile or so. But after that things were ok.

While there's still a bit of tugging each time he came home for a break, it was never as bad as the first time.

This year it was a bit more difficult because he was changing schools, living out of the dorm, and 250 miles farther away.

All I can say to folks that are experiencing this for the first time is - "the emotions are natural, but it does get better."

Our kids are fortunate in the fact that they get a chance to spread their wings in a college environment. As many of us know, college provides a great transition between the shelter they've enjoyed for their first 18 years vs. the "real world." And, to top it off, they're getting to participate in a game they love. Everyone should be so lucky!

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Windmill, nice post.

You're not alone....

By chance both younger 44 and older 44 moved into their first college apts in the last two weeks, in wild interstate flurry of activity and expectation for fall collegiate ball.

A week ago they were both in their crowded rooms jousting on many levels. Now suddenly for the first time in 20 years their rooms are now completely empty.

so is my heart...

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Windmill:

I hope your son has a terrific college experience - He sure sounds like a wonderful young man

What a nice post. Maybe you could keep a copy to share with your son on his graduation day.

As others have said... he is truly fortunate to have the college experience and also fortunate to have you as his Dad

Chin up ~

windmill ...

Thanks for sharing your story. I don't think FutureBack.Dad had the same problems I did when son went off (one and only and just up the highway 30 miles) but it isn't necessarily the distance away, it's the phyisical separation from our children that hurts our hearts. Sounds like your son will do fine ... even if he is 'spoiled' by his mom a bit (that's what moms do for their sons ... treat them the way their future wives should treat them, pedestal and all). All kidding aside, I hope you have a chance to spend time with him ... don't know how far away from home he is but he has a wonderfully exciting time ahead of him as do you and Mrs windmill.

Windmill,

We just went through the same drill on Saturday and Sean's our first-born. Lot's of tears on our side ... I know Sean was also sad about many of the life changes involved in moving on to a new stage of life, but he's also clearly excited about the new stuff. He's a pretty confident kid that mixes very easily in new situations and new people. Wherever he goes he quickly makes new friends, but he was sad that he'll see much, much less of his close circle. He's a four+ hour drive away ... close enough to visit occasionally on weekends but far enough away to be a serious drive. We did let him take his car since the only direct flights from Fresno are to LAX, expensive, and don't really save much time over the drive factoring in check-in and drive time to-from LAX. I'll probably have him fly home in the winter if it's looking like bad weather ... best to have him avoid the Grapevine and Tejon Pass in lousy weather.

It's going to be a big adjustment all around. There's definitely going to be a big hole in our household dynamics and in our hearts but I really look forward to watching him embrace his future with enormous pride in the young man he's become. But God am I going to miss him ...

We set him up in the dorm and he's rooming with an incoming freshman shortstop (always a nice thing for a pitcher to be friends with a key defensive counterpart). I have to admit I was a little obsessive with helping get his room set up ... laptop, network switch, USB hub, etc., being the techno-geek that I am plus feeling compelled to leave with the feeling that I'd done "my best" to have a proper 'launch' as a means of dealing with my own emotional baggage.

One thing we've done to help with the contact issue is set him up with a minature Web-Cam for his laptop and a Skype account so he can call anywhere in the U.S. from his laptop for free, and do computer-to-computer video conferencing for free to us, his old friends, and his girlfriend. Several of his HS baseball buddies that are going to other schools have also bought Web-Cams and gotten Skype accounts so they can keep in touch cheaply.

Nice to know everyone shares the same sentiments.

You guys would laugh at me if I tell you he is only 14 miles away [no kidding!!], but it sure seems like more. His grandfather, who at 87 is one of his best buddies, will probably be there all the time, since he is only 5 miles away.

It still amazes me how fast the time went - everyone says it, but you really don't believe it until it happens. I can remember his first 'real' game getting rained out, him running around the field in his first uni, getting soaked and muddy and crying like mad when the game was cancelled . He couldn't understand why nobody wanted to play in the rain "I've been waiting for this my whole life", he said [he was 5 years old!!!].

Thanks for the support system - back at all of you who are in the midst of the same thing!!

Observer,

Good for your boys. Where is the youngest? We moved our son two weekends ago. It was a good experience, I believe he will thrive in the atmosphere t school.

pbonesteele,

I followed some of your son's exploits this past year. Your son, as a Jr., a teamate of a friend of my son's. If I read the schedule right our boy's teams open up against each other in Feb.

kjktj

Windmill, I totally get it even though we're two years away from dropping off the first-born. It makes me sad to think about it already....and I'm not at all sure how I can return to Korea for work when I've just dropped my buddy off at school. It may spell the end of my contract over here, as I think it's going to be very hard to be so far away. I may find a sturdy cardboard box and live under a bridge if I have to, just to stay back home.

Windmill, thanks for your post - your experience helps to let us know we're not as jaded as we worry we might be, and that our hearts are true........

