My son will be 13 when he starts high school. However, we are considering holding him back until he is 14. Any thoughts? Thanks
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Couple of questions first.
How old is he now? I can see holding him back if he is something like seven or 8 years old but if he is an 8th grader I would be less inclined. Kids get to know each other and if he grew up with the current crop of kids he is with now it will be a negative to him.
What are his grades like? I personally don't like holding kids back so they can play sports. It, at least to me, gives the kid the impression that academics are less important than athletics and to me this gives the wrong impression. If he is struggling at school now then another year to mature might be a good idea but again, if he is older and is doing well in school I personally think the negatives of having to adapt to a whole new group of kids coupled with the stigma of being the kid that was 'held back' isn't worth it, especially for the opportunity to wait a year to make the Freshman squad.
Just my opinions, there may be others. Personally I would never do it unless I thought it would help my kid in school.
How old is he now? I can see holding him back if he is something like seven or 8 years old but if he is an 8th grader I would be less inclined. Kids get to know each other and if he grew up with the current crop of kids he is with now it will be a negative to him.
What are his grades like? I personally don't like holding kids back so they can play sports. It, at least to me, gives the kid the impression that academics are less important than athletics and to me this gives the wrong impression. If he is struggling at school now then another year to mature might be a good idea but again, if he is older and is doing well in school I personally think the negatives of having to adapt to a whole new group of kids coupled with the stigma of being the kid that was 'held back' isn't worth it, especially for the opportunity to wait a year to make the Freshman squad.
Just my opinions, there may be others. Personally I would never do it unless I thought it would help my kid in school.
Bishop, first of all, welcome to HSBBW! Is your son an aspiring baseball player? I wonder because, of course, this is a baseball website so I want to know if your considering holding your son back is baseball-related.
If not, it appears your son is way ahead of the curve academically, entering high school at only 13. That's really young. I would say don't hold him back if he is a top student with a more promising academic career with only marginal promise on the baseball field. After all, school is first. (Then again, at 13, what projection of "promise" is possible?)
It gets more complicated after that. If his first love is baseball and playing with the kids his own age, maybe holding him back is not a bad idea. After all, what is the rush?
If not, it appears your son is way ahead of the curve academically, entering high school at only 13. That's really young. I would say don't hold him back if he is a top student with a more promising academic career with only marginal promise on the baseball field. After all, school is first. (Then again, at 13, what projection of "promise" is possible?)
It gets more complicated after that. If his first love is baseball and playing with the kids his own age, maybe holding him back is not a bad idea. After all, what is the rush?
Do it. In the academic world it is called "the gift of time." 5-6 years later, no one EVER regrest waiting the extra year. MANY regret not doing it.
There are lots of benefits, and athletics is not at the top of that list.
There are lots of benefits, and athletics is not at the top of that list.
If the grades are good, then there's no point to holding them back whatsoever.
Bishop -- Welcome to HSBBW. As the guy who started the Mulligan Year thread, I will allow that to express some of my thoughts on this subject. As to your specific question, I'll offer this:
This is a highly personal decision, and must be made after weighing in ALL of the factors (academic, athletic, social, physical & financial) for your student and family. Having made the decision to give our son "the gift of time" as Gamefan so aptly put it, we have already seen it pay huge dividends for our son. In addition, we have met MANY families who have made the same choice; the vast majority say it is one of the best decisions they ever made for their child; only one has reservations today about the choice they made.
It is so common these days for kids to greaduate HS; go to college; spend 4, 5, or more years in college; and then spend the first couple of years after graduating figuring out what they are going to do with themselves. When you consider this, what is the rush in getting them out of HS, if taking that extra year will better prepare the student to be more focussed and successful in HS, college and beyond?
Where is it written that from the date a family starts a child in pre-school that he/she must graduate HS 14 years later? What if that is not the best thing for that particular child? I have not seen it written, but I can tell you where it is written that there is data to support that kids who are at the older end of their peer group can reap advantages due to their being just physically (and socially) more mature than the younger kids -- read the book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell.
In our travels, the one exception who now has misgivings about their decision is a friend whose son is the same age as mine. He made the decision to have his son repeat 8th grade so he would be in the older 20% of his HS class, rather than the youngest 20%. His son is a good student, and a physical phenom. He made the decision entirely around athletics, looking forward to the age his son would be if he were drafted out of HS. Fast forward to this month, and he now has reservations. If his son were graduating this month, he would certainly be signed to a top tier D1 university, and he would likely be getting drafted in the coming week. Instead, he has 1 more year to go in an inner city environment where the Dad is watching many of his son's friends fall through the cracks. He is facing a long year of worry ahead. But this is a very unique case, involving a kid who is a true physical phenom, for whom pro ball is the primary focus.
