It's a Long Winter

Show me a 17 year-old who is not toxic around the house from time to time, and I'll show you a Stepford Child, ready to go postal without notice.

Goals come and go. The baseball dream must be his own. If your relationship supports goal oriented discussions, you might employ that, with emphasis on long-term AND short-term goals. From my experience, it's usually girls and/or cars that side track an athlete. I tend to agree with your husband that athletic goals are easier to pursue when surrounded by athletes with similar dreams. But the dreams have to be his, athletic and non-athletic alike.

I would suggest not pushing baseball or athletics too hard. Give him a little room, but keep an eye on who he's hanging with. And the cross-country thing could be a good thing. You might even consider embracing that dream, and using it as a carrot to encourage good choices academically, athletically, socially, etc.

Just my opinion.

Newcomer,

Sometimes people fall in and out of love with baseball. At times I wander why it consumes so much of my mind and time.

Maybe it might be best to let him figure it out by himself. Don’t think you can force anyone to love something.

Two thoughts…

1 - Send him to the Midwest… that might bore him back to reality. (send him during the Winter)
2 - Tell him there are much more important things in life than baseball.

If there’s a small amount of rebellion going on (which is common at that age, I think) He might decide he loves the game more than ever.

Of course, never listen to anything I have to say about raising kids. Far from an expert in that department.

I do know that being a great kid is more important than being a great ball player.

I have found with my son {2007}that if I mostly ignore the day to day stuff it all seems to sort it self out on it's own. My son sounds just like your son, just a complete and utter joy to be around at times. I bought him an I Pod for Christmas {I am so smart} and now he is totally immmersed in his music and I don't have to listen to him complain or listen to his rap music while we are driving.

But see:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060104/ap_on_en_mu/people_...NW9mBHNlYwMlJVRPUCUl

Newcomer,
This is just to let you know that there is nothing unusual going on. Obviously keep tabs on him and don’t let him do anything stupid. Our 07 swore last year about this time that he did not like baseball anymore and wanted to play golf. He is a very good golfer and his older brother is a golfer, BUT we knew that baseball had been our 07’s dream from the time he was a 5 year old. We reluctantly let him quit baseball and play golf last year. About half way through the golf season he realized that he really did love baseball and told us he wanted to play again. He played baseball last summer and fall and will play this spring. He is back in it with a passion.

Now, did the layoff hurt? Yes, in that because he didn’t play last year he is behind some in the recruiting process. Yes, in that he might be further along in his skills if he had played. But, He will never look back and say “what if I had played golf”. He now knows what he wants to do and has put his heart back into it. If we had “made” him play last year, he may really have become uninterested in baseball. To be good at anything you have to want to do it and for him I think it will turn out just fine.

PG after your 2nd point you need to give yourself a shake.

Both posts good advice. You can't force him to want to play. The blood sweat and toil along with the skill s require 110%.
My son is a snarly tean and stubborn like you wouldn't believe. If he ticked me off I threatened to take his baseball away. Probably not the most froidian thing to do It killed me more than him. I remember I was in one of my moods over some disrespect to me and I told him to call his coach and tell him he coauldn't make the game untill he appologized. I held out ,he was climbing the walls and started to walk the 15 miles. He finally appologized and we raced there and made it with 1 minute to spare. In our team 1 min. late and you sit.
The worst words I could ever hear are "Dad I don't want to play BB anymore".
You have to talk to him and explaine the importance of his baseball. If he needs time away give it to him. I know several players that took 1 year off and came back after realizing they miss the game and the team. If he has no desire to go back then its his life.
Take him on that trip if you have to but try to find out what he is thinking. There are lots of things that can change a young guys personallity.
I would deal with it because at some point it will resurface.
Baseball is a game you really have to want it.

quote:

1 - Send him to the Midwest… that might bore him back to reality. (send him during the Winter)

.....and suggest he wear two pair o' socks.

Newcomer....first think the road trip is a common idea. My 19 year old is planning on returning home for the summer (he's in school in Virginia) via a long road trip across country...accompanied by 2 of his new friends from school....football players, each coming in at over 300 pounds. These 2 players from Virginia will stay and visit for a while....I've only raised a lean baseball player....so I asked son.....should I get a whole cow.....he said no, just find out where all the "all you can eat buffets" are in town.....

In high school son's best friends were other baseball players...think that does help....but don't think there is much you can do to instill the desire to play....he has to want it for his own reasons......the game takes too much time and hard work....just continue being supportive....

The toxic thing....I thought that was a natural by-product of being a 17/18 year old? Hang in there....baseball will probably win out!

