I need to vent

I actually have no idea what you are talking about. My son's HS teammates were supportive and stood behind him, they especially loved senior year when the scouts came to watch, in fact everyone did!

Nine years later his HS classmates are still supportive and proud of his accomplishments. I don't remember anyone being unkind or jealous, they valued him as the ace and he did whatever he could to help them win games, with no attitude.

 I do understand that sometimes parents get a little bit weird about this stuff, ignore it. 

As far as your son's friends and team mates treating him badly, just a thought.... maybe it's not them.........

Focus on your first 4 lines & forget the rest! Why feed any negative thoughts? Grumbling about "petty stuff" is kind of putting you in the same league as the parents or kids grumbling about your kids success! Don't go there, DAD! You can't control the gossip. But you can control how you deal with it. 

Your son will have to prove his worth to his HS coach this season. And repeat it all over again when he gets on campus. His focus needs to be on his development for the next level. It will help him if you instill a philosophy of "shake it off", and be humble.

Good luck & just "play ball!". Don't sweat the small stuff.

May I recommend that you say absolutely nothing about his post-HS opportunities, and tell him to do the exact same. If someone brings it up to you or he, tell them you are concentrating on this season and nothing in the future. It is only human nature to try and find any reason for someone to be jealous of a good situation. When people talk about their good situations, it may come across as bragging. I simply wouldn't talk about it.

Exactly. Most people I know keep thinks quiet until they have to let others know especially when it is a very early commitment.  This is what I was thinking, did the player go about telling everyone his business too early to create the bad feelings?

I have a very good friend on this site whose son commited early, yet they kept the commitment as to where until the family felt it time to tell others.  I am sure his son did the same.

HaveHeart -- I have to say when I read your post it came as a shock to me that teammates would be that way. That's just unimaginable at my son's HS. The senior boys on our team who are going on to play college ball are celebrated -- by teammates and parents alike. What must the culture of your community be like? What must the mojo on the team be like?

That said, this has already been a valuable thread ... because it tells me that IF that day comes for my son, we will go quietly about our business without any fanfare. I do worry a bit about Twitter ... but that's another story.

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

That's going to be my official tagline on this site going forward.

My son has seen his fair share of jealously and crap from parents and teammates.  Keep in mind a lot of high school players wanted to further their careers and did not get to do so.  So they are disappointed and it feels like to them that you might be rubbing it in, when actually your just happy and proud. 

Best thing my son learned was to not say anything about your post HS career and focus on this year.   it's just another lesson you have to learn.  Also some day the shoe will be on the other foot.

Upon first reading the OP post, I was a little taken back by the thought of teammates shunning one of their own.  I could not imagine that happening at m sons school.  As a matter of fact his experience has been quite the opposite.  The players do a lot of cross referencing when they go to camps.  They share information with each other and talk to other coaches about their teammates.

I can understand where the other parents may figure into this as they might think their kid is better or has more potential.  Haven't been to a ball park where there isn't a little bit of that.  But upon re-reading the OP, this phrase stood out to me:

"Going forward I sensed that there would be a fair amount of jealousy from his HS teammates as he was one of the first underclassmen to commit"

I am not what was meant to be said by this but IMO, I took it as that the OP went in with anticipation and the preconceived notion that his kids teammates would automatically be jealous, which leads me to believe that there is bad blood amongst

the team already, and possibly the parents as well.  I think there is more to the story.

On the other side, to the OP, I wouldn't take anything you hear third party too seriously.  You son just needs to focus on having a good season/summer and improving going forward.  Good luck.

This is an awesome quote, JP.  Is it from somebody recognizeable?

To OP, I would suggest your son latch on to this.  I am not suggesting that he does or does not handle things well currently - I have no idea.  But, certainly, if he continues to work hard, not brag, contribute to the team's success and tries to be a good teammate, he will not only continue to succeed but will win over many skeptics and teammates.  That's all one can do.  At that point, any remaining problem sources should be ignored. 

Why did you sense there would be problems?  Was he not established as a contributor on the HS program yet?   Or, are there other personality conflicts?  If the former, it is certainly something that can be overcome as he continues to prove himself a good teammate. 