As for the rest of the folks we have met, every one of them has said that making the decision to give thier child the gift of time has paid huge dividends across the board. That said, most either made the decision during the Elementary years, or waited until Junior or Senior year of HS to reclassify. But we have met folks who made the decision at logical breaking points every step along the way.
Finally ... the day after my son and I had the discussion I wrote about in the Mulligan Year thread, he had a meeting with the Head Coach at the school he would most like to attend. The Coach was very complimentary of him, but did express some concerns that he might not be physically ready for the level of ball his team plays at in the fall of 2011. My son told him of the decision to take a prep year, and we watched the Coach's face light up. He told my son about how he took a prep year because he was not quite ready for college. That decision opened doors for him to play collegiate ball; which opened doors to coaching; which brought him to where he is today. We remain in contact with this Coach, and my son is working hard on all fronts to see if he can earn the opportunity to play for him in a couple of years.
Bottom line ... Do the best thing for your child, that is within your abilities as a family. Don't let unwritten rules or outside pressures stop you from doing what is right for your child. Our #1 job as parents is to prepare our kids to go out into the world and blaze their own trail. Do what you feel is right to help tee up your child for success.
Best wishes. I hope you find some value in my ramblings.
This is a highly personal decision, and must be made after weighing in ALL of the factors (academic, athletic, social, physical & financial) for your student and family. Having made the decision to give our son "the gift of time" as Gamefan so aptly put it, we have already seen it pay huge dividends for our son. In addition, we have met MANY families who have made the same choice; the vast majority say it is one of the best decisions they ever made for their child; only one has reservations today about the choice they made.
It is so common these days for kids to greaduate HS; go to college; spend 4, 5, or more years in college; and then spend the first couple of years after graduating figuring out what they are going to do with themselves. When you consider this, what is the rush in getting them out of HS, if taking that extra year will better prepare the student to be more focussed and successful in HS, college and beyond?
Where is it written that from the date a family starts a child in pre-school that he/she must graduate HS 14 years later? What if that is not the best thing for that particular child? I have not seen it written, but I can tell you where it is written that there is data to support that kids who are at the older end of their peer group can reap advantages due to their being just physically (and socially) more mature than the younger kids -- read the book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell.
In our travels, the one exception who now has misgivings about their decision is a friend whose son is the same age as mine. He made the decision to have his son repeat 8th grade so he would be in the older 20% of his HS class, rather than the youngest 20%. His son is a good student, and a physical phenom. He made the decision entirely around athletics, looking forward to the age his son would be if he were drafted out of HS. Fast forward to this month, and he now has reservations. If his son were graduating this month, he would certainly be signed to a top tier D1 university, and he would likely be getting drafted in the coming week. Instead, he has 1 more year to go in an inner city environment where the Dad is watching many of his son's friends fall through the cracks. He is facing a long year of worry ahead. But this is a very unique case, involving a kid who is a true physical phenom, for whom pro ball is the primary focus.
As for the rest of the folks we have met, every one of them has said that making the decision to give thier child the gift of time has paid huge dividends across the board. That said, most either made the decision during the Elementary years, or waited until Junior or Senior year of HS to reclassify. But we have met folks who made the decision at logical breaking points every step along the way.
Finally ... the day after my son and I had the discussion I wrote about in the Mulligan Year thread, he had a meeting with the Head Coach at the school he would most like to attend. The Coach was very complimentary of him, but did express some concerns that he might not be physically ready for the level of ball his team plays at in the fall of 2011. My son told him of the decision to take a prep year, and we watched the Coach's face light up. He told my son about how he took a prep year because he was not quite ready for college. That decision opened doors for him to play collegiate ball; which opened doors to coaching; which brought him to where he is today. We remain in contact with this Coach, and my son is working hard on all fronts to see if he can earn the opportunity to play for him in a couple of years.
Bottom line ... Do the best thing for your child, that is within your abilities as a family. Don't let unwritten rules or outside pressures stop you from doing what is right for your child. Our #1 job as parents is to prepare our kids to go out into the world and blaze their own trail. Do what you feel is right to help tee up your child for success.
Best wishes. I hope you find some value in my ramblings.
You are the one that is going to have to live with the decision. So take in all the advice you and weigh it and then do what YOU believe is best for your child. And if you do it for baseball reasons so be it. Its not going to hurt him in the classroom is it? How it could I simply don't know.
Consider the peer pressure "pressure cooker" he is about to enter. Going to school with kids 15 16 17 18 and 19 years old in some cases. Riding the activity bus with young men five and six years older. Hanging out in the dugout with kids much older and mature than he is. Being a part of a team with young men who's interests and communication on things is going to be so different than your son's. He need to feel like he fits in, their need to feel like they need to educate him. Its not just about his ability to compete with these other players is also about his ability to feel like he fits in.
