Hanging up his cleats

This is tough, we never want to see it end and often times they don't either.

However, when playing no longer brings satisfaction or happiness, it may be time to move on.

I would encourage him to hang in there for the last HS season, but only do what you need to make HIM happy, it's his game and life, not yours.

JMO.

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First...welcome to the HSBBW Deb.

My advice:

Let him come to his own decision at his own pace.
Be supportive. Do not contribute to his apparent burnout by trying to do too much.
If baseball is truly meaningful to him he will reevaluate the situation and reengage.
Search the archives here for useful advice, this is not unique to your son. It has been discussed here often.

Hang in there Deb. Keep us posted.



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Hi, Deb. I'm sorry your first post is a sad one! But welcome!

I haven't been through it (yet) but I think you're doing the right thing by leaving it alone.

If he has a great senior season and changes his mind, guys do find places to play during the summertime. If he got an offer, then he must be pretty darn good.

But if he wants to just be a student, that's OK, too. He can always play club ball, or coach, or stay in the game another way if he wants to. Or maybe he'll find something else that he loves to do.

It'll be OK.

Just saw TPM's post. Good advice. When the joy of playing is gone, then maybe it's time to see what else is out there.

Playing from age 5 to 18 and making HS varsity is quite an accomplishment in itself. Enjoy every minute and game of this season and go back and look at some of those old early days pics when he was just starting out. They will warm you up.

quote:

As of now we are leaving his decision alone and hoping he has a great last year of Baseball and his mind might be changed on his own.

Deb,

This must be very difficult to go through. I think you are doing the right thing, and just letting it sort itself out. I've read of others on this site who have been in a similiar situation. Some players want to go on to play in college and others hang it up. There are some that regret hanging it up, and others that don't look back. I can tell you that it is very hard work being a student and baseball player at the same time. My son has worked like he's never worked before. You really have to want to do it. If my son told me tomorrow that he didn't want to play college baseball, I think I would be devastated. However, I'm going to leave that up to him as he is making his own decisions now. I have to respect those decisions. If he asks me what I think, I will tell him after he tells me what is on his mind.

Good luck, and I hope he makes the right decision for him.

quote:

Playing from age 5 to 18 and making HS varsity is quite an accomplishment in itself. Enjoy every minute and game of this season

Hi Deb,
Welcome. I think the good folks here can provide even more help if you connect a few more dots. I'm wondering how bad the "defeats" could have been if he still got a college scholarship offer.
And can you define a bit more his version of "burn out, give up mode"?

This happens to plenty of kids, he's not alone. I think he will sort it out on his own. It may be that his interest has changed and wants to concentrate on his academics and do some other things.

This game can be tough on you, especially if things are not going well.

Keep being a great supportive parent and guide him along the best you can.

Lefty...

Deb this is very difficult for you and difficult for many of us here to even think of the day.

While one likes to believe that all teenagers know exactly what they want to do in life, and end up not regretting their decision, it is not realistic. I think I could understand if he was not getting any interest from colleges, but with interest it seems funny.

I like to think that he will change his mind if he has an opportunity to go. It is ok to talk with him in a non-judgmental way and get an understanding of why he doesn't want to continue. In a calm setting without you pushing, I truly believe talking with him will help.

Also, perhaps you can play him the scene from the attached Braveheart clip, and listen to the line that starts at 2:33:

Freedom

"And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that…for one chance…just one chance to come back here to tell our enemy that they may take our lives, but they will never take our freedom!!!"

Okay, maybe I'm wierd but that scene motivates me to think what the future will be if I do or don't do something.

quote:

He has been successful and defeated through the years, but this last year's defeat has crept in and settled. With a not so good high school "junior" year and the same with this past summer he has moved into a "burned out" give up mode. Even when he recieved his first college scholly offer he was not excited. He has come to the point that he wants to go to college and be a student and hang up his cleats after this last high school season.

Is it burnout or based on last year is it fear he will not succeed at the next level? You can't force him to play. But I would tell him he doesn't want to be asking himself "what if I played" in two or three years? It's better to fail than wonder "what if?" At least then the player has the answers.

Then again he may succeed. Maybe he just needs a break from from the game. While a college player should play in a very competitive environment heading into college, maybe it would be better if he played in a more casual environment before heading back to serious ball.