In hindsight there are a few things we would do differently. We will just learn from the experience and move forward.

Lastly, no bad blood there. Good team, good families, good players. I just sensed people would be jealous and was correct.

Thanks to everyone for the advice.

Have Heart;

Your son will have a major adjustment when he enters college. The Dean of Students will tell all Freshman, only 1 of 3 will be here 4 years from now.

Is your son preparing by playing this summer with College age players and taking advance academic classes in HS?

As S. Paige said "don't look back, someone is gaining on you"!!

Bob

"30 years" International Baseball

Haveheart, let me also welcome you to this site. IMO, it's the best on the internet and you've come to the right place. I hope you enjoy it and continue to contribute here.

First, I think coming here to "vent" was right on by you. Many of us have vented over similiar things because we all are a tight knit family and can feel the pain you are going through. It seems to me that you are a very level headed Dad and with that being said Im sure you have spoke to your son about keeping his head up and staying focused to help hi current team win. It's things like this in life that really show you (us) who our real friends and supporters are. Congratulations to your son on his well earned signing and tell him to not stop now. The easy part is done. It's what he does now going forward that show's his true grit and resolve.

We've all heard this saying "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer". Isn't it amaizing to learn all this time which one's were which? lol.

Good luck!

YGD

1. Some of this stuff happened with our older son. Yeah, it stung at first, but today I look back and laugh at it.  Hang In there. You will too.

2.  Did someone pull out that tired old, "People are PMing me that they don't like you. Neener neener neener!!"?  <-Grow up!!  This isn't Jr. HS. 

3.  If your son turns out to be really good he may get to experience a lot worse than this!  How about 40,000 fans booing your son I unison?  Ask PGStaff about how that feels.

4.  Don't understand about announcing commitments in middle of HS season. Just a distraction to all like the college kid who runs to his agent/advisor right after every game. Don't do it if you can help it. Your friends will all find out soon enough. 

5.  Anyone who gets run off by honest advice and experiences wasn't looking for nor gonna accept any advice other than affirmation for their already made-up mind. We don't need them here anyways.  I hope you won't be one of those HaveHeart. 

Good luck and enjoy!  

We feel your pain, and this stuff DOES happen. Our home and vehicles have been vandalized (sometimes severely) with every success 2013 has had. He is one of the best players in our conference, and the best on the team (which is not very good), but it's because he puts in a TON of extra work with private coaches and plays for a very solid travel team, which none of them do. He's quiet about his accomplishments and just works.

The problem? For the past three years he has avoided the parties, doesn't show up for a Saturday doubleheader hungover, and is subdued and unhappy on the bus after a loss. The rest are laughing it up and texting to find out who's bringing the beer that night.

Kids are cruel.When he's between the foul lines is when he is happiest, and he's a very supportive teammate and quiet leader when he can be. He is so ready to move on, and it's time. He is committed to a very strong DIII in our region and can't wait to be with teammates who want it like he does.

We have learned that in our case this cruelty bothers us more than it does him . . . although he feels terribly like the vandalism is somehow his fault. It's a very tough life lesson, but he reminds himself that these mopes have very, very little to look forward to after graduation, and that's where his real experience will begin.

Our 2013 signed this year a few games into the season.  All his teammates were supportive and i believe appreciated the scouts that showed up at every game for the last 2 years as it gave them a chance to be seen.  However it was not the same with the other senior players parents.  Not a single one all of which we had been "friends" with for many years from LL baseball to now congratulated him.  Most of the underlassmans parents did.  Son did not know but it was a eye opener for me.  To be truthful I was hurt as if the situation had been reversed I would have congratulated their son.  We just played our last HS game.  I told all the senior players what good years they had and good luck down the road.  I will be watching my son play college ball next year and for that I am grateful. 

Haveheart,

Welcome.  This is a great place to vent when you have something baseball related on your mind.  I hope you feel better.  On this site, you will always have people that understand your concerns and others that have no idea or no experience with what you are describing.  That is always a given.

