kids using drugs druing practice?

Welcome to the hsbbweb!

Wow, what a first post!

I would be concerned too. I have found that people do have a sixth sense about things and that sense is almost always right. It isn't like you went to practice looking for anything other than baseball. I am guessing that things were obvious or you wouldn't have this suspicion to begin with.

What would I do? (thinking out loud)

I would first see if I could find anyone else who noticed things. I wouldn't try and bias their opinion. I would approach someone and ask if they noticed anything unusual at practice. I would be reluctant to accuse anyone because that could blow up in your face. If you can find other concerned parents, then approach the coach as a group. If you cannot find any other parents, I would still approach the coach and share your concerns.

I don't know what the costs involved with having the kids tested (urine samples), but this might be the best way to get the problem out in the open without anyone having to potentially/improperly accuse someone.

Remember, at that age if things start to get a little 'silly' they tend to want to 'out-silly' each other.

If it was a pretty unorganized practice I would say an onlooker could wonder this....

I don't know what a kid on pot playing baseball would look like.... I can see why you'd be concerned... good luck with this one.

You can purchase drug test kits at Walgreens that will test for pot and several other substances:

First check (I think that's the name.) This is the one some schools use for immediate testing.

Are you sure the boys weren't just being goofy? I'm wondering what tipped you off.

Key phrase in the post starting this thread " we have suspicions"---

They were high on something !!!---how do you know ?


You are making some serious accusations here and you had better be sure how thick the ice is beneath your feet before you take another step

In your place I would continue to be observant. See if there is a pattern of unusual behavior that seems outside the norms of being goofy. Don't jump to conclusions.

quillgirl

Are you saying buy drug testing kits and test somebody elses kids?

Welcome to the HSBBW.

Yes, 14 year olds are silly, that could be it.

But I would like to think that we as parents are a bit more in tune to things like that than given credit for.

You might want to confront your son, in a positive way, they usually will confide if it bothers them also.

Great responses - thank you for taking the time to respond. I know this is a tricky situation, and my plan is to observe first for a while as long as there is no immediate danger. I personally did not witness it - my child and another child talked to me about it a couple of days later. They have known these other kids for a long time, so I trust their judgement when they say something was weird about them that night.

I did talk to the other child's mom, and we are planning on attending the next few practices to observe. It is not something I really want to address unless I am positive there is some kind of issue. It is a small enough town that it has potential to get very ugly. And I do not trust the coach to keep it confidential; that is a whole separate post for another day!

Thanks again for the feedback. It is very much appreicated.

Concernedmom, welcome to HSBBW.

You will get lots and lots of advise here. While not all of it sometimes will be to your liking they all mean well.

Let me throw in my 2 cents if I may.

Last year during my son's Senior year he was on a team with 9 Seniors (him included). He had gone to school with a majority of them most of his life while the others he knew of just as long. He calls me one day before a game and advised me that 7 Seniors and 1 Junior were either kicked off the team or quit. When I asked why he said it was because they admitted to smoking pot, and it had been going on for most of the season. Most would think that my first question would be "are you one of the 7 Seniors?" but it wasn't. I asked him had he been around it or knew of it taking place any at all. He was as shocked at the question, but simply said "no Dad". Needless to say, it shook the team pretty hard, i.e. brought up some freshman/sophomore players from the JV, lack of trust, no focus, etc. Once I found this had been happening it all of a sudden dawned on me of the absolutely stupid fielding errors, missing perfectly thrown pick-off plays at first, striking out while swinging at balls 5ft over the head, etc. etc. etc. It was like a light switch went on. But in the midst of this tragic event it made me realize just how strong my son was. Not only had he NOT participated in the stupidity but because of his leadership on the team the druggies apparently decided it wouldn't be a very good idea to even let it be known to son that they were engaging in such. They ruined his Senior season (and his other Senior buddy who going on to play college basketball). Some of the parents that I knew from our boys growing up together never showed up again while the ones who did come back you could see great hurt and embarrasment on their faces.