You can raise him in the most outstanding way. You can preach to him about making good decisions. But the peer pressure is enormous at this age. Not just on the baseball team but in the entire social setting he is about to enter. You know your son better than we do. But I see no negatives to holding him back one year to prepare him better for the game of baseball, academics and the social aspects of High School.
There will be people who will not like it. Some will see you as trying to gain some type of advantage for your son. Who cares? He is not there son. They are not responsible for doing what is best for your son. Of course your trying to gain an advantage for your son. What are people doing who take their son to a hitting instructor doing? Or a pitching instructor? Or a personal trainer?
If YOU believe that it will benefit him to be held back a year then do it. Do not allow anyone to make you feel bad about this. Its your responsibility to do what you believe is best for your son. Then simply do it. He will make new friends. His old friends will only be one year ahead of him. And he will be one more year mature and more capable of making the proper decisions he will need to make. I can tell you that from my experience as a hs coach that young players who compete with older players find the social aspects they have to deal with much more challenging than the baseball.
Everyone has an opinion. I would be much more interested if I were you to hear from those that have walked this walk and have their own personal experiences to speak of. I held my oldest son back after the 8th grade because of academic struggles, inability to focus on his school work and being immature for his age. I have never regretted it. And he has thanked me many times for doing it. And I am the only person that has had to live with this decision. And I live with it just fine.
Consider the peer pressure "pressure cooker" he is about to enter. Going to school with kids 15 16 17 18 and 19 years old in some cases. Riding the activity bus with young men five and six years older. Hanging out in the dugout with kids much older and mature than he is. Being a part of a team with young men who's interests and communication on things is going to be so different than your son's. He need to feel like he fits in, their need to feel like they need to educate him. Its not just about his ability to compete with these other players is also about his ability to feel like he fits in.
You can raise him in the most outstanding way. You can preach to him about making good decisions. But the peer pressure is enormous at this age. Not just on the baseball team but in the entire social setting he is about to enter. You know your son better than we do. But I see no negatives to holding him back one year to prepare him better for the game of baseball, academics and the social aspects of High School.
There will be people who will not like it. Some will see you as trying to gain some type of advantage for your son. Who cares? He is not there son. They are not responsible for doing what is best for your son. Of course your trying to gain an advantage for your son. What are people doing who take their son to a hitting instructor doing? Or a pitching instructor? Or a personal trainer?
If YOU believe that it will benefit him to be held back a year then do it. Do not allow anyone to make you feel bad about this. Its your responsibility to do what you believe is best for your son. Then simply do it. He will make new friends. His old friends will only be one year ahead of him. And he will be one more year mature and more capable of making the proper decisions he will need to make. I can tell you that from my experience as a hs coach that young players who compete with older players find the social aspects they have to deal with much more challenging than the baseball.
Everyone has an opinion. I would be much more interested if I were you to hear from those that have walked this walk and have their own personal experiences to speak of. I held my oldest son back after the 8th grade because of academic struggles, inability to focus on his school work and being immature for his age. I have never regretted it. And he has thanked me many times for doing it. And I am the only person that has had to live with this decision. And I live with it just fine.
Wow! What a tremendous amount of thoughtful and insightful feedback. Thank you.
My son is 13 with a late Sept. birthday and a home schooled 8th grader. In addition, he is an aspiring baseball player who plays on a So Cal travel team. He has struggled academically because of a learning disability due to side effects from Leukemia treatment when he was younger. So, we are leaning towards keeping him back another year but we really want him to buy into the idea. You've given me some things to consider and I will check out the "Mulligan" thread. Thank you again!
My son is 13 with a late Sept. birthday and a home schooled 8th grader. In addition, he is an aspiring baseball player who plays on a So Cal travel team. He has struggled academically because of a learning disability due to side effects from Leukemia treatment when he was younger. So, we are leaning towards keeping him back another year but we really want him to buy into the idea. You've given me some things to consider and I will check out the "Mulligan" thread. Thank you again!
We are sorry we didn't hold our daughter back in kindergarten. She entered HS at 13 due to a late September birthday. Difference with her is that she is academically gifted and because of that, at this stage our hands were tied. After her first year of HS she is in the top 1% of her class of over 500 students. BUT just last week she said again to us, she wished we held her back in Kindergarten. And it has nothing to do with sports.
She is trying to fit in socially with kids that are older than she is and having a tough time. She's not immature, but she looks her age. Her friends have all let her know that she is small, has a kid's face, has a cute little girl's voice, etc. At this age, the changes their bodies go through are so significant from year to year. Coach May is right, along with that comes peer pressures that she's just not ready to deal with yet. She has the maturity and good sense, but has said she just doesn't want to have to right now.
