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HS Baseball Parents

P parent10+ posts
Over the course of the last year, I've had discussions with a number of people regarding high school baseball parents.
We've all come to the same conclusion: invariably, the kids are all wonderful -- it's the parents who are the problem!

First, kudos to the good parents. You know, the ones who:
*Play fair, expecting that their son will make the team (and start) only if he's the best one out there
*Sincerely congratulate you when your son got a better PG score than theirs did
*Keep quiet when the umpire makes a questionable call
*Refuse to berate the opponent, even if everyone else around is doing so
*Choose to focus on positive aspects about all players on the team, even if one is having a bad game -- or even a bad season
*Earnestly wish other families the best in the recruiting process and refuse to look at them as "the competition"

Then there are the bad parents. You know, the ones who:
*Suck up to the coach in order to get their kid on the team or get him a starting position (in my own community, this has included wining and dining, tickets to premier sporting events, weekend vacations, and suspected under-the-table payments)
*Badmouth other players when they make an error but remain silent when they make an outstanding play
*Lambast both the ump and opposition, hurling verbal abuse at every opportunity -- and then get defensive or angry when their own son is ridiculed
*Whine when their son doesn't get to play as much as they'd like or when he doesn't get "promoted" by the coach or program director like they think he should
*Actively search for faults in other players who have received an honor when their own son didn't get "proper" recognition

To the first set of parents, please accept my heartfelt thank-you. Your classy and positive attitude contribute much to the game of baseball. And your actions and words encourage, rather than discourage, players and their parents. To the second set of parents, please realize (if you don't already) that your attitudes rob people of happiness. Your negativity brings harm to the sport and is a terrible reflection of your character. There is enough trouble, rudeness, and heartache in this world already. Let's all work to make baseball a sport that produces joy in all who are involved.
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shortstopmomshortstopmom1,000+ posts
Many a tongue have been bit through in our household,.."straining",..er uh, " trying " to "keep our frustrations to ourselves ". Its what makes our blood pressure skyrocket,...veins pop out of our foreheads,....gray hairs to multiply like rabbits. I've been told that sometimes an occasional woooosh of steam can actually be witnessed by other parents sitting near us, coming from both our ears. I kid you not,..its true. crazy

But,..having slipped a few times ( ok,..so I'm being honest and not politically correct ) and thinking to myself immediatley-microseconds- afterwards:
" woops,..did I actually scream that out loud to that lousey *&^%$!! idiot umpire who needs glasses?"

While the pressure valve has been released initially,...the GARGANTUAN guilt sets in and strikes hard! immediately after an outburst!! I am not being agood example.

I know better,...been taught better,...want my own children and all kids in the area to learn and watch from my adult maturity,..but sometimes,...it just slips out!! I'll work on it,...I promise,...I'd like to be on the good intentions parent list,..if there is one,...please?
piaa_umppiaa_ump5,000+ posts
yelling at umpires?..parents???..HSBBW'ers??.....nah.. couldnt be.......

Its tough to hold back...(try being an umpire and the parent)........its why I watch most all of my sons games from the outfield.

I too, hope writing that initial post had a good effect as I am somewhat familar with the beneficial effects of writing as a way to release an inner demon.....
P parent10+ posts
This is going to sound foreign or strange to many, but actually, my "catharsis" came a few days ago when, after having been on the receiving side of some negativity, I read Romans 12:17-21 and acted on the commands, despite my own negative emotions. For the benefit of those who don't have a Bible lying around, here's the passage: "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
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jemazjemaz1,000+ posts
Here is the problem with all of that: It seldom is so black and white. And, sure, there are some bad apples, but what most people want is what is best for their kid. Most of the time that means staying quiet, but that of course is far easier when your son is playing and starting and very involved and successful. Before I make a judgement, I like to first try to put myself in the shoes of the other individuals. Even then, it is difficult to be correct.
P parent10+ posts
jemaz, you are right: most people just want what is best for their kid. But while our motives may be good, our methods oftentimes are not. We all (and I include myself in this group) need to remember that the ends don't justify the means, because when we compromise and do the wrong thing for the right reason, we negatively affect and impact a number of people around us.
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gratefulgrateful1,000+ posts
parent.....

This is a great reminder that becomes more and more necessary to send as every season progresses. I have been a parent of kids who were the stars as well as kids who sit the bench. The behavioral expectations are the same for all parents.

Coaches usually try to do what is best for the entire team, players don't try to make mistakes, and umpires try to get their calls right. The bottom line is that parents are not a part of the competitive game, no matter what any parent believes.

When a parent allows him/herself to be frustrated, angry, etc., he/she has a responsibility to deal with those emotions in an appropriate, mature manner according to whatever policies and procedures (hopefully) have been put in place.

When a parent becomes a distraction, at any time (practices, games, between games, at home), it is never a good moment.

Parents can choose to enhance the athletic experience for the participants and other spectators, or they can be a problem that somebody else has to deal with.

Thanks for the reminder!!

http://www.gtathletic.com
itsinthegameitsinthegame5,000+ posts
I have never really understood the bad behavior mentioned here.