I can appreciate you being concerned for these boys. But at the end of the day the only boy you can be responsible for is your very own. He is the one that hopefully you and his father have lectured him on the harmful affects of drugs, alcohol, etc. I hope and pray that he has listened to you about peer pressure and how to say no. I know as a Mom you look out there and see a lot of these boys maybe as your very own. It's the motherly instinct in you. While things are good and fine, other parents will love the words of encouragment, snacks, etc. But say just 1 word that hints that there son is possibly entertaining drugs, alcohol, etc. and the floodgates of wrath will open.

I made it sound like it all happened in just a simple phone call and it was over. Oh NO! That was the easiest part. The trauma, hurt, pain, gossip, accusations, threats, etc etc etc that followed was in a word - UGLY.

If you trust your son that he is not a part of this, then I am extremely happy for you. If you suspect, then test. It's as simple as that. Be sure to tell your son that sometimes "guilty by association" can be almost as harmful. Tell him to walk away if he hears anymore about drug use, etc. Not only are you teaching him to stay away from things that will harm his body and mind, but you are teaching him what it means to learn quite leadership.

I didn't mean to get on my soap box here. However, I learned all these things just last year this time and I can only hope it helps others.

Concernedmom ...

Are you one of the coaches? Who is "we"? If you're not one of the coaches I don't think this is any of your business other than if you want to your son to remain on the team.

I once fingered a kid to a parent. I thought I was doing him a favor. I lost a friend. Three years later we haven't talked. And I was right about the drugs. So imagine what happens when you start pointing fingers at half a team. All you should do is express your concern to the coach, step aside and stop talking publicly about it. If you pointed the finger at my kid and was wrong you would have serious problems.

YoungGunDad - good post and I would like to take it one step further.

This issue is bigger than just looking out for your own imho. There is a safety issue here. If a pitcher (or hitter for that matter) is on something, then a very serious injury could occur. If a parent is suspicious of something, and they don't say something, and someone is seriously injured, I am not sure I would want that on my conscience. Moreover, if my son were a hitter for example, and I suspected a pitcher (who might throw to him in practice was on something), I am pretty sure I would not want him to bat against that kid.

Look, as I said above, I would be very cautious about accusing someone. Making the coach privately aware of my concerns would be a starting point however.

quote:

Originally posted by quillgirl:
You can purchase drug test kits at Walgreens that will test for pot and several other substances:

First check (I think that's the name.) This is the one some schools use for immediate testing.

Are you sure the boys weren't just being goofy? I'm wondering what tipped you off.

The only legal testing would be to test her own kid.

Been away all day. NO, I wasn't suggesting that anyone test anyone else's kids. Absolutely not!

There was an earlier post about the cost of drug testing, so my post about the name of the test kit was a random response to the "cost factor." Meaning you can get test kits over-the-counter for less money than it costs to go to a lab, with more privacy. Not to suggest that these particular kids need to have some outside adult test them. It's possible they are just being kooky without any chemical help.

I DO suggest that if parents suspect that their OWN kid may be doing this, they may wish to purchase a kit and have it ready in the event of a confrontation/denial. Our kid's school does have these, and parents must sign a waiver that allows the school to test for substances on the spot if they are acting in a suspicious manner. If positive, they are expelled.

quote:

While things are good and fine, other parents will love the words of encouragment, snacks, etc. But say just 1 word that hints that there son is possibly entertaining drugs, alcohol, etc. and the floodgates of wrath will open.

quote:

Originally posted by MUFASA:

Very little in life is black and white - except if you're a zebra

Or a referee!

Looks like Confuscius has been reincarnated!

Good question...IMO there is no easy answer...

Ran into this at all levels beyond youth ball...players on pot/alchohol/drugs/PED’s before during and after practices and games...harming the team, risking their lives and the lives of others.... players breaking laws, cheating in school...Oh, the stories that could be told!...

