O
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She will go away when the HS. coach cuts her son because of her!Just keep quiet,stay away from the situation.She will hang herself.
AVoid her. Don't sit near her. Don't listen to her. Don't get pulled in. If the kid is just average, she'll kill his chances in HS ball. No coach will put up with her shinanegans in order to keep "just average" on his team.
I agree with the other posters.... I'd stay away from her and not be drug into any of her negative behaviors. It's really so sad that a parent can't enjoy their child's development and success. It's really sad that a child can't see their parent celebrate as well. Unfortunately for her son, neither one will have much of an opportunity much longer.
Excuse yourself each and every time the subject comes up. She'll get the idea. Also, there are many places down the sidelines where she won't want to sit and yet, they provide excellent views of the game. In sports such as basketball in a gym, go to the top or back row. When there is not an audience, she'll understand. As for myself, I sit away from most if not all and so, in that way, no one can hear me. That's a bonus. I can whine and complain all I want in the comfort of my easy chair and at the end of the game, no one knows what I've said. LOL! (It is hard for me to disguise the throwing of my hat! 
)
Find a new place to sit......sit on the visitors side......left field line.....I have for years now, sat and stood out of the stands away from the parent group....
What started for me as self defense....( I am a umpire, everyone in my sons parent group knows that)....and I was tired of fielding umpiring questions and being asked to second guess the umpires. .... but it also kept me out of the home stands parent politics......
so advice in a nutshell....
move....ignore.....move....ignore.....(repeat as neccesary)
What started for me as self defense....( I am a umpire, everyone in my sons parent group knows that)....and I was tired of fielding umpiring questions and being asked to second guess the umpires. .... but it also kept me out of the home stands parent politics......
so advice in a nutshell....
move....ignore.....move....ignore.....(repeat as neccesary)
Good advice, as usual. As a last resort, bring the iPod.
Before moving, I would need to clean the air so that I could sleep at night. I could give a hoot about her, but the unfortunate soul here is her son, and I would need to put my 2 cents in. It's obvious that the parental blinders are on, but you should have a chance to throw a "no holds barred" statement like.
"Sally, I'm saying this because I care for your son. Please stop critizing and pushing, it is only hurting your sons chance to enjoy the game. Many parents can no longer deal with your behavior and have elected not to sit in the same area. This is your sons game, not yours. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings but I had to say it."
If you're not comfortable face-2-face, put it in an e-mail, or signed note in the mailbox.
Then walk away
it is not a debate. She will find out from a more official source if it becomes an issue and can debate them. Don't be surprised if she doesn't have a clue what your talking about. Sometimes it's Junior who comes home and lights the fuse with those same a aqusations and mom is just repeating them.
You can walk away from her without an explanation, but, can you walk away from her son without a vote of support? There is nothing I hate more that turning your back on a kid without at least a making an effort. It may fall on deaf ears, but IT MAY NOT, what have you got to lose?
"Sally, I'm saying this because I care for your son. Please stop critizing and pushing, it is only hurting your sons chance to enjoy the game. Many parents can no longer deal with your behavior and have elected not to sit in the same area. This is your sons game, not yours. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings but I had to say it."
If you're not comfortable face-2-face, put it in an e-mail, or signed note in the mailbox.
Then walk away
You can walk away from her without an explanation, but, can you walk away from her son without a vote of support? There is nothing I hate more that turning your back on a kid without at least a making an effort. It may fall on deaf ears, but IT MAY NOT, what have you got to lose?
Humor can help defuse the situation.
On an 81/2 by 11 inch piece of paper, write the words: "No Whining Zone".
When she starts her act, pull it out, show it to her, give her the "shush" sign, and say:
"I don't make the rules, I just enforce them."
On an 81/2 by 11 inch piece of paper, write the words: "No Whining Zone".
When she starts her act, pull it out, show it to her, give her the "shush" sign, and say:
"I don't make the rules, I just enforce them."
Rob, Great idea!
CNY be thankfull you are not married to her. She might be tough on your game as well.
Just excuse yourself. Parents should not confront other parents. That is the coaches job. You are also lucky if there are only one like that.
Just excuse yourself. Parents should not confront other parents. That is the coaches job. You are also lucky if there are only one like that.
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At the risk of serious overkill...