Newcomer,
Ignore him but never turn your back on him. Allow him be an individual but stay involved. Give him space but define the boundaries. Let him go his own way but make sure you direct traffic.
Fungo

Some great advice by caring people. I went through this and I did think it would be a nightmare. After high school, my son turned down a D-2 and two D-3 offers to stay in florida. He then went to a JUCO tryout on his own after contacting the coach earlier in the year. He played for his frosh year and really enjoyed it. He then said to me, I think baseball is behind me now, and I want to wrok on my car, go out with my girl and continue school. He also likes working and having money in his pocket. He is pursuing his engineering degree. He is happy, is a great kid and has some good baseball experience under his belt. Give him room, and he'll decide what he wants. But always look out for him. Best of luck.

Coachric

Must be a "boything" my 07 started talking road trip(s) as soon as he got his license. The summer after he got his license it was a road trip from Dallas to Houston to watch an Astro's game, of course smart mom that I am I was able to talk him out of it due to the fact that no one will rent out a hotel room to someone under 18. But the talk continues, road trip here, road trip there.............and so far I have been able to talk him out of it...but for how long????????????????

Now as to the baseball on/off, I am hearing that more and more from his friends that are Seniors, they are burnt out and don't see baseball past this year. It might be true burnout (after years and years of playing yr round baseball), it might be that they are coming to grips with their baseball ability or maybe they aren't ready to take the time to market themselves to the next level (college). What ever it is it seems to be common around Junior/Senior year....guess that is why coaches say "do you really want it"
"do you have the passion to get it"
"do you have the heart for baseball"

During the Senior/Junior period it seems to be a time in their young lives that it is now up to them to start making their own decisions and it starts to be a bit overwhelming maybe it is easier for them to say,,,,,,,,,I want a break than deal with all these decisions during the Jr/Sr year.

What I am trying to pass on to my son's friends, that are Seniors and contemplating a break or an end to baseball, is to remember that they have played baseball for so long that yes maybe a break looks great right about now... but is it really baseball you need a break from or is is just an escape that you are needing because you are dealing with SAT's, college decisions, showcases, prom, the end of HS on the horizon, ect and to make sure you know what it truly is that you need a break from because if you walk away now, unlike when you were 7,8, 9 or 10, you might be walking away for good.........

Good Luck and guess we are all having similar situations with our 07 boys.

I reality, your son does not have to even think about baseball until the day comes for the first pre-season practice. There is nothing at all wrong with that!

Interesting thread.

One of the reasons why I am opposed to all of this elite travel beginning at an early age. By the time many reach 17, they have realized that baseball isn't top on their list anymore. They can handle it just fine, parents can't. We naturally tend to think, this is a stage, but sometimes you've got to give your kids credit where credit is due. They are smarter than we think. Leave them alone.

My daughter's dream was to be a dancer. That is all she did, was dance, dancing schools, sometimes two at a time, danced "all year" round. Went to HS for performing arts where two hours a day she danced. One day at 17,she woke up and decided that she didn't want to dance anymore, she had missed out on a lot. We felt she was so burned out, not even a break would have helped. She stopped dancing and never regretted it. I thought she gave up on being the next Madonna. But that was her choice, not ours.

It helped us to understand a lot more about our second one. No he never played a much as some of the kids today do. I like the golf story, because for one summer all son did was play golf, never picked up a ball other than a little one with indentations. He traveled for other things besides baseball, we gave him time off and he liked that time off from baseball. One sumer it was bowling, he lived at that bowling alley. Why is wanting to do something other than baseball so bad?
My feeling is if you HAVE to work hard at keeping your son on track to play the game, it's what you want, not what he wants. It's independence time, it's a time when they can express themselves and do what they want, not what you wanted then to do at 10,11,12.
Not being 100% involved didn't mean he didn't stop loving the game, never meant he didn't have the passion. We just let him have other interests, and those were also outside of the world of baseball. And if he came to us at 17, 18 to tell us he didn't want to play anymore it would not be the worst words we would ever hear. As long as he was happy with his decision and never looked back, and even if he did, well it was his decision There is life outside of baseball. Ask anyone who plays for a living.
In HS, he had just as many friends who played the game and just as many who didn't. Even if he didn't have any baseball friends, if he truely was to be a player someday, it wouldn't have mattered.

It might have been fate...but my son received his first "letter" from a D1 school stating (we hope) true interest in following his season and that they heard tremendous things about him! He's beyond thrilled and immediately went out to our batting cage and hit off the tee, ran 5 miles and went to the gym to lift. I know there will be more ups and downs..but these darn letters sure help! Thanks for all this wonderful advice and encouragement. I never feel alone with you guys here!

quote:

By the time many reach 17, they have realized that baseball isn't top on their list anymore. They can handle it just fine, parents can't.

quote:

They are smarter than we think.

quote:

Not being 100% involved didn't mean he didn't stop loving the game, never meant he didn't have the passion.

quote:

There is life outside of baseball.

Classic post, TPM, and very well said.

Newcomer -

Thanks for the update. isn't it amazing sometimes how fast things can change. Here we are stressing about stuff and our kids are often so far past us that we have to struggle to catch up . Just keep trying to go with the flow. I like what Fungo said, 'let him go his own way, but make sure you direct traffic.'