The problem about getting involved (for athletes or non-athletes) is that while it may appear that this is a lack of information and communication it is most often not. While these things may seem like secrets in many instances these "secrets" simply aren't. Baseball and team and community are small worlds. Teammates often know, coaches often know, administrators often know, parents often know, but they often are happily or selectively or collectively blind sometimes with disastrous or horrific consequences.

Concerned for the health and safety of players that we had know for years... we chose our spots carefully and talked softly to parents/coaches/admin we had known for years, had built long term relationships with and figured would care...we got accused of sticking our nose where it didn't belong, accused of being motivated to get our kids more innings at the other families expense, accused of being jealous, accused of false accusations. Not once did we get any thanks, or any action. In at least a handful of instances we would have saved some eventual horrific personal crashes.

In the end without intervention many of these players “blew up” in HS or beyond. We've seen numerous drug rehabs, car wrecks, arrests, a couple felony convictions. Have heard many reasons after the fact. Often they tell themselves that sports is the way to straighten out a wayward youth, often they simply don't care as long as the player produces. Sadly, the model that was set for a long time set at a higher level in both professional sports and society is winning is everything...in that process athletic talent too often gets a free pass.

There was an example just a few days ago in the news...

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/ne...&prov=yhoo&type=lgns


44
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i am reluctant to air my dirty luandry, but here goes.

i have been the parent of the drug user. as a parent there are many emotions you go through, but ultimatly you address/ confront this with your son. who will almost never admit to using. you start watching closer ,find little things that look a little strange. it is a whirlwind of futility.



this was a few years ago, but we could not find any help. the school wasn't helpful, they chose to deny there was a drug problem.( we didn't/don't blame the school, but wanted some help/ direction).

you find yourself wondering where you went wrong, what did i /didn't i do as a parent to cause this? we have 2 son's as different as night and day, do you take credit for the one that's ok, or blame for the offender?

the bottom line is there isn't much help. we did counseling, but they are easily manipulated by a devoted user. other than the legal system. which once you enter, your in for awhile. you don't know what is right or wrong at this point.


i think you have to be ready to help the other parent in some fashion. even if it's only listening, but again if you haven't been through it. you wouldn't get it.

this could be as simple as a coversation with someone that nips this in the bud. or as we had a good 3 year nightmare. i have told others about their kids. some listen some don't,but i would feel just terrible if a boy i knew died of an overdose.


sorry for rambling on. i'm sure this doesn't help you in your quest for truth and fairness. pointing out drug use isn't an easy thing , but things worth doing rarely are.

20Dad,

Wow, I'm so sorry, and I imagine it must have taken a lot to post about your struggles in a public forum.

Not to take this thread completely off-topic, but the more I read about drug use and abuse, the more I believe that it's something biologically based and has nothing to do with who you are as a parent. Lower-than-normal dopamine levels lead to greater risk-taking behaviors and also a greater tendency to become addicted.

I hope your family has been able to get through this trial.

LHPMom

lhpmom

we have lived to tell the story. i just thought i perspective from the other side may help some.

thanks

Observer44 wrote "While these things may seem like secrets in many instances these "secrets" simply aren't. Baseball and team and community are small worlds."

How prophetic those words were. I did not need to address the issue - it turns out the coach was aware of the issue, and several other players talked to him about it. I am not sure what was done, but we had opening day today, and those players were NOT there.

I am very very grateful for all of your sharing. What a wonderful place this is! And Dad20, a special thank you to you for sharing your story, It will give me the strength to speak up if I need to in the future. Doing the right thing is not always easy, but you're so right that it is always worth it in the end.

I wish you all luck, and hope that you will continue to support each other and us newcomers.

Have a great season.

quote:

Doing the right thing is not always easy, but you're so right that it is always worth it in the end.

....so very very true.

WELCOME to the HSBBW concernedmom2009