Sometimes - even now when I attend my younger son's games - I think about why adults would act the way they do. The most common thing I see is the verbal abuse of umpires.

Is it ego - or frustration - or is it that they are just used to getting what they want?

I still have no answer and remain embarassed as heck when the parents of my son's teammates act up.

I just wish these poor fools would understand that the game has nothing to do with them. Absolutely nothing. IMO.

Perhaps if they understood that - and/or believed that - they could sit back and actually enjoy the game - regardless of how their kid was doing.

IMO.
shortstopmomshortstopmom1,000+ posts
"Is it ego - or frustration - or is it that they are just used to getting what they want?"

Hmmm,....perhaps they have better umpires in NC than we have had at recent tournaments around here. We unfortunately had some VERY youuuung umpires umpiring at BIG tournaments with alot riding on the outcome of these tournaments,..and it was VERY frustrating to watch a kid pitch his heart out ( even if he was from the opposite team,..hey,..fair is fair ) and have an umpire who obviously is sick of the heat and doesnt want to be there,..make non-commited calls and check his watch and other ball fields out almost every minute.

That is frustration,..that is not getting what we want,...thats just pitiful. BUT, at the same time...doesnt excuse behavior that slips out once in a while either. I'll admit that.

Small towns,...big tournaments,...inexperienced umpires,...its not a good mixture. Brings out the worst in everyone.

Footnote: I must clarify that I'm not dissing the umpires,..just a personal experience at two bad local tournaments. We made our complaints known to the directors,..but of course the damage was already done. We actually won those tournaments,..but with bad umpiring,...it gives the whole experience a bad taste.
itsinthegameitsinthegame5,000+ posts
Actually - I am from NY - and recently moved to NC a few years ago.

Pretty much the same here though - some good umpires - some bad umpires - and some average umpires. At all levels.

I can understand the players and coaches getting frustrated or upset or whatever - but the parents?

I dont get it.

We are sitting on our butts - munching on peanuts - and just watching. Exactly what we should be doing. We have no part in the game - nor should we.

Bad calls - and good ones - are part of the game.
They are not an invitation for a nutcase to go berserk and verbally attack umpires.

IMO.
Last edited by itsinthegame
shortstopmomshortstopmom1,000+ posts
...but dont ya feel a little twinge or have a tiny heart palpatation when a bad call is called,...especially if its a game winning decision factor,...or you see something going wrong on the field? Not even a tiny twinge?
Again not excusing bad behavior,..just trying to be real,..even if it snot correct or politically correct.

I'm really sticking my neck out here huh?
Never mind,..dont answer that,..tip toeing out quietly,..I promise.
itsinthegameitsinthegame5,000+ posts
SSMom,

I can assure you - I feel more than a twinge. On every bad call.

When I am with my wife - watching a game - I will "discuss" the call with her - quietly - LOL.

Usually the conversation goes like this:

"That umpire really sucks tonight".

She says - "Yup - he sucks".

Then we eat more peanuts and cheer for our team.

It is part of the game.
The players and the coaches have to deal with it.

The parents only have to deshell peanuts - and eat them.

Wink
shortstopmomshortstopmom1,000+ posts
tip toeing back in,..only for a second. I think I got it,..its passion,...us parents get so passionate with the game and our heartstrings are so tight with these sons of ours, that sometimes we get overwhelmed and some of us loose it! Perhaps,..again,..this is just an excuse for bad behavior,...but it happens, even to the most well intentioned of us.

I swear I am going,...I have shut the door and I am already out on the freeway......zoooom
catcher09catcher091,000+ posts
How to make your opinions known to the ump:

Your team at the plate:

Called strike outside...that wasnt your pitch

Called strike really bad call... he is calling it both ways

Called Strike in the dirt....keep the 9 iron in the bag

Any others?

Worst thing I ever yelled was "YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME"

One mom did yell in the sweetest southern accent you have ever heard..."your momma would be embarassed". The Ump turned and looked at her and did a slight bow - I think he knew he made a bad call.
CM Coach May1,000+ posts
One way you can check yourself is to go to a game that your son is not playing in. Sit back and just observe. There will be parents that cheer for the team and all the kids. And then there will be parents that only cheer when their son does something good. There will be parents that jump all over the umpire for a "bad call" when there son is up and never say a word when the same call is made on a team mate. The list goes on and on. One things for sure the parents that go to the games to support the team which includes their son have a whole lot more fun than the parents that are only there to watch their kid.
D Dad0406100+ posts
Was at a game a few weeks back where the umpiring was awful both ways; in fact managers from each team were ejected. Late in the game there's a close play at 3rd and the call goes our way. I yell out "that was awful".

The umpire wheels around, I think ready to toss me, when he realizes I was complaining about a call that went in our favor. The look of confusion on his face was PRICELESS!
Last edited by Dad0406
C coneydogMember
The saddest thing is it's the same parents who overreacted in LL and youth ball. When boys reach age 15 or 16 they don't need to hear mom or dad yell at them to "look alive out there" or criticize them if they make an error.