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Here is a HSBBW link well worth reviewing...located in Golden Threads..."Got The Call"...really has some great thoughts that should offer some empathy and some ideas...

http://hsbaseballweb.com/eve/f...541/m/7041024741/p/1

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Deb,

I feel your pain but agree with all here, let it run it's course. These things often sort themselves out. Be there, be supportive but don't over react one way or the other as a couple of things could be going on with your son.

One, he like tons of other at this point, who are very good players and have options, but just decide or discover that baseball in college may be a lot of hard work. They may not see themselves playing early on and conclude they want to take time to smell the roses and enjoy the College experience at the Student level.

You mention a less than stellar Junior HS and then Summer season BUT, he has a College offer anyway? That's a little unusual unless it's just not the kind of offer he felt he wanted?

In any event, it's out of your hands. A good Senior season or post season, could change all that. I will say this, if he's doubting baseball now he doubts will just loom larger down the road because College baseball is a huge commitment and definitely not for everybody. Two of my son's teammates, very good players, didn't get the offers they wanted and elected not to play. Everyone was floored, it happens!

Hope it works out for all in the family. What initially looks like a negative, often ends up being a "found pearl."

Deb - welcome to the hsbbweb!

The posts in this thread have been outstanding and represent the best of what we have to offer here at the hsbbweb!

I also can sympathize as I would be equally devastated. My intuition says, the harder you push, the more likely you'll get the outcome you fear.

Trust God that your son's heart will be warmed to a passion that is perfect for him. I have a hunch that passion will again include baseball

Deb,

Welcome aboard and, like someone said above, I am sorry that your first post is such a sad one.

We are going through the same thing with our youngest son right now. He had a pretty good junior year, and had some college attention, but I could see that something changed about halfway through the high school season. He played last summer and fall, but by then we could see that he just didn't have the same fire for it. Long story short, he said that he didn't want to play baseball, even enough to finish his senior year. We are a little disappointed that he won't finish playing (especially since its his senior year), but he clearly has other interests.

I told him two things.

The first was that he won't come this way again; while he may (and should) play the game "for fun" at some point in the future, this was probably his last best chance to play ball at a high level. Second, he will need to make peace with the fact that most of his buddies (guys that he has played ball with since kindergarden) will still be getting after it on the field and he may find that they don't have as much in common. In other words, he may find that he misses the camaraderie even if the game has worn him down.

He said that he understood and was OK with his decision. Our thinking on it is that time might change his opinion, but it is just something he needs decide on his own. If I have any advice, it is just that; let him decide.

I hope you'll let us know what happens.

OBC

I can probably relate to this better than most here since I'm one of the few posters here who has an ex-ball player who hung it up after HS. I went thru this with my son. While I think he knew by the end of his junior year he wasn't going to play past high school, he didn't completely rule it out but in the end, he just wanted to get on with the next part of his life after high school.

While he was good enough and had the opportunity to play at the next level, the choice was his and in the end, he decided it was time to move on and grow up. We were fine with that.

What parents don't realize is the committment and sacrifice college baseball is. My son was well aware of what he needed to do to play at the next level and it wasn't for him.

He's a junior in college now. He's on academic honors, getting close to getting his batchelors degree in his chosen major with a goal of getting his master's degree, working on campus and engaged to a very nice girl. He's a pretty content with his life and while he enjoyed playing baseball, he don't miss it. His only regret was not playing HS football but he don't dwell on it.

As a parent, that empty feeling of going to baseball games, the summer travel for all those years since t-ball is a change but you get used to it fast once you realize your kids are growing up and starting to make their own way.

The only thing to do is to let him decide. Attempting to talk him into something his heart isn't into is a mistake and its not letting him learn to think and decide for himself what he wants to do. Take a step back and ask yourself "who's dream is it? his or yours"? I would say it's a safe bet you already know the answer to that question.

It's not like its the end of the world if he stops playing after HS. there are many ballplayers who had the talent to play at the college level but choose not to. Most kids who play HS varsity ball hang it up after their senior year.

To play at the next level, you have to eat, sleep and live baseball and if you don't, playing at the next level won't happen.

It's not for everybody.

