Letter Ahead of Camp/Showcase

Way too much information, and spread out,  at least for me. 

I don't know what the right answer but my son did a bio sheet that he could send with a short note at the front with the specific coaches information and where he was going to be and playing. I think it is easier to glance over and get the information necessary. I don't think coaches care about all of the other stuff. I could be wrong. I think it is good to give references also. 

FWIW this is what his format looked like:

Name - 2011 - P/OF
XXX California

I. PERSONAL INFORMATION

Name
Home Phone: xxx
Mobile Phone:xxx

Email Address:
Birth Date:
Graduation

II. ACADEMIC INFORMATION

Highshool address

Guidance Counselor:
Phone (805) xxxx
NCAA Clearinghouse number: xxxxx
SAT Score: TBD
ACT Score: TBD
High School Core GPA: xxx un-weighted, xxx weighted
Class Rank: xx out of xxx
Anticipated College Major: xxx or xxxx

III. BASEBALL INFORMATION

Height: xx” Weight xxx lbs
Bats - x Throws -x
Primary Position: Pitcher
Current Pitching Velocity: xxxx MPH (Stalker)
Secondary Position: OF
60 yd: xxxxsecs

High School Baseball Honors Received

Varsity teams number X pitcher in xxxx. (behind a senior) Lead team in BA and OPS while hitting in the 4 spot, starting LF when not pitching. Lead team in OF putouts. Summer team placed 4th out of 72 teams at USA Baseball’s 16U championships. Named to all league team, all county, BLA BLA BLA Perfect game bla bla bla

Other High School Sports Played: xxxx

Baseball References

Summer Team: xxxx
Coach: xxxx
Home Phone: xxxx
Mbl Phone: xxx
email address

High School Coach: xxx
Team Website Address: xxx
School Phone: (805) xxx
Mbl. Phone: (805) xxx
email address

Pitching Coach
name
Mbl Phone: (xxxx

Professional Scouts

xxx

Organization: xxx
Mbl Phone: xxx
Email

XXXX

Organization: XXX
Mbl Phone (XXX
Email

XXXX

Organization: XXX
Mbl Phone (XXX
Email

I like the idea of a bio sheet with a short email.  Thanks...

My son's email were very brief and had bullet points in a few areas.  They were received well and he is committed to a school who received one.

Remember they receive lots of email.  Get to the point and quick for success.  IMO

Isn't this type of information conveyance what the school's "Recruit Questionnaire" is for?  Personally, I think a brief note (much more brief than OP's) with a personal touch (similar to personal connection made in OP) is best?  And perhaps mention that you also took the time already to fill out their recruit questionnaire, so they can easily access the important info included in above post.

Although what do I know?

Also, be thoughtful about the Subject line. It may sound like too much marketing, but it matters.  Think about it. As opposed to saying "Bob Smith Interest in State U. Baseball", be sure to have something to get their attention..."Smith - 6' 3" 2017 RHP from IL / 3.7 GPA / Up to 85 MPH"..or something like that.

Also, take out the fluff. A school like Michigan knows that lots and lots of good players want to attend their school and don't need to be convinced why.  Maybe one "nugget" - "in addition to top notch Big 10 Baseball, UM's world class undergraduate business school is of interest to me."  But, other stuff should be avoided.  In your email, remove things such as :

- "A few years back, through a friend, I had the opportunity to tour your football and baseball facilities.  We even had a chance to play pickup football in The Big House as well as take a few fly balls in your baseball stadium.  Ever since then I have dreamed of playing baseball for <insert college here>."

- "I will also fill in in the outfield and at 3^rd base if needed.  I recently closed out our sophomore summer league season by closing out the state championship game on the mound giving XXXX the win."

- "I am currently a 3.75 GPA student at XXXX and am looking forward to attending college and hopefully playing baseball at that level.  I am still undecided on what I want to major in, but am very interested in Sports Management and or Sports Communications.   If I choose that career path, I would ultimately like to attend law school and work in the front office of a sports organization or as an agent or player representative."  **In this entire paragraph, all they need to know is his GPA.  The rest is all fluff.**

Ok, new tactic.  I have moved all his info to a bio-sheet.  I am going to have him put that at the end of his email or as an attachment. I have shortened the email down to 1 paragraph...

Coach <insert coaches name here> –

My name is xxxxx and I am a 2017 Graduate.  I currently play for the xxxxxx.  I am attending their college coaches training and workout camp on 1/19/2015.  I have noticed that xxxx will be in attendance at the camp.  I look forward to seeing you at the camp.  I have attached my information sheet for you in case you need more details on myself.

Also, another question. He is currently sitting about 80mph hitting 82 - 83 at times.  Should I mention this in his stats or wait until he brings his velo up?  

I would wait.  It won't move the needle for him.  If he has good size, maybe mention that.

To the velo question my son always linked his PG profile to all his emails for this purpose.  Our thoughts was that was something that can't be embellished

Thats the way Im leaning.  The feedback he's been getting is he is projectable and they like him after seeing him. Size wise I think he is pretty good.  6'4" 180.  Could use some weight but is working on that.

Perfect! That is great.  He is similar to my son who has a great frame and is highly projectable but was a season or two late until he saw that nice velo jump (it'll come). Actually, the 180 on the 6' 4" frame, IMO, is a plus at this stage....coaches like to imagine ahead when they can  "hang some meat" on a frame like that.  So, back to my earlier post, hit them early and often with data that matters.  In subject line, I'd go with:

"Smith - 2017 RHP from IL / 6' 4" 180lbs / 3.7 GPA / XYZ Travel Team"