There is just no getting around stuff like what you describe.  I've seen this behavior from students and parents outside of athletics as well.  On a positive note, you and your son have learned who your real friends are, and it has probably opened his eyes a little.  If he is an underclassmen, he needs to not put too much pressure on himself to show others that he is worthy of this college selection.   My best advice for him is to keep doing what he is doing, and stay within himself.  Good luck!

My 2016 in a certain high profile parent circle is already being talked about in this same way.After this fall he will be contributing on the varsity teams only.They hate.Its to the point I do not even sit/watch with our side have'nt for a year.I feel for this family I know exactly where they are coming from.wanting to enjoy the ride but not knowing Who all the backstabbers are so you can keep away.They are lucky only 4-6 weeks left.Then they can start the process of making new friends/aquantinces thats always fun.Hopefully they will have some other freshman parents who are just happy to be thier along with them. 

This seems to be a common problem and IMO may occur more in areas that aren't as accustomed to seeing kids move forward.

I would also add that kids that play competitive travel ball sometimes dont realize what might upset others and need to know their audience. The fact of the matter is that speaking to a D1 coach or receiving multiple offers to many of these kids isnt a huge deal and may be nothing more than casual conversation among travel team teammates. These type of players really mean no harm when speaking about these types of things but can be easily misinterpreted among certain groups.

I am a long time reader and infrequent poster on HSBBW.  In my opinion (note: my opinion), this thread has the best and most-distracting of what these forums have to offer.

The OP was a semi-rant, more or less outlining a situation and asking if anyone has had a similar experience.  We all know there are at least two sides to every story and that is it extremely difficult to write a post on a website that captures the full breadth of a situation.  Which means any definitive diagnosis and specific remedy has to include the responder inserting their own bias and reading between the lines.

There is no way, “look into the mirror,” type advice doesn’t come off as offensive on a message board.  And the truth is:  A specific solution doesn’t matter.  Just as no one on this site can rate a player based on a post, we cannot actually referee or solve a problem for a parent, or some group of parents, that are somewhere in America, that we’ll never meet.

What I love best about this site is represented in the response by ‘2013 parent’.  While not addressing the OP’s issues directly, it does appear that 2013 Parent has had an experience with at least some similarities to the OP.  2013 Parent laid out their situation and how they are handling.   2013 Parent did not say the OP has to handle their situation in the same way, 2013 Parent simply conveyed their experience.   HSBBW is the greatest site on the web because of the accumulation of these types of responses.   They are the types of content that offer perspective, experience and expertise.  From PGStaff to Coach May to TPM! and everyone in between, they are responses that allow me to gain multiple perspectives very quickly.  They have certainly advanced my baseball knowledge and have hopefully made me a better informed baseball father.  

HaveHeart,

Welcome and thanks for the post. There will always be those out there that have no social skills. The advice you have gotten so far has been great. Tell your son to keep his head up and continue to contribute to his team. 

It's truly a shame that his teammates and parents are not overjoyed that your son is going onto to play at the next level. It matters not what they think, it only matters what his signing team thinks. The fact that he is committed to a DI school says it all.

My son's team & parents were thrilled when my son signed in November.They were happy that his small private school got the recognition from a DI program. It gave them hope that they could also do the same for the underclassman(only 2 seniors 2013 team). My son has taken the next step of assisting other teammates on the process. He shares with them what needs to be done, hard work in the class, training, camps, showcases. 

Congrats to your son!  

It has been my experience that "good" players seldom show any jealousy towards other good players. In fact, they usually get along very well and respect one another.

I have seen good players dislike another good player.  This usually happens when one of the players is too full of themself. Baseball is a game that will humble everyone at some point.

The above seems to be true for parents as well.

Baseball teams and families are like a grocery store. You will find sugar and vinegar; honey and lemons... I have seen these things go every-which way.  In most cases, the ones i've seen anyway, everybody just minds their own business and parents are no more happy or concerened for the D1 signee than they are for the kid who is going to go to med school or tackle an engineering degree.

Then you have the 5 percent who go ga-ga over the kid and the 5 percent who are haters... I'm not sure which one of those bug me the most.

anyway, you've got a talented kid with desire so count your blessings. have a great day y'all, the sun is shining and we have a DH today!!! yippppeeeeee

My reply to the OP...who cares?  Tell your son to use it as motivation to work even harder and disassociate himself with those people. In a year or so, he won't have to even be on the same field as him.