She would have definitely benefited in sports if we had held her back , not just for the physical maturity, but also for the mental aspects of the game as well. Still, the socialization aspects of HS lead to our biggest regrets in not holding her back. You have an advantage being able to hold him back now as an 8th grader that many of don't have at this stage, without going to a private school for a year.
While it is a very personal decision, it is good to get other's points of view, especially those that have some regrets. Either way, you'll go into it informed and somewhat ready (as ready as a parent of a HSer can be!).
She is trying to fit in socially with kids that are older than she is and having a tough time. She's not immature, but she looks her age. Her friends have all let her know that she is small, has a kid's face, has a cute little girl's voice, etc. At this age, the changes their bodies go through are so significant from year to year. Coach May is right, along with that comes peer pressures that she's just not ready to deal with yet. She has the maturity and good sense, but has said she just doesn't want to have to right now.
She would have definitely benefited in sports if we had held her back , not just for the physical maturity, but also for the mental aspects of the game as well. Still, the socialization aspects of HS lead to our biggest regrets in not holding her back. You have an advantage being able to hold him back now as an 8th grader that many of don't have at this stage, without going to a private school for a year.
While it is a very personal decision, it is good to get other's points of view, especially those that have some regrets. Either way, you'll go into it informed and somewhat ready (as ready as a parent of a HSer can be!).
I'm watching the rugby 7s on tv. Utah has a 22 year-old freshman. (Utah is a dirty team.)
Utah often has a large Mormon population and a 22 year old freshman may be coming off a missions tour. Oh yeah, watch the Cal v Penn State 15's Championshkp if you want to see some great Rugby. Ruck on.
quote:Originally posted:
Is that dirty as in dirty slider or dirty as in unsportsmanlike?
Neck-tackling. They said he was on a two-year mission. Ah, there's nowhere to hide in rugby, no matter what your age.
Cal 7s just beat Penn State. Utah up next. The crowd (Philly) doesn't like them.
Our daughter just completed her freshman year at age 14, she'll be 15 in August.
(I am not bragging here only trying to contribue) She was so far ahead in math that she was already attending HS for math as an 8th grader. She actually attended her first class in HS prior to her 13th birthday.
My wife and I had real problems with a 12YO going to HS, but we let it happen as we had her older brother to look out for her for the one period a day she went to HS. She did fine.
Another year in JR high would've made her a stud in softball, but her weighted GPA is 4.36 after her freshman year. I think another year wouldn't have helped and might've actually slowed her down.
She has adapted very well socially and it hasn't been a problem for her. She's also physically mature (5'10") which helps. She played varsity softball and integrated well with the other girls. If she was an incomming freshman she'd be that far ahead in softball, but she is very mature for her age. I'd rather have her at the right age academically and worry about sports age later.
Isn't that what red shirts are for, if you get that far?
I think it would've been a huge mistake to hold her back.
I agree that you need to consider the kid, circumstances and without a crystal ball, you just need to go with your gutt and do the best you can...
(I am not bragging here only trying to contribue) She was so far ahead in math that she was already attending HS for math as an 8th grader. She actually attended her first class in HS prior to her 13th birthday.
My wife and I had real problems with a 12YO going to HS, but we let it happen as we had her older brother to look out for her for the one period a day she went to HS. She did fine.
Another year in JR high would've made her a stud in softball, but her weighted GPA is 4.36 after her freshman year. I think another year wouldn't have helped and might've actually slowed her down.
She has adapted very well socially and it hasn't been a problem for her. She's also physically mature (5'10") which helps. She played varsity softball and integrated well with the other girls. If she was an incomming freshman she'd be that far ahead in softball, but she is very mature for her age. I'd rather have her at the right age academically and worry about sports age later.
Isn't that what red shirts are for, if you get that far?
I think it would've been a huge mistake to hold her back.
I agree that you need to consider the kid, circumstances and without a crystal ball, you just need to go with your gutt and do the best you can...
JMoff - from a teacher point of view, everything that has been previously said about the extra year is not nearly as applicable to a girl.
Your daughter is likely spot on.
It's the boys that benefit from the extra year.
Your daughter is likely spot on.
It's the boys that benefit from the extra year.
quote:Originally posted by Bishop:
My son will be 13 when he starts high school. However, we are considering holding him back until he is 14. Any thoughts? Thanks
You're asking this question on the wrong website. Everyone here has ten year-olds playing U16. Don't believe me? Read some more.
justakid, I understand. My post was mostly to contrast Leftsidermom. Not because I didn't agree with her but because we might have a different outcome.
I think it comes down to the kid. Some will exceed when they are pushed, others won't. You have to consider a bunch of stuff... Is he/she mentally, socially and physically mature enough to handle the grade they're being placed in. Is the next grade better? Is the previous grade better? Have they ever been in an actual school? How will they respond to that transition?
