How do you handle defeat?

How many steps is it to the water cooler?

Go get yourself a long, cool glass of water and relax. I know that is hard for you to do, but it is needed.

It will be much easier for you to let go when you come to realize that hanging on is contributing nothing towards your son's team fortunes.

If you truly want the team to advance they must relax some...those errors most likely were caused, in part, by being too tense.

Read the thread about Size Does Not Matter posted by SeaDog. The article he shares with us concerns Tim Lincecum...my goodness the kid is as loose and relaxed as humanly possible...yet he is extremely effective and successful.

I can certainly understand your frustration. It is deep and has a tight grip. Try to loosen it in stages...don't focus on winning it all...let's face it...that may not happen in this case...try focusing on relaxing a little...let your son feel your relaxation and he will most likely relax some and his relaxation will hopefully spread on to the team...they'll play better when they're more relaxed and this is what is needed to increase their chances of being successful.

You did mention that both teams last night were making mistakes and errors...imagine if your team was more relaxed than the other team...what do you suppose the outcome would have been?

Learned a lesson long ago:

Worry about those things you can control; and, don't worry about anything you can't control.

In high school, in my opinion, more games are won and lost because of ERRORS than based on the ability of the players.

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After I got to work, I realized that I can't concentrate on work.

This nonesense of needing to work for a living sure takes the fun out of life, doesn't it?

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So, do you overreact like I do, or do you move on?

I used to be like that. Reality slowly set in and I realized that:

a) My wife and I were so concerned about my son's team winning or losing that we were making him uptight about games.

b) The mere fact that we say something like "Don't be nervous about tonight's game" tells my son that there's a reason he OUGHT to be nervous about it, and therefore he is. It's better to say absolutely nothing.

c) As dads and coaches we've worked very hard to teach our kids all we can about baseball. It's difficult for us not to take our kid's wins and losses personally, but the game's not about us is it?


Now GET BACK TO WORK !!!!!

KD, gotwood is giving you some excellent advice (which surprises me, somehow ).

I fully understand what you're feeling, as I'm sure many do here. The frustration is intensified when errors are involved ---- I know I hate beating ourselves rather than getting beaten. If the other guys are better, then tip the cap.

Your son got his competitiveness from you. In this case, don't let him get your distracted-tension-ness-thing. Maybe use the intervening evenings to baseball relax. If there isn't a good pro game on the TV, drag out your copy of Major League or Love of the Game, flop on the couch with the boy, and remind your son and yourself how much fun this game really is!

Good advice so far.

I'm in the same boat as you KD. It stems from the love we have for our kids and how we hurt when they hurt.

Read the post about the Nevada pitcher and be thankful all you have to worry about is losing a game.

As a side note, my dad (who was a roofer at the time) used to "cuss" the rainy weather and his dad always told him "why cuss something you have no control over?"

Hey..if it didn't rain every once in awhile there would be no use for roofs...or roofers!

KD - I'm with you. I have always had a problem getting over a loss, especially when I felt it could have been a win.

Fortunately, my sons did not inherit that, or my athletic ability

When the Atlanta Braves started their run of Division championships they said the key was that they did not get too high with the wins or too low with the losses.

Good advice, just hard to do.

The thrill of playing a sport is the fact that you could lose. If you knew you were going to win every day if might be profitable but very boring. The most exciting games are the close ones.
We always look at the positive things. My son gave up half his seasons ERs in one bad inning at against Missouri State. Wlaks hit batters etc. I called him to ask him what happened and all he said was "I couldn't control my CB or FB but they didn't hit me hard " You got to love that attitude.

It's not the loss so much as how they lost it. I think the team had more errors last night than they have had in the last 10 games combined, one of the strengths of this team.

I agree the kids need to relax, but they had the chance to basically have a game off on Friday, now the pressure is going to be even greater on them. My son handles it well and has only one error this year about a month ago on a routine fly ball that he was playing a little too relaxed on.

One of the reason baseball is THE great game. Wins and losses can be measured in one miscue or one brain ****.

Anyone who says that when they go to bed at night or wake up in the morning after their sons game and does not think about the game is missing a cool part about sharing an experience. In defeat it is something that eats at your gut, in victory it is a form of euphoria, regardless it is in your mind and either way affects your life. We just seem to be more aware of the defeats. Be honest, when your son or his team has a great game you do not sit at work an re-live the highlites?

Since my son is not playing this year because of injury he is not involved physically with the game. I still catch all the games with gametracker and when it's over I still have all the emotions, good and bad, and until I get his thoughts it is festering in my head. My daughters waterski competitively, and I go through the same "thrills of victory and agonies of defeat" with their sport. But, when my favorite MLB team blows a game, I roll my eyes, and move on.

At times you have to stand back and and tell yourself it is beyond your control and get over it. But, until you subconsciously accept that notion or in my case "talk it out", I will keep it in my head. I make an effort to make sure that other parts of my life are not affected but at times those other parts will have to deal with it. That is a natural parental bonding instinct, a priority in my life that will not change.