FWIW my thoughts are to suggest to someone looking to hang them up to try and find something that they can put the same passion and dedication that they gave to baseball. If they are able to do that then what everyone involved learned is they have grown up and ready for the next phase of their lives. My nephew did that at the Air Force Academy and is now on their jump team.

quote:

Originally posted by igball:
FWIW my thoughts are to suggest to someone looking to hang them up to try and find something that they can put the same passion and dedication that they gave to baseball. If they are able to do that then what everyone involved learned is they have grown up and ready for the next phase of their lives. My nephew did that at the Air Force Academy and is now on their jump team.

Exactly.

And another thing is my son's four years in the HS baseball program helped him along the way because as a baseball player and a two-sport athlete, he knew the work needed to compete in sports and maintain his grades. Not just passing grades but making honor roll while playing sports.

Also, when he applied for college, being involved in athletics certainly didn't hurt his case when he interviewed with the schools he was interested in.

By the time he got to college, he was well prepared for what he needed to do to make the grade and adjusting to college life wasn't that big a deal for him because he has the work ethic in him from his school days so it wasn't such a shock. He was already used to working for anything he earned so I think it has served him well.

Even though he didn't play college ball, I have to believe his 4 years playing HS sports were far from a waste and played a big part into his success in college.

Deb,

As others have already stated, welcome to the HSBBWeb...I'm sorry that your first post is under these circumstances. You're receiving excellent advice thus far. After reading your OP, it does appear that your son is suffering from burnout, and perhaps had put a little too much pressure on himself to succeed?

I have a similar situation with my 2012 daughter in basketball. She's been playing B-Ball since the age of five, travel ball since the age of eight (yes...they start young in girls basketball too!). After five years of rec & travel b-ball, it was apparent she was burned out, so she took a break from travel ball in the 8th grade. She entered her freshman year of HS, had a tremendous year on the court, and her swagger returned. She was enjoying the game again, and she was fun to watch. Fastforward to the end of last year's season (after Soph year) and it was apparent that she didn't love the game. She loves to compete on the floor during the game, but she didn't want to do what is necessary in between the games...basically her make up, hair, fasion, overall appearance, etc...was more important to her. My son and daughter are very similar when it comes to their competitive nature on the court/field. It's too bad, she's 5'10" and athletic. She wasn't going to receive any big time D1 scholarship's, but she has the talent to play at a smaller D3/NAIA school. This is the first B-Ball season that my wife and I are watching games and cheering on her teammates without her on the court. It's difficult, but it's important that we support the team, as many of the girls had played with my daughter from the beginning.

My daughter is still on the court and field, but she is now out there participating as an assistant trainer, taping ankles, wrists, etc... I'm supporting her, she's enjoying it, and wants to go to college to study Sports Medicine. At least she's still involved with sports!

Deb, as someone else already stated, remind your son that he'll never get his senior year of HS back. He may look back ten, twenty years from now and realize he should have stuck with it? But, if he's truly burned out and hangs up his cleats, all we can do as parents is support them and encourage them to find whatever activity will make them happy...best wishes!

Deb, sounds very tough.

I don't really grasp the connection between defeat and not wanting to play. All athletes have to deal with failure, especially baseball players. If this is the reason for the burnout, then maybe hanging it up makes sense for him, as hard as it is to accept. Certainly things won't be easier in college.

I'm with you, though. I am not looking forward to the day my son is done with baseball. Here's hoping you son has a change of heart in the next month or two.

Good luck.

Deb, Welcome to HSBBW. The heartache you describe is the path must of us will take sooner or later. I feel your pain and wish your son the best.

In a few years you, and most of us here, will be rooting, cheering and feeling proud over his successes in college and then his job. Just a little more privately. When I hear friends talk of their child's promotion at work or other successes in the workforce, I can hear the same enjoyment in their voice that I hear of proud parents at the baseball field or on this site.

Give him space to sort things out over the next month or so. If he decides to play this year great, if he decides not to play I bet something else will fill the void for him and for you. Good luck!!

As for a player that goes thru "burnout", I see burnout as nothing more than a plea from the player that he/she has had enough but is somehow being coaxed into continuing to do something they no longer wish to do and continue doing it out of guilt suchas mom and dad plunking down thousands of dollars for baseball and the kid has to live up to his end of the "bargain". Maybe this isn't always the case, including in this situation, but I'll bet that often it is.

How can one burnout doing something they love to do? Baseball is no different than any other career choice we choose to get into.

