Kids tuning out parents

My daughter (coached her all the way through 18u Gold) never tuned me out. My son started tuning me out at fifteen years old. It was the last year I coached him. Getting tuned out probably has nothing to do with his coaches or you.

When Pat Riley resigned as coach of the Lakers he said he had not lost his ability to coach. He had run out of new ways to say the same thing. The players were tired of hearing it and tuned him out. He no longer had the ability to lead that group of players.

The last year I coached my son, one time he rolled his eyes and said, "Here comes speech #43 for the gazillionth time." I knew it was time to stop coaching him. Once I stopped coaching my son he started coming to me for advice.

When my son was 15 he tuned me out of baseball, looking back it was me not him or his coaches. i think i was more excited for HS baseball than he was and i put too much pressure on him, add that to the raging hormones and it was ugly. The day he came home and told me he was not playing freshman year i knew i had to change, and i did.

From then on i keep my baseball enthusiasm to myself, grades are another story. come home with a B and we have problems. Things have worked out perfectly since then.

When my oldest was around 14/15 he started the same behavior.  Then I realized that whatI was expecting from him was an interactive conversation.  A tough thing to expect from a kid that is starting to become independent and figure things out on their own.  After all, when it comes to sports dads/mom don't know anything...right?  What I learned at that point is that I needed to be realistic with my expectations and look at what he was doing/learning outside of the field.  Then it dawned on me.  I just needed to say my piece and NOT expect him to respond in a long drawn out conversation that I may have been looking for.  Instead, just say what I needed to then go about what I was doing or let him go about what he was doing and let him digest it.  I soon realized that he wasn't necessarily tuning me out, but rather he just didn't need to talk about it.  I knew this would approach was working when I saw him applying some of the things that I made comments on, more or less like like RJM stated.  In  return I would just wait patiently for him to come to me when he wanted to discuss something baseball related, or anything for that fact.

So, it's not out of the normal for that age group.  Just time for the "Old Dogs" to learn a new approach...lol

Happens in the best of families.   It's the way of things.  My son's hitting instructor is HEAVILY sought out.  He a great teacher and has a great way with kids of all ages.  He works with many local prospects.  A number of guys he  taught who are in the minors come and work with him from time to time still.  He has a son who is exactly the age of my son.  He tells me that his son won't listen to a thing he says to him about hitting anymore.  Go figure.  

It is a phase.  They all go through it.  Be patient, and they will come back to you for feedback when things don't go as they planned.   As they mature, they realize you can be their greatest resource.....and you're not so dumb after all.  JMO.

Daughter just turned 21 and has not tuned me out yet.  Instead, I think it important how you coach your child as they grow up.  If BP and other fundamental work is a joint effort with great dialogue then the foundation is laid for the future.  For example, if you tell your child to do something, that is not the same as helping your child discover something.  Daughter and I talked hitting a bunch this past weekend.  The wife said that sometimes it is like being an outsider with the terminology etc.  That foundation was established many years ago.  JMHO!

As a coach I say very little to the kids about their parents.  I have learned I am never going to win that battle and I would never want the kid stuck in the middle of something.  I have discussed with parents how they act towards their players and I have also talked to parents and let them know that scouts and recruiters are watching parents as much as they are watching players, ok maybe not AS much.  In regards to you child tuning you out, just make sure he knows you are always there for him and if he needs you help you are available.  Keep in mind he is hitting an age where he is becoming a man and we can not protect our young as long as we think we should or can.

My kids always tuned me out when it came to baseball. You know what? I do not blame them. I never played as a kid except the occasional sandlot game. I was and still am very nonathletic. 

I was always careful to form anything I had to say about baseball as a question. That way I was not offering advice or correcting. Taking this tack, many times they would come to the correct conclusion with out having to hear about it from Dad. 

Its the age.  My kid is starting the process.  When he hit 13, I suddenly became the dumbest person on the planet.  He was absolutely shocked when I told him I was his age once and I "know all the tricks."  He was horrified when I told him at his age, I dressed exactly like him -- shorts, sweats, and t-shirts.  It is an interesting time to say the least. 