Windmill,

Alright now, you got the tears going here with this one:

"He couldn't understand why nobody wanted to play in the rain "I've been waiting for this my whole life", he said [he was 5 years old!!!]."

For some reason that really touched me right now. Maybe it's because that's what I am wishing for my sons and for all of our children: more moments over the next few weeks and months and years - the first time they play in a college baseball game, or the first time they realize they have made a new home for themselves while living away from home - more moments when the gleam in their eyes or the spring in their step says, "I've been waiting for this my whole life!"

Julie

My son and I lived together, just the two of us, for the past six years. Last week I dropped him off and drove the 600 miles home by myself. The hardest thing I had to do was walk in his room and make the bed, knowing that he would not be in it again for months. I kept asking myself where the time went and telling myself that he was never supposed to grow up, that he always was supposed to be 16 or 17 and playing baseball all over the country, where I could just sit and watch him play.

I keep asking myself where the time went...

There's a lesson in this somewhere. I just don't feel like looking for it. We're all in this boat at one time or another.

Friends:

I hear joy in each of these stories (it may be muffled, but it is there).

We took our son to Texas (from CA) 10 days ago. After 18-year or being hands on parents, we had our concerns as to whether he could "survive" on his own.

Well we heard from him last night for the first time (I did get an e-mail asking for more $ for books). He is making new friends, found some of the other baseball players and has started to run and throw with them. Baseball practice starts this week so he is back in "his enviroment." He likes his classes and went as far a telling his mom that he did his own laundry for the first time.

For all the work that we as parents do to "help" our kids grow-up, they will amaze us with their ability to be the people that we have worked hard "creating."

I'm saving my money now so that I can see his first college baseball game next February.

quote:

I'm saving my money now so that I can see his first college baseball game next February.

Although we live in France, we made the decision to see as many games as possible, no matter what. Its easiest to catch 9-10 in a row during a spring trip, but before HaverSon's senior year, we negotiated several consecutive house swaps in the Philadelphia area. This provided us with 6x (priceless) full weeks of college baseball without the cost of hotels.

Now if there were just one more year.<s>

quote:

Originally posted by windmill:
His grandfather, who at 87 is one of his best buddies, will probably be there all the time, since he is only 5 miles away.

Windmill,

That is so neat. The thought of him having the opportunity to hang out with Grandpa must sooth some of the separation anxiety from both sides. Besides if he's anything like my 94 yr old grandmother, every visit to gramps is a learning experience that is cherished forever.

Windmill,

Like the others your post touched me. My thoughts were of sadness, pride, humbleness and jealousy. See, my son is an 09 and I have three more years before I can go through what you are going through. I'm thinking how many emotions are you going through, some of which pull at the deepest part of our hearts. Yet, this is one of my life's goals, to see my son off to college. I can't wait for that day and at the same time, after reading your post it scares the heck out of me. My son has a severe hearing loss but when he plays baseball he is one of the guys. You would never know by watching him of his loss. We have been told he is a very good player and probably college material. We will always worry about how he fits in but it doesn't seem to faze him in the least.

Scared, you bet I am, but waiting with excitment at the same time.

Congratulations to you and your son.

RZ - it's pretty cool how he gets along with Pop - when he was little, the Sunday routine was always the same - go to church, get donuts, come home and have a catch with Pop [my wife's parents came to visit every Sunday morning]. As a real young kid, Tom probably threw more with his grandfather than he did with me. Funny watching a 10 YO kid playing catch with his 80 YO grandfather - priceless.

ANTO - I think that's one of the great things about baseball - when you are on the field - you ARE one of the guys [that's meant as a non-gender specific term for the PC types, and I guess applies to softball as well]. It's just something about the game how it makes you feel.

One of the things that I love about 'our' boys heading off to college (okay, so I am a few years removed from that but nevertheless ...) is that the baseball families they hook up with in college help so much with the transition. We can rest more comfortably at night knowing that they are with other players, that they share a common bond, and that (hopefully) they have another soft place to 'land' should they struggle along the way.

Parents who have not enjoyed the roller coaster ride that is baseball have difficulty understanding us ... they just 'don't get it'. But I have always felt that the bond that baseball brings for players and parents with each other and with 'strangers' is one of the greatest benefits of the game that other sports just don't present.

windmill ...
Okay, I don't feel so bad now since I went thru the withdrawal with son 30 miles away. Love the Grandpa story ... just wonderful to know that he has such a great bond with his grandpa ... a special relationship that many boys (and their parents) would covet.

This thread is both emotional and a killer to my tear ducts. I dropped my son off last Thursday. First born.. I feel like I am a rookie at all of this. My husband was just as taken back from the emotions as I was and I laughed when he called our son to come to the dinner table last night. Then I looked at him and burst out in tears again. We as a group are blessed. While we feel all of the emotions that all parents feel we have sons that have reached a goal in their lives. They are attending college and playing baseball at the college level. We are blessed, our son is only 2 1/2 hours away and we will get to see a large number of his games next year.

