High school Junior year setbacks?

Not exactly, but my son did decide to skip Jr. Football so he could focus on baseball.  He didn't want to do both, and I think the little break was good for him.  Each kid is different, and hopefully, your boy just needs a break right now, and he'll get back at it.

^^^This.

 

Everyday Dad, you may want to ask your son to seriously consider what he wants.  Make sure he thinks about it and doesn't just rattle off his answer.

 

The answer he comes back with may not be the one you want to hear, but it should be his answer.  Having him consider want he really wants may also allow him to gain some retrospective on the direction he's been taking lately, and he may just decide to re-dedicate himself to the game.

 

Either way, prepare yourself to accept any answer he may give and support him in whatever he wants to do.

 

Good luck to the both of you.

Get rid of the dream killer (girlfriend).   

I guess I'm old fashioned but none of my kids have or will date before 18.  I just don't see the point.  I think it's a recipe for disaster. 

Last thing i need is my kid producing another kid out of wedlock. 

My high school coach told us girls are like curve balls. You swing and miss a lot. All you do is ruin your batting average and screw up your head.

 

My Legion coach had a different approach. He asked why we can't do at 11pm what we're doing at 2am and get some sleep.

Um, yeah.  Good luck with that.

 

Best you can do is tell him to make good choices and remember his priorities.  Telling a teenage boy he can't have a girlfriend is like telling Yordano Ventura to keep a cool head:  They'll both say whatever you want to hear, then go and do the other.

I have confidence in you.   

Dream Killer for whom?  If baseball is his dream, he wouldn't let the girl interfere.  The fact is that it may not be his dream.  Scratch that...I guess it all depends on the girl.  For example, If I had my choice between one night with Kate Upton (or a reasonable facsimile) vs. playing one game in the bigs, I'm taking the girl. 

 

Seriously, let the kid decide only giving him the "guidance" on the decision.  Ask him if he'd rather trade his best baseball memories in exchange for getting to date this girl years earlier?  In effect, that is what he's doing today if the girlfriend is interfering.  Let him own the decision and consequence. 

Seriously - the girl over the game?  The game would live forever and eveeryone would understand that you earned your spot.  You could regale your friends and family for years with stories of your fabulous night.  To any doubters, you could show them the video.

 

Choose the girl and what have you got?  You'd be the perv who was always talking about that one night.  Heaven forbid you had any doubters.

JMO, but if you tell a child they can't date or have a girlfriend/boyfriend before they are 18, you are just asking to be lied to.  

 

Some kids aren't ready to date before that, but those who are will find a way.

 

Keeping open lines of communication and having firm rules is the key, I believe.  Again, JMO.

Sounds to me like he is doing what he wants to do, just not what you think he should be

doing.

Maybe he just isn't in love with the game as much as you are.

JMO

Our senior third baseman just up and quit a few weeks after the season started.   Great kid, decent player.  Had played the outfield mostly, but we don't have an experienced third baseman and the outfield is crowded.   Coach converted him to 3rd base.  Great opportunity for some PT, it seemed to me.

 

He decided he didn't want to put the work in to learn a new position, that he was just going through the motion and had no passion for it anymore. Plus, he'shanging them up after HS anyway, and he wanted to just relax and enjoy his senior year.   Dad is a baseball lifer.   Fortunately, the younger son is all in.  But the dad saw that this kid just didn't have the passion, and supported his decision. 

 

These things happen to kids.

 

Lion - knew your girlfriend comment would go well 

 

Funny when  I was a junior I didn't play baseball. Had started previous two years. Got distracted. Came back senior year got the commitment and focus back.

Same exact story I heard from a top gymnast and others

Junior year something changed in our head.

Just find it hard to believe everybody has a clear view of what they want

 

I knew one young man's parents felt the same about my daughter.  Would post more but ...  My daughter is doing just fine. 

Great response to a really classless post!

Don't understand why lionbaseball is classless? Isn't he entitled to his option? Who are you to call him out? I've seen a young man turn down a D1 offer to attend a local college with his girlfriend, only to have it end within a month of getting there. Ask any college coach what they think about incoming players having to juggle classes, baseball, weights and a long distance relationship. I'm guessing most would prefer no girlfriend drama. My sons teammate stated he wasted his freshman year trying to keep the long time relationship going (It didn't last). I would have hated if my boys based there school decision on what their girl wanted so I guess that also makes me classless!

 

 

   

As I have been reminded, its not what you say but how you say it.

 

Because we all know that you know everything!  

 

Just so you know after raising 4 kids through high school and five more that are left I'm considered an expert.  

 

I heard so many stories such as yours.  I didn't date until I was 21 (mostly because I was a nerd in high school) and married that lucky gal (man was she lucky, lol) but somehow I managed to figure it out.   

Lion.... Haven't you been tossed off this board once and Baseball Fever for your condescending, sexist remarks?