If you ask, I think the vast majority of youth and high school parents will tell you that this is the reality of much of youth and high school ball right now. Helicopter parents hovering, micromanaging their kids affairs. Most every team has a parent or more like yours. I'm afraid it is not going away, if it is not her another parent will likely step in and take her role.
The REAL question here is how YOU react. There is a VERY strong pull at the HS level to get pulled in by those type of parents. When that lobbied player catches a break, whether it is earned or created by lobbying, the natural tendancy will be to get more involved. Remember the story of the tar baby?
I would like to believe that a parent can step back and simply not be politically involved but I don't belive that in this day and age that is possible. And having been there there is no easy answer...
As a student of human nature I admit to spending more time than I should have fascinated when the drama in the stands got to be more competitive than that on the field...
And as a caring parent wanting fairness I, at times, became way more involed than I should have simply attempting to get the playing field back to level...
They key is to find a balance...your personal balance...and come to some sort of peace with the reality of the thing...
But believe me, I too spent a great deal of time in the outfield peacefully watching games...
44
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At the risk of serious overkill...
If you ask, I think the vast majority of youth and high school parents will tell you that this is the reality of much of youth and high school ball right now. Helicopter parents hovering, micromanaging their kids affairs. Most every team has a parent or more like yours. I'm afraid it is not going away, if it is not her another parent will likely step in and take her role.
The REAL question here is how YOU react. There is a VERY strong pull at the HS level to get pulled in by those type of parents. When that lobbied player catches a break, whether it is earned or created by lobbying, the natural tendancy will be to get more involved. Remember the story of the tar baby?
I would like to believe that a parent can step back and simply not be politically involved but I don't belive that in this day and age that is possible. And having been there there is no easy answer...
As a student of human nature I admit to spending more time than I should have fascinated when the drama in the stands got to be more competitive than that on the field...
And as a caring parent wanting fairness I, at times, became way more involed than I should have simply attempting to get the playing field back to level...
They key is to find a balance...your personal balance...and come to some sort of peace with the reality of the thing...
But believe me, I too spent a great deal of time in the outfield peacefully watching games...
44.
44,
It sounds like you could be a sniper also.
ASSESS , STRIKE , RETREAT , ENJOY
It sounds like you could be a sniper also.
ASSESS , STRIKE , RETREAT , ENJOY
I'm not sure from your post whether you're talking about a school team or a non-school travel team.
If it's a school team, you have to leave it to the coaches to decide how they will deal with it. Other than that, you just avoid her.
If it's a travel team, you should tell the coach that because of this person many of his team members are thinking of leaving the team. Either he deals with it or you do. He's probably been trying to figure out what to do, and you can force him to stop worrying over it and actually take action.
On our travel team, over a few years time we had two parents that we had to (1) ask to control themselves, and (2) when they failed to do so, we had to tell them that we were parting company. What we told them was, "You're obviously not happy with the way we run this team, so we think it's time you found another team that you can be happy with."
To our relief, in both cases the parents took this cue and left without further grief. Had we said, "You are such a big pain that we are firing you from the team," we probably would have had a confrontation.
I'll bet you'll see that poor kid dragged from team to team until his baseball days are over. Which in his case may be sooner rather than later, since his parent is taking all the joy out of the experience.
If it's a school team, you have to leave it to the coaches to decide how they will deal with it. Other than that, you just avoid her.
If it's a travel team, you should tell the coach that because of this person many of his team members are thinking of leaving the team. Either he deals with it or you do. He's probably been trying to figure out what to do, and you can force him to stop worrying over it and actually take action.
On our travel team, over a few years time we had two parents that we had to (1) ask to control themselves, and (2) when they failed to do so, we had to tell them that we were parting company. What we told them was, "You're obviously not happy with the way we run this team, so we think it's time you found another team that you can be happy with."
To our relief, in both cases the parents took this cue and left without further grief. Had we said, "You are such a big pain that we are firing you from the team," we probably would have had a confrontation.
I'll bet you'll see that poor kid dragged from team to team until his baseball days are over. Which in his case may be sooner rather than later, since his parent is taking all the joy out of the experience.
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RZ..
You know, come to think of it RZ, unwittingly I may resemble that remark at times!
And....I would agree with you that it is not a debate. It has been my experience that communication takes two willing participants using brains, ears, mouths, and some emotion.
It has been my experience that those types of parents who have honed their skills to this professional level do not use their ears, or their brains only their mouths and a great deal of emotion...and for that reason communication and debate is not an option...
