Help-Old Timer's Game Coming up!

Better than Blue Hose--- SUPPORT HOSE !!!! With metal bar lining

Hokieone
Just read Canseco's book and follow intructions.

Hokie

Hit the first batter. Tell him you'd fight him, but make sure a teammate holds you back. Then call the umpire a bleep-bleep (just point at him and mouth something; you don't even have to swear) for not letting you hit the next guy intentionally, too. The ump will throw you out of the game, you will have saved your pride and arm and it will be the "hit" of the game.

Or you could always just play and have fun.

I would recommend a performance enhancing drug. My drug of choice is Celebrex. Coupled with the cortisone injections in the joints to facilitate mobility, one should be able to effectively underhand a ball back to the pitcher and walk to first base without assistance. Buy some protective gear. I find that a small Tupperware container works well as a teeth protector. Be sure and protect the more sensitive areas like the stomach and the face. All other areas, while they may be sensitive are not that important and can be ignored.
HYDRATION: One item that tends to be overlooked is proper hydration. The more mature athletes need to hydrate frequently. The adult hops and barley sports drinks are quite common.
ICE: It is important that mature athletes ice after the game. Each dugout should be provided a 48 quart container with ice to facilitate post game icing (see hydration)
Hitting tip warning: UNDER NO CONDITION SHOULD YOU ATTEMPT ROTATIONAL HITTING!! It has been proven that Old Timers using rotational hitting mechanics, while they are 63% more effective in their first at bat, notice their batting averages plummet in later at bats...and most are unable to walk the next day!

YOU'RE KILLING ME, FUNGO!!!!

Fungo,

Thanks, but I can't rotate my hitting...or anything else for that matter. I may take Old Va. Dad's advice and if I can talk to the first batter I face, I'll negotiate a plea bargain-I hit him (below the head, I can't throw hard enough to elevate it to head height), he storms the mound and we both get tossed-he isn't embarassed by my devastating knuckel-drop-curve ball, and I only have to manage one pitch out of my raggedy old arm.

Either that or drugs.

Now, if I go with the drug advertised most during MLB baseball games......nah, the Mrs. won't go for that one.

Hokie,
Back a few years ago I played in the Father/Son game....Being an old catcher, I volunteered to do the catching duties........

So as for advice...(unfortunately all post game)

Advil, Aleve, Tylenol, unless percodan,percoset or demerol are available

Ace bandages, ice,

2 days off.......(1 to play, 1 to recover)....

Coming to bat, My son, the SS calls time out and switched himself to pitcher. He struck out the old man.....(swinging)......

But man was it fun!!........

I'd go with lot's of Aspirin. It'll help mitigate the effects of the stroke or heart attack also.

Throw now, hurt later. It's worth it. Don't forget, you've got a natural change up now. Use it.

quote:

lot's of Aspirin

Bayer 88 mg

Don't forget to pre-game Carbo Load. I recommend liquid hops and barley distilled beverages, chilled.

Are you using RIF balls? I recommend these;

RIF BAlls

RIF balls!?! ROTFLAMAO

Pray for a rain out????

This has been the most fun thread to read in quite some time! Honestly tho, I wouldn't want you to miss the game because of a rain out. It will probably be alot like childbirth! (LOL).....LOTS of pain.....but the reward will be worth all the suffering! Does that make you feel any better???? LOL! Good luck!

Don't these team's need coaches. I think that would be my first choice.

After all, I did major in management many years ago in college.

ASU

I am with you-- I get hurt simply thinking about putting on the uniform

I don't even need to coach the basepaths--I can sit in the dugout and keep score

Funny thread! Good advice Fungo!!!!

Oh When is this game??

I will certainly want to leave the big "city" to travel to the country just to see this... Digital Video recorder and camera in hand of course, so all here can see Hokie trying to be young again..

Love all these witty people in here!!!!

JustMom,

I'll e-mail you the date; if I post it, I'm sure the media circus surrounding my appearance on the mound would detract from our small town festival atmosphere. I will provide below portions of my proposed press release, in "Q and A fashion":

Q. Are you going to use performance-enhancing medications?

A. Only if I can find some.

Q. What makes you think you can pitch in a live game at the age of 50 years, a full 30 years after your last mound appearance?

A. Sheer stupidity.

Q. Is your family supporting your efforts?

A. I don't know-they haven't stopped laughing long enough to tell me.

Q. Were you as good in your day as your sons seem to be now?

A. That's in the past. I'm not talking about the past.

Q. What kind of velocity do you expect to have on your heater?

A. Depends on if the wind is behind me or in my face...and better call it a "luke warmer" instead.

Q. Any trick pitches?

A. Look smartie pants, the trick will be just to throw the stupid thing 60'6" on the fly.

Q. Can you pitch a full inning, without requiring medical attention?

A. I doubt it.

Q. Why don't you follow your sons' advice and just play first base-all you have to do is stand there?

A. See answer to question 2.

Q. Any comments for the media, that seems to collectively feel you are out of your cotton-picking mind?

A. Yep. This will be the first call they've gotten right in years.

You might try the Crash Davis ploy... Hit the mascot, or any other equally off-line-but-available target that presents itself. Then just see what follows.