 

My daughter didn't run out and get pregnant because she started dating in high school. She played three sports in high school and dated. She played college softball and graduated PBK. She modeled in the summer. She's now a second year law student. She's #1 in her class. She's been named the editor of the law review for next year. Is this the kind of woman you fear? You can't keep them all barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

Not sure how you got from "no dating until 18" to "barefoot and pregnant" but Ok. Whatever floats your boat. 

Sticks before chicks.

Everyday dad, sounds like you have a great young man. Gets good grades, responsible and managing to work a few hours shows that he is going to be just fine. Having the same girlfriend for a couple of years shows loyalty. Maybe he's not as into baseball as he was previously, but sounds like he's doing just fine in regards to the important things in life.  If baseball is his passion he'll come around.  

 

Now, in regards to some of the comments regarding the girlfriend, my blood is starting to boil....good response RJM.

 

"Women weaken legs."  Mickey.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CObJZf2YzDw

 

 

 

Raise them the best you can. Set the example yourself that you want them to follow. Pray that they make good decisions. And hold on to your seat. I raised both of my boys the same way. Three years apart in age. One wouldn't clean his room. Left new clothes behind the back seat of his truck. Threw dirty clothes under his bed. Wouldn't make his bed. Refused to do anything at school but just enough. Was always respectful to us. Never got into any real trouble. The other got up every morning and made his bed. Cleaned his room daily. Studied and worked hard at school work. Never got into any trouble. Was always respectuful. One came home from college his second year on a rull ride "football." Walked into the house at 2am and said "Your dream not mine. I love football but I hate school." The other graduated from college and made All American as a Sr. One got married to a girl he knew for three weeks. One is getting married to a girl he has known for 3 years. One introduced me to his girls parents after the ceremony at the magistrates office. One introduced me to his girls parents right after they started dating.

 

Well one is coaching college baseball. The other quit his job to start his own business. One is making 35k a year and doing what he loves. The other is making 6 figures at 28 years old and running his own business. He creates, designs, and builds outdoor patios, walkways, kitchens and fire places. He loves what he does.

 

One had a girlfriend in HS the other one didn't. One would stand up and speak his mind no matter what the situation was. One would just say no sir, yes sir. One would fight a bear at the drop of a hat. One would avoid confrontation at all cost. Both of them I am extremely proud of. Both are fine men. Both are doing exactly in life what they want to do. Both took an entirely different path to get there.

 

We can have all the plans we want. We can raise them the way we want them to go. But the bottom line is they are who THEY are. Not who we want them to be. And who THEY are is better than what we want them to be. Because they will never be happy being something they are not. As long as they are not engaging in criminal activity and not self destructing your doing much better than a lot of folks.

 

Your son will be fine. You? As long as you understand it's his life and not yours you will be fine. As long as you understand that you can not choose his path and take all the bumps out of the road you will be fine. As long as he knows his happiness and belief that you will love him and support him no matter what path he chooses is present he will be fine. Now you just have to be fine with that. He may move on from this stage and be a stud at the game. He may eventually give up the game. But no matter what happens he will still be your son. And he will still be your love. And he will still be an awesome young man. And you will still be lucky to have been given this child to enjoy. It's going to be just fine.

Thanks BaseballChauf

I look at it the same way. Loyalty and commitment to her.

He's as good looking as his dad so has many choices 

FWIW many times they study together

And she has a good sense of his friends

She and Everydaymom agree on the suspect unmotivated and unambitious MALE friends

I would rather he be with her, who will encourage him, than hang with some of his buddies

While she certainly will make him daydream in the short term

it's his male friends I worry about more

Everyday Dad,
Thank you so much for setting the record straight that your sons relationship has not made a negative impact on why he isnt as focused on baseball as you think he should be.
My son has a ton of friends in the game who have relationships with those that have helped and supported them through good and bad times. Some sacrifice a tremendous amount being stay at home moms while their husbands travel and others work very hard to help support their husbands dream. Some have been together since HS, most met at college.

Coach May,
A classy response as always. Thank you.

Ok, I realize it might not be YOUR dream, but Coach May, please consider writing a book! This post is most likely the best thing I have ever read about raising children. It should be required reading for all new parents. 

 

 

RJM got 6 likes from his reply. I think he made a great point.

In other words, a leopard never changes his spots. 

If you were removed from this site once before, doesnt common sense tell you not to step over that boundary again?

 

Maybe you think that a messageboard allows one to say or imply negative things against one group of people?  I don't  and neither do others, obviously.

 

Where in the post does Everyday Dad imply his son's dream was being hurt by having a girlfriend?

 

Dreamkiller?  Come on, you consider that a classy description of someone's girlfriend? And what "option" is he entitled to?  Maybe 

his entitled option should be "think before leap" and consider that you really aren't as funny as you think you are  and this board includes all type of people.