Sometimes it is embarassing to be lumped together with a few idiots who can't keep their mouths shut. Some fools sitting 200 feet away from the plate think they can see the play better than the umpire who is only 4 feet away.

Our job as parents is to applaud the team's good efforts and support them during the bad efforts. Why any sane person would take the job of umpire at the HS or Senior Level is beyond me.
baseballbumbaseballbum100+ posts
The son gave up a mammoth bomb the other day. I started to laugh since he had this look on his face like, " wow he got a hold of that one!". I laughed pretty loud since he had a smirk on his face.

I think for the most part if you really cheer your team on from 1-9 you will make the experience enjoyable for everyone. I always cheer for the #9 batter regardless of who is in that position!
TRhitTRhit10,000+ posts
I have one for you:

This past weekend we held our Binghamton Showcase--at our seminar which kicks off the event we explain to all in attendance that we want to kids to run, try to take that extra base so the outfielders can show their arms and the runner can show his speed on the bases-IT IS A SHOWCASE NOT A COMPETITION !!

One dad starts screaming at our coaches "Why you sending the runner--he is a dead duck !!!"


Some don't get it--I guess they never will
S sluggo100+ posts
Is this about umps or parents?
Bad Umps: Saw the old "change the winning run to an out because runner did not touch 3B" twice this summer. Both by "homer" umps, once in a WS.

Bad Parents: We all know about the screamers, but I have a different take on what is a really bad parent, worse than the screamers.

1. I cannot stand the mom that acts like she is Queen Elizabeth just because her son happens to be a stud player.

2. The parents with a black heart and by that I mean jealous of any other players doing well, nothing is their little star's fault, it is always the coach, the ump, the teammate. These people think their kid walks on water, the truth is something else.

3. The daddy ball I saw this summer pre high Gold Glove League on almost every team was humorous. Coaches kids play all the time, bat 1 - 4, pitch at every opportunity. This is all whether they are the best or not. It is going to be very interesting to see how the high school coaches do things, and I am betting it will be very different.

I will take a screamer any day over these kinds of parents.
Last edited by sluggo
A allaboutbaseball100+ posts
I've been off the site for the summer. Yes I am a teacher and getting a child ready to go off to college to learn a little and play a little more ball. We lived through the type of circumstances discussed in the original post. Our son went to what his high school coach called the Premier High School program and he ran it like he truly beleived that statement. We were the good parents. we sat back and watched our son work his tail off and believed that it would pay off. Well it did but only after we spent hours sending letters and driving him to be seen by a number of schools. He recevied more offers than anyone on his team from schools even after he played musical chairs at the catchers position. Interesting to note that those "suck up parents" did not fair so well. As we say let the boys play and good things will happen. I think we will stay on the good parent side as he takes the field this year in college
B brod100+ posts
What an interesting discussion.

Let's not forget something. Watching our sons play is one of the most enjoyable things in life we will ever experience. It should be the same for every parent. I have no right to take away another parent's joy by my caustic comments. I've been an umpire. I may even have made a mistaken call once (LOL). Part of the game is to cheer and boo. We all accept that. But I agree with one previous poster who asked that you watch a game where you don't know anyone - It is so much easier to be objective, and to applaud any good play. That should be the standard.

And please don't fret too much about high school baseball. For some of us that have the occasional pro or college scout come to the game to watch our sons, then perhaps your blood pressure may go up. But I assure you they will not recruit your son, or give you a positive evaluation if you are yelling and screaming like an idiot.

I am a pitcher's Dad. Boy do I want that call on the black - but if he doesn't get it, I know that no amount of yelling on my part will get it for him, and will only embarrass him or detract from his game. I would never do that, as I am there to support him. The wise heads on this board know that as your kid gets bigger and better, he plays on bigger fields, and parents sit farther and farther away. That is a good thing! Enjoy his accomplishments and support him when discouraged or sorrowful. He will become a young man that much sooner.
W Will1,000+ posts
quote:
I know that no amount of yelling on my part will get it for him, and will only embarrass him or detract from his game.


an interesting insight. I often wondered if parents who do yell and scream and act in a certain way ever think of embarressing their kid?

Parents always tell their kids to act properly and behave themselves and get upset when the kid "embarrasses" them with their behavior.
CADadCADad5,000+ posts
I guess we had a bit different situation this past season than most. One kid had a wonderful set of parents. Helpful without kissing up. Always cheered on everyone. Really a class act.

Problem was their kid was a major suckup who dogged it whenever the coach wasn't looking and cut down the other players in front of the coach who was a family friend. He wasn't a very good player. The kid was an altar boy and a choir boy but the only reason he wasn't in juve was because he hadn't been caught. Come summer ball they got a new coach and the other kids ran him off the team. The poor parents never did understand what had happened.
Last edited by CADad
PopTimePopTime500+ posts
quote:
Originally posted by TRhit:
One dad starts screaming at our coaches "Why you sending the runner--he is a dead duck !!!"

Hey I heard that guy! My kid must have understood you just fine as he was thrown out miserably trying to stretch a single into a double Saturday night. He told me he thought he could catch the CF "napping". Well, it WAS about 10:30 so it certainly was a possibility. We had a great time Tom.
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