I think it comes down to the kid. Some will exceed when they are pushed, others won't. You have to consider a bunch of stuff... Is he/she mentally, socially and physically mature enough to handle the grade they're being placed in. Is the next grade better? Is the previous grade better? Have they ever been in an actual school? How will they respond to that transition?
quote:Originally posted by Bishop:
My son will be 13 when he starts high school. However, we are considering holding him back until he is 14. Any thoughts? Thanks
Lots of thoughts not enough information.
I don't know why are you asking us ? As his parent I'm sure you better able to make this determination.
I was grade-skipped and entered high school at 13.
Do whatever feels right.
Do whatever feels right.
quote:Originally posted by justakid:
JMoff - from a teacher point of view, everything that has been previously said about the extra year is not nearly as applicable to a girl.
Your daughter is likely spot on.
It's the boys that benefit from the extra year.
I disagree. Maybe boys benefit more academically by holding them back a year but we are seeing physical maturity of just one year be a huge difference on the varsity softball team. Girls definitely benefit in sports from another year of growth and ability to handle the mental game of the sport.
Even more so, girls have difficulty being a year behind in maturity and socialization. Think of it this way...as a freshman her friends are doing things with guys that not only is she not ready to do or even face the decision to make, she's not even ready to date yet.
The OP has a son so the difference between girls and boys getting a year more doesn't apply or matter. I totally agree with it coming down to the individual kid. Is he socially, mentally, and academically ready to handle the challenges of high school? The difficulty for some of us is that we don't find out if they need another year until right before high school and if you have an academically gifted child, how do you hold them back for socialization reasons?
I'm very/was passionate about this subject. I spent tons of time trying to figure this out. Today I still ponder what if...I was and still am convinced my 2011 son with a July 29th birthday, would have been.......
A. He was a good student in Middle School.(3.8+ gpa)
B. He also finished High School with a 3.8+
C. Played plenty of scout, travel and club baseball.
D. Started at Shortstop every inning, every game except when asked to pitch. yr's 9(frosh),11(Varsity) and 12(Varsity)
E. Plenty of Awards and Honors
F. Mentally, Sociably and Physically he has done just fine...
G. Earned and accepted a baseball scholarship to a local D-1 University.
I'm not trying to boast or brag...I'm trying to convey just how honestly difficult this decision was. His goal as a youngster was to just make a High School Roster.
Remember this is called HIGH SCHOOL BASEBALL WEB. not the social/academic web!
My son thoroughly understood the advantages and was on board with a holdback decision. Unfortunately MONEY
had to be thrown into the decision and was probably the biggest/main factor in the decision to not hold back.
Believe me.... YES, lots of kids have been held back in all sports. YES, mostly Boys. YES, it becomes a huge advantage. YES, it's legal. YES YES YES! learn(figure out) the rules and play by them......I wish we were able to/decided to...It's scary to think what his .700+ career slg% would have done next year if he was going to be a senior in 2012....
You can't change the past, just learn from it... D-1 can't wait for the next level
p.s next season he will be 18yr's old. He can and will face some 22 yr olds....
A. He was a good student in Middle School.(3.8+ gpa)
B. He also finished High School with a 3.8+
C. Played plenty of scout, travel and club baseball.
D. Started at Shortstop every inning, every game except when asked to pitch. yr's 9(frosh),11(Varsity) and 12(Varsity)
E. Plenty of Awards and Honors
F. Mentally, Sociably and Physically he has done just fine...
G. Earned and accepted a baseball scholarship to a local D-1 University.
I'm not trying to boast or brag...I'm trying to convey just how honestly difficult this decision was. His goal as a youngster was to just make a High School Roster.
Remember this is called HIGH SCHOOL BASEBALL WEB. not the social/academic web!
My son thoroughly understood the advantages and was on board with a holdback decision. Unfortunately MONEY
Believe me.... YES, lots of kids have been held back in all sports. YES, mostly Boys. YES, it becomes a huge advantage. YES, it's legal. YES YES YES! learn(figure out) the rules and play by them......I wish we were able to/decided to...It's scary to think what his .700+ career slg% would have done next year if he was going to be a senior in 2012....
You can't change the past, just learn from it... D-1 can't wait for the next level
p.s next season he will be 18yr's old. He can and will face some 22 yr olds....
quote:I wish we were able to/decided to...It's scary to think what his .700+ career slg% would have done next year if he was going to be a senior in 2012....
What guarentees that holding back a year would increase those stats? Who's to say the 2012 class wouldn't be stronger than the 2011 class resulting in a possible drop in those stats. Baseball just doesn't work that way. You have no idea what will happen until the season plays out. New kids make varsity teams every year and some of them go on to be impact players while players graduate making every season so much different than the last.
This is why I don't get holding a player back because of baseball. How does one project the growth of a kid from one year to the next?