Interesting posts thus far, could be some spin-offs. As the 1 of 5 boys myself and extended family full of mainly nephews. My boys not at girl stage yet so I can't contribute too much on the girl part. I will say I found previous posts about boys that dated girl athletes being a positive. I might nudge the athlete GF with boys, if and ever nudging has any impact at that point. I do find it interesting that I am very very supportive of young girls who kick butt when competing against boys or excel at sports in general. There is a local girl from great family who is nearing the age when she will no longer play against boys. And the boys are probably glad! I can't say why exactly but I truly was proud of her.
In regards to the OP I would take advice here about  thinking thru how to have a conversation(s) with JR. that helps him communicate where he is at and goals. I had great parents, still do, but I am typical guy who looks back andrealized I coasted JR year. Joke with my Dad that he should have kicked my tail as I was a distracted teenager. I think he was afraid at time that if he pushed or wanted to talk all the time I would have pushed him away more than I was at time.
Coach May, my 2 oldest sound do much like yours. Both great

Just like the boys, all girls are not the same.  Just gotta find the right one.

 

Find the right one and things work out well.

Find the wrong one and life will be hell.

 

I should have been a poet!

 

Met my girl friend some 50 years ago.  Best thing that ever happened to me.  It didn't, in any way, change my love for baseball.

 

Some girls get in the way.

Others just brighten each day.

 

Damn,  I should have been a poet! Then again I don't like poetry.

 

 

You cracked me up, PG! 

We tell both our sons and our daughter that a boyfriend and girlfriend are Dreamkillers.  It drives them nuts when we say it but we have explained the reason behind it.

 

My son that is a freshman playing college was told by his college coach basically the same thing.  

 

Now my son met a girl over Christmas break back home on a blind date.  They date end up dating a couple times over the break.  He goes back to college 6 hours away and she goes back to her school 1 hour away in the opposite direction.  He calls in Feb and tells his mom they are now a couple and asked if we could bring her with us when we go up in March.  So we meet her the day we leave the house.  

She is 22 (he is 19) and she proceeds to tell us that she graduated college with a double major in biology and chemistry in less than 3 years and is in her 1st year of Medical school.  We are having dinner that night when we see him and he starts complaining about classes.  She tells him, "Look, I don't date dummies.  You think about dropping classes, think about finding a new girlfriend."  He looks at me and says, "Dad I better be careful because I may be her dreamkiller."

We all laughed and explained the meaning and she said she loves that.  She said she sees it with so many of her college and hs classmates and agrees with the label completely.

That could explain Mickey's bad legs   -- yes I know he injured them but couldn't resist.

Had to jump in and stand up for the ladies around here.

 

My 2018 son has had a girlfriend for (gulp) two years! Yup, since they were in 7th grade. My hubby and I really had no room to talk because, you've guessed it, we've been together since I was in 8th and he was in 9th. I've never stood in the way of his goals and he's never stood in the way of mine. We tell the kids all the time that it's hard work and you can't make your decisions based on what the other person wants.

 

My 2016 daughter has also had a boyfriend for almost two years. They are all hard working kids with goals. 2016's BF is heading to college to play football many hours away later this summer. People ask her all the time how she is handling it and if she'll follow him. Her response is no. He makes his own decisions and I make mine. If it's meant to be it will be.

 

My son has his priorities straight. He supports his gf and she supports him. Baseball is his passion, but he also plays football and races MX. He finds time to do all that, get good grades and just happens to have a best friend that is a girl. It could be way worse and I count my blessings every day that I have healthy, well-adjusted and successful kids. BF or GF does not define who they are or what they will do in the future.

 

Just my two cents from the former high school sweetheart.

My kids played multiple sports in high school. Baseball and softball, whether playing or training was year round. Homework was time consuming. If a boyfriend or girlfriend complained about their tight schedules they were given their outright release. Even some of my daughter's friends complained about her lack of social time.

You were right on Coach!

Yesterday he confirmed that with me, when out of the blue he asked me to play catch.

We do on occasion, however yesterday struck me a bit different in light of my post and your reply. As well as d8's post on another thread.

He and I will be fine.

Thanks!

How can a poster be banned, then reincarnate as another user...? Do the moderators not ban by the IP address...?

Obviously not.  There are a few on here that have been banned and back.  For some its just a warning.  They know their wont be a next time.

Some folks have said, "maybe" baseball isn't his thing."  Well, what if he started slacking in school?  Most probably would take no umbrage to your jerking a knot in the boy's tail.  

If he's wasting his God given talents or risking his future for a few moments of temporary pleasure then it is your duty as a loving parent to help get him back on path. I see nothing wrong with recognizing that high school kids go out for a few years, get all lovey, grow up and go their own ways. The likelyhood of him marrying this girl is statistically quite small. If he can play at the next level I'd encourage that.   Don't let him be another guy sitting around saying, "Aw, I coulda played in college, but I have up the chance for a girl with whom I broke up later."  I'm not saying break them up. Just help him keep life in perspective. 

By the way, someone has said their kids can't date until 18.  I won't let my daughter go out until 16. What's a few years. She may not like it, but I know children and things that can happen. If it causes horny teenaged boys to shy away from dating my daughter then good. A gentleman will soon enough be coming along.