44
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RZ..
You know, come to think of it RZ, unwittingly I may resemble that remark at times!
And....I would agree with you that it is not a debate. It has been my experience that communication takes two willing participants using brains, ears, mouths, and some emotion.
It has been my experience that those types of parents who have honed their skills to this professional level do not use their ears, or their brains only their mouths and a great deal of emotion...and for that reason communication and debate is not an option...
44.
Tell her to shut up. Tell her you are trying to enjoy the game and that she is ruining it. I refuse to move, I enjoy talking baseball with other parents. She'll get may get the hint eventually but why leave room for any doubt.
44:
I'm glad you asked. I didn't quite remember the details of the story so for all of the others that may also have a hazy memory of it here's a little help...
************************************************
The Tar-Baby was a doll made of tar and turpentine, used to entrap Bre'r Rabbit in the second of the Uncle Remus stories. The more that Bre'r Rabbit fought the Tar-Baby, trying to get free, the more stuck he got.
Thus, a Tar-Baby is metaphorically any sticky situation that is only aggravated by efforts to solve it. Wikipedia
************************************************
That was a great example 44!
quote:Originally posted by observer44:
Remember the story of the tar baby? .
I'm glad you asked. I didn't quite remember the details of the story so for all of the others that may also have a hazy memory of it here's a little help...
************************************************
The Tar-Baby was a doll made of tar and turpentine, used to entrap Bre'r Rabbit in the second of the Uncle Remus stories. The more that Bre'r Rabbit fought the Tar-Baby, trying to get free, the more stuck he got.
Thus, a Tar-Baby is metaphorically any sticky situation that is only aggravated by efforts to solve it. Wikipedia
************************************************
That was a great example 44!
moving not the solution unless you know all the parents at the new location also dont suffer the same affliction as this parent.
quote:Originally posted by deldad:
Tell her to shut up. Tell her you are trying to enjoy the game and that she is ruining it. I refuse to move, I enjoy talking baseball with other parents. She'll get may get the hint eventually but why leave room for any doubt.
I like your style deldad! Maybe that is the best resolution unless she as a "carry permit"
.I guess I never had those issues when my kid was in HS. All the parents and coaches knew of section Z. You have to understand that the home field was a 5000 seat stadium so you could have those "special" areas. It was a coke drinkin, seed spittin, baseball talk only section where I was the usher/bouncer. Sounds very arrogant but it was our refuge. I even gave my wife the boot for "Mall talk" and she was more than happy to move and join the other "tribe". They were still great fans but had a different look at the game.
quote:Originally posted by deldad:
Tell her to shut up. Tell her you are trying to enjoy the game and that she is ruining it. I refuse to move, I enjoy talking baseball with other parents. She'll get may get the hint eventually but why leave room for any doubt.
I think that deldad states what others would just think!
From personal experience there is only 1 correct answer: Stay away and keep your mouth shut.
If you tell them to shut up or complain to the coach, they come right back with a laundry list of everything that everyone else says and does.
If you try and tell them they are hurting their kid, they either do not believe you or cannot control themselves, usually both.
If you tell them to shut up or complain to the coach, they come right back with a laundry list of everything that everyone else says and does.
If you try and tell them they are hurting their kid, they either do not believe you or cannot control themselves, usually both.
I always thought those XBox and GameBoy baseball games were sort of lame...probably because I am even more lame than the games...but considering all of the BS that you have to deal with on the real playing field I can now understand the popularity of these games.
These games don't incorporate nuisance parents or other irritants into their play do they?
These games don't incorporate nuisance parents or other irritants into their play do they?
quote:These games don't incorporate nuisance parents or other irritants into their play do they?
Got,
I think XBOX has a Bartman fan key which directly moves you from the baseball game into a Stalk/Seek/Destroy game but is available only on the North side of Chicago.
quote:From personal experience there is only 1 correct answer: Stay away and keep your mouth shut.
Sluggo,
Don't keep us hanging, what could possibly happen that is worse that being honest.
rz:
I don't wander up that way too often...thanks for the warning.
Thank goodness they only blew up the Bartman Ball and not Bartman himself.
We have to go north of the border for really good blow up action...Yup, those guys at SCTV sure know how to do it!
Hey, soxnole...this one's for you...I think it was filmed at Ann Sather's.