I used to hear these kooky dads when their kids were in jr high say how their kid is gonna go on their foot long growth spurt and projected to grow to 6-7 while the dad is about 5'9" and the mom is 5'2"
At least with the academic side of things, you know how your kid is going to project year to year based on past years success or lack there of and may need a year to mature. AND the only one you're in competition with getting better grades is....yourself.
To hold a kid back just so he can be the oldest on the baseball team just makes no sense to me.
However, it's up to the individuals and their families whether they choose to stay back for baseball or not.
quote:Originally posted by njbb:
Lots of thoughts not enough information.
I don't know why are you asking us ? As his parent I'm sure you better able to make this determination.
Obviously I'll be making the final decision but how could it hurt to seek some thoughts from those who may have faced the same decision? Seemed helpful to me.
"Plans fail for lack of counsel,but with many advisers they succeed."
Fine, my child started HS at 13, went to the senior prom at 14, started college at 17 and I never thought any thing about her age until she started teaching HS at 21 and some of the other teachers thought she was a student.
Off topic, but NJBB - congrats on raising a teacher and one who must be gifted.
quote:Originally posted by zombywoof:quote:I wish we were able to/decided to...It's scary to think what his .700+ career slg% would have done next year if he was going to be a senior in 2012....
What guarentees that holding back a year would increase those stats? Who's to say the 2012 class wouldn't be stronger than the 2011 class resulting in a possible drop in those stats. Baseball just doesn't work that way. You have no idea what will happen until the season plays out. New kids make varsity teams every year and some of them go on to be impact players while players graduate making every season so much different than the last.
This is why I don't get holding a player back because of baseball. How does one project the growth of a kid from one year to the next?
I used to hear these kooky dads when their kids were in jr high say how their kid is gonna go on their foot long growth spurt and projected to grow to 6-7 while the dad is about 5'9" and the mom is 5'2"
At least with the academic side of things, you know how your kid is going to project year to year based on past years success or lack there of and may need a year to mature. AND the only one you're in competition with getting better grades is....yourself.
To hold a kid back just so he can be the oldest on the baseball team just makes no sense to me.
However, it's up to the individuals and their families whether they choose to stay back for baseball or not.
I agree with that but this is a little bit of a different situation. This is a kid that will be a year younger than the average kid entering high school and I can understand the concern.
The change from the junior high to high school level is significant. The average 14 year old sometimes is overwhelmed by the changes so I can understand the concern with a 13 year old going into a similar situation. While I personally believe that holding a kid back a year so he can graduate as a 19 year old senior just so he can play sports is really stupid (sorry, my opinion) I can understand the concern with a kid that is younger than the average age going into a simular situation.
Having said that it honestly depends on the kid. I am not even taking sports into consideration with this. Athletics, while important, is not the primary reason that kids go to High School. High school is for education and if a kid isn't mature enough to handle it then he or she should wait. The chances of the average kid, no matter how talented at 13, going on to a D1 or pro program is low enough and to me should not be a major determinant.
If you, as a dad (and of course with mom's input) think your son is mature enough both academically and emotionally then send him. Baseball should be your last concern as a parent.
Sorry but I sometimes wonder about parents that consider making major life changes for their kids based upon a sport. That is an important consideration for a kid but it is much farther down the list than many other things to me.
Please remind me again what the downside is from an academic standpoint of holding someone back?
I had the opposite experience starting HS at 12yo. There's a big downside to that. I would have been quite happy and gotten a lot more out of HS starting at 14yo both academically, socially and in sports.
I had the opposite experience starting HS at 12yo. There's a big downside to that. I would have been quite happy and gotten a lot more out of HS starting at 14yo both academically, socially and in sports.
So, other than speculation and opinion no one has been able to give a real example of someone who has regretted holding a child back a year. Whereas I have read several posts of regrets for not doing it.
Is there anyone who has actually held their son back and regretted it?
Is there anyone who has actually held their son back and regretted it?
quote:Is there anyone who has actually held their son back and regretted it?
You won't find one.....some 2011's are almost 19 and there are HUGE physical difference
Again my comments are BASEBALL related! you have to be realistic about your son's potential...and not a dreamer (we all have met them)
Plus with some luck, you may? get the "LBA" Late BLOOMER Advantage
If you are doing it purely for athletic reasons I think that zombywoof and ImjustaDad respective posts lay both sides out there quite well, but here is the thing no one has a crystal ball as far as development goes.
I was 6' tall and turned 13 summer before my 7th grade year. Loved basketball and was really good at it.
Fast forward to my sophomore year. Still 6' tall and guess what all my peers are as tall as I am or taller. Not so good anymore. In fact I got so frustrated I ended up quitting basketball to play football and baseball only.
