Just Occurred to me – Last Year Before High School

He won't be driving for a year or two. Just show up an hour early to take him home and then hang around the ball field. Indoors, there are usually one or two dads in the gym watching at our HS. There will be a big crowd of concerned parents waiting around on the day cuts are announced.

Dave17'
2 years ago my son was a freshman trying to make the HS team. Being his coach or Manager his whole baseball life, it was different watching someone else coach him. I did not know the HS coaching staff, so I tried to watch an indoor practice to see how things were going. After feeling out of place and almost getting hit several times with a baseball, I decided I would wait for outdoor practice.I watched a few outdoor practices, but it got boring not being involved, so I quit going to those.It turned out that he was the only freshman to make the Varsity team. Now our baseball field is not at the school and being on the varsity team everyone drove to the field after school. Well he was not old enough to drive, so he had to hitch a ride with another player , which I'm was't happy with.Worked that out as so the coach would drive him.Well we get to the 2nd game and I see he's warming up in the bullpen, so being a good dad , I poke my head into the dugout to wish him luck. Bad mistake, if looks could kill...After the game on the way home ,my son said " what are you doing, I got in trouble , nobody is allowed in the dugout." OOPS. Well you would think I would of learned my lesson, but no , the next game was a home game, which the summer teams also use this field, so after the game the coach takes the players into the dugout for an after game speech.Being fimiliar with the field , I decide to help by going out and retrieving the bases and put them away.Not a good idea. Got my boy in trouble again. Now hes going into his Junior year,so I guess I'll be like you and sit out in the outfield and just be a fan.

Dave17, Good News!! Your job is not finished. I would venture to say I was at 90% of my son’s high school practices. No, I didn’t stick my head in the dugout or say words of encouragement during practice.. that was not the purpose of me being there. I was there because I enjoyed watching baseball practice and we lived a good distance from the high school and I would wait at practice so I could drive him home. I also spent thousands of hours at the high school building a 1,700 square foot concession/press-box/coach’s office, bleachers, dug outs, and fences. There were usually a couple of parents at practice and we talked between ourselves but we didn’t talk to the coach or player unless we were talked to first. I never said anything from behind the fence during practice or during games for that matter. I “coached” (if you could call it that) when my son was young but my greatest contribution to my son came after he started high school. I took off my rose colored glasses and set down with him and organize his plan for getting better. We (literally) would plan workouts, setup lessons, plan showcases and camps, research college rosters, discuss diet and exercise, discuss his strength and weaknesses, and determine what his best options were. As the pro draft loomed closer, my involvement became more intense. I helped him stay on track while I negotiated with the club. Dave, I became much more involved in my son’s baseball AFTER he started high school. I agree that you have to turn loose of something but... you also gain something greater in return. The real pleasure for me was recognizing and appreciating my SON’S accomplishments.. not MY own. Baseball just happened to be HIS field of choice. It would have been the same if he had chosen to be an artist or a chemist. Well....maybe not as much, but I still would have been involved!
Fungo

They will usually let you watch them through high school, and also including you in their progress.

But at college level there is a need for them to achieve their goals based upon self-motivation and self-direction.

You did your job...be proud of your accomplishment.
.

At the HS level parents aren't totally discouraged from hanging around. Our coach has a side to him that resembles Jerry Lewis at a telethon. You may find you don't want to get too close to coaches when they get into a fund raising mode.

--
Yeah, I always figured non-players should never be in the dugout, and certainly never sit of the bench. That place is earned.

---
One more general rule: at freshman tryouts, don't explain to the other parents (or coach for gawd's sake!) that you expect that your son should really be playing JV or Varsity. Heard two parents saying that last year. Neither's kid was very good.

For my part I never stopped the on field coaching my son at age 12--

Never saw a HS practice --be it JV in his frosh year or any of the three varsity seasons--I never saw the need to be there

BUT---I never missed a game and when there I was not usually in the stands but down the left field lines with his summer coach and/or AD or just plain stood out of the way and rooting and watching

Their field was also off campus but he always found a ride to the field or a group would walk together to the field. He would ride home with me after the game

I rarely sat in the stands as I didn't need to hear the usual "My son, my Son" talk that went on and since I ran every youth program in town I was a marked man for questions and compaints--if not in the stands they would not bother me

I had a great HS season and trust me attending all your son's games does not go unnoticed--His AD remarked to me one day regarding myself and two other dads--the three of us never missed a game our son was playing regardless of the sport and season and location. we were like The Three Muskateers> Sincef the AD saw and appreciated it you can be sure the boys knew and appreciated it and we also just stood out of the way watchinmg or sons play

Dave17, here is where most people think I mess up. You'd be welcomed to come to my practices as long as you don't speak to any player or coach. Generally, we have 5-6 Dads hovering around. However, you'd better have thick skin if you make this choice. Your son is going to get a butt chewing and you won't like it. The first thing you will do is rationalize why others made the same mistake and... Then, you kid is going to mess up in your mind and you are going to want to say something and... Then, you will have to fight the deamons because you are going to want to ask a coach how your son is doing and ...

I know I've posted about 1,000 times I have GREAT PARENTS! One of them that has been through practice etc. will usually help the new Dad watching along and let them know the boundaries.