At Orientation us baseball parents seemed to gravitate towards each other and by the end of the weekend we had exchanged information aand met all the players. Along with us baseball parents we now had softball, basketball and s****r parents. As we were talking I realized that three of the baseball boys were coming from the West Coast and not going home until winter break. Needless to say at our Thanksgiving dinner we will have those three boys with us along with our two. Grandma is all excited about having more boys around. My husband is taping the games not on web cam of our pitcher from California so that his dad and mom can see whats going on. I think what I am trying to say is that we have this amazing website to talk to those that understand where we are, however, for those of us whose sons are going to school in state... to all of those parents whose sons are going to school out of state, lean on the in state parents. While we might not be as good as having your son closer we can help make it a bit more comfortable. If your sons are going to school in the Austin Texas area and need a place to go on holidays they cannot be with you then ...they are always welcome at our home.

quote:

Funny watching a 10 YO kid playing catch with his 80 YO grandfather - priceless.

Windmill,
I can relate that those relationships are special. My 17 yr old daughters who instuct a handicapped watersking class tried to get their 94 yr old great-grandmother out on the lake last week in a "chair on skis". They had her thinking but said she would have to pass because if she fell off someone would mistake her for a Manatee and try to push her back in the water.

Your present situation just reminded me how special those family relationships are. Thanks, because sometimes we take for granted the situations we are blessed with.

Good luck to all the kids that are moving on.

My son, the youngest left early for JUCO college about a month ago. His first class began Aug 18th. He is almost 6 hours away from home. It has defintely been an emotional roller coaster for me:

- Thrilled that he received a baseball scholarship
- Depressed that he is almost 6 hours away
- Thrilled that I will no longer have to pick up after him daily
- Ok, now that he is actually gone...miss picking up after him(I must be insane)
- Thrilled that I no longer receive phone calls on Friday night at midnight asking if he can stay overnight at his friends house.
- Depressed that I no longer get those phone calls on a Friday night. Now I have no excuse to wait up.

I kept telling all my family and friends that we couldn't wait to drop our youngest off at college. I guess I thought if I said it enough, I would begin to believe it and it wouldn't be so hard. It didn't work! I miss him SO Much.

He is living on his own, in his own house(no dorms available at this college) He has learned to grocery shop on a budget, cook, clean, do his own laundry, goes to class, does his homework, goes to baseball practice and seems to be doing well at all of it. He admits its been a little stressful and misses his girlfriend alot, but you can hear the pride in his voice that he is doing it all on his own.

We are off to see his first college game next week. I can't wait!

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quote:

He is living on his own, in his own house(no dorms available at this college) He has learned to grocery shop on a budget, cook, clean, do his own laundry, goes to class, does his homework, goes to baseball practice and seems to be doing well at all of it.....you can hear the pride in his voice that he is doing it all on his own.

lew...

Good post, same for us...one of my huge JC trepidations for my younger was no dorms, not yet 18 and IMO has no business being on his own in an apt....but surprise! So far, happy, healthy, clean, doing fine on the team and loving life. How is that we can so misread/underestimate their life skills?

Bunch of other players in the apt. complex which I think really helps.

44
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We brought our son (our oldest) to college 300 miles away on Saturday for his freshman year. Thanks to the New Jersey Turnpike and the Delaware bridge we got to spend alot more time together than planned (almost 8 hours). After unpacking and setting up his room we left him alone for the night and met him sunday morning before heading home. My wife and I handled everything pretty well, but for me the most emotional moment was when my 17 year old daughter gave him a huge hug. Sometimes you don't realize how strong of a relationship your kids have until a moment like that.

His classes start tomorrow and so far he's having a great time. He's always been one who's more on the quite and shy side until you get to know him. His dorm is coed by room and so far he's had no problem making friends. Alot of the kids in his dorm are student athletes so this has really helped him to make friends.

quote:

but for me the most emotional moment was when my 17 year old daughter gave him a huge hug. Sometimes you don't realize how strong of a relationship your kids have until a moment like that.

Jazzman that is so true. When he's home there are still neutral corners, but I find out that while he's at school they are always on the phone or IM'g him for no reason than to say HI.

I say nothing because it is just too good to mess with.

So far our best investment was the portable web-cam and the Skype account (free). It's wonderful being able to talk with him in the evenings and actually see his face. Given the readily available access to high speed internet connections at school (including WiFi) ... I can have a face-to-face conversation with him whether he's in his dorm room, in the student union, etc., plus it's free. Skype may elect to charge for calls to land-lines later in 2007, but I don't expect it to be very much since their current charges for calling international land-lines is 2.9 cents/minute. Computer-to-computer calls, i.e., pure IP-to-IP calls will remain free.

The other benefit to the Skype connection: I was beating on him for using his cell phone during peak hours to talk with his girlfriend and driving up our monthly plan costs, but got him convinced to just plug in the little portable headset into his laptop and call her using Skype instead ... at least for now until year end, Skype calls to land-lines or cell phones in the U.S. and Canada are free.