The other side of it is I got "held back" by starting school later due to summer birthday. My parents to this day swear it was the best decision for me and obviously at age 6 it was made for social vs. athletic reasons.
Too many issues for anyone to make the decision for anyone else. My only caution is 6' at 13 can also mean 6' at 41 with about 70 more lbs!
I was 6' tall and turned 13 summer before my 7th grade year. Loved basketball and was really good at it.
Fast forward to my sophomore year. Still 6' tall and guess what all my peers are as tall as I am or taller. Not so good anymore. In fact I got so frustrated I ended up quitting basketball to play football and baseball only.
The other side of it is I got "held back" by starting school later due to summer birthday. My parents to this day swear it was the best decision for me and obviously at age 6 it was made for social vs. athletic reasons.
Too many issues for anyone to make the decision for anyone else. My only caution is 6' at 13 can also mean 6' at 41 with about 70 more lbs!
I think there is a big difference between 'starting late' and 'holding back'. A kid who starts late, really doesn't know any better (for lack of a better term). A kid who is held back from ninth grade better have a good explanation for the world- yes, there are some very legitimate reasons.
I know I wouldn't want to be the 13 year-old kid whose parents say he's too immature.***
***says the guy whose wife and family say he's too immature
I know I wouldn't want to be the 13 year-old kid whose parents say he's too immature.***
***says the guy whose wife and family say he's too immature
There were two parents who recommended holding back my son to repeat 8th grade. We didn't because he didn't want to be held back. Those two's sons were held back at some point. 1 was a third round pick out of HS and is doing well in high A ball, the other's team is now in the super regionals.
quote:Originally posted by JMoff:
Off topic, but NJBB - congrats on raising a teacher and one who must be gifted.
Thank you, but she wasn't gifted, young and hard working.
My only advice would be talk to your son.Ask him what wants to do. Then do what you have to do to help him accomplish his goal
I get very nervous when parents start talking about holding kids back academically just so they can play baseball or football or any sport. If that is the ONLY reason you are doing it then you are sending a very loud message to your son and to me it isn't a good one. Sports are great, they are fun and they teach valuable lessons but the purpose of high school is education plain and simple.
This late bloomer stuff is simply not a good reason to hold a child back. This isn't the same thing as having a kid play JUCO ball with the hopes that he grows into a ballplayer as he matures. This is holding a kid back in his primary education just so he can play a team sport.
I am curious about some parent's priorities these days.
This late bloomer stuff is simply not a good reason to hold a child back. This isn't the same thing as having a kid play JUCO ball with the hopes that he grows into a ballplayer as he matures. This is holding a kid back in his primary education just so he can play a team sport.
I am curious about some parent's priorities these days.
quote:This late bloomer stuff is simply not a good reason to hold a child back. This isn't the same thing as having a kid play JUCO ball with the hopes that he grows into a ballplayer as he matures. This is holding a kid back in his primary education just so he can play a team sport.
I agree. The JUCO ball thing is completely different. If people are holding their kids back for other reasons other than academic failure, then their priorities are screwed up. To do it just so they can play sports with and against younger kids is nuts. I guess the great thing about America is we have the choice to have screwed up priorities.
quote:I am curious about some parent's priorities these days.
We have a daughter with a summer birthday, and did not hold her back. She was an amazing student, but not very active in the bigger high school scene. I think it was her age. I wish we had held her back so she would might have had a richer experience. I disagree with those who imply that high school is only about academics High school is about more than academics. Life is about more than academics.
Our son was born 14 years later than our daughter, in August. As we were considering the options for him, I asked myself "What's the hurry? I"d be happy to have him around a year longer".
I look at him now as he is entering his junior year, and I see that he looks like other, younger juniors. Didn't know that this would be the case at the time we made the decision. Didn't know he would be a serious ball player. I just felt the that answer to the question "What's the hurry?" was "There's no hurry". Like others, we decided to give him the potential advantage of an extra year to mature. For a myriad of reasons.
He has thanked us many, many times for the gift of time. And selfishly I am very glad to have had him in our home for an additional year. He is a joy to have at home.
That's not the same thing.
I didn't say that holding a kid back because you worry that the kid may not be ready for high school life isn't a good reason to hold a kid back. What I am saying is that people who hold a kid back primarily for athletics need to re-evaluate their priorities. You are right, life is more than academics but high school isn't life, it is a four year plan of education.
I honestly don't see a real correlation between age and social interaction in high school. Everyone matures differently and just holding someone back for a year may or may not make any difference. I don't know your daughter so I have no idea if holding her back would have done any good or not. Some kids are simply introverts or have a different perspective on what they want from high school. I've known plenty of kids my son's age (he is a June Birthday) that have done very well as a 14 year old freshman while I have seen older kids show much less maturity than my son does.