Like Fungo I was probably at 90% of my son's HS practices, along with 3 or 4 other Dads. We never talked to the coaches or players, just talked and made observations among ourselves. We were all just baseball crazy and enjoyed watching practice almost as much as games. One benefit to watching practice was that it helped me to help my son outside of practice, extra BP, ground balls, etc.
Like TR I couldn't sit in the stands either. Too much extra curricular activity, it distracted me from the game. I took my chair and went down the leftfield line past the dugout.

At my son's school, practices and try-outs are closed. Now when they finally get outside to practice, some parents come early to pick up kids and kind of peek through the fence and watch a little bit. Our coach is very intentional on parents aren't involved in coaching, etc. It works for us. I know of no parent that has even "balked" at this rule. The coach is very accessible if someone has questions, but he prefers the player come if there's a question about playing time, positions, etc. It's time for parents to just enjoy watching the game (and working concession stand, gate, field.....).While I personally miss watching practices, I think this works for our team. That's what matters!

Dave,
Listen to Fungo, he is sooo right on (as always).

"Your son is going to get a butt chewing and you won't like it."


CoachB25 - no disrespect intended, but I'm curious about this statement. Its like "expect your kid to be yelled at". Why is this? If he is trying hard and giving his best effort, but makes a mistake, you're going to chew him out? What does this accomplish?

I can certainly see if you mean it where the kids are slacking and not focused, but to just put out a blanket statement sounds a little strange. I know you don't want to baby the kids, but you want to treat them with respect also, true?

goMo, I took that to be "(there's a chance that) he'll be yelled at", as there always is.

Then there's the whole "yelled at" interpretation. Yelled At sounds negative, as we all associate it with anger. But on the ballfield, "yelled at" can mean instruction or correction made in a loud, quick voice because there's a million things going on simultaneously and the player is 120' away. And parents getting bitter and twisted about that sort of "yelling at" is one of the many things that makes a hs coach's job a challenge.

While watching hs practices or games, parents would do well to remember that they are watching one player; Coach is watching around 20....and his time for diplomacy is limited, and he doesn't know or probably care that Junior was up late last night studying for a chem test, or just broke up with the girlfriend.

This is all part of the separation process, but it can be jarring at first.

If you've been involved all these years, you will find a way to stay involved. Wait until you understand the ground rules, and then find the hole in the fence. Bottom line, there's nothing wrong with a dad who wants to be there with his son, you just have to know where to stand.

as the manager of our town's 14U travel team, my boys will be going into high school next year.

do you think I have any right to introduce myself to the high school coaches next Spring (Freshman or JV coaches). Do you think they want me as a reference or anything like that?

Our HS does not have a good reputation as a baseball school. Constantly finish low in the conference. But I think alot of that has to do with alot of the talented kids going to private school, and the public school gets a bit of the shaft. Alot to learn...

quote:

---

do you think I have any right to introduce myself to the high school coaches next Spring (Freshman or JV coaches).

---

Of coarse you do. Do you have the right to indroduce yourself to your sons teacher, boss, or any other authoritive figure that you are entrusting your kid? After the introduction you will understand where you fit in. Any coach that does not want to know the parent has some communication issues himself, maybe that's part of the reason why players are lost to the private schools. I would be proactive and make that introduction this Spring and at the same time let him know about the 14U issue. Maybe you're the guy he's looking for.

Dave, I used my son as a guide. He'll let you know when he's ready to fly alone. Until then, its no big deal if you come abit early to pick him up.

But at some point in time, he'll want to stand on his own. When it happens, you've got to respect that and let him be. It seems to happen whenever he makes the jump from JV to Varsity. It happens a lot quicker than YOU will be ready for.

goMO, that statement is more of a prepatory statment in the event that their child does get yelled at. I'M A YELLER! Some aren't. I'm also a hugger, slap a high five, cry after a hard loss or when a kid is hurting etc. type of coach. I coach with emotions. I do get into it. Sometimes, I yell. Heck, I'm not perfect and you want to know what good it does. I don't ask kids to give everything that they have and then not do so myself. When practice is over, I'm as soaking with sweat as they are. I have the blisters. I need the ice. In fact, I can only name 3 kids in 19 years that wouldn't get on this site and tell you that they want me to yell. It is like Aaron Pannell once said during a timeout at a basketball tournmanet when we were playing the #1 Class A team in the state and losing by 2 points with 4 seconds left. "Coach B if you yell at us, we'll win." I looked at the bleachers behind the boys and saw all of these ties that were sent to keep me in check. I was under order that if I yelled, I would be replaced. You see, we were a JV team playing in a tournament and we were supposed to be a sacrificial lamb for this great team. I didn't yell. We lost by 2. Aaron to this day makes that statement to me. That was in 1990.

CoachB25,

I can see the passion and enthusiasm in your words for the kids and the game. You can "yell" at my kid any day.

sounds good, coach! I was expecting an answer like that.

Its too bad that I've seen too many coaches that yell because 1) its a control thing, 2) a security thing, 3) a "its your fault-not mine" thing.

Based on your posts, and the succes you've had, I doubt you would be in that class.

ditto on SBK comment.

Many times learning is based on "vocal emphasis". You're outside, in a team environment, and you don't always have the luxury to learn by experience. How do parents get that point accross in similar situations, we call it "raising our voice". I find it ironic that coaches are reprimanded by mom/dad for doing what parents do thoughout the kids life. If it's not physical, and not blatent berating, it's called communicating and teaching.