The bottom line is be grateful that the recruiting process for your son may have ended early. For some of us we had to grind it out to the point that we weren't sure whether an offer would come or not. When it did, son pretty well kept his mouth shut and just played ball. Anyone who asked didn't get the details other than "We're really happy with the deal."  There will always be those who are jealous of another's success.  But, the manner in which the "good news" is conveyed to others speaks volumes to the character of the one who was fortunate enough to receive the scholarship offer.

Spot on Outfielder! 

It's sad there are those that react negatively to good news for others.

All the parents and players of my son's varsity team were supportive of all the players.  If there was any jealousy, it was kept to themselves. 

Most were caught up with whether our ace would go pro (18 yr old throwing 93-94).  In fact, the most exciting moment of the season was on the way to the state quarterfinals which was also the 2nd day of the draft.  En route to the game, the boys were watching the draft via their phones.  As the 6th round hit, his name popped up.  Within seconds his phone was ringing.  Talk about excitement!

Anyway - maybe I'm deaf (been accused of that at times), but I don't recall many negative comments concerning any player that committed to a college.  If anything, most were excited for the player.

I think most of us expect others to be gracious, but there may not be that much worth working yourself up over if they are not.  I guess I am leaning toward redbird's view that it is no big deal if no one recognizes the achievement.  Also, it may not have as much to do with envy as it appears.  For instance, many players and parents are involved with high school ball with no intention of continuing on past high school.  Thus, many of those may not see it as that big of deal that someone is playing baseball in college as they do not place the same value on that activity.  

I am very proud of my daughter and what she is doing in college but no one called to congratulate her (outside of relatives) when she was accepted into college.  The same kinds of things could be at play here.  Of course for those of us who value baseball, it is a big deal but to others it may not.  Envy is one of those human shortcomings so I am sure that it exists.  Expecting others to be joyful may cause angst when it doesn't have to because none of us can control how others should act (nor should we).  Don't let others reactions diminish your happiness and don't hold it against them if they are not joyful like you.  Be happy for your son's achievement and that ought to be good enough.     

In terms of the OP, I honestly can't remember there being any negative feelings from teammates or parents when my son committed.  If there are, just lay low and don't pay any attention.  More than likely, you won't be seeing many of these people for very long anyway.  Focus on this year's baseball and relish in the fact that there will be a next year in baseball for your son.  As you know, not many get that opportunity. 

As Gore Vidal said:

"Its not enough to succeed...ones friends must fail"

Oooh!  Now thats caustic...funny thing is, I can read that in both directions! 

Maybe thats what makes it such a good quote. 

I believe the sort of thing the OP describes does happen, in different forms and degrees, almost everywhere.  I see two or three causes.  One is, as others have insinuated, when the recipient of the offer is a little too forthcoming about the offer, which comes across as bragging and breeds bad behavior in the inevitable few jealous types.  Another (which is kind of the same thing) occurs when a younger kid carries himself with such confidence that when someone asks of him (directly or indirectly) "you think you are better than all of us, don't you?" his nonverbal/body language answer (at least) is "Yep. And I've worked hard and I've earned that, too."  It's all in the presentation.  You've got to be careful not to stifle that confidence and swagger too much, because it is part of why good players succeed, but at the same time a little humility goes a long way, and as PGStaff said, this game will eventually humble everyone who plays it anyway so you might as well get a head start.

The final way I've seen this happen is probably the most common, especially with earlier commits.  Once they commit, some start to feel pressure to "live up to the hype" if you will, and start to press.  Once their statistical performance starts to slip even a little (though in HS, it's all way too small a sample to draw any conclusions about talent levels from stats, even assuming they were reliably scored and recorded), some parent whose kid is slightly outperforming the commit but is getting no attention will start whispering things like "overrated" and worse.  Once the commit starts hearing the whispers, he (and his parents) feel undercut and disrespected.  All of this a very human reaction, from both sides (though one is certainly more petty and regrettable).