It may have helped your daughter, it may not have. to be honest, it would hurt my son. He is a 4.0 student and would have looked upon being held back as a failure, not as a chance for success. There is also a stigma with being labeled as a kid that got 'held back'.
And while I agree with you that there are important lessons in high school beyond simple eduction I believe fully that the primary focus of high school is education. Sorry but that is my belief. I would never hold my kid back just to play baseball.
I didn't say that holding a kid back because you worry that the kid may not be ready for high school life isn't a good reason to hold a kid back. What I am saying is that people who hold a kid back primarily for athletics need to re-evaluate their priorities. You are right, life is more than academics but high school isn't life, it is a four year plan of education.
I honestly don't see a real correlation between age and social interaction in high school. Everyone matures differently and just holding someone back for a year may or may not make any difference. I don't know your daughter so I have no idea if holding her back would have done any good or not. Some kids are simply introverts or have a different perspective on what they want from high school. I've known plenty of kids my son's age (he is a June Birthday) that have done very well as a 14 year old freshman while I have seen older kids show much less maturity than my son does.
It may have helped your daughter, it may not have. to be honest, it would hurt my son. He is a 4.0 student and would have looked upon being held back as a failure, not as a chance for success. There is also a stigma with being labeled as a kid that got 'held back'.
And while I agree with you that there are important lessons in high school beyond simple eduction I believe fully that the primary focus of high school is education. Sorry but that is my belief. I would never hold my kid back just to play baseball.
Wklink,
I consider the June birthdays as being just fine age wise unless there's something else going on. June is pretty much right in the middle of the age group in most states and close enough in others.
It is when you get into the August, September, October, November, December ranges that it becomes an issue. By the way, in many states those ages do stay back a year relative to other states.
I hear the "they won't be challenged" stuff but my experience is that underachieving isn't a matter of not being challenged as much as it is a lack of maturity in which case staying back helps.
Once again, what is the academic drawback of holding a kid back a year? I'd much rather have a kid more mature and prepared for college than starting college a year earlier. The benefits can be significant while the downside of starting college a year later are nonexistent.
I consider the June birthdays as being just fine age wise unless there's something else going on. June is pretty much right in the middle of the age group in most states and close enough in others.
It is when you get into the August, September, October, November, December ranges that it becomes an issue. By the way, in many states those ages do stay back a year relative to other states.
I hear the "they won't be challenged" stuff but my experience is that underachieving isn't a matter of not being challenged as much as it is a lack of maturity in which case staying back helps.
Once again, what is the academic drawback of holding a kid back a year? I'd much rather have a kid more mature and prepared for college than starting college a year earlier. The benefits can be significant while the downside of starting college a year later are nonexistent.
First this is a personal family decision. Since you are asking, and I am assuming this isn't the only place, it is a question that is not easy. For our son, Novemeber B'Day, he entered kindergarden with 5 friends all with birth dates from August to Nov. All were younger of multi child families. So there really wasn't much thought on our part, we sent him to school to get him out of the house.
That said, academically and athletically he was fine. Maturity, maybe another year would have helped. Playing youth ball he was always close to the oldest, in school he was the youngest. In high school he entered 9th grade at 13. Where the problm for him came was dealing with Varsity kids. On the field wasn't an issue. Off the field as a 14 yo, when baseball season came, his teamates were at a very different level socially than he was and since varsity played at different times than the freshmen or JV he was thrown in with a group of young men that he would have been better off not socializing with. That was where the age difference really was noticed.
Just am aside, son still chides us for putting him into school when we did.
That said, academically and athletically he was fine. Maturity, maybe another year would have helped. Playing youth ball he was always close to the oldest, in school he was the youngest. In high school he entered 9th grade at 13. Where the problm for him came was dealing with Varsity kids. On the field wasn't an issue. Off the field as a 14 yo, when baseball season came, his teamates were at a very different level socially than he was and since varsity played at different times than the freshmen or JV he was thrown in with a group of young men that he would have been better off not socializing with. That was where the age difference really was noticed.
Just am aside, son still chides us for putting him into school when we did.
quote:Once again, what is the academic drawback of holding a kid back a year?
None if he/she is flunking. If they're doing well in school, then what's the point to holding them back. If I ever went to one of mine and told them I was holding them back so they could be the oldest, they would've told me that I was nuts.
All this stuff about social maturity is bunk. You could have an older kids in a grade that are social misfits. The only thing I've ever heard from just about every kid they're a little jealous when their older friends are driving by the midle or late junior year, so they have their license by that summer while the younger kids don't drive until senior year.In the end, that's no big deal because graduation time, they make up for it by being the youngest to move on up.
IMO, all these excuses on holding back kids based on "social maturity" is nothing more than an excuse to justify holding a kid back so they can play a sport a year older in a given grade. Othrwise, what justifies holding back a kid if he/she is making the grade.