I understand that physical reaction to a lost game. It hits me in the gut and usually takes a day or two to feel completely better. Thank God my son doesn't fret over losses (or wins for that matter). The consumate pitcher! Cool as a cucumber no matter what the situation. But I feel your pain. Have had much of it recently...however, last night, my 07 pitched a great game for a much needed win..and now I'm work unable to concentrate because of win euphoria!! You'll get yours I'm sure

KellerDad, maybe we can get a group discount on the "hate to lose" 12 step program

On a weather note:

I get a kick out of Southern folk and the cold fronts. It was 25 when I came into work yesterday and I'm starting to get tired of it.

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get a kick out of Southern folk and the cold fronts. It was 25 when I came into work yesterday and I'm starting to get tired of it.

My parents are down this week from NW Illinois. It was 60 degrees at the game with the wind blowing 20-25 out of the north. Even they were bundled up with blankets.

Move on to the next one. In a game where hitting safely 3 out of 10 makes you a hero, you better get used to failure or baseball is a tough row to hoe.

KellerDad--I hear where you're coming from. We lost 11-1 and JT,Jr goes 0-3 with a key error in the 2nd that opened the floodgates. Have been in a foul mood all day. The only thing that will get me out of it is the next game.

Welcome to baseball!!! This is the way it is and the way it will always be. Baseball is full of frustration and failures, strikeouts, ground outs, 0’fers, bad hops and pop-ups. You would think that winning the game would be the goal of the baseball player. I think it is much deeper than that. I think the real goal of the baseball player is to become perfect and to conquer the game that no man can ever conquer. Winning is just a by product of that goal. There is a constant battle going on in the head of the baseball player. He and his coach know if he’s doing good, or if he’s doing bad. A good player has to be more focused on his approach than the outcome. A hitter actually feels much better about a 3-2 fast ball that he lines over the first and second baseman that is caught by the right fielder than he does about the 3-1 bloop single that drops behind the shortstop. Baseball is one of the few sports where effort can be more import than results. My son has played some marathon games that might help put what I’m trying to explain in perspective. Last year he played a 21 inning game and a 17 inning game this year. Both games had winners but I wonder how many mini contest and personal challenges were played out (won and lost) during those 38 innings? I personnaly felt the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat multiple times during those two games.
Fungo

Fungo - your insight is right on the money imho.

How one deals with adversity may make a world of difference. How do players perceive things after something does not go their way? Even apparent setbacks (e.g., hitting a hard line drive that is caught, losing a pitcher's duel 2-0) can be victories if proper perspective is taken. Funny thing is, if you are a .300 hitter, and in a short series, you go 0-7, your team could very well be eliminated before you even get a chance to go 3-3 in order to maintain your average.

'A team i not judged on how well they are when there winning, its when faced with adversity are they truely tested'

'The most important thing in baseball is what happens next'

2 teams show up one wins and one loses. Nothing earthshattering there. I always found who my best players were when things were not going well. As a coach you also find who is behind you when things sort of go south. I coached a lot of years and I found out there are 2 types of supporters. those that stick by you and your team when they win or lose and those that stick by you when you win. the former are in the majority but sometimes the latter can make things tough.

KellerDad let it go. Try to just enjoy watching your son play. He will deal with. I talk from experience. My son played for me when I was an asisstant at very promenant baseball school here in the Dallas area. He is through playing now, and I really miss seeing him play. I wish I would have not worried about him so much and just enjoyed the moments. I had a double edge sword, I had to be coach and Dad.

You can never handle defeat.

Defeat handles you.

Just hit the next pitch - catch the next one hit to you - and run like a wild dog baby!

My son plays on the JV team at the same school as KD’s son. He was in the locker room the next day with these guys and was shocked at how hard they took this loss. Anybody who plays baseball knows they are going to lose some games and the varsity team has certainly lost before but for some reason this one seemed to hit much harder then most.

So what do you do? You can always start with exactly what they did. Go out and win the next game. Lock up the division and get ready for the playoffs.

Keep winning Indians. I’d love to be able to complain about the price of gas all the way to Austin!

As a coach, I don't do well with defeat. I constantly am asking myself what I needed to do in order to win that game. Naturally, there are those games where you are just overmatched. I hope that doesn't happen often to us. I have never been able to sleep after a loss since I just can't turn the game off. Recently after suffering a conference loss, I was unable to put that game away for a couple of days. As silly as this sounds, I want my Seniors to believe that their coach was the best, prepared them to win and worked exceedingly hard for them to ensure that they had a great Senior year. BTW, I know I'm not the best. We have had a few sleepless nights this year since we are 14-7 but we are getting a lot better. In the end, I'll sleep better after the season knowing that.

The best way to handle defeat is to win

The second best way is to tip your hat the the team that won--you didn't lose you only got bested by a better team that day

And then life goes on