Grits? Did you mention grits
shortstopmom? We love 'em...but can't find 'em. Even resorted to writing the
helpful hint guy east of here in the
Buckeye state to get things straight.
Dear Beezer-eze:
We've been confounded with a breakfast time dilemma, for who knows how long, here in the Western suburbs of Chicago.
It seems that the only grits we can get, out here in the suburbs at least, are from the
Home Depot.
To their credit, they do offer many varieties...60, 80, 100, 120...and so on. We've tried each kind and find them very bland and...well...quite gritty...too gritty to be honest. And the
help in the store has not offered us any real or meaningful solutions.
I always get them fresh...right out of the package. I follow the instructions as best I can, but as you know, following the passage of NAFTA, most products have instructions printed in English, Spanish, and for those rebel Quebecers...French. My eyesight is not what it used to be and my thinking ability is on the same path south, so all I can figure is somehow I'm following instructions intended for those rebels north of you. I'm flummoxed really. Can you please help us
Beezer-eze?
It's almost like I have problems even before getting started. I pitch them into a hot skillet and almost immediately they start to curl up at the edges, looking like a rather annoyed Manta Ray in a hurry to catch up with the others, and they spatter hot drippings all over the range top. You know how difficult that will be to clean up.
I have tried mixing in a bunch of different items to make them more appealing and appetizing, but never any luck. Sugar...no, half & half...nope, butter-lots of butter...thumbs down, sorghum syrup-nearly always a cinch with me...toss it, premium 100% Grade
'A' Amber Canadian (Quebec perhaps?) maple syrup...chuck it in the whirling
InSinkErator®, and in a last ditch attempt-cleaning out the cupboard actually- flaxseed ...lots of action...the cupboard wasn't the only thing cleaned out that morning! Believe me I've tried. Nothing but frowning faces staring up at me from the breakfast table.
Now get this...to add insult to a greasy range top... even when I pitch the batch out the back door for the squirrels to feast on, the hungry little scamps make rude little squirrel finger/paw/claw gestures at me as they spit it out in disgust. Some of them even feign choking, prompting the others to jokingly administer the
Heimlich Maneuver on their ham-acting buddy. I can only imagine that these otherwise cute rodents, if encamped at Rodney Dangerfield's place, would offer more respect to him!
If only the master, Julia Child, were still with us today. Perhaps she could have brought her considerable skills and 'all-things-edible' acumen to bear on this vexing morning time problem that we simply can't tackle. So now it's you
Beezer-eze...show us the way...part the dishwaters...please
Beezer-eze! Take a look at the photo below...you can clearly see what we're dealing with...maybe it will help inspire you in some way to help us out of the sinking sands of our morning time funk. It's really wearing us down...abrading our spirit.
Thank you
Beezer-eze...anything you can do will be appreciated. We expect you to be successful and
garnet all of the accolades!
Signed:
Gritless in Battle 