"Blewed it up, blewed it up real good!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZa0j4N4Ofs
I don't wander up that way too often...thanks for the warning.
Thank goodness they only blew up the Bartman Ball and not Bartman himself.
We have to go north of the border for really good blow up action...Yup, those guys at SCTV sure know how to do it!
Hey, soxnole...this one's for you...I think it was filmed at Ann Sather's.
"Blewed it up, blewed it up real good!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZa0j4N4Ofs
Turn her on to the hsbw.She will hopefully learn something.
That's great advice gaptogap!
if their not complaining ,their spouting stats.playing time ,coaches etc.i have been watching games from center field for years.when a stragler comes out and wonders why. i tell em can't stand parents.used to work ,now they complain about the complainers. go figure.
gaptogap....YOU HIT ONE OUT!!quote:Originally posted by gaptogap:
Turn her on to the hsbw.She will hopefully learn something.
quote:How to deal with nuisance parent/s?
DUCT TAPE, and lot's of it. EH
quote:Originally posted by observer44:
.
RZ..
You know, come to think of it RZ, unwittingly I may resemble that remark at times!
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044 - seems to me that a certain hill has a great angle down on the home team bleachers - I think I will sit down the line from now on to avoid any shots that might be just off line
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08...
You know...I think it's been an '05, '06, hill.
It may indeed be safe once again this year.
44
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08...
You know...I think it's been an '05, '06, hill.
It may indeed be safe once again this year.
.
CNY2010,
First post I see. A good one too. Welcome to the High Scool Baseball Web! My son played in New York (finger lakes area) during the summer of ’05 --- Beautiful country!
YOU have a problem and SHE has a problem (real or perceived) and they are not the same. Her problem is lack of playing time for her son and yours is a complaining mother. You’re not concerned with her problem nor she with yours. Don’t try to resolve her problem in order to resolve yours. She will not quit feeling the way she does just because it irritates you. As most have said you have to move on to a more peaceful setting whether it be at the other end of the bench or the other end of the county (you make that call) -------- OR of you want to live on the edge you can turn the tables on her and bring her unrealistic expectations out in the open. Personally I don’t mind dealing with these kinds of parents. I like to listen how stupid they sound --- kind of a game and gives me fodder for future topics on the HSBBW. I provide them with options as asinine as their accusations. I would say something like --- “How do you tolerate what is happening to your son. I would demand a face to face with the coach.” “Have you ever thought about going to the AD?” ---- I have had parents admit what they are expecting is unreasonable and they tend to calm down but there is a chance it could fuel their fire. I have one dad that still calls me about how his son is being passed over (and he’s in his last year of college) and I’ve been listening to him complain for eight years since our sons were freshmen in high school. “It’s a tough challenge to be rational with an irrational person”
Fungo
First post I see. A good one too. Welcome to the High Scool Baseball Web! My son played in New York (finger lakes area) during the summer of ’05 --- Beautiful country!
YOU have a problem and SHE has a problem (real or perceived) and they are not the same. Her problem is lack of playing time for her son and yours is a complaining mother. You’re not concerned with her problem nor she with yours. Don’t try to resolve her problem in order to resolve yours. She will not quit feeling the way she does just because it irritates you. As most have said you have to move on to a more peaceful setting whether it be at the other end of the bench or the other end of the county (you make that call) -------- OR of you want to live on the edge you can turn the tables on her and bring her unrealistic expectations out in the open. Personally I don’t mind dealing with these kinds of parents. I like to listen how stupid they sound --- kind of a game and gives me fodder for future topics on the HSBBW. I provide them with options as asinine as their accusations. I would say something like --- “How do you tolerate what is happening to your son. I would demand a face to face with the coach.” “Have you ever thought about going to the AD?” ---- I have had parents admit what they are expecting is unreasonable and they tend to calm down but there is a chance it could fuel their fire. I have one dad that still calls me about how his son is being passed over (and he’s in his last year of college) and I’ve been listening to him complain for eight years since our sons were freshmen in high school. “It’s a tough challenge to be rational with an irrational person”
Fungo
Fungo:
One of the master's secrets is revealed! Your considerable amount of wisdom is, in part, actually gleaned from your personal experiences, some of which have been intentionally initiated for the express purpose of enlightening the rest of us here on the HSBBW. Sincerely...thank-you.
