Let's face it, failing at something we had hopes for, being set back to the start, or facing rejection because someone else is better suited for the job are but just a few of the things that we face in life that puts a bad taste in our mouths. It can be rather embarrassing or even humiliating depending on the degree to which it hits us. It just flat out hurts and it seems like our bubble has been bursted. When our sons face this oncoming train at some time or another what have we as parents put in place to ensure they aren't ran over and demolished by it? The point is, we're all going to face this in life as long as you have blood coursing through your veins and air in your lungs. Failure simply isn't a respecter of persons. It is and can be the great equalizer, the humbler, the golden trumpet, to which a myriad of people have either gone on to greater successes or succumbed by its grips and crumbled.
The fear of failure can be so crippling and mortifying to people that they never take one step towards a dream or goal while you have others who use that fear of failure in a healthy manner to motivate them to take the risk, work hard, and go for the gusto. We need not look any further than Abraham Lincoln as a picture perfect example of one who didn't let his failures stop him in life. Born into poverty, Lincoln was faced with defeat throughout his life. He lost eight elections, twice failed in business and suffered a nervous breakdown. Throw in that just before he was to be married early his sweetheart died and on down the road suffered a nervous breakdown. I would love to see his likeness in the dictionary beside the word "intestinal fortitude!"
Dad, Moms....baseball is a game in which our sons are going to learn valuable and life long lessons, attributes, the value of teamwork, hard work, personal discipline on a cornucopia of subjects in which maybe 1/3 will be used between the white lines and the other 2/3's in his every day life. All sports offer to a degree something unique and special for our sons and daughters. But baseball. Baseball has its own magical and splendiferous journey unlike any other. Some may disagree with on my perspective that at the end of the day it teaches the obvious - winning and losing. Well my friend, here's the good news. The winning and losing is going to happen regardless of anything else during a game. It's why they play the game right? But what happens when the team loses? What happens when the team loses the game they should have won? What happens to the team when they lose the championship game? What happens when they lose and their coach is slinging bats, helmets and water coolers all over the dugout? What happens when it was your son who made the crucial error that allowed the winning run come in for the opposing team? You see, losing (failing) is inevitable in one form or fashion and guess what? It's never planned for or even expected. It makes me nauseous to my stomach to hear about leagues and/or teams that play games with no winners or losers. I want to vomit on the spot. Each boy and player on these teams need to understand what victory feels like because they worked hard and trained while the losing team's players need to feel the sting of defeat and how only 81% practice and devotion to prepare results in failing.
Where am I going exactly with this? Well here it is my point. We would LOVE to see our boys win and succeed each game and every play that involves their active participation. And if we're being realist we know that just won't happen. In their eyes they have failed if even in a very small minute way. And we as parents and Coaches need to be prepared at the drop of the hat to incorporate this great and important role which failing has in who we are as human beings. We all see the gifted athlete where it appears that everywhere he goes and everything he does just comes natural and watching him walk on water just gets flat our tiring after a while. lol. Where our son(s) seem to fall flat on their fact just getting out of bed some mornings.
It's a very, very hard reality pill to swallow the moment you realize that maybe your son just isn't cut out for this game. And that all of the cuts and riding the bench has taken its toll on your son and even you. But even here failure shouldn't be viewed as the end-all for him to experience. The same goes for personal growth. When you fail, you’re forced to acknowledge your own shortcomings. This isn’t a bad thing, considering that no one is perfect. If anything, it’s a fantastic teacher. Those who frequently fail also have the greatest clarity as to how they can improve and grow. People who embrace this are more likely to try new things and aim for more difficult goals without worrying about the ego-damaging nature of failure. Through each challenge and failure we must stay hopeful and know that failure always leads to a better future if we have an attitude of faith, are open to the possibilities and trust that new and exciting opportunities are coming our way. We have to look at failure not as a dead end but rather as a detour to a better outcome than we could have ever imagined.
He he fails (him and/or the team) and you can read it on his face. You give him some time to process it on the ride home by remaining quiet as we would want find a good time to have some alone time with him and ask him how being defeated and failing feels.Let him know he's safe and you want to hear his thought pattern on that particular subject. Jot down the things he says to you so that you dont miss anything as you converse. Tell him that failing is probably one of our closest friends then watch his face and eyes as he tries to make sure he heard your correctly. lol. And then ask him what could he do personally to prohibit that feeling from invading his thoughts and heart every again. Teach him to take his responsibility in this and how future mental and physical preparation are the keys to lessening and minimizing it the next time. No, it won't go away for good but the times in between could reduce significantly if he takes responsibility for himself. I'll never forget back in high school I had this teammate who was always yelling and screaming stuff such as "come one, we can take this guy down", "we can clobber him so be prepared", etc and I LOVED being around him because all he saw was a victorious outcome no matter the insurmountable obstacle before us. He was contagious. Then I saw him staying after practice running springs. I joined him.
Failure is not a single, cataclysmic event. You don't fail overnight. Instead, failure is a few errors in judgement, repeated every day. Use failures as a motivational tool to use each and every day in upon which when he meets that crossroads with you not around that reaching down and grabbing his bootstraps is the natural occurrence next for him.