In the end, though, there is nothing you can do except approach it like other things you can't really control.  Keep your head down, your mouth mostly shut, work hard, have fun, and control those things that you can And try to disregard the rest. 

I liked this comment because I feel this is the way some parents are. I have watched in different sports and think that a lot of times the parents that are more "vinegar" are looking at their own athlete thinking the caliber level is equal or better. The "sugar" tend to not worry about it and just happy about anyone succeeding.

The one place I saw the closest to 100% support from all parents was wrestling. Each kid is placed in their own weight class so no easy comparison "little Jimmy is better than him". I could be wrong.

My son is a 2015 and we just sit back and enjoy the games, either he will be looked at or not. I do put a lot more focus into the summer time looks since the teams goal is to get the kids looks.

Only think I would say, "you can't change people, either they will be happy or not about others succeeding"....

mwhitemsw, like pretty much everything you had to say, but will have to disagree with this.  My younger son wrestles and when you have two or more kids that fit into a weight class, there may be some grumbling.  The one thing they will do in wrestling, though is have a wrestle off for the spot.  In other words, say 2 kids are in the 160 lb. weight class.  Before a match or tournament, those two kids will wrestle off in practice and the winner will get the opportunity to wrestle in the match or tournament.  However, that is not always completely fair either.  If one kid is a senior and one is a sophomore, the senior will get the nod, usually.  And during the wrestle off, it is the coach refereeing the match and scoring it, and if they favor a kid, they may give him the benefit of the doubt or some breaks.  This happened to my son - and I'm not complaining because he was the beneficiary.  He had proven himself the better of the two wrestlers during the season, but when it came time to wrestle off, he was sick and weaker than he had been.  He came home and told me - flat out - the other kid had him pinned a couple of times and the coach let it go.  He should have lost. 

Don't mean to be getting into a big wrestling discussion, just wanted to point out even in a 1 on1 sport like wrestling, there can be the jealousies and some back fighting. 

I'm just glad I didn't have a cheerleading daughter so she wasn't in danger of another cheerleader's mom plotting to kill her.  You want to talk about taking things to the extreme!!!

Moderator's note:

At the request of a member, I have edited this thread to remove some personal back-and-forth.  I deleted some posts and shortened several others.  Several of the affected posts had nothing objectionable in them, but they lost their context when other posts were removed. 

If your posts were affected by these edits, please understand my efforts to preserve the sense of the thread.  

Best wishes, 

If you want people on your team to like and respect you as a parent and your son as a player, then be a team player.  No matter how good your player may be, congratulate the parents when the other guys have a good game, or if their player has a bad game, tell them you feel their pain.    This forms a bond between the team and helps with team unity. If your son is a pitcher  and has a good game, thank the parents and the catcher. If the catcher isn't on point that day, tell them you understand. If the team is down and someone hits a walk off HR, acknowledge that to his folks.    Sometimes the biggest conflict between team players/parents is that one position (group) feels they have to do all the work.    Think what you want but keep those comments to yourself and always be positive about other players to your player. as well as waht you have to say about the coach.

Recognize and support all players and parents in the best way you know how, if you never do, don't expect others to offer kind words when you feel they should.

Keep this in mind as you go forward, many successful college programs not only recruit players but families as well.  They want to have chemistry between players as well as between their biggest fans (parents).

I can't tell you the number of times I've heard this FROM coaches at the collegiate level. And they will do their work by finding out about the parents via calls, etc.

trojan-skipper, your comment is so true:

"Baseball teams and families are like a grocery store. You will find sugar and vinegar; honey and lemons... "

And of course that is also true of our "family" here on the HS Baseball Web. A very small percentage of members can be a bit vinegar-y or pepper-y in their responses, but I believe that with very, very few exceptions, our members have good intentions and valuable lessons to share. Many of our members have been there, done that, and supported their sons through successful high school, college, and even into pro careers.  A few will tell you what you didn't really want to hear, but if you stay open minded their "tough love" approach will help you in the journey.

I truly, truly appreciate that we have such a helpful and usually respectful community here. But if it was all "sugar and spice", we probably would not learn as much as we do.

Julie

Good move!