You have no qualm regarding learning lessons and insight from others by drawing them out...and then letting the rest of us here on the HSBBW know. You provide lessons and insight to learn from and without your interaction these would not even exist. For that I am grateful.
I'm not sure that I could do what you do...fueling that fire...I can only imagine splashing on the fuel and then discovering, as the flames become more and more intense, that my protection, my extinguisher, is nowhere to be found. Even were it handy I am not sure I would have given enough forethought as to know when and how to use it. Wildfire!
Although I haven't read everything that you have posted I don't ever recall you relating any tales of "getting burned". You must be very skillful at this technique! I, most likely, would stop, drop, and roll at the first hint of flame. My trophy for the HSBBW would be a very slightly singed hot dog or a melted sno-cone...not too appetizing or insightful.
Your post perhaps has emboldened me to try your technique...emphasis on perhaps.
In this particular case I think that gaptogap's advice is really quite good because that invitation would lead that person to be exposed to some very good advice here on the HSBBW.
Great post Fungo.
quote:Originally posted by Fungo:
I like to listen how stupid they sound --- kind of a game and gives me fodder for future topics on the HSBBW.
One of the master's secrets is revealed! Your considerable amount of wisdom is, in part, actually gleaned from your personal experiences, some of which have been intentionally initiated for the express purpose of enlightening the rest of us here on the HSBBW. Sincerely...thank-you.
You have no qualm regarding learning lessons and insight from others by drawing them out...and then letting the rest of us here on the HSBBW know. You provide lessons and insight to learn from and without your interaction these would not even exist. For that I am grateful.
I'm not sure that I could do what you do...fueling that fire...I can only imagine splashing on the fuel and then discovering, as the flames become more and more intense, that my protection, my extinguisher, is nowhere to be found. Even were it handy I am not sure I would have given enough forethought as to know when and how to use it. Wildfire!
Although I haven't read everything that you have posted I don't ever recall you relating any tales of "getting burned". You must be very skillful at this technique! I, most likely, would stop, drop, and roll at the first hint of flame. My trophy for the HSBBW would be a very slightly singed hot dog or a melted sno-cone...not too appetizing or insightful.
Your post perhaps has emboldened me to try your technique...emphasis on perhaps.
In this particular case I think that gaptogap's advice is really quite good because that invitation would lead that person to be exposed to some very good advice here on the HSBBW.
Great post Fungo.
EH:
And these are the guys to teach you how to use it...
quote:Originally posted by theEH:
DUCT TAPE, and lot's of it. EH
And these are the guys to teach you how to use it...
Nuisance parents? a nice way of saying pain in the *** parents
Welcome, CNY2010!
Lots of good advice above, but I think this one by Rob K is the funniest:
= = = = = = = = = = = =
...write the words: "No Whining Zone".
When she starts her act, pull it out, show it to her, give her the "shush" sign, and say:
"I don't make the rules, I just enforce them."
= = = = = = = = = = = =
Lots of good advice above, but I think this one by Rob K is the funniest:
= = = = = = = = = = = =
...write the words: "No Whining Zone".
When she starts her act, pull it out, show it to her, give her the "shush" sign, and say:
"I don't make the rules, I just enforce them."
= = = = = = = = = = = =
quote:Turn her on to the hsbw.She will hopefully learn something.
That is great advice! Be proactive.... I like it!
My concern is that some of these whiners are placated when their kid receives more playing time..sometimes the squeaky wheel really does gets the grease.
I don't think telling her to shutup will work. I would look her straight in the eye and tell her the truth, that it's probably because her son has only average skills and he should work on his game. Give her the name of a local hitting instructor who could help, etc. At least it's the truth, and she may finally realize her son's not that good.
I don't think telling her to shutup will work. I would look her straight in the eye and tell her the truth, that it's probably because her son has only average skills and he should work on his game. Give her the name of a local hitting instructor who could help, etc. At least it's the truth, and she may finally realize her son's not that good.
When the kids were 11yo there was a kid that was an excellent defensive player, but could not hit his way out of a paper bag. I gave his mom a talk (The bat plays!)and told her about the best hitting instructor in Houston.She told me she could not afford it and then got into her Lincoln Navigator and drove off.
Her son is 15 now and is trying to make the
golf team.
Hey I tried!
Her son is 15 now and is trying to make the
golf team.
Hey I tried!