I have girls and a boy. I have found in my family and in other families I know, generally the same genders have the issues during the teen years. My girls never get tired of their dad, somehow, he doesn't say stupid things like i do.With my son, when he is happy and everything is going well he is fine with my husband but if he has any stress, he will sort of ice out his dad.

i always do what Bishop does, ask a question instead...come to think of it, I don't think I have given my husband that tip, but I will!

My kid doesn't tune me out cause I've got very little  to say. 

Couple years ago when my kid was 13 and I was still assisting on his team,  I would take him down to the cage and throw a couple buckets of balls to him. Seems like every time we'd get into drag-out arguments about whatever I said about his swing or his approach.  Ditto if I hit a couple buckets of grounders.

Now he's 15 and baseball things are easier.  We only go to the cage if he initiates it, and the only thing I might say during 2-3 buckets is "nice swing" or "my bad" for throwing crappy pitches. 

It is a learning process -- for me. It was time to let go and let him have his career as a player. 

OTOH, we talk about other things plenty, and we talk about baseball specifically, especially MLB teams and players. And we talk some about his team and teammates, and how his games went and how certain plays went down.  But it's relaxed now, as it's mostly if he brings it up, or if I ask questions about how they plan to beat a particular team, or what coach likes to do in certain situations, or how come so-and-so's curveball lost its bite.   

Thanks for the advice! Will take the approach to somehow turn my suggestion into a question. Seems like a good approach if I can do it.

May default to lefthooks advice and suggest something and not expect a response or just change the subject quickly.

Anyway, glad to see I'm not alone and it will pass

Coach and jam....Must be a same gender thing.

While my daughter is only 9 her excitement for daddy/daughter dances is something special. Just don't see here tuning me out either, even when she gets older.

Oh dad! You just don't get it because you're a guy. Weren't you ever a teenager? Oh my god? My life sucks.

Curious how the conversations r going. 

Is it a lecture about what he is doing wrong or a dialogue?  

My advice would be to use questioning during conversations where HIS opinion is given. Pretend he is a teammate of your sons and how would u discuss baseball with him. We talk differently w our own.

Also, timing of conversations matter. Don't bring things up right after a game, esp a loss. Better to give each other 24 hrs to decompress. 

Good luck, kids go through many diff stages.

There's nothing like a daddy and his princess!

I can't count the number of times I've fallen victim to a sparkling smile and "Oh, daddy" And my daughter is way past nine.

The few things I've learned from 8-9 years of my sons baseball life. He's 16 in a few weeks.

1. Get out of having anything to do with his team as early as possible. He played for some great "dad" coaches but get on a team with quality instruction. It'll pay off when they get older.  

2. Don't ask about games or practice.If I wait for him to start the recap, I get better info and more than if I asked.

3. Go the the field if he initiates and throw with him or to him for BP. He works very hard and has some great instruction so don't offer anything unless asked.

4. Everything else pretty much takes care of itself. By 14-15 I'm just paying for stuff and facilitating, that's it and it;s more fun for us both.

This makes for great baseball friendship with my son and his friends because they know I'm not trying to interject myself into their "stuff". We watch MLB and MiLB together and it's relaxed and fun and then no stress on the boy when he's playing for himself, not me. Took me a while to get here, but it's so relaxing to just be a fan at games.

My only daughter (between two boys), now 23, has certainly always been my little princess...

..except for the two year period around the age of 16 when we were scrambling trying to find good resources to have an exorcism performed.

Hahaha! We have our jobs and they have theirs

I can relate!

Don't take this personally and realize that your son is letting you know that he wants to start handling things on his own.  Just about the same time son stopped asking his dad about the game and looked up to the coaches, instructors for advice and discussion. 

The game is hard enough, too many opinions when not asked for many just never works for most.  You need to be his parent which is much more important than his coach.

I understand that your complaint is the coaches telling the kids to listen to what they have to say, I agree, you have 15 kids on a team with 15 sets of parents telling them what to do, well maybe you can see how things could get out of hand.

10-22 great post! Welcome!