When my son played, he loved the game. When he decided he wasn't gonna play beyond HS, I asked him why he didn't want to play beyond HS and he said that he just time to move on. It had nothing to do with burnout because he played hard on the field, wanted to win and had a good senior year. He could've walked away anytime he wanted and while he played in a program that drew a lot of frustration throughout, he still stuck it out his senior year because inspite of the problems with the program, to him, he was still playing baseball which he enjoyed doing. But more importantly, we didn't push the issue and left it up to him. I know he appreciates that. If he wanted to play that bad in college, he would have but it would've been up to him to make that happen. Not us.

When I have a bad day at the office, I don't want to go to work the next day, when I have a bad week, I want to quit. I find it frustrating that I can't achieve what I need to in order to feel I am successful at my job. For some I work with, what I do is more than adequate for them, for me it is not. When I have a great day, great week, great month, I can't hardly wait to get to work. I find similarities in the game of bb.

Baseball is a game of struggling, it's never easy, however when one begins to struggle too long, you got to kind of wonder why you are still doing it. This is not uncommon, most players walk away from the game because they are just not as good as they used to compared to others who have cauht up, not as dedicated to getting better to leave those in the dust behind them, that is what this game is about. Most of the time, being competitive needs a vacation. It has nothing to do with losing their love for it, there are lots of young men who want to move forward without baseball in their daily lives.

Might be easy for me to say, as son is still playing but the one thing we know, when it's over it will be over. My son played bb and worked in HS, my opinion is that this helped a lot in making him realize a lot about himself and his goals. While we were afraid he'd burn out, easying up on bb for a few years helped alot, because now it's 24/7 for him, even in the off season.

The one thing I have learned is that for many it's hard to get through certain phases that one needs to go through to progress. Playing baseball and going to school is exceptionally difficult, I don't care what anyone says, and if the player is struggling in HS, it doesn't get better in college, unless the player is willing to work very hard, very hard to improve. In proball that difficulty is progressing (or not) through the system, level by level, you have to work very hard, in season and off to move forward.

We have had the discussion early on reminding son that he should only be pursuing the game because that is what he wants to do, I feel often times players remain because they feel obligated to make other people happy (besides himself). Some say that is part of the drive for many, to make a better life for them and the family, but in reality you do not need sports to achieve that goal.

Let him know how you feel, but most important that you want him to be happy. There is life after baseball, for him and for you.

My son was injured last year through the entire summer and fall recruiting process. When he was cleared to rehab from a knee injury he suffered a shoulder injury requiring surgery. He had doubts he would play baseball in college. The big issue being he may not be ready to showcase this coming summer. He can't throw until May. It will be almost year since he played.

Then I told my son what's he going to be thinking when he's on a college campus and asked what sport he plays. He looks like an athlete. I told him he's going to tell himself he should be playing. I asked him how he's going to feel when he watches a game and knows he's better than some of the players on the team. That's when he started believing in himself again. We're still figuring out the avenues to college baseball. It may not include next year. But he's determined to play. It's all because I asked him to look in the crystal ball and think "what if?"

quote:

Originally posted by RJM:
... how's he going to feel when he watches a game and knows he's better than some of the players on the team?

The same way I've felt when watching the Eagles on Sundays for the last forty years!!

quote:

Originally posted by AntzDad:

quote:

Originally posted by RJM:
... how's he going to feel when he watches a game and knows he's better than some of the players on the team?

The same way I've felt when watching the Eagles on Sundays for the last forty years!!

I'm still trying to figure out how the Patriots can beat the Packers 34-27 so I can win the pool.

quote:

Originally posted by RJM:
That's when he started believing in himself again. We're still figuring out the avenues to college baseball. It may not include next year. But he's determined to play. It's all because I asked him to look in the crystal ball and think "what if?"

Now THAT is the best news I have heard in a month. I hope that your son completely recovers and gets to show his best.

Great post TPM!

That was a great post TPM!

As parents of baseball players we are limited to a narrow field of vision. We define happiness, or even fulfillment for our children in terms of playing the game. It is a selfish condition we live in. The higher they advance the more our players sacrifice in life because the game is demanding of all their time. Even professionals eventually graduate into retirement and begin to reap the benefits of deeper family interaction, a second career, self inspection and reflection on other facets of their life. The transition is a challenge because we are so comfortable sitting watching our sons play the game but eventually all of our baseball players have to proceed to the next stage of life. Each one of us instinctively know when that time comes. For some, it comes as early as high school. I knew it when it came, and so did my father before me and so will my son. The "I Live For This" Logo for MLB was very popular and an effective marketing tool. However, there is a day when your son will know there are more important endeavors to live for. The game is still a special part of him but he wants to give this world something it didn't have before he arrived. To do that, he has to put the game in a box for awhile and only take it out occasionally as other things take its place. Whether or not we feel it is the right time and place to quit baseball, in regards to this I believe in mistakes but I don't believe in regrets.

Another great post in this thread.

I heard an interesting quote today .... Pray your risks not taken never turn into regrets.

The main thing is to give support ... don't pressure. Only you will understand the fine line between the two. It may be your support that is needed for him to stay in baseball or your support for him to hang it up. Tough call.

Hanging up the cleats is not easy ..... no matter when it happens. It is a challenge like most things in baseball.... and life. My son did it a few years back. Since then he has married a wonderful woman, lives in south FL, went back to college and got his degree, has an excellent job, bought their first home, is the HS JV baseball coach, goes to church every Sunday ..... He's happy and life is good. Most of those things would not have happened had he not hung up his cleats. I'm glad he did.
Fungo
PS: I have said numerous times that when he hung up his cleats I would be there to support him because I knew it would be a difficult for him.

Its threads like this and posts like some in this thread that make this site a pretty special place.

Deb, I haven't read all your responses here, but I just read the thread asking about the greatest thing one ever did with their player. My first thought was "accept his decision to stop playing" which was in college and for personal reasons. It's hard for any of us to understand that choice when baseball has been a passion for a player and their family for so many years. I can remember my own son crying for other highschool teammates that weren't going on to play in college because "I can't imagine giving up this game". Then a couple years later, he chose to do just that. Some of his friends chose it coming out of high school. Others earlier than that. Bottomline, eventually all will do it - perhaps before HS or perhaps at some level of pro ball. It's not easy for anyone when it's made - player or parent. However.... life does go on. I can promise you that!

Thank you for all the great posts! I am taking your advice and I'm just trying to be as supportive as I can when he wants to talk. He did mention this weekend that he needed his glove re-strung before practice starts next week. I'm encouraged that he will be playing his last year of high school ball. I will not miss a minute of it this year. As many mentioned the time comes for most, so I need to feel peace with the decision he makes. I know that he has spoken with several friends that are playing college ball and he wasn't sure he wanted to put in the time and effort that it takes to move on. He repeatedly tells me that he wants a life in college that doesn't require 100% baseball. I will be content with the fact that I can watch him this last season, enjoy every minute and wish him the best he has ever played.. Again thank you for the kind words.

I like the concept of reminding him that this time will never be around again.

I had a similar issue myself growing up. Instead of baseball, with me it was Golf. I was a pretty good golfer, pretty close to scratch and played somewhere between 36-54 holes of golf almost every day. All summers were spent on the course or on the driving range.

By my senior year I was completely burned out on the whole process. I ended up quitting the team. While the idea of a job, and girls and a car seemed much more important at the time in hindsite it probably was one of the dumber decision that I made. I honestly doubt I could have ever been good enough to make the PGA tour but I could have gotten to play in college. Even if that didn't happen I still missed out playing my Senior year.

It sounds like he is getting that itch again. I know that sometimes kids just get flat out sick of the infield drills and tee work and they just go 'enough' but sometimes all it takes is some time off to rekindle the desire to play.

My advice is to encourage him to play his senior year, just to enjoy the game and enjoy being a kid for one last year. Let the whole college thing come along if it comes along but tell him not to even worry about that whole thing right now. This really is going to be his last year of just playing the game, let him love the game for what it is, a game.

Deb, I can relate to what your son is going through. I too played baseball my whole life (started at 8 yrs old), made it to D1 college and after my freshman year I gave it up. I was not having fun like I did in high school. Even though I started some games (I was a pitcher) and was targeted as a starter my sophomore year, I just didn't want to play anymore. I can honestly tell you I regret that decision to this day and wished someone would have knock some sense into me back then. I understand you need to be supportive of his decision, but I think it is your duty IMO as a parent to help and guide him in his life choices